Well, im living proof that it works. but then again, im living proof that it can make you go psycho.
well, not exactly psycho, but in the mornings i get really hyperactive before my pills. nothing strange there until you realise that i am meant to have passive (non hyperactive) add. this is apparently an effect of moderate - high doses for extended periods. (im on 25mg dex a day)
plus i know first hand of some guy who took dex without prescription (caution to wrongly-diagnosed ppl here) and ended up in graylands psych hospital, and who is stalking a girl who he believes loves him, when she has only met him once before.
Fathers: My husband was against medacine before. I said let's try and see the worst doesn't benefit.He was no way no meds. Since Nov.2004 my husband has seen difference.Only complaint is cost!My recommendation do anyway.Tell him if we our not happy can stop. See ADHD diet also as this has helped our also. No sugar/ colors/preservatives. When our son has these is hyper without alot calmer.Look at Research area of this page also. RSHNWhat I used to do was call his Dad every time the school called or I got a note home.Now like you said depending on the"crime" I'll just say very casually to them call his Dad.Sometimes they do sometimes they don't.As being divorced parents we have a pretty good relationship/friendship thats why I just hate to JUST DO IT.Its not that i'm afraid of him its just.... do I really need MORE stress and more arguments ? He is so stubborn. We go see the Doc next week to discuss our options as far as meds go.Dad says he'll be open minded...but in the 15 years I've known him I have yet to see that happen.wish me luck!
If your child is doing well it shows an unbelivable level of support that you provide.
ohhh and I wasn't saying that parents arn't doing anything, my mother had constant 504 meetings and updates but she never realized how serious ADHD is.
Until it was too late.
It's very hard to gauge how accomidations are working, I do hope yours are.
And it really makes me happy to hear of more parents fighting for thier kids with ADD/ADHD.
I I like how riled up you came off.
It makes me think I used the right words.
Your child's grades will decrease over time. I'm sorry but knowing first hand, nothing will happen. What I'm about to say isn't really something I should worry parents with, but I can't risk other young bright kids travel down the same path I did.
Your children fight everyday in school.
If nothing is done eventually they'll give up, totally defeated.
I watched SO many ADHD/ADD students drop out in the course of my high school career because the teachers treated them like dirt and no one helped them. Nearly every ADD/ADHD student I knew was stripped of their dignity daily by school administrators. Granted, they weren't really up to my level, they gave up a long time ago, probably somewhere around 8th to 9th grade.
They all used to be so bright and exuberant. I know because I was around them constantly, because that’s what public schools do, those accommodations they feed you. They stick your children in a isolated place with other ADHD children where they have "A quiet suitable work environment". No other accommodations were made other then the fact that you were working on tests and occasional papers in a room filled with other ADHD/ADD children. They don't accommodate your child, they treat them just like everyone else, but your child isn't just someone else, if left undedicated they'll get in trouble constantly and only get more and more frustrated by the fact that for some reason they can't work like everyone else.
Another thing, don't be fooled by how the school acts and treats your child while you're around, it's possible it's isolated to my school but seeing all these sad reports of parents struggling daily makes me realize otherwise.
They're going to tear your child apart.
I'm sorry, I really am, I hope I'm not right.
I was lucky because of how severe my case was, I never gave up and I fought them EVERY day. Some days I wouldn’t even want to goto School because I knew for one reason or another I'd be called to the office. I not once got in disciplinary trouble but I was constantly late, then they would give me a sheet for my mother to sign saying that because I was 4 minutes late I would have to serve an hour of detention after school and if I didn’t bring in the signed sheet(Which I forgot to do after like 2 hours into the school day) I would get another after school detention. My mother knew I was late, she told them she didn’t care about that and that she'd rather me sign them. They told her it was a legal issue and they kept doing it. Giving me detention after detention saying things like "Why don't you just drop out already?". Everyday they took more and more out of me.
But I kept fighting. I'm extremely good with words, expressing my opinion politely and diligently. Nothing made these people madder then when I fought.
I just stood up for what I believed for and what I thought was right.
For example.
I never once yelled at a teacher or raised my voice in anger, so when teachers would try to make an example of me because I was constantly off task (sleeping or otherwise) I would very politely tell them that I had already learned the material and that I could apply the knowledge if they'd like. But I wasn't doing a ditto on something I've already learned. I gave everyone at that school triple the respect other students showed and I got sent to the office atleast 3-4 times a week for being "insubordinate". Then I started Adderall and it was amazing, I could finally focus and learn more then I ever dreamed of.
But it took away my personality.
It took away the fight.
They noticed it the first day, and ran with it.
I got such an emotional beating at school I became depressed.
I felt so weak, like I was crying out in my head what I should say, how I shouldn't take getting more detentions in a week then I could serve.
The teachers would mutter things around me and my teachers wouldn't even call on me anymore.
I got mid nineties on most of my tests and scored a 1200 on my sat when I took it without AP classes or any REAL literature courses. I was in the 90th percentile for reading and 86th for writing.
I was treated like an idiot by teachers.
Finally my mother threatened a lawsuit; low and behold I was allowed to take courses on a computer at a school for extremely violent kids. They don't mix us with them, I sit at a computer and I tear through courses that seemed to have no end when I was in school. It was my first day today and I finished about a fourth of what would normally be a four month course. I did all that in two and a half hours. Today IS my victory dance.
I beat them.
They can't steal my humanity from me anymore.
I'm limitless now. It's going to be a long road.
But I won. After the long terrible years of darkness I can see the light.
I didn't give up...
And I never ever will.
I will do anything in my power to help you help your children.
I could go on for hours, but thinking about it makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm sorry.
I don't want to see your children fall like the others in my school.
Or worse.
Fight to the bitter end like me.
Talking about this has been really draining.
If I reached any of you it was totally worth it though.
I think I'm going to have to moderate how much I post in this forum because of how much emotion and energy my responses take.
I've opened a thread where you can ask me questions if you'd like.
It's in the parents with ADD/ADHD children category.
If you need help though, I WILL save your children.
I will find a way.
No one will ever go through what I did.
I'm sorry for your pain I truly am. But I disagree these children can and will be helped it's up to the PARENTS. I am a parent that FIGHTS FOR MY CHILD. I know and am satisified with his schooling I have a therapist that goes to the END for me and my son at the school. Even when she's against other's there but his school is differnt they deal with these type of children so it's not DRAMATIC as it was in public school. HOPE HOPE HOPE you cannot give up your spirit YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH A CHILD LIKE OURS I KNOW MY SITUATION ISN'T AS DRASTIC AS OTHERS BUT HOPE AND THE POWER OF GOD IS WHAT GETS ME THRU. I know my childs grades WILL NOT decrease I'm a parent that is on top of him he loves to learn he loves to read and draw and do all types of things it's up to me to keep that up and going in him. I will not let a TEACHER OR ANYONE ELSE make him feel ANY LESS BECAUSE OF WHAT'S GOING ON IN SCHOOL. I'm a fixture up at that school they know me and I talk to my son about how he's being treated I do know for a fact there are TEACHERS THAT CARE. Maybe your situation was tough for you and you have heard some stories but every child is DIFFERENT every circumstance is differnt. Just think this board is for people that are seeking help we are seeking for something someone to talk to someone to relate to us so ALL OF OUR STORIES WILL BE SIMILIAR OR THE SAME. I'm not giving up on my son or the school system you have to be apart of it to make it WORK yes it's a HARD ROAD but long ago this therapist told me MOM YOU HAVE A LONG ROAD TO GO ON and trust me I AM READY AND ARMORED WITH GODS LOVE TO HANDLE ANYTHING THAT IS GIVEN TO ME. TODAY IS GOOD EVERYDAY ISN'T BUT TODAY IS GOOD AND WHEN IT'S GOOD I'M GOING TO ENJOY IT AND I HOPE OTHERS WILL TO. Our children didn't CHOOSE TO BE LIKE THIS WE HAVE TO HELP THEM AS MUCH AS WE CAN!!!
I'm not coming off mean or angry but when it comes to my son and other children like this I just feel WE HAVE TO FIGHT WE CANNOT GIVE UP or they WILL.
I know you said you have physical custody but is there any way you can let Dad deal with the school? Maybe if he gets the phone calls and sees that the 504 plan isn't working he might be more willing to at least try medication. Going to your sons doctors visits might be an eye opener as well. Even if he does finally agree to try meds sometimes it can take a few to several tries to find the right medication and dosage. It doesn't sound like he would be flexible enough to deal with this but only you would know that answer.
If he still doesn't want to try the medication you might have to make that decision without him. I would include him though by saying that you feel you at least need to try and welcome his input into how it is working when your son is with him.
I have read this message board plenty of times but NEVER registered. Today I will be going to my sons school to speak with the doctor about trying medication for him. It HURTS so bad to think that I'm going this route but let me tell you he will be 11 and I have been going STRONG for YEARS NOW. My son had been diagnosed years ago with ADHD when I read about what some parents go thru I feel YOUR PAIN. I have been there Public Schools A JOKE!!! I would get called CONSTANTLY to the school so much I felt the principal was punishing ME for having a child like my son. I to tried EVERYTHING the IEP will work IF the teacher will work it but if you have a teacher that just see's a bad child that doesn't want to EDUCATE herself on a child like ours then the paper is just that PAPER!!! My son would just disrupt the class when he was in kindgeraten well we had a wonderful teacher she really took the challenge on because lets be honest the are a CHALLENGE. Things went well that first year I took him for behavioral therapy I was AGAINST medicine. Then in 1st grade WHAT A NIGHTMARE the teacher would call constantly so I asked her when did she feel he would start cutting up in her class she said when he's done with his work he can't sit still well I got him tested which she felt he wasn't gifted well the boy's IQ was 130 he was in the SUPERIOR RANGE so I knew he was bored but the school wanted to put him in SPECIAL ED!!! See they would rather DO AWAY WITH OUR CHILDREN THAN HELP THEM NOW I'M NOT SPEAKING OF ALL BUT THE MAJORITY RULES. I worked HARD as a parent I even tried medication it made him WORST. I remember once the principal told the kids to IGNORE my son when he was having his usual impulsive behavior well she said since they ignored him she gave them a pizza party and he wasn't invited!! NOW YOU KNOW I ALMOST LOST CONTROL. I had educated myself all about the laws and how things worked I got me a mental health advocate that would go up to the school with me I even had wrap around in the school with him and they suggested that I change schools they said he had NO chance in that school. I did try medication for him Ritalin/Adderall/Welbrutrin you name it they tried it made him WORST the girl that was his wrap around person asked me to take him off of them. I did I took him out of that school but this time I HAD HELP. This new principal told me about private schools that the board has to pay for if your child is approved she told me usually they just do away with them kids she said you will have to stay up on them because he can work his way back into a regular setting. Well with fear of loosing my job with being on edge and crying almost EVERYNIGHT his dad was in the service he felt he was just being a BOY but we mothers know!!!! I got him into the new school the first year was such a relief no calls things were going well. The 2nd year he had a new team now at this school they have mental health specialist and behavior specilalist that work with the child and that are in the room. I son is a high honor roll student he's suppose to be in the 5th but he's in the 6th. He is still able to make good grades but his IMPULSIVE behavior is still there but under much control we have seen progress I am up at that school all the time for my meetings with the therapist I KNOW IT'S GOING TO GET BETTER!!!! Eventhough it has gotten better I still don't see my son getting out of this school unless I do something to calm him down because eventhough I'm looking at private school for him he still has his issues. Once he gets upset he GOES I MEAN HIS ANGER GOES TO WHERE HE NEEDS TO BE RESTRAIGNED SOMETIMES. As much as he gets punished things taken away not go to the boys and girls club he still does this so what I need to look at is HOW CAN I AS A PARENT HELP HIM. I am AGAINST MEDS YES I feel they don't HEAL THE PERSON THERE JUST PART TIME but as a parent I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO HELP MY SON and he's alot older now so I truly feel I need to try this. If it doesn't work then I can say I DID ALL THAT I COULD FOR MY SON. It's been challenging I mean he makes friends then if someone does something to him he's coming in teary eyed I have to BOOST his confidence up so much sometimes it's draining. The only thing that has SAVED ME AND KEPT ME GOING IS GOD I TRULY GIVE HIM ALL THE PRAISES I COULDN'T DO IT ON MY OWN!!! I know that GOD gave me and YOU ALL OUR CHILDREN HE DOESN'T GIVE US ANYTHING WE CAN'T HANDLE IF HE GAVE US THESE GIFTS HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING HE KNEW "WE" WERE ABLE AND CAPABLE TO HELP OUR CHILDREN. I have tears in my eyes right now because I know it's a struggle but my faith is in GOD and that FAITH keeps my going everyday. My son was only having problems in school he never disrespects me and is always polite. They said he is different from most children because he really cares about what I'm going to think but now I'm seeing him have some difficulty in his boys club and I don't and can't let this happen so if this medication helps then I have to at least try it. I have to admit his dad is back home eventhough were not together he is very much involved with his son but I'm afraid to tell him because he is totally AGAINST the medicine.
Sorry so long I had so much in me!!!
Your child needs help.Wack, thank you for the advice.You are right dealing w/ school has been a real challenge they have re-written the 504 2 times already and are in the process of doing yet another.Why don't they see this is not working? as for the IEP he has just "officially" been diagnosed so a IEP has'nt even been considered yet.In our state they have to have a written diagnosis to get one (not sure about other states).
This is what I am trying to explain to his Dad.That our son NEEDS meds to help him be able to help himself.There is only so much I can do especially when hes at school.I don't want his grades to drop because of his lack of attention luckily he is a smart kid and so far he is doing well academically but I know this can (problay will)change.also I know it sounds vain and selfish but I don't want him to be a social outcast w/ no freinds,no playdates etc.There are many parents in the school who work or volunteer there and see my son acting like he can't control himself (mouth or body).We live in a small town ,news travels FAST! who wants their child around that? I know I would think about it in their shoes.
thanks...this is why I came here. its good to get un-biased advice.
My exact intentions are to get more facts and knowledge.I don't want and will not be sneaky.What is that telling my kids?
Its just too bad he can't open his eyes and SEE. Instead I have to convince him something needs to be done.Where is the shame in doing the best for our kids?thats what i want to know.
I'm sorry I get so HEATED because the system does treat ADHD children unfairly. I just feel I have to FIGHT for my son he's a child and he can't help everything that goes on so I have to.
Thanks for understanding.
I just thought I would post a little message in regards to this post. We are just the opposite from you...my husband has wanted my step-son on medication for the past couple of years and his mom (custodial) has disagreed. We have had to fight for every evaluation and for every doctor's appointment. Finally, he is on medication and it has proven to work for him. He even stated that he could learn better when he takes his medication....so what does his mom do? Lower the dose. Stop giving it to him on weekends. Now, we find out from the school that they can tell when he hasn't gotten his medication during the week....so we can only conclude that she isn't giving it to him at all. Sad. She has requested that we have him further evaluated and although we don't see the point, we have set up yet another evaluation. Hopefully, whatever information we get out of this next specialist will be enough to convince her. My only advice would be get as much information as you can and pass it on to your ex. It sounds like you have a pretty amicable relationship, so use that to your advantage. Be open and honest about your intentions and with knowledge behind you...he may just get on the bandwagon. Good luck, I hope you can get your son the help he needs!