Bursting in Tears

Oh, how I can relate!!!!!!!!!!  I have been caught many a time in public with my son losing it, and me trying desparately to remain calm, which is not what I am feeling.  I feel trapped.  I cannot run away, and yes I do want to.  Very much.  I would love to hear any suggestions from others, as I would be willing to try about anything.  I find I have become afraid to go anywhere with him and I am not comfortable sending him on his own, or leaving him in a drop in situation. 

He lost it in the market one day, and as the crowd gathered I managed to drag him into the women's washroom.  The security showed up and offered to call the police as it looked like I needed help.  I wanted to disappear.  I felt so ashamed.  It was over not being allowed to play a third arcade game.  I love my boy with all of my heart, yet sometimes wonder if he had a different parent would he be better off?

Let me say when I talk to people and hear there situations I feel so bad but I do feel it could be worst for me and my son.  I am really starting to wonder if it's ADHD or is it another diagnosis he has.  I spoke with his doctor the other day she works at his school he goes to a partial program with therapist and behavioral therapist that are at the school and we were talking about meds she said my son was a complex case. She said he shows signs of ADHD in his impulsiveness but she doesn't see the other signs. She is making the teachers do the Connors again to make sure his diagnosis is right.  Why I say this is me and my son has NEVER had problems at home with his behavior.  No he isn't perfect but me and him have a good relationship.  We go to the movies to parties if friends are having them to the mall to the grocery store I can go on but he NEVER acts up to the point where people would look and stare.  I can even leave him in the video section and come back he's there playing he will be 11.  Now school and other activities are DIFFERENT.  I have always heard he does better in a smaller setting and I truly believe a more structured setting is what he needs.  The doctor said the only thing holding him behind is his behavior she said she can see him going off to college and doing great things but we have to get his impulse under control.  Now when he's at school there is his problem some days he has gone 1 or 2 weeks with great behavior but then there's an explosion.  Someone said something to him and he went off to the point where the behavioral specialist will have to restrain him and they said after that it takes a minute for him to get himself together.  The main concern they have is his anger they said some days he's fine he can walk away from the problem but other days he's not.  When he goes to the boys club he use to be soooooo good I would leave him there from 11 to 3 and he would do all types of things there but this year it's DIFFERENT.  He's been getting into trouble lately and I hear the same thing if someone does something to him he's all over them but if not he's had a good day.  The doctor said she thinks he might have a mood disorder.  I am looking into medicine for him which she perscribed concerta but up to this point I was trying to do without it but my concern is if we can get this IMPULSE under control then maybe we can get him on the right track. 

My heart goes out to you mothers because I use to get and still do sometimes the phones calls and my heart would literally HURT SO BAD ALL I COULD DO WAS CRY. I know these boards are good because when you read someone else's situation sometimes I must admit maybe we don't have it so bad.  I can deal with what I'm dealing with because I don't know what I would do if he did things like that out in public.  I do know when he acts up other places besides school I am SO EMBARASSED because I don't let everyone know he has a diagnosis and even when I tell my friends they just can't believe it because they don't see that side of him.

Well I didn't figure I'd be 'alone' on this one. Lemme' first say that ALL kids behave differently in different situations. All the books say: "remove your child from the situation". Well that's all fine well and good but you're in the line checking out and an 'episode' errupts....what to do? leave the line and go to car? I've done it MANY times (i do let the clerk know to save my items and i'll be back). Regardless of 'how long' it takes my son to calm down we go to the car and I let him through his tantrum and when he's calmed down we discuss what just happened. It's just downright HARD plain and simple to do this every single time. I have gotten to where I let him take a book, or a hand held game and put him inside the cart (where you aren't supposed to) OR get one of those buggies that have seats for children *designed for bigger children* (they are the best) and he does quite well; however I limit my TIME in the store; the stimulation of the store itself I think has ALOT to do with their behaviour. It's stressful for adults; much less kids. Don't you think? It seems like...well I'm a 'vibe' person and it kinda seems like all those peoples vibes are bouncing off each other and me and well it's sometimes overwhelming. Try the game or book and see if it works.

Boy o' Boy I have been there as well. I remember before I had my 3 yo daughter, I used to look at those children and think where is the mother when they were running through the store or all that kid needs....... you know the rest. I have left a store several times and a lot of the time not only am I angry with my 3 yo for her actions but I feel bad that my 9 yo daughter is missing out on things that she needs or wants to do just because her sister has a "melt down". I never cry untill after I get in the car. I as well hate when people stare or make comments. I realize at one time I was one of those people just shows that  NO ONE has a right to judge untill they have walked a mile in our shoes.

valentine's day hugs and kisses to all of you

"The best proof of love is trust." 
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hi all my first post here. i cannot help but send you my love in this and wish i could send you some strength not to feel responsible for these others out there who are so disturbed and annoyed by your child's tantrum. they are responsible for their unhappiness. they are not willing to show compassion. yes in public we agree to be polite in a civil society and follow rules. at worst we remove our child from public places so as to not disturb others but that is a last resort. you must go further upstream and remember there are going to be a few people who do understand and sympathise and be open to their compassion, and be willing to ignore the others alittle more. focus on your training and do what you can with your child. dont add stress to things by being embarrassed darling that doesnt help does it. there are a few strategies for anger management that help with feelings of frustration all i can think of is that going to the private space of the public loo is a good one, and breathe. calmdown. then with a cleared calmer demeanour go from there. i agree with the msg which related what the therapist said. we cannot change every aspect of our lives to work around the challenges of this. we have to be able to find an approach to face this and i do wish you very well darling. this is such a good thread. ive had total exasperation trying to convince myself that im not insane dealing with fulblown tantrum child as well as younger sibling in tow out shopping its not funny i dont know how i kept my head from exploding it was way out of my sphere at the time to know how to cope but im doing better. my husband on the other hand is another story (he deals with his own frustration in a way that could be improved ie., henags, scolds, mocks) take care darling and grow your ability to stay calm xxx & ooo