I am at my wits end. | ADHD Information

Sounds like you should look into ODD as well as ADHD. ODD is Oppositional Defiant Disorder. How are her grades? If she was doing good on meds, why did you stop?

Bec one of my daughters is like that and Whoaaaaaa - she gets me MAD.

I dont have a lot of advice - except work out what gets to her and use it.  You do not have to be her friend!!!! She does not have to like you.  But if you are treating her respectfully then she should treat you the same way - and demand it.

I will tell you my lost the plot with daughter story (hope it makes you feel sane)

Forgot what we were argueing about - but my daughter was screaming abuse at me (she is 10).

Then she says - I want to go live with my father - at least he treats me properly - stamps off and slams her b/room door.

Wellll - OMG - I saw red.

Ran after her grabbed her by the ear - threw her out the house and said - well then start bloody walking.

Not the best way to handle it - but I had lost the plot.

Well she sat on the doorstep for a while - came back in and pretended nothing happened and was sweet as pie - but I made her talk about it anyway.

Amazingly tho - no trouble like that since.

I called her bluff I guess - a bit roughly however, but I dont regret it, because she learnt that if you push a person far enough they do snap.

I have a 9 year old girl stepdaughter. She has ADHD. She was on medication and took her off and she done well for like a year or so. I really don't want to put her back on the medication but here in the past 6 months she has gotten really bad. She talks back so much that I can't even get a word in. She will yell at me and just get this hatefull attitude towards her brother and sisters. She has been getting in trouble at school also. She has stolen money once and candy the other time at school. She has got detention 4 times in the past two weeks. She lies about everything and I mean everything, even when I see her do something and ask her about it, she still lies to me. Like the time I put her in her room and put a chair in the corner and made her sit there, she picked a large area of paint off the wall and she denied that she done it. I have taken all her privilages away from her but nothing works and I have tried so many things. I have even had babysitters call me and tell me to come home because she will not behave. My family don't even want to watch her. I am getting where I don't even want to be in the same room with her because she is so disrespectful. I don't want to be that way with her but I just don't know what to do any more.I read your post and immediately thought of ODD and Autism Disorders. Obviously so did another poster. I think too many times these kids get the ADD diagnosis and the other is left undiagnosed. Please read up on these disorders and don't fool yourself into thinking Autism means in another world and flapping hands. My son has an Autism Spectrum Disorder and is in mainstream (regular) school classes and does well. Does he lie? YES Is it intentional, I don't think so. Do I want to threaten him and pull my hair out? YES YES YES! Please contact your local IU13 to see what testing they can do and what help they offer. Also see about a local MHMR Mental Health and Retardation they will usually offer behavioral specialist to help you and your child with issues - it is a wonderful resource and usually free. The key is a correct diagnosis with a correct understanding so you can give the right consequence to the behaviors. I also work with this types of kids and you must be CONSISTANT. They are smart and will out wit you if you let them. Jello Jiggler:    
   Yes he is very smart,but Im usually one smarter on    
him.Does he pull the wool over my eyes? Yes but not    
often.All of the agency's you named are all   
servicing him now,with the exception of IU13 they only   
take young children in our area.Constant & consistant   
is a keyword in our home.I should add that the last   
week has had a marked improvement as he had his   
medications changed.What a difference that has made   
he's behaving like any other 15yr old boy& we are
all loving it,the house is just so much calmer. Hi Sawbuck:             
   Thank-you so much for all your helpI really           
appreciate it.         &nb sp;
   My son's name is Justin,& he is a very smart&       
creative young man,who wants to do so much with his       
life.Each day I encourage him to think outside the box       
& use his creativity.We encourage him to reach his       
goals,& his education is a very high priority for all       
of us.       
   We try very hard not to use threats,but Im only       
human & in the heat of the moment I say things that I       
don't always mean,& I feel like Justin down deep inside       
knows that I don't really mean it.I Love You's,       
hugs & kisses are doledout in our house      
generously on a daily basis.      
Justin is on several medswhich as you can tell     
by the face he hates taking.He takes     
Gabitril,Concerta,& Risperdal.All help him as much as     
they can,but some days seem to be much harder for him,&     
I think those are the days he just gives up& makes    
his bad choices.Which automatically makes him stand    
accountable,& recieve his natural consequences.    
   Justin has a great team of psychiatrists&   
therapists who work with him on a daily basis.And he   
has made great strides in his therapy.But those days   
when he is out of control are just a nightmare for all   
of us.
   I guess what Im looking for are new idea's for
giving out natural consequences.My creative mind has
gone blank,& I need some new ideas in the natural
consequences department.
   As for redirecting him when he is angry,well
sometimes it works,& sometimes it doesn't.If he's mad &
wants to blow up he blows up& there is no
redirecting him with something constructive.And yes
twice a week we have family game night.We also do
everything as a family.None of my kids have ever had a
babysitter.They have always gone everywhere with my
husband & I,& we choose our activities with the kids in
mind.
   Aspergers children have a very hard time in
understanding what is appropriate behaviors,&
language.This makes for some very trying times in the
house,& makes keeping this household
peaceful,especially when he has made his mind up he
wants his way,& he has been given the firm answer of
NO.
   Thank-You for all your advise,if you have any more
helpful advise I could sure use it.

watsonswiney

Accountability for his actions. Natural consequences. Less negative attention.

 

These three things may help resolve a few people’s issues with their children. Even though your son has been abused, he has no ‘coat of armor’ that says he can be resentful the rest of his life and treat people miserably because that’s how he was treated. He should be Better because of that not worse. He knows how it feels. Empathy. Antoher word that he needs to learn.

 

What kind of medicine does your son take? It could be a rebound period. My son is angry, quick to ‘engage’ and otherwise miserable from the time he gets home from school until after dinner. Then he is himself again. He takes 30mg of Adderall (regular) daily and has ADD. Sometimes I wonder if he really does, but then again I’m tired of second guessing our decision to put him on meds. Long story but we did the work and research.

 

I know it must seem impossible for you to think about what I’m going to say next, but too much negative words and dealing with your son is not going to make him stop. Enforce the rules in the house, keep a routine, and hug him a lot! Even when he is angry. I don’t really think he likes being this way. If it is the medicine or his condition that contributes to his behavior, let him know that he is accepted by you and it's the behavior that is unacceptable.

 

Therapy can only help as far as the child lets it. He may be hearing how to deal with situations more positively, but the therapist needs to role-play to show him. You cannot call your husband to handle him. You must be able to control situations and don’t have drama every day. If he is out of control, resort to having him DO something that will take his mind off his anger. How about engaging him in a game of cards or have him read. Show him that there are better things to do in this life than to be a pita (pain in the #$@)! I do this with my son and we have made great strides in becoming a more peaceful and loving family. Don’t leave your son with the feeling that there’s no sense in being a better child because he is not seeing the better side of life if all you do is tell him you want to send him away. He figures ‘ what’s the use?’ sawbuck4438421.3504976852I have a 15yr old sonwho has been diagnosed with         &n bsp;   
ADHD,ODD,& Aspergers Syndrome.He is[when he chooses to         &nbs p;   
bea very kind & sweet young man.He is also the         &nb sp;  
victimof abuse by a family member.          ;  
Because of everything that has happened to him,& his         &nb sp; 
medical diagnosis's most days can be very tough.A lot         &nb sp;
of anger,& frustration,especially towards his 11yr old
brother,& 13 & 3yr old sisters.We have him in   
therapys,& he has therapists who come to school with   
him during the day.He is in a learning support class to   
help him deal with certain learning problems,& to work   
on his social behaviors.   
At home however it is a different story.He is able to
keep it together at school,but look out when he walks
through the door after school.He curses,argues,picks
fights,hits,& screams.He shows total disregard for my
authority & I find myself screamming for my husband to
intervene & put the fear of GOD into this child.Lately
I find myself threatening to get rid of him,by putting
him in a home for Autistic children[which by the way
hell would have to freeze over before I actually did
it,I just love him to much to do that]& then hate
myself the rest of the night for even saying & thinking
that way.
Now my other two older kids are beginning to pick up
the bad behaviors of my oldest son,& my 3yr old is
cursing a lot.Because my son is an abuse victim any
physical consequences are of little to no use & only
make the situation worse.
Im at a total loss for ways to handle my son when his
behaviors are out of control.He's outgrown time-outs,&
never really goes anywhere[he has no real friends
because of his behaviors-parents think he's a bad
influence on their children]so the only priviledge to
take from him is his nintendo[which happens a lot]
Is there anyone who can help me or give me some advise
as to how to help him,Im at the end of my rope.
       
          Debbie New to this forum- actually looking for info on my own Chronic lying.  Really.
My son (8) , daughter(10) and I (35), all have this wonderful condition.  I was never diagnosed until about 30, and then my kids were when they started showing the signs. I, for one, agree that medicine should be a last resort, but I thank God every day for Adderal XR. We practically keep a candy dish of it on the counter around here!
When my kids start acting add-y, I can recognize those behaviors from when I had an unchecked and untreated childhood. I try to relate to them, and figure out what they might be trying to accomplish.
One thing I DO make clear, is that shouting, slamming doors, etc WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Something that works with ANY female child over age three: take the door from their room. Seriously. When they break the 'last straw', don't even tell them what you're doing: walk in with your vise-grips, close the door behind you, and start pulling hinge pins. (You may want to loosen them while lil' missy's in school- NOT being able to get them out kills the effect) She'll FLIP her little lid, and yell and rant, but then you say: "When you begin to act like a responsible person, and follow my rules, you can have this back. Deal with it. " Then grab the door like a surfboard and stow your new trophy in the garage. I did it once when she was a door-slamming four-year-old. Now that she's 10, she only has to hear "I'll take that door..." (only when appropriate) and she's Princess Polite.

And even though I AM a chronic liar, that's the truth.
[QUOTE=Becca]I have a 9 year old girl stepdaughter. She has ADHD. She was on medication and took her off and she done well for like a year or so. I really don't want to put her back on the medication but here in the past 6 months she has gotten really bad. She talks back so much that I can't even get a word in. She will yell at me and just get this hatefull attitude towards her brother and sisters. She has been getting in trouble at school also. She has stolen money once and candy the other time at school. She has got detention 4 times in the past two weeks. She lies about everything and I mean everything, even when I see her do something and ask her about it, she still lies to me. Like the time I put her in her room and put a chair in the corner and made her sit there, she picked a large area of paint off the wall and she denied that she done it. I have taken all her privilages away from her but nothing works and I have tried so many things. I have even had babysitters call me and tell me to come home because she will not behave. My family don't even want to watch her. I am getting where I don't even want to be in the same room with her because she is so disrespectful. I don't want to be that way with her but I just don't know what to do any more.[/QUOTE] I am so glad to hear there has been a POSITIVE change for your son and home. I know all too well what the chaos is like. When my son was younger I thought IU only took care of them till school age and it wasn't till I recently got a job with them that I found they do all sorts of stuff. Too bad it's not the same in your area it is such a great resource. Glad to hear your news. What meds are working, if I might ask? Let's hope Becca can find some good changes. Hi Jello Jiggler:
     He is on Concerta,Gabitril & Risperdal When the
meds are the right milligrams they are great at doing
the job they're suppose to.But when they aren't
enough,such as during a growth spurt[which is what
happened to Justin]then all heck breaks loose.It turns
out his body wasn't getting enough for his weight &
height.
    He still has to put forth effort to conduct himself
in an appropriate manner,the meds won't do it all but
Im here to tell you that without them there would be no
way he could make it in school or at home.