Lack of Self-esteem - | ADHD Information

Hey Ladyhope...I don't know if they're still on this page, but coincidentally the ads below the posts and along side (by Goooooogle) are "12 Secrets to Self-Esteem," "Self-Esteem for Women" and "Building Self-Esteem." Now do you suppose they know what this post is about?   

Did you ever wonder if you were born without self-esteem?  I have - a lot!   Of all the problems I have faced in my life, this one is the biggie.  Oh, there have been times when I felt really good about myself, but the moments were fleeting and did not last.  I think people pick up on the fact that others do not feel great about themselves and it turns them away.  However, I haven't turned away when I ran into someone that was in a deeper pit than me.  I try to help people that are hurting this bad.

But what I really wanted to ask was how do you guys keep up your self-esteem? 

Any little tips you can share with me and the board would be very helpful, i.e. how do you feel about yourself, how do you act around others in a crowd, what do you do during the day to lift your spirit if you start feeling low? 

Thanks for listening.

 

ladyhope38402.4728009259Ladyhope,

I know exactly what you mean. My selfesteem seems to wax and wane. Something that helps me is to know that there are somethings I know I do very well and I remind myself of those things often. I also try to remember that I am a good person and don't have to be perfect at everything to have a fun and fulfilling life. Hope that helps.

Hi I am newly diagnosed and I have had self esteem problems as long as I can remember.  My friends and family have a hard time believing it, because I had done a great job at hiding it.  I am so glad I found this site.  I am not alone!

Thanks for posting!

Hi - Queen of Low Self-Esteem here!

I do have some good news for you - there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was so far into the pit that I cried myself to sleep every night, and wondered why on earth I was ever put in this world. I used to pray to God and ask him to take my life because I was too chicken to commit suicide. I was depressed, lonely, and at the end of my rope.

When I was 22, I was dumped by a guy that I had been seeing for only a few weeks. We slept together, and then he didn't call me for two weeks. He didn't even return my messages. A mutual friend managed to get him on the phone finally, and he told her (NOT me), that we were through.

It was the ultimate irony - after being severely depressed and beating myself up worse than ever for three days straight, I had a revelation of sorts. I suddenly realized that it was HIS problem, not mine. I DO deserve better than someone who would do such a thing to me. I am smart (I may not show it all the time, but dammit, I am!), I have a sense of humour, I have a kind heart, and I have friends who love me. I must be worth something. I took that something and I nurtured it and watched it grow for months, until I had me some full blown confidence.

Here's what you need to do - sit down, and write a list of your good qualities. Don't think about the bad - for now, they don't exist. Just concentrate on the positive. Then, ask your friends what it is they like about hanging out with you.

Above all, remember that personalities will clash. Just because you may not hit it off with someone, that does not make you any less of a person. If you aren't getting along with someone, tough sh*t! Move on to the next. Us ADD folks have a bit of a disadvantage here - we don't mix well with a lot of people. But it's THEIR loss, not ours! We are great people. We have unique talents and gifts that "normal" people can't even begin to comprehend. Take comfort in yourself, and you will find comfort in just about everything else around you. This may sound cliche, but if I could do it, you can too.

Low self-esteem has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember, but I really don't know if it's a sympton of AD/HD itself, or a result of the negative reactions I've had from others since I was knee high.  It was at its worst when I was a teenager, and stuff like dating where extremely difficult.  Upon seeing a girl I would like to get to know, my first thoughts would always be: "Someone like me has no chance with her" - and I'd walk away. 

Shame, I was always such a handsome dude too (or so my mom told me ).

Mark -

I'm reading The Feeling Good Book by David Burn, and it is really helping out. Cheesy title, cheesy author, but its made me realize that a lot of my self esteem problems are adhd, and a lot of them are me talking myself down. You do written exercises and sort out what your negative moods and thoughts really mean, and I've been really seeing a lot of progress. I didnt realize how much of my negative thoughts were self created and perpetuated.

You guys are just so great, ya know it!   

All the replies have been a great help and made me think that, yeah, I am more than capable of overcoming this (as long as the meds continue to stabilize me.)  Even though I am not on meds yet for ADHD, I still take other meds that have stabilized my bi-polar disorder and I'm feeling a lot better. 

I'm feeling pretty positive right now and hope that it will last.  You guys have definitely made my day.  Thanks, again.

Peace to all ~

You have said what I have felt all my life too...I have always felt as though others had something I could only wish for. Everyday seems to be a struggle. I feel doubly bad when others don't seem to care about the struggles...there is a lot of judgemtnalism out there...very little compassion....that is the hard part.

I suppose never being picked for a team, or the last to be picked cuz no one was left, didn't do much for my self-esteem.    And that wasn't only for childhood neighborhood games or in gym--it's still going on.      When I was working and everyone went into the lunch room for a birthday cake or a going-away party for someone, I'd be sitting at my desk hyperfocusing on my work, not aware that everyone was gone, cuz no one came to tell me "Hey, let's go. It's starting."

Why can't they see what a sweet, compassionate, honest (too honest perhaps?) person I am? You could never have a better friend than me.    

So I talk a little too much. Okay, a lot too much. So I say what's on my mine, perhaps a little too bluntly. So what? That's ME. My REAL friends know that's how I am, and see the good in me, and accept me for who I am.

I distinctly remember trying out for the soccer team when I was 15, not making it, and also wondering why the girl who screamed when the ball came her way actually DID make the team. Because she was popular and had confidence in other ways, I suppose.  Maybe the coach thought that if the popular girls were on the team, they'd have more fans coming out to the games. Understand it was a very small town and things like that make sense in a small town.  But very little could match how that made me feel at the time.

I had horrible low self esteem for a lot of the reasons mentioned...I don't now. I much prefer  thinking well of myself

Gypsy Woman...I love your icon!

OMG! I forogot about the not being picked experience! the sense of not being wanted by peers is  hurtful.  Some people turn to creativity which I have but can't produce (poetry? writing? Ha! I work for hours and come up with one sentence...getting through the overwhleming influx of thoughts and ideas and feelings is just that...overwhelming! After awhile, I can't take it anymore..so my creativity goes to heck...) So...I turn to those things I could not get in school due to all the ADD stuff... safe education!  I watch PBS religiously for any scrap of learning I can get. I did know early on that I had an insatiable curiosity about EVERYTHING  and wanted to know everything NOW! Well the school system sure as heck loved my attitude. Did anyone else have those experiences too? Please share

Lets see. all the things my teachers called me over the years...hmmm.

daydreamer, scatter brained, (impetuous, irrascible, irreverent, due to my impulsivity) disrespectful (two ways to read this and both are true...disrespectful because if a rule or something didn't make sense to me...I didn't do it...), clumbsy, stupid, a wast of time, many more that hurt to much to mention.

Why on earht would a teacher choose to devalue a student this way? What I reliaze as an adult is that there were many things that COULD have been said about me that weren't. I could have been called:

Imaginative, thoughtful,  passionate and compassionate, curious, a sponge waiting to saok in everthing my braine could get its little neurons on...a investment of time and energy because I really was smart....even though I couldn't show it...I think the most hurtful part of school for me was that no teacher (except for high school) ever saw the passion and desire in my eyes, ever noticed it...took it, cherished it...celebrated...and valued it for the wonderful thing it was.   Wow...sorry about that...sometimes the losses just come back and bite me in the butt...

I went to a good CBT psychologist who taught me to recognise the esteem destroying "hooks", question and revise my negative self talk, and start to deal with my low esteem.  While it is still a see-saw I feel more in control and have noticed a definite improvement and stabilisation in the last couple of years.