Any advice on talking to ADD husband? | ADHD Information

Hi There, your message said any advice welcome (so here goes)!  I am coming from the other perspective (i.e. nagging wife who suffered through my inability to recognise my ADD).  The light went on when I read an article in inc magazine (a magazine for entrepreneurs) about dealing with ADD employees (problem was I was recognising my own behaviour!!!).  Decided to find out more.  Came across a really good (IMHO) questionnaire (which I cannot find again...sorry).  But my suggestion is that you do one of these questionnaires with your hubby (i have two links below, the first one is a "fun" version, the second more serious).  When I did it my answers were not...hmmm OK... they were...why can't i put 10 (when the score limit is 4)!  Real eye opener for me.  Hope it helps.

http://www.bobseay.com/littlecorner/newurl/additup.html

http://www.adultadd.com/2_2_recognizing/screener.jsp

Any advice is welcome on how to convice my ADD husband to seek coaching or a doctor...

I have just been married to my husband for less than a year. It was after we were married that I started to detect ADD symptoms. He has come to terms with that being the potential reason for his scattered approach to life... but doesn't take it serious enough to get help.

I am the bread winner and 6 years his senior. I provide all the support I can and often feel an extreme lack of support from him. I have come to accept that he can only give a little support to me...but I am on the verge of walking out of this relationship unless he gives in and gets help. As much as I love him, he is killing me slowly.

It has come to a peak tonight. 2 months ago, he quit a job he hated and mostly because he was often yelled at for being forgetful, etc (typical ADD symptoms). I supported him knowing that is was a difficult environment to work in and that it was beyond his control. The owner was a jerk and the employees were losers anyway...!

He doesn't have a high school diploma because he dropped out. He dosn't have a career because he got into drugs and wanted to become a musician. That is all over now and he has come very far. He is clean and has found interest in writing short stories and novels....He is studying for GED but struggles with his ups and downs. He slowly looks for work everyday. When life is good, it's alright when life is bad the mantra becomes "nobody loves me". Again and again and again. 

I have lost my patience. His not my project, he is my husband!!!  How do I get him to understand he NEEDS to help. As someone mentioned before- after a life time of nagging he can't tell the difference when I mean business.

Help.

Articles may not help, I can relate to many spouses myself for my husband is the same.  My husband will acknowlege a problem now our 5 year old daughter has been diagnosed and the research on ADD done but getting help is the struggle.  I am not taken seriously either, i threaten to take our child and leave and he blows me off.  I am going on 10 years of marriage and the past 5-6 years have been h-ll for me at times and left me feeling all alone.  I attempt to talk to him but it is hard all i get is him yelling and screaming at me.  I have even gone to my mother-in-law and she will always say never a problem with him, yet at times will admit to his temper.

    Good luck, I am grateful for this website and its funny I discovered it for dealing with my daughter and got more out of it. 

Maybe start printing out some short easy to read articles about ADD and leave them around the house. ADDitude Magazine is also a great resource. I can't remember where I just heard it but somebody was talking about leaving ADD material in the Bathroom because people will read just about anything in the bathroom.

This is the best place for someone like me. Thanks to buccaneer, livingwithadd, and Jillette. MUCH appreciated. I respect the different approaches as they have all helped me.

The update :I finally made the appointment and took him to the specialist who works with biofeedback. The diagnosis: Adult ADD, social phobia, depression, etc. He was sent to a psychiatrist on a referral to get medication- and the doctor responded with my husband being Bi-polar and gave him Lamictal!?!. Which (IMO) is NOT a correct diagnsis.

Though I have faith as the Psychologist is still working with him, and we'll see what happens.

Thanks to all!!!

 Even if it's not Bipolar I heave heard that Lamictal can be helpful to people with ADD.