coming out of the closet with add | ADHD Information
I've told my family, friends, employer, work colleagues, everyone. I figure it's nothing to be ashamed of (not that I'm insinuating in any way that you are ashamed of it) - I didn't give it a great deal of thought, just did it.
The biggest problem is the lack of understanding - people's reaction seems to be 'well, stop it and be normal!'. There's a few smartass comments at work sometimes (especially if I'm getting a little lively) such as 'Have you forgotten to take your medication, Mark?'. But on the whole I'm happier that it's no secret.
Besides, it gives me something else to joke about
Anybody want to read my novel? Here goes...Well, I was just diagnosed last month, have begun treatment and etc.
My husband knows. I've told a few select friends, all of whom have been very supportive and helpful (anything from offering a shoulder to cry on or to babysit the kids for me while I go to therapy).
BUT, I havent told anyone in my family because I really have a strong feeling their response is NOT going to be supportive. In short, I'm scared to say anything.
My relationship with my parents has been strained and I'm fairly sure that telling them is only going to make things worse. In brief, my dad has severe depression and my mom is a really bitter passive aggressive person who is constantly trying to drive wedges between people (I think a result of some traumatic childhood events, but who knows). Our relationship is decent now, and they have a fairly good relationship with my children.
I guess my thought is- should I even tell them, or should I let things go status quo? We have a decent relationship now and I dont want to damage that. I know I could just come out and say something and let the cards fall as they may, but I'm not sure it is worth it just to get something off my chest, especially now that there are grandkids involved. For those of you in strong and loving families, you may not understand what I'm talking about, but if your family is in any way like mine, well, you know that the dynamics are just different and its not necessarily a good thing to rock the boat.
What have been your experiences with talking to your families? Anyone been in a similar situation?
Well, I never really been EXACTLY in this situation, but I must warn you, the people in your family who knew you when you were a kid and who you grew up with will sometimes surprise you with their reaction. If you do tell them, expect ANYTHING.
Sometimes, the parents may get offended and take the diagnosis to mean that there is something they did not do right raising you. Sometimes people, will just not believe in this whole "AD/HD crap" and just make you feel like you are not trying hard enough to be "normal". And that really hurts when it comes from the people that you love and that watched you grow up and crunches down your self esteem. And then there are people like my dad, who does know and feel like I have ADD, but that just a "little bit of it is laziness." And then theirs my sister who doesn't feel that i "need to be taking medication for it". Your family can be tough nuts to crack because they feel comfortable coming right out and saying anything they want to you that other people might be more apt to keeping to themselves.
I feel that if you are new to your diagnosis, and your emotions are still rocky from it, then maybe you should just keep it to yourself and the people you can really trust for awhile until you gain your initial confidence back from first learning about your diagnosis. But if you think you are ready to share with your family, do not be surprised and some of the reactions, cause lots of time your family will react in a way that you least expect and may not be ready for, if your diagnosis is still fresh, it might knock you back or shock you that they could say these things to you. So if you do tell them, be ready to BRACE YOURSELF. But i hope things go well for you!!!
I'm real tired today, so I hope the above makes sense to ya.
GypsyWomyn38406.7477314815I've wondered about telling my
co-workers. Maybe when I get an official diagnosis and start treatment or
something, then I will think about it.I mentioned the whole thing to three of my best friends, one of whom thought I was being ridiculous, another of whom simply said (completely shocked), "you aren't going on Ritalin, are you??", and the third of whom has decided to actually be tested for ADD herself. Scepticism to total belief and one in between.
As for my family, I told my mom and she said I was looking for excuses.
But I also think part
of her is afraid to believe it because I wholeheartedly think she has ADD
herself. For 58 years she has blamed herself for everything that went wrong in
her life and she is reluctant to accept that there may be a reason for her own
"failures". She was diagnosed as clinically depressed when I was just a child,
and she has been on meds ever since. She is on an even keel now, but she is
still far from happy.I told my sister, and she was very open to the idea. She asked me to send her information.
I don't know about telling my dad. We were never very close, and he does not believe in "mental problems" anyway, and thinks that people should just be able to "snap out of it". BTW, he and my mother are quite divorced.
So... there are my experiences. Good luck!
Hey Chocoholic,
If you think they don't believe in it then don't tell them...but if you educate them about the disorder then it may explain to them things about you and may bring you closer.
I told my Mom and she said "I always knew something was wrong with you, just did not know what it was." This was her way of aknowledging (sp?) that she understood...
...anyway it may bring you closer...if it explains the unexplained to them.....
-Amy
I personally get the feeling from my family,that they dont believe in add/adhd.
I tried to have my husband read up on it, but the book laid there for a week or so.It makes me feel so isolated.I wish I had a friend who lived close by, who I KNOW who would genuinely understand. Unfortunately, I dont have any.
I've told my family and close friends, but really no one else. My family has been hugely supportive, my inlaws, well I don't think they think that ADHD actually exists.
As for telling my employer, well I'm not comfortable doing that quite yet. I also have my own home business and some of my team mates know and others don't.
I'm not ashamed of it at all, I just know there are a lot of other people out there that aren't educated about it at all, have their own misconceptions and judgements, and a lot of times, I don't think that it is anyone's business either :o)
[QUOTE=ChaoticCanadian]I'm not ashamed of it at all, I just know there are a lot of other people out there that aren't educated about it at all, have their own misconceptions and judgements, and a lot of times, I don't think that it is anyone's business either :o)[/QUOTE]That's sort of how I feel. I don't want my co-workers to have this radically different view of me - and start treating me like I'm slow or stupid or something. So many people are so misinformed about ADD that it's not funny. My own best friend (the skeptic), said "but your so smart. I just don't see you having ADD". I tried to explain that ADDer's ARE smart, but she just wouldn't listen.
I dont think either of my parents has add. However, I'm pretty sure that my maternal grandmother has the innatentive version and my mom's brother had the hyperactive variety. Unfortunately, my mom has always had a horrible relationship with her brother and strained with her mother.
I'm 99% sure my mom doesnt have add- I've never seen a symptom. My dad probably doesnt either- he's one of those bastion of logic types. But, does seem that learning disabilities run in my mom's family (dyslexia, etc) so that might make it easier to accept. Mild mental illnesses and alcoholism run in my dad's. Boy, I sure won the genetic lottery with this family, didnt I??
I like the idea of waiting til I get a little further along and feel things out. Maybe that would make me a little more comfortable with myself and more knowledgeable. Think I'll try that and go from there. Love the idea of procrastinating ha ha ha
First post here, been lurking about 2 months, I talked to my mom about having adhd, didn't know what she would say. Seems my sister that teaches special ed has said to her a few times over the years that she thinks I have ADD. Sure wish she had said something to me!!! So you never know what family will say.
I'm 43 and just learned about adult add 2 months ago, mostly from this board.
Lots of good people here, nice to know there are others that see the world in a way the majority will never be able to understand!!!
Good luck
Your parents need understand that it is NOT your fault that you have been lucky enough to be diagnosed and now have the chance to live your life with help, at a chance to feel "normal". Of course I was diagnosed after my son was, his doc told me that usually one of the parents had it, even if they didn't know, which made absolute sense and with my doc and help of evaluations from my parents and hubby I was diagnosed. So perhaps one of your parents have it? Perhaps your mother and that is why she is so bitter? I read the posts on here about anger and maybe that is why she is the way she is? Just a thought, obviously I am not an expert!
I, like Mark, told people, I didn't care if they knew or not, that way I figured perhaps they would understand my son a little and know that it is not his fault. And I also get the comment OFTEN, have you taken your meds today? Like haha how original that's so funny.
GOOD LUCK in whatever decesion you make.