Do people misinterpret you? | ADHD Information

Cheeky, I think my post looked longer because it was in a larger font. I made it smaller, does that seem a little shorter? I just hope it wasn't too difficult or boring reading the content of it. ?? The subject is really something I'm very concerned about. So thank you for reading it and responding.

[quote]Do any of you have the problem of being misinterpreted by others? It's something I've been dealing with most of my life...well, all of it actually -- being misinterpreted by friends, family, co-workers, even strangers, of what I'm actually trying to convey when I talk. They misinterpret my tone of voice, my body language, my words, the whole kit and kaboodle! And the harder I try to explain myself so I am understood, the deeper it gets me in trouble or so frustrated that I can end up losing it! It may even be when I'm just making a joke or using my sense of humor, or so I thought[/quote]

That describes me. When I try explain myself or try to get others to understand what I'm saying, everyone thinks I'm arguing with them, but I'm not. I guess I talk hard and I get frustrated and they're like "why are you arguing?" and i'm like "i'm not arguing, you are!" lol. but after i stop to think for a while, then i realize its me. its weird. "the harder I try to explain myself so I am understood, the deeper it gets me in trouble or so frustrated that I end up losing it!". thats me too. I have a short fuse. (the meds calm me down now). I used to get mad for soemthing as simple as that then I used to hit things. Like once I hit the table and I sprained my wrist and had to go to the hospital to see what was wrong...ok. this is long. lol.

and even when I try to make a joke, I guess my face looks serious and the way I say it might offend some people, but to me, i'm just trying to make a joke.

it does get frustrating at times...

EXACTLY! Thank you Cheerbear...you put it perfectly, and in less words than I did.

Yeah, I have a serious face also...I HATE it when someone says, Smile! Don't look so glum! Don't look so serious!

I'm NOT unhappy...my face just comes with a "natural frown," and I'm not going to go around with a smile on my face all the time.

Cheeky...I'm not criticizing you, but it hurt my feelings that you thought my post was LONG. However, there is no post too short or too long. And no one should have to apologize for a "long" post. That's what the forum is here for. And if someone doesn't feel up to reading, they don't have to.

Everyone....be well!
GypsyWomyn38410.5698611111

Wow, your post is really long!

But, yes my troubles are that my abilities are often under-estimated and I"M the one that has trouble understanding physical and verbal cues. It makes me depressed and lonely too. Not being able to relate to people's meanings allows me to be manipulated by them quite easily. I've been very down lately because there doesn't seem to be much help for how to cope with this because many therapists and specialists don't really understand this area of ADHD and it hasn't been researched very much.

I just thought of something else, Cheerbear! Some people who misinterpret me don't look at me when I'm talking, and if they did, perhaps they would understand more of what I'm trying to say. They would SEE my expression, or body language. I hate when someone asks me a question, and then goes on with whatever they're doing, or looking elsewhere, when they actually should be looking at me. After all, they asked me the question. How RUDE!

sometimes people post like 1 or 2 or 4 or 5 sentences, but when I talk, I talk.

not just on the forums. I talk. and I talk. Its like if I don't get everything else out at once I'm gonna forget it.lol.

I don't think I have a serious face. I smile alot. I'm usually cheery and happy (hence the name "cheerbear") lol

But its weird. I usually feel like everyones ganging up on me when they say that I'm arguing. Most times when I talk I feel that almost NO-ONE understands what I'm saying. And it's probably true. It feels like I'm the only one that gets it. *sigh*

you knwo whats also funny? I tend to think most people are so immature. I know I'm intellignet. Probably not on paper, but I am. I don't have alot of friends. The things they talk about, the way they think, I did when I was 15. Well, at least the people my age. The ones I get along with are the older ones mostly 15 or so years my senior.

Even in high school I was like that.

but then again, I do think differently from almost everyone else I know. I love my brain, but I despise it sometimes. :|

now this is long. LOL

Hey Cheerbear! That wasn't long at all!

Seriously! In fact, it was "quick" reading. Again, you describe me to the T.

I'm cheerful most of the time. Until, I get misinterpreted.

Ganging up on us, you got it. "I'm NOT yelling." But I suppose when I get frustrated, my voice does rise a bit. Who's wouldn't?

I never thought about it before, but when I was a child, I always related better and got along better with my mother's friends. Now that I'm getting up there in years, who am I suppose to get along with?

And THAT's why I just love this forum...we're not judged, just accepted for who we are...and we understand what we share and are going through with ADD/ADHD.

Yeah, yeah, I know, I also talk too much. But I always attributed that to living alone, so when I get the chance to talk...you can't stop me.

Now I can attribute (not blame) it on ADHD. GypsyWomyn38410.7304166667

I get misunderstood all the time. Most of the time it's because I am thinking on a whole different level then the other person. I am looking for a solution from my mind to a problem. Most people look for answers from things they have heard or read. People with ADHD tend to be of high intelligence and are the inniovators of this world. It's learning how to deal with the misunderstanding you feel that gets you to a place where you can use everything you have learned.

I have a tendency to withdraw from conversation, or cut it off before they are done. Most the time it's because I know what they are going to say before they even complete what it is.

I can defenately Identify with you thanks for posting

Yes, Jonathan, I also often know what someone is going to say next. It didn't go over very well with my counselor.

Or I could catch the idea being tossed at me very quickly. I could say over and over again, "Yes, I got it." But she wasted a lot time repeating what I already got! I think she just liked listening to herself. Sure didn't let me talk much.

I feel that I'm very intelligent. However, I certainly don't come across that way to others, because they can't see inside my head. I wish they could, since my intellegence rarely shows itself verbally. I do a bit better while typing. I once posted that I wish I could walk around with mini computer screen to do my conversing. Instead, open mouth, remove all doubt.

GypsyWomyn38410.8421180556

I see some of myself in every post here! I wake up feeling misunderstood.I'm not sure if I would call my voice monotone, but I do have a hard time with putting the right tone with what I am saying. The harder I try, the more frustrated I get. I either walk away, or I LOOSE IT BIG TIME!

Verbal and social cues have always been a problem. I'm getting somewhat better at it, but I'm sure I'll never understand it compleatly. Cheeky, I find that one of the sadist problems. I've been invited to partys in the past, only to realize later it was to pick up other pple with out cars. Once we got there, they all ignored me. I'd rather be loney than "used".

I only have one friend, that I've had since highschool my age. My best friend is 10 yrs. older than me, and "gets" me! She says "we're both bazzaar" and our hubbys will agree. She now lives around the corner from us. I've always gotten along with pple older than me. My guess it that they were mature enough to see that I really am an intelligent person. And smile? I would love to but my mom always had this sarcastic smile that she showed ME alot, but I do laught alot.

THANKS Y'ALL! Those so called "normal pple" are usually to afraid of being imperfect. They would never let it all out like we do! Their lose!

I am sooo glad to see there's others who feel the way I do about being misinterpreted. I feel much better now, with you all sharing with your posts. I identify with every one of you and what you had to say. Thank you!

Esperanza,

You're so lucky that your good friend lives so close to you now. My oldest (longest time that is) friend lives 2500 miles away.

First of all Gyp forget them if they are not of a higher concious like us ADHDers...and second....OMG yes everyone thinks I am saying something other that what I am toooooo and I have a very high voice...so it prob is not your voice

We are from the planet ADHD new to the solar system....LOL...anyway I also type like I talk and I talk a TON...so I think you post was short and very enjoyable....BIG HUG to ya!

-CCDo any of you have the problem of being misinterpreted by others? It's something I've been dealing with most of my life...well, all of it actually -- being misinterpreted by friends, family, co-workers, even strangers, of what I'm actually trying to convey when I talk. They misinterpret my tone of voice, my body language, my words, the whole kit and kaboodle, especially if they're not looking at me when I'm talking! And the harder I try to explain myself so I am understood, the deeper it gets me in trouble or so frustrated that I can end up losing it!

It may even be when I'm just making a joke or using my sense of humor, or so I thought. My voice doesn't have much flexion and is a bit monotone, and is deep from smoking so many years, so I suppose I can see how sometimes I might not give the impression I'm trying to, or perhaps people have a difficult time listening to me and really hearing what I'm saying. I donno! I just know I'm tired of it!

And this doesn't even include the difficulty I have getting the words out to begin with. And when I do, again, I'm misinterpreted. Urrgh! Then when I make up my mind that I just won't talk, I'll just listen, of course, that's an impossibility!!!

Tonight in Mark's chatroom with three others was so refreshing, chatting back and forth, laughing, totally understanding what was being said, even when we crossed conversations....after all, we were all ADHDers...we followed one another perfectly. So as long as I don't have to use my actual voice, there seems to be no problem. I'm so glad I can type!

I'm sure I'm not alone in this boat. Anybody want to share?GypsyWomyn38410.7522569444

Hey Gypsy, I am misinterpreted and misunderstood ALL the time. And if you see any of my LONGER posts on here, you will see, and I realize, that I start to rattle off on other things too! When talking to my sons pediatric psych about my sons meds he told me to tell my doc to up mine for pete sakes! It took him FOREVER to understand what I was trying to say. Oh well, comes with the territory and getting pi**ed off about the fact it takes them forever to get what I am saying is part of it to I guess. Maybe we aren't misinterpreted we are just such a high intelligence and have so many things going through our minds at once!!!! LOL

PS: Did you get what I meant?

Well said Bierce9800! I agree..... Yup, me too. It still amazes me how much I relate to all these posts.

I swear I waste more breath explaining myself than I spend on normal conversation. I have a hard time putting thoughts into words as it is... it frustrates me so much when people don't get it!

Oh... and because I have a hard time with oral instructions, people mistinterpret my repeating them out loud (my way of helping commit to memory) as not understanding, so they start explaining again. Aaarrrghhh!!! People must think I am so dumb sometimes.

bcgirl197838411.4057060185

Many of these things apply to me too! I am often misunderstood, I think maybe the non-verbal cues I give are not correct. I don't read other peoples social cues well either. People think I am arguing when I am not, and men sometimes think that I am interested when I am not. And those people who repeat themselves 3 times whenever they say something...AAAGGGH! I get it after the first time, or more often, before they have even finished the sentence.

I think I may tend to skip over things as I am trying to explain something, because to me some things are very obvious and I forget that other people don't see all the same connections that I do. My husband, on the other hand doesn't skip things, but will begin a conversation in the middle. Like he will say, right out of the blue "does he have that paper?", and he thinks that I know what he is talking about, who is "he" and what paper? Or maybe it is just me and the statement is really an extension of an earlier conversation that I have forgotten??

Yes, April, I got what you meant!

C.C....thanks, hon!

back at ya. ((CC))

bcgirl...OH MY...yes. My last job (and many before it) I lost because I lost it! When I'm being taught something two things are necessary: 1) tell me fast! Too slow, and I get lost. Like said in above post, I GOT IT! And I'm already ahead of them or ready for what comes next. 2) I need to ask questions to clarify. But I need to ask by stating what I thought I heard, and asking so it fits into my interpretation of THEM. Then they get upset with me! And back and forth we go, until I actually !@#!.

and I'm out of a job. Bcgirl..We know you're not dumb, sweetie! ;)] Thanks Gypsy!

I hate it when I am being given a task and the person explains a million background things about it first.... unimportant things that make no difference to the task itself. I start drifting off and before I know it they've told me what I had to do and I missed it.

Then I have to say, "so what is it you wanted me to do?" *sigh............*

I know I can do just about any job..... I only wish I could prove it!

Hi Gipsy!

I didn't read the whole tread, not even all of your post... I can't concentrate today.

But Yes! I've been misinterperted all of my life! Having to explain what I really meant over and over again.

I've somhow taught myself some strategies on how to try and avoid that. I rehears what I'm going to say, and I think alot about what I'm going to say before I open my mouth.... It takes a lot of time and energy, but so does explaining things over and over and over......

Still my BF has huge problems understanding me, and sometimes he gets pissed off, because he thinks I'm offending him or something (Maybe I do, but it's not intended at all!) or he just looks at me funny...

I've told him that I've been misunderstood, and misinterperted all my life, and that it's hard! It has really affected my selfesteem. I felt so stupid when i was younger (Before I taught myself the strategies)!!!

Oh, well....

Hugs, CeeCee!

CeeCee38412.7129050926

O.M.G! I just read those "mean teacher " stories, and I wanted to cry. I had a very painful experience in 3rd grade. Apparently, we all had a book to read and do a report on. Several days later the teacher called someone to read in front of the class, than someone else followed. I started to feel sick and just wanted to run from the room. It turned out that everyone had a different chapter to read, so it would be like a story that everyone had a part in. I was called on, and just sat there confused. And I can still remember the cruel laughter of the other children. But what that BITCH of a teacher said will follow me for life.

Here goes: "Miss Hernandez, since you seemed to have missed what EVERYONE ELSE GOT, why don't you get up and tell the class why"? Ok, now the whole room seemed like it was spinning and I'm REALLY SICK! I didn't know why, damnit, and I still don't!(my emotion icons aren't working). Teacher pulled me out of my seat and oh yes it gets worse, made me repeat after her: (now starting to cry) I had to say:LOOK AT ME CLASS, I"M WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOUR IRISH MOTHER MATES WITH A PUERTO "SPIC" RICAN. HIGH INTELLIGENCE, BUT STUPIDITY HIDES IT! That happened back in 1965. I'm 47 now and remember every detail. And also how miss bitch would ALWAYS say"we're all the same inside no matter what our skin color was"!!!!! H I P P O C R I T E F**kin Bitch!!!! Teacher was fired the following yr. for hitting and humiliating another student.

I'm sorry I rambled on so long, but those stories really hit me hard. And it's very sad when a "so called" teacher can hurt you for life. It's incredible how bad words can hurt.

Gypsy, I feel so blessed having my best friend just around the corner. I'll be walking to her house, just when she has left for mine. We meet in the middle. happened today again. I felt so sad for you having your best friend so many miles away. Their move to Fl. was truely a blessing from God.

Night-night y'all. Everyone here is wonderful!

I am an interpreter, so I hope I am understood! I am paid to be clear. LOL! But I do communicate better with Deaf people than hearing folks who dont know how to sign. I communicate best with other interpreters. When I cant think of the word in English, I can just sign and they understand my switch between languages. In fact, most interpreters use a mix of English and Sign when talking with other interpreters.What a beautiful, and appropriate, Avatar, Lisa! I know several people who sign, and they also mix English and Sign. If they have something to say and don't want anyone else to hear, they'll sign to me, forgetting I don't. I think signing is so much more expressive than "speaking." It's something I've always wanted to learn. Perhaps one day I will. The best I can do right now is

Well, my problem comes when I'm speaking with a hearing person and I can't locate the file in my brain with the appropriate word. I can always find the sign to convey the concept. I'll start to sign and the person just looks at me like I might be dangerous.[QUOTE]Teacher was fired the following yr. for hitting and humiliating another student.[/QUOTE]

Now that's Karma! Also, you're not always so lucky to actually see it happen to someone. It usually occurs somewhere down the road, but karma inevitably comes to bite ya in the A*SS. I'm glad you were around to see that awful teacher/awful person get hers!

I know just what you guys are saying. Sometimes I get to frustrated with people when I'm trying to argue a point and they don't understand me. Sometimes I just expect people to trust me and my instinct, I suppose I push that one off on my girlfriend a lot. You know what I mean? Sorta like, I'm sorry you can't understand me and all but it doesn't matter because I know. I'm stubborn w/ ADHD, and that's really not too good. Also, about the mean teachers. . . One time in fifth grade I left the classroom because I was doing studies for this other school that I was just coming out of. I had left right at lunch when they called me down to the office. I came back sometime right before school was out, I found my lunch all over my desk. My bologna sandwich that I had not gotten the chance to eat was opened and they mayo and mustard was smeared all over my desk and my jello was all over the place. The teacher did it as a punishment for me leaving my lunch out. I'm actually not sure what his problem was, he was the one urging my mom so badly to put me on drugs (she knew all through school but refused because I got decent grades, didn't go on drugs till college.). . . It was a pretty trippy experience. Makes me feel special though in a weird way, I remember thoughts I had in fifth grade today; just knowing that some people (even adults) were such idiots and feeling like I thought on a different level. Finally figuring out I had ADD for sure answered those questions. . .

hellahyper38412.4851273148Jon...I just don't see how it's our gift, being misunderstood. Sorry. How do you get past the frustration of nobody listening to you or understanding you? I can't just avoid ALL conversations.

Gypsy, Jonathan and all who have respondedto this topic.

This is such a good topic. If I had a nickle for every time I was misunderstood while growing up in my family and school and work...and I also misunderstand others, too. It makes me furios at times.

The frustration is the worst. The things we do (I do) to remove myself from the situation...it makes for a lonely life at times. But mostly, I get bored with other people's conversations.

Gypsy, I really appreciated the way u spoke your mind re: long versus short postings. I understand why some people might feel overwhelmed by those of us who have the need to speak our minds. But as u say, it is up to us to decide what to read (or not)...I prefer the longer posts as it helps to get ot know the persons better as well as clarify the things we have in common.

Haley in Ohio

[QUOTE=sonya_h]

people are mean. I am reminded of my first grade teacher. when I was really young in 1st grade, I would always miss the assignment and everytime the class would start taking out peices of paper and books and pencils, I would ask my friend sitting next to me what we were doing, and she would always tell me and I would just do it; no problem. made A's.

then one day, my teacher got tired of it, and she told my friend not to tell me what we were doing anymore. She had this nervous look on her face when I asked her, and she started looking at the teacher, that's how i figured out the teacher told her not to tell me. So i just sat there not knowing what to do, with my head buried into my arms on my desk out of embarassment; made a bad grade...WHAT WAS THE POINT??

And then one day, me and my cute little first grade ADD self, stuck my pencil in my hair for a minute, and then forgot where I put it. I looked and looked and looked and LOOKED for my pencil, and I could not find it. then the teacher gave an assignment, and I raised my hand and told her i lost my pencil. I did not know it then, but looking back on it I realized, she saw my pencil sticking in my hair, and then she snickered and told me, point blank, (a first grader, mind you) that she was not going to help me find my pencil, and that she was not going to tell me where it was and she walked away. I was moved almost to tears. but I continued my search while the rest of the class did the assignment. and almost when it was time to go home is when I found my pencil.

[/QUOTE]

sonia-h

What a rotten thing for a teacher to do. it brings back a similar memory of my own first grade teacher. What would it have taken these teachers to give us some understanding and nutuirng...I think of how different my life would have been if had I had some teachers who saw my passion and love of learning rather wanting to hurt my feelings. Thanks for sharing such a personal memory. Hugs for us all who never got them from our teachers.

Haley in Ohio

Sometimes I communicate poorly those times I am not misinterpeted I just communicated poorly or showed more emotion than I felt 2 seconds after I said what I said

A fast turn around in attitude from angry to not angry is pretty normal for me as well as a fast rev up...it isnt the norm for society. It can leave me frustrated when people stay mad and I am like it never happened 2 minutes after an argument.

I also tend to not take stuff personal and most people take it personal when you disagree with them. It's like you are impugning their charachter by believing differently....so, at the least I genrally am the pisserooffer not the pisseroffee in arguments...I'd rather be netiher but damn I hate being the pisseroffee

[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn]Jon...I just don't see how it's our gift, being misunderstood. Sorry. How do you get past the frustration of nobody listening to you or understanding you? I can't just avoid ALL conversations. [/QUOTE]

I was trying to explain that the frustration doesn't necessarily come from you. It's from others not being able to understand you. This is because they aren't thinking on the same level as you. If you could understand that it's not you, then it becomes a gift. Gifts come in many shapes and forms, you have to find the particular one for yourself

[QUOTE]JonathZf wrote:
I was trying to explain that the frustration doesn't necessarily come from you. It's from others not being able to understand you. This is because they aren't thinking on the same level as you. If you could understand that it's not you, then it becomes a gift.[/QUOTE]
Well, I do understand that the frustration doesn't come from me, that it's from others not being able to understand me. That's the whole thing about being misinterpreted...misunderstood. Even if they aren't on the same level as me, I would really like it if I wasn't misinterpreted. I mean, how can we ever get a point across when they don't understand? Oy! So why don't I get that it's a gift? Can you explain a little clearer for me. I really want to get this.

Wow, now here's a chance for me to ask questions, and hopefully I'll get what you're saying, without either of us giving up.

GypsyWomyn38411.7538078704 [QUOTE=sonya_h]

[/QUOTE]

WHAT??????!!!! I wish I could slap that mother fu**er!

That is so mean. I'm sorry she did that to you. I can't believe some adults enjoy putting down a child who is honestly putting forth his/her best effort. Did she think you were just goofing off? It sounds like she was just mean. You got good grades so what was it that she didn't like about you? She was probably jealous of your uniqueness and intelligence.

I always missed the assignment when I was in school too. I got in trouble for doing stuff like that but I never had a teacher who was that mean. I still miss assignments at work today. My supervisor will tell me to do something and I will zone and miss what she is saying. I usually snap back to reality on the last sentence or so of the conversation and I use that to figure out what it is she was talking about.

scarygreengiant38411.7664236111

Oh, my heart is breaking, Sonya, seriously. That is such a sad story.

And you're right, mean, mean, meany teacher!

One thing I wanted to add. I think people have a difficult time seeing a big enough picture to understand what goes on inside our minds. It's when we learn that it's not their fault they cannot understand that we find ourselves in places we never dreamed of going. Each and every day we have to deal with people. I do my best to look at their misunderstanding as my gift. One who can see a larger picture, much brighter, and if getting past that hump of misunderstanding is what it takes well then I'm all go!

[QUOTE=boggled]

People think I am arguing when I am not....
I think I may tend to skip over things as I am trying to explain something, because to me some things are very obvious and I forget that other people don't see all the same connections that I do.�

[/QUOTE]

Exactly! I'm NOT arguing.

That's why pple don't understand what we're saying!! All those blank spots in what should be sooooo obvious.

Oh boy! I do have trouble being misunderstood!

I have a quick wit, a sarcastic sense of humor, make off-the-wall literary references and tell dry jokes etc. With friends who know me, who 'get' the jokes, it can be a lot of fun. But around strangers!?! Oh dear.

I have found that there was a time that some casual co-workers in the hospital where I worked thought I was serious and they believed I was a total dingbat. Or mean. I was floored! I was being funny and the remarks just 'whoosed' over their heads.

To my advantage, I wish I had a dollar for every time I have seen the "OH MY GOD! She's REALLY smart and those are jokes!" look on someone's face when reality finally bit them in the butt about me.

It still happens, most often with casual aquaintances. I actually had a church lady encourage me to date one of the guys at church who is MR because "we might have fun together". I realized then that she too didn't have a clue how my brain worked and was missing the content of about 90% of what I was saying.

It is also one of the reasons I don't date until someone REALLY gets to know me. Nothing worse than sitting with a stranger trying to explain remark after remark after remark.
~~sigh~~

Welcome aboard, CeCe! I've been told for years to rehearse in advance what I'm going to say. But that is a definite problem for me. I may go through it in my mind, but still can't get it to come out like I rehearsed!

When I'm on meds that work, I do tend to think some before I open my mouth to speak, w/o actually sticking my foot in my mouth.

Self-esteem is definitely an issue for ADHDers, children and adults. I must admit my self-esteem has risen since I've joined this forum, thanks to all of you!