Hi all…I am struggling here … I’d like to share a few things and ask a few things. I would love to hear from adults with ADD that have had success with the medications and have managed to exercise and eat properly. (to see how much of an impact this has made)
I’d like to first tell you how I seem to experience life and if my experiences ring true with the rest of you…The below is a letter I wrote that accompanied my questionnaire to the ADD clinic to tell them how I found that ADD specifically affected me… I have not altered it because one thing I loathe doing is re-reading and re-editing what I have written. So bear in mind this is my letter to the Dr as in this is how it’s to be read.
Background: My mother sent me a video tape about 8 years ago regarding ADD. I have seen several physicians in both Australia and now London. I have never exhibited any form hyperactivity, or violence or outbursts. In the early days because of the apparent irregularity of not being hyperactive I did not believe I did have ADD. Now at 32 and after years of introspection know that I have the ‘inattentive’ subtype of ADD identified by Dr Daniel G. Amen in his Healing ADD: Identifying and Treating 6 Types of ADD.
Below is a list the symptoms that affect my life in what I believe to be a ‘chronic’ degree. Excuse my meanderings this is me thinking out loud.
Disorganisation
I find it very difficult to create and maintain order in my life. I’m wondering if all these things are not just a product of poor executing functioning. This all seems linked. I have been MORE organised since I started a job that is 1.5 hours drive away. I have found the structure of getting up at the same time very useful. If getting from A-Z means covering 25 steps, I will almost always do them all out of sequence. I believe once again this is due to poor executive function as the order is not apparent to me. This can be ok if the task (like this document) does not require a linear approach. But it does usually lead to poor results as usually most but never usually ALL of the steps are taken. I find it difficult at home when I have the moments where I go hell for leather to attempt to create order because if my wife does not keep the house spotless after this massive organisation effort, I get very despondent and tend to drop the ball. This then shifts the load back on her and she carries the family. It seems like a vicious cycle. When I do clean up and organise I think she welcomes it as a break and drops the ball herself.
Procrastination
Again, I believe this is a cumulative effect of poor executive function, leading to poor organisation, leading to poor self esteem, leading to anxiety and panic about my poor performance and finally procrastination. Sometimes my procrastination is so overwhelming that the paralysis is almost physical. Anxieties, guilt, fear make it so that I am unable to move, unable to face what needs to be done.
Forward planning
I have no concept of future. In my teens and twenties this was not too much of an issue. But now I have a family this is cause for great consternation. I am now very fearful of the future as I really want to provide for my family.
Poor mental/spatial awareness.
A feeling of not knowing where I am relative to anything else. E.g. I have many tasks to complete at work. I have a plan that has been written and rewritten to sequence these tasks. When I look at the plan it seems as though it could be written by someone else. When I look at the index, it’s just an abstract construct of meaningless words. If we then looked at each section of the document I would understand it completely within the context of the document. That chunk would become in ‘focus’ though it’s relationship to other parts of the document would not be apparent to me. If I then re-read the other relative parts of the document I would then be refreshed with their connection although the ability to be able to mentally hold this relationship would be both tenuous and short lived. It is the same when driving. I don’t seem to have any grasp of which way is north or south, or if I miss that turn where am I relative to where I was. It’s like the just-in-time school of driving where you don’t know where you are going and you get the instructions for where you need to turn only at the very last minute. The best analogy that I can give for how my brain is currently wired is to imagine my brain as an A4 sheet of cardboard with a 5 line window cut out of it and life is a piece of paper that rolls constantly beneath that window.. The problem is that I only experience and comprehend a few lines ahead (future) and a few behind (past experience) and nothing from side to side. (Learned experience). Everything is in the now…it’s here right this second. Incoming stimuli is like a warehouse of identical unmarked brown cardboard boxes. It’s all there, but to USE it I need to go and look in each one. Information does not seem to be stored in any cohesive order, and as I write this I do it with a very honest sadness and fatigue, I really have had enough. It’s a feeling of general mental ‘disconnectedness’ I get ‘glimpses’ of clarity…like being in the water and every now and then coming up for air and seeing with true clarity only to go back under again to a place where things appear fuzzy and less defined.
Easily distracted
Many of the issues are difficult to ascertain whether they are the cause or effect of the issues I have. Sometimes I believe I can be easily distracted because of fear. It seems easier to procrastinate then to have to work on one paragraph for 1 hour because you are constantly mentally searching for fragments of information you need to make sense of what you are doing. After a while, that kind of effort for such small reward becomes very fatiguing. Other times when say viewing a movie or reading a novel I would have no problem concentrating for quite long periods of time. I believe this is the case because both require little ‘processing’ as such. Neither requires me to extract complex relationships out of the information.
Difficulty in prioritising
What’s next? I haven’t a clue. Working out what is most important for me can be the most frustrating exercises. As I am writing this down it is becoming clearer and clearer that this is probably due to poor working memory.
Poor reading comprehension.
Newspapers, articles, and novels anything that takes the reader on a journey from a place to another through some form of narrative is fine and I have no problem with it what-so-ever. Documents that are poorly written, poorly punctuated or convoluted in style I find extremely difficult in reading. References to previous sections, other documents etc drastically decreases my comprehension. One of my favourite pastimes is digital video /graphic arts type activities. Ironically, the more complex the program the more I am interested in it. I was always amazed a friend of mine that could learn something and then not only apply what he had learnt but extrapolate on it and use it in ways he hadn’t been taught. I have found that learning by DVD is the best way for me to learn as my working memory is so short that I can only seem to buffer 10 seconds of information at a time. It’s not for lack of trying; I think I just have trouble absorbing the important information. Sorting the wheat from the chaff!
What I want out of this.
I believe a three pronged attack on this is needed.
Medication - I am currently on methylphenidate (Concerta) 30mg, once a day. I do find that this has been of some help, and my wife says she notices a very drastic change for the better. I would like to find out about the success of other drugs – combinations of drugs – dosages etc and experiment with that. Behavioural modification. Strategies to cope with the resources I do have. I have read many books. More recently the procrastinators handbook and the ‘the now habit’ that have techniques that have helped to some degree. I would really like (and need) to work with a professional in this area to manage my life better in ADD specific ways. I need help in goal setting. Diet & Exercise. I have been trying to eat regularly and keep myself hydrated and know this is something I really need to tackle and something that may really help. I have also been trying out l-tyrosine supplements as well.
End of letter….
So a couple of questions for you inattentive types.
Does the above ring true? Do others experience the same kinds of specific issues?
Have any of you tried kicking the caffeine habit and finding it helpful?
Has anyone switched from concerta to other drugs/combinations of drugs that have worked for them?
Does anyone find that these drugs have a mild laxative effect especially when you drink coffee?
Does anyone find that if you have missed taking the medication for a day or two (normally I am very good with this now) that on that day you take it you notice a much bigger difference in concentration…
Finally I would just like to add what small positive things I have found to work for me.
Routine…routine routine. If I can get up at the same time each day and try to go to bed before midnight….I find it much easier. I hate routine because I feel like a robot…but I need to be realistic…and work with what I have. ‘The now habit’ book. Simple easy organisational help for procrastination… Even on my worst days trying to save the day by doing one small positive thing.
Thank you for your feedback to my story of my son. I appreciate your thoughts and caring.
You obviously have a good mind and are searching, too. I believe that diet is crucial, for everyone, but especially for concentration problems. I don't do well with pre-packaged foods and additives in foods. I really notice a difference in my mood when I slip and grab something 'fast'. Perhaps it has to do with an allergic reaction. I find myself going back to the simple, homecooked things my mom used to make, just because I feel better and can think better when I do (no additives, low salt, no extra sugar.
Stress, even hidden stress, can affect us all, when we know we have to accomplish things we don't really find we want to do. I've worked out a method that works for me. I visualize the task ahead and simplify it by beaking it down into steps. I've become very good at stripping away any superfluous stuff and bringing things into focus by stripping it to what I call its least 'common denominator'. When I have these simple steps down, I wait until I'm fresh in the morning, and start out to accomplish this goal without getting sidetracked, and without pressuring myself to accomplish anything else that day. This seems to work for me. I get the job done. I know its not always easy to do this when you have family responsibilities.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Stressing is defeating and counter productive.