ADHD - I keep it a secret | ADHD Information

Latina - happy to meet you, and be here. In that order of course :-)

People DO watch you and go out of their way to find something ADDish to them if they know - I bet. My lips are sealed too.

TR!

[QUOTE=Latina-ADD]

Welcome Resistance!

the ones who are educated to some extent, I think will "go out of their way" to find stuff we do or say that may seem weird to them.

I'd never tell an employer or anyone I even work with. We have enough problems just dealing with working, keeping mistakes hidden.....basicly, trying to be "NORMAL" So my lips are sealed!

[/QUOTE]

"I think that ADD people who own their own businesses need to hire someone who is not ADD to help them with the organization, someone they can trust to be the organized one. Then their businesses can be super successful."

I agree! I have a bookeeper do the daily paperwork and she even takes my personal bills and writes those too. I just have to deposit the checks in the correct accounts. (Sometimes I get that wrong, and she straightens that out). Then I use a CPA for the quarterly taxes. I have enough to do just scheduling my assignments and sending the invoices!

Very happy that works out well for you.
I too like to be thought of as different, but I'd like to be thought of as creative, intelligent, squirrelly, goofy, artistic all for their own sake. Not ADD.
I still think many coworkers have false impressions about you, many (may) believe it is a made-up excuse to shirk responsibilities like being on time, to have a sort of pass to react badly to criticism, to be unorganised. Some likely beleive it is made up altogether.
Don't go postal on me yet, Mark.
On the otherhand - I am ONLY speaking for myself here and leveling no charges agaisnt others - I am sort of a chickensh*t coward for not coming out of the closet myself - help in the education effort, eh?

The Resistance!

[QUOTE=Mark Goode]

I've told everyone.

I don't mind if people think I'm different, because I am. With my employers, I want them to know there is a reason for the areas where I have difficulty, and it is also the reason for many of my strengths. It's a trade off, they want the resourcefulness and problem solving ability that comes with ADD, they like having someone who 'thinks outside of the box' (a phrase I hate). OK, so they have to accept that my desk looks like a rubbish tip, I'm hopeless in meetings, late too often... etc. And so far, to their credit, they've been OK. Could be better, and I guess once understanding of this condition becomes more widespread this can only improve.

As for the comments from my work colleagues - well they're all good humoured (perhaps because they know I react badly to comments that aren't )

Mark -

[/QUOTE] [QUOTE=EBurns]

ARGH! I do know that lots of kids are overmedicated and mis-diagnosed etc, which may be part of the "ADD is a Myth" backlash. ~~sigh~~

[/QUOTE]

This we must RESIST as a group. I think nearly every parent suspects ADD in their child from my experience. I always as forcefully as possible advocate several opinions on children and very thorough examinations.
My doc and therapist both tell me, you are clearly ADD, here take some drugs they will help. These are people who know and understand the condition. Both get angry when speaking about children and ADD. That said, some kids are ADD and need help. We can't let the overdiagnosis going on make us forget this.

TR!
[QUOTE=bcgirl1978] She is the opposite of ADD - very by the book, very literal, and not an "outside the box" thinker at all. She goes through life with blinders on.
[/QUOTE]

You said it Sister!

I have to watch out about feeling superior with ADD and thinking out of the little bitty, constraining, boring, drab box almost always. Let me back up, I DON"T think I am superior, just having a more, um, interesting time usually. For me. People inside the box may disagree.

Like sheep in a little bitty ol' pen who fear the outside wild.

I'm the wolf. :-)

The Resistance!

[QUOTE=addintn]Well, I did it. I told my boss. Her reaction - she cried. She was so happy. Not happy that I am ADD happy but that I realize it and am taking the appropriate steps to manage it. She was in no way judgemental or "flippant" about it. She told me that she has seen significant improvement in my performance and my attititude in general. It's good to know that the meds are working and that I am not the only person who can tell a difference.[/QUOTE]

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!!!!!!

I'm holding my hand in the air, c'mon over here and give me a high five!

(really, I held my hand in the air, don't leave me hanging)

The Resistance!

I was fired from a job, I believe in part, because they knew that I had ADD. They didn't like it when I mentioned to a mom that she could have her child tested for ADD. It is a fine line when you are a teacher to tell a parent that their child might have it. But when they are practically begging you for help, and then you mention they could go and get their child tested for one thing or another, then they complain to administration that you think their child should see a doctor, it is very frustrating.

I find it helpful just to know you have it. ADD people can be extremely successful in jobs in which the boundaries are laid out and you don't have to come up with the motivation factor. For example, I had a job and loved it and was very successful at it. My boss organized everything into projects and I could jump around from project to project all day long. I got them done by the due date, which he set and I even came up with my own projects. I could be creative and I was never bored. But now I am a teacher and there is noone setting the boundaries for me. It is harder, but with medication I have become a much better teacher. Without medication I was losing papers left and right, missing meetings, etc.

I ran my own business for a while but that was a disaster because I couldn't keep track of anything. I was constantly losing invoices and not paying bills because I lost them, coming up with fantastic marketing plans but never implementing them. I think that ADD people who own their own businesses need to hire someone who is not ADD to help them with the organization, someone they can trust to be the organized one. Then their businesses can be super successful.

I've tried to tell people like friends but I really don't like talking about it. Not that I'm ashamed or anything, people just don't understand it and it's so hard to explain it. For example my roomate always cracks jokes about me zoning out when I'm immersed in doing something. He will call my name and I wont even pay attention to him. I mentioned to him that I think I had ADD and he just laughed and assured me I don't because I'm not a hyperactive spaz. It seems like everyone thinks you have to be that 7 year old kid who won't sit still to have ADD. Heck even I thought that up until recently. It's just find it more frustrating trying to defend the fact I do have it, than just not even mention it to people.Yeah, a lot of people don't believe ADD is real, which is easy for them to say if they have normal dopamine and noradrenaline levels. Not so easy when you have to live with it every day of your life.

I also worry if someone does believe it's real, they might think I'm mentally ill or something... I'd prefer people just judged me for who I was without forming some sort of conclusion ahead of time due to a misunderstanding of ADD.

I've not told my parents, not sure if I will. My dad is pretty mellow (heck, I suspect I might have inherited it from him) but my mom has always been overly critical of me and worries incessantly, so I'd just like to avoid that entirely.

I've told my wife and my parents and sister. My nephew has ADHD too. And My sister and I think my dad does, but he would never seek help. Anyway, I think that the hardest thing is with work. I want to be responsible and be a good employee, but then I will be late quite often, I get distracted in meetings and sometimes forget details. I also doodle all the time. If I'm on the phone I will have a whole paper full of doodle, which my supervisor thinks I just don't care. I just started a new job a few months ago and was told that I do a great job, but I don't seem to be taking the position "by the horns" I'm really trying and want to, but it can be tough and with this new job I find its even harder cause I basically have to drive my own day-so if its slow I tend to go on-line instead of keeping myself busy. Anyway, I don't want to be seen as someone who makes excuses, but this has been a problem for years at work and now that I understand what is causing this(I used to get really down on myself)

I need to figure out if telling my supervisor is a good idea or not. Maybe they can be flexible with me if they understand the struggles I go through everyday(the morning is hardest for me even when I'm awake I can't get myself out of bed some days)

When I first started to suspect, I told one of my best friends. She said I was being ridiculous, because I'm "so smart". She made it sound like I was looking for an excuse to be lazy (NOT the case). I've always had trouble with finding a "suitable" career, and she keeps telling me "you're so smart, you can do anything you want". She just doesn't get it.... being smart has nothing to do with finding something interesting. She is the opposite of ADD - very by the book, very literal, and not an "outside the box" thinker at all. She goes through life with blinders on.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was talking to her on the phone and I made a joke about something and blamed it on my ADD, and she actually got annoyed and said "Stop it! You don't have ADD". I haven't mentioned it to her since.

Anyway, I'm rambling. My point is, everyone reacts differently to ADD. Most people ARE misinformed, and I have found out the hard way that most people in this world don't even want to bother learning more about things that don't affect them directly. A lot of people in this world are just very close-minded.

Family knows but that is about it...

I am in some other discussion forums and occaisionally ADD comes up. And then I talk about being ADD. It is amazing the number of people who think it is a made up disease, it doesn't exist or it is a lame excuse for bad behavior! Remarks like "All they need is a good spanking! etc" So I bring up that it wasn't beaten out of my brother or I so, sorry, spanking doesn't 'fix' ADD.

ARGH! I do know that lots of kids are overmedicated and mis-diagnosed etc, which may be part of the "ADD is a Myth" backlash. ~~sigh~~

I've not told anyone about it other than this forum and my psychologist. Probably will stay that way too...

[QUOTE=addintn]Well, I did it. I told my boss. Her reaction - she cried. She was so happy. Not happy that I am ADD happy but that I realize it and am taking the appropriate steps to manage it. She was in no way judgemental or "flippant" about it. She told me that she has seen significant improvement in my performance and my attititude in general. It's good to know that the meds are working and that I am not the only person who can tell a difference.[/QUOTE]

Wow! What a result!

Let's hope more and more bosses grow to see the light..

Mark -

Fortunately, I own my own business, working 2-3 different jobs in a day...so I don't get bored or burned out, and there's no boss to tell. But I don't tell my clients. I did tell another interpreter that I've known for years that I suspected I am AD/HD. Her response was (with a chuckle) "YA THINK!?" While the remark stung a little, it did bring home the point that I'm not hiding the symptoms as well as I think. I just started 10 mg of Ritalin 2X a day. I notice an improvement in the clarity of my work, and another interpreter commented this week, "You rock! What a great interpretation....." I was tempted to tell her but didn't.

[QUOTE=addintn] Well, I did it.� I told my boss.�� Her reaction - she cried.� She was so happy.� Not happy that I am ADD happy�but that I realize it and am taking the appropriate steps to manage it.��She was in no way judgemental�or "flippant" about it.� �She told me that she has seen significant improvement in my performance and my attititude in general.�� It's good to know that the meds are working and that I am not the only person who can tell a difference.[/QUOTE]

Yeah! Good for you! Lucky to have a compasionate, intelligent boss, too!

I would have excellen job reviews if I was doing something I truly enjoyed. Word processing was my favorite. I could hyperfocus and get my work done, without being disturbed. Would still get up from my chair a lot. Couldn't sit still very long.

But I eventually got fired for my altercations with co-worker.

But that's all another past thread.

I talk a lot, but some of that is ADHD and some is because if I'm talking I don't do tic or jerk...I have Tourette's also.

I do wonder if I HAD told my past employers, would it had made a difference. I wasn't dx'd until recently, so I wouldn't have been on meds anyway, and would have probably lost my job(s) for blowing up.GypsyWomyn38415.6177314815I haven't tried to hide it, but I don't advertize it either. My mom was diagnosed with ADD and then saw that I had a lot of the charachteristics of it so she had me get tested, so my family knows. My roomates know, because I thought they should know why I don't pay attention to things sometimes and why I have the TV or radio on all the time and stuff like that. My professors know because I get things like extra time on exams and I've found that they're generally really supportive and it helps them to understand why I seem so smart sometimes but have trouble with simple things like handing things in on time. I've told some of my friends, if it comes up in conversation or something, but I always let people get to know me first and then tell them so that they're not trying to fit me into their definition of what ADD looks like, but expanding their definition of it to include me. I don't have hyperactivity, I'm more the daydreamy type, so some people can't believe it when I tell them that I have ADD but I use that as an opprotunity to help them understand more about it. Then hopefully they will be more understanding of other people. I also enjoy showing people the 'fun' side of ADD. I've had lots of my friends tell me that they get annoyed with my spaceyness sometimes, but I'm also a lot of fun because of my impulsivity. If they say, 'wouldn't it be nice to...' I'll say let's do it! when most people would just say yeah, that would be nice. They also appreciate my honesty because they know that I say things to help them, not hurt them and I just have no social graces. I think that if people know, then they can laugh with me and also help support me instead of laughing at me and being confused about why I'm so wierd.EBurns you said
"It is amazing the number of people who think it is a made up disease" Anyone that feels that way should hang out with me for a few days w/o meds!!! People always wonderd why I would go off and do things like cave & shipwreck diving, or boating on the great lakes in bad weather LOL The meds are a much safer way to stay focused!! At least due to ad/hd I have some great photos and videos to rember the past by!!!!!

Well, I did it. I told my boss. Her reaction - she cried. She was so happy. Not happy that I am ADD happy but that I realize it and am taking the appropriate steps to manage it. She was in no way judgemental or "flippant" about it. She told me that she has seen significant improvement in my performance and my attititude in general. It's good to know that the meds are working and that I am not the only person who can tell a difference.

My Sister

An Aunt who has a Doctorate in education and prett much said duhhh when I told her

A friend at work

One person in my network of friends outside of work.

The Employee assistance Person at work since I have one class 2 ritalin in my pocket at work and wanted to know if I needed to inform my employer or employee medical by law...I didnt

My Gp, cardiologist, and shrink of course.

A philosophy Professer because it fit into a paper i was writing which revolved around personal experiences.

I have a friend who says i am like the energizer bunny or richochet rabbit I am curious to see how long it will be before he notices i am not that way anymore.

I wouldnt deny it if asked but I feel no need to share it with the world...I don't ask people if they have hyperthyroidism so cant imagine they'd be asking me... imo there is no difference it is a phyiscal condition not a mental illness...not that I dont't have any of that genre too lol

I was diagnosed with ADD several years ago and i have told only a few people ... the people I've told generally don't want to believe it. One family member didn't want to believe that there was anything "wrong" with me; another felt that it was then my job to "save" other family members that had similar symptoms, etc. A boyfriend wanted to try my medicine because he secretly believed that he had it too.

The employer I told didn't want to know and informed me that ADD wasn't covered like other medical conditions and therefore they wouldn't be required to accommodate me.

i think generally it doesn't really help to tell people most of the time. it seems more useful just to talk about things that come easy and things that don't, etc. However, although understanding ADD helps me and allows me to get medicine that helps me - labeling the ADD doesn't help much with others.

one problem is that so many people who have never really been diagnosed often say that they're ADD and some people who really do have ADD - really do turn it into their identity and I think sometimes an excuse. i hope that's not wrong to say on this message board ...

I tell people who ask me outright, but very few do. My wife and I also tell close friends or friends who seem to be getting closer but who also tend to see otherwise slightly noticable odd social quirks about me.

What I REALLY hate is people who run around claiming they are ADD but they have never been tested or even advised by a family Dr to get tested. I see them as just wanting attention or sympathy.
[QUOTE=yellowdog]

[/QUOTE]

I quite agree, but that's why we have to tell people, to try to break through the ignorance.

I remember when I was at school, there was one kid who was always with me at the bottom of the class - he was labelled as 'thick' (Whilst I was just 'lazy'). He wasn't 'thick', he was dyslexic, and he too was to have problems with people who thought it was just an 'excuse'. Over the last 30 years that has changed and dyslexia is universally recognised. Our challenge is to bring about the same change of thinking with ADD.

We ain't gonna do that if we keep quiet about it.

Mark -

What do your parents think of you having ADD? Do they still think you're lazy? I remember you mentioning that your mother said you there the biggest disappointment in their lives. Have they changed?
I quite agree with Mark.
But I still don't want the hassle/negatives that go with giving people the knowlege I am ADD. I plan to try and overcome this. I do know that telling just one (wrong, or is it right) person will likely let every person in my family/social circle know.

TR!

[QUOTE=Mark Goode][QUOTE=yellowdog]

[/QUOTE]

I quite agree, but that's why we have to tell people, to try to break through the ignorance.

We ain't gonna do that if we keep quiet about it.

Mark -

[/QUOTE]Actually, I'm a female and not clinically diagnosed with ADD or ADHD. But I started noticing the I have 90% of the symptoms since I'm in my teens. Being the weird one, lazy, unmotivated, bored, inability to concentrate, impulsive, misinterpreting people's intructions, etc. it's just never easy like most ADD/ADHD people do.

It's just not a common procedure to have one's mentality checked in Malaysia. Most doesn't even know what ADD is or they related the disorder to hyperactivity in boys that can't read (eg. Tom Cruise).

I've always thought that habit to procrastinate is due to my failure to get the result after hours/days of working on it. Smart way, diligent way. I've tried it. It just doesn't work. And in the East, if you're lazy, you're just not good enough.

Anyway, I getting off topic again. I'll never tell people that I have adult form ADD/ADHD adult except that certain person knows about it. I do talk about it with my internet friends tho. Most understand what I'm going through.

I'll be graduating really soon and soon to be jumping into the working world. I'm worried I'll perform poorly. Well, guess I have to devise counter measures to make things work.

-Lex-

I tell everyone who'll listen. I can't get fired for it. I'm in the military. And I don't care what people think either. In fact, I have to admit I get a charge out of people's various reactions. As a new diagnosis and as someone who's always been fascinated by psychology, I will talk about ADD and all its various facets with anyone who will listen...

[QUOTE=scarygreengiant]What do your parents think of you having ADD? Do they still think you're lazy? I remember you mentioning that your mother said you there the biggest disappointment in their lives. Have they changed? [/QUOTE]

Yes, their attitude has changed. My dad doesn't say a lot, but my mother is continually finding me 'interesting' articles on ADD in the media - unfortunately these articles are usually about some new snake-oil cure, but she means well .

Mark -

I agree that talking about ADD may be helpful to others who have it but right now I feel like I have to finish getting my own life in a more desirable place. After I've comfortably arrived, I will have more to give.

Those in secure positions like in the military or otherwise may have more freedom in this regard.

If I talked about it right now, it would be interpreted as an excuse and a weakness. Others in my area have actually used it as a way to get other people to do things for them - it has made people afraid that people with ADD are just a hassle.

I told my boss at my former job and got a great "show" of sympathy. My boss was on Prozac, as was her boss. So supposedly they should have been understanding. Instead of finding the right place for me, they just worked to get me out of the company.

Now, I realize that it was more of a case of those two being the worst managers on the face of the earth but it has left me with a cautious attitude about leveling with an employer again. I have told several coworkers about it but have my doubts about ever telling a supervisor again.

I understand why someone may want to tell someone else personally - but, I really don't understand why someone would ever tell an employer - who wasn't also a personal friend.

I can understand why someone might tell an employer about depression - because many employers would be forced to provide an accommodation even if they don't want to do that.

But why would someone tell an employer that they have ADD?

The reason I told is because my employer is the main reason I sought treatment for ADD. I was performing poorly in my job and needed to do something about it. When asked about the "complete turn around" in my performance, and after alot of thought and soul searching, I made the decision to go ahead and tell. For me, it was the right decision. I think that the decision to tell or not to tell is very much a personal one. There are alot of factors that must be weighed before telling your employer. When I did tell, I made it very clear that I was not using ADD as an excuse for my poor performance but rather using my poor performance as a reason for getting treatment. I am one of the lucky ones, in the my supervisor was very understanding and supportive. I haven't asked for nor do I expect any "special treatment" because of ADD. It is a condition that with medication and some behavior modification on my part that I can "control" and it is my responsibility to do that - not my employers. This is of course 100% my opinion and others my totally disagree with me.

My best friend knows, and my family. But that's about it. I actually started a second blog for talking about my ADD because I didn't want people from work to read about it on my main blog. So blog-friends know too.

I don't have any problem telling people about my depression problems. I'm completely open about that. But somehow the ADD is different. It's taking a lot more for me to tell people about it. I've gotten close to telling my boss because she's very cool and because it's related to my one main area of poor work performance (being late!) But so far I haven't told her.

I was involved in a conversation a while back at work (before I was officially diagnosed, but after I was 100% sure I had it) and it made me quite leary of telling anyone. It was the "It's not a real condition" conversation that I know all the rest of you have heard too. I'm sure eventually I'll be comfortable telling people, but I'm not there yet.

I don't tell anyone I am ADHD. Do you?
I don't want to deal with the misunderstanding of it, don't want anyone to see me as different.

The Resistance!

Welcome Resistance! I don't go out of my way to tell anyone. I have to agree with you. Most pple don't know enough about it and don't take it seriously. And the ones who are educated to some extent, I think will "go out of their way" to find stuff we do or say that may seem weird to them.

I'd never tell an employer or anyone I even work with. We have enough problems just dealing with working, keeping mistakes hidden.....basicly, trying to be "NORMAL" So my lips are sealed!

Whether or not to tell my boss is something that I am struggling with now as well. The main reason that I decided to finally go the medication route is because of a poor performance review. I have advanced far in my position, so far that my responsibilities require alot more concentration and a huge amount of attention to detail. I'm not sure how to tell her so that she won't think I'm using ADD as an excuse. I want her to know that my taking medication is an effort to better my performance and relationships @ work. Any ideas on how to approach the subject. I have my year end review this afternoon and am not sure what to expect.

My family and close friends know but that is about it. I wouldn't tell my employer either just because it is so misunderstood and I don't want anyone coming to false conclusions about me. :o)

I've told everyone.

As for the comments from my work colleagues - well they're all good humoured (perhaps because they know I react badly to comments that aren't )

Mark -

Mark Goode38415.0471412037I have found it easy to tell people (even my boss) that I have AD/HD, most people seem to say "thats why your different" So far it has cleared up a lot of questions people have had about me. But of course everyones situation is different.