Too few or no friends....... | ADHD Information

[quote]I am guilty of telling people way more than they need to know about me right off the bat. Another typical ADD trait. [/quote]

AMEN, Christy!! Recently, when I meet someone new, a possible friend hopefully, I've been careful to not tell too much too soon. It seems to work. Instead, I let them tell me about them!    Then wait for them to ask me questions. Even on this board, with all we share, we still get asked questions. Thanks, new friends! GypsyWomyn38417.6034953704

 

I think people - add and non - are really hopeful to feel important and valued.  I think the reason I've had problems with people - and burned some bridges- is because I've done things that have made them feel like i think they are unimportant and not valued.

I have expressed the truth, my feelings and thoughts when others would prefer I didn't.  The truth is that if someone else expressed as much to me I'd be frustrated and hurt too. 

I wish that someone had told me when I was first diagnosed - not just tested me, then explained the symptoms of ADD and handed me a script for the medication.   It is harder because of ADD but even with it, I need to figure out how to accommodate myself so that i can have the things i value in life.

One of my dear friends says "Christy, why dont' you tell us how you REALLY feel?" sarcasticly after I have offended practically everyone without meaning to or knowing it.

I was picked on in school, but have many friends now. The ones who put up with me and somewhat understand me. They all think I am a flake, I am sure.

I am guilty of telling people way more than they need to know about me right off the bat. Another typical ADD trait.

It is hard for ADHDrs to express themselves I think. We tend to be impulsive and speak before thinking. I am aware of that now, and try hard to think before saying anything. I feel horrible when I have offended a good friend. Life is short.

I think we all as ADDrs need to be aware of that, and try to think hard before we speak and burn bridges.

And Zorg,,,, you have a lot of friends right here who understand you. I for one !!!!

[QUOTE]Also, because my conversational skills were so bad, I was taught by my father (and learned on my own) to generally keep my mouth shut in all but very small social groups[/QUOTE]

Brian, how fortunate you were to learn early to keep your mouth shut.      I still haven't learned, but am working on it. Had no friends, real friends, growing up.

I've always found it easier to talk with strangers, like in the grocery store yesterday, I had a 30-minute conversation with another woman...and it was great!   But once someone gets to know me on a more steady basis, I have a more difficult time conversing and they often aren't that fond of my ADHDness (even if they don't know about it).    Perhaps I should share that info with them. And perhaps they would be more patient with me in my attempt to words out of mouth.

But I am working at it, and hoping the meds I've started will assist me in knowing when not to open mouth, insert foot.

Meanwhile the very few friends I have are worth gold to me, even if I only see them once a year or once in 5 years.

Hey, Zorg and Welcome to the board!

It is uncanny how many people on this board feel exactly like I do.  I can so relate to your thoughts and feelings on this topic.  I know now that one of the biggest reasons why I did not have very many friends is because of the low self-esteem I've carried around all my life.  

And too, people do not usually respond to me very well.  They look and act like I am repugnant, something weird and strange that they could not possibly have anything in common with.  As a result, I became a very stand-off type of person that will say, "hello" when I'm introduced to a person, but will not speak until I am spoken to.  

I also have a horrible habit of insulting people, quite innocently I might add.  I never mean to, but I become frustrated and somehow the words just slip out before I realize what I've said.  I think many people with add/adhd have this problem too.  

I've burned a lot of bridges in my short lifetime, so today I have one friend that knows me really well.  As long as I have that I don't feel the need to go looking for more trouble until I feel better and more confident about 'me'.  

Peace~ 

[QUOTE]I also have a horrible habit of insulting people, quite innocently I might add. I never mean to, but I become frustrated and somehow the words just slip out before I realize what I've said. I think many people with add/adhd have this problem too.[/QUOTE]

Oh YES, Ladyhope...I think it comes from us ADHDers not thinking before speaking. Or we think, but it still doesn't come out right. Of course we don't mean to...and how much time we then spend apologizing to pple or trying to, and getting in deeper.

One of my biggest problems growing up was my inability to successfully blend in socially. I had a very hard time making friends, so when I found groups with people I fit in with I stayed with them forever.

I ended up in JROTC in high school because of my lousy traditional high school sports skills and I hung around with band members during lunch.

Also, because my conversational skills were so bad, I was taught by my father (and learned on my own) to generally keep my mouth shut in all but very small social groups.

Those teachings stay with me today. And although people tend to think I am just a bit odd because I don’t participate conversationally as much as others do I tend to prefer that option over the alternative. It's still difficult to blend in and feel accepted adults are not nearly as cruel and thoughtless as children are.

Just some thoughts.

I wasn't very outgoing in H.S. and even at 23 still remain the same way. It's not that I hate people, or anti social, it just doesn't do anyhing for me. When I meet new people I start evaulating who they are. It's not that I judge them or label them but I just kind of watch to see what type of person they are, I think I'm extreamly good a reading people. But I seem to like doing that more than holding a coversation with them.

I'm much more happy around people I know very well, and that is why I keep the same friends. I also find it frustrating to have numerous friends because of the social obligations. I'd have friends invite me to go out and if they didn't tell me that day I'd forget and they always get mad like I ditched them on purpose.

I have found that on Ritlin I am alot more outgoing mainly because I enjoy talking to people while on it. Normally I guess I could fake it and talk to people and act all social but deep inside I don't enjoy it. One of the things that I first noticed on Ritlin was how much it wasn't a task to talk to people but accually enjoyable.

MCD27038415.6641087963My problem is just the opposite; I have many friends and make friends easily. The problem is that I seem like I don't care about them because I forget to return their phone calls, emails, etc. When I do contact a friend, I forget to ask about their sick child, or their recent vacation. I forget to send notes of thanks for their gifts and gestures. I can't remember their kids' names. My best friend, and Maid of Honor, I haven't called in about 3 months. She used to call regularly, but I think she's given up on my ever returning her calls. I fear I'm seen as self-centered and uncaring. But how can I keep in touch when there's a toilet to clean...a floor to vacuum, dishes to wash?