Unanswered Questions | ADHD Information

I am trying to get over a large "hump" in my life....

I have to explain how I got "diagnosed" with Ad/hd in my childhood....You see, my parents were watching 20/20 (a news documentary show with Barbara Walters) one friday afternoon when I was in the 7th grade.  Back then, they were just coming out with AD/HD and they did this documentary about it on the show.  My parents watched this 20 minute program on the subject (they had never heard anything about AD/HD before) went to their room and shut the door and stayed in there for about 10 minutes or so talking...  Then they called me in there and announced to me, NOT that they THOUGHT I MAY have these sypmtoms, but they told me I HAD ADD, but that it doesn't mean I'm retarded or dumb or anything... And that was it... THAT was my diagnosis...

My parents never bothered to take me to a doctor or anything.  My mother tried to look more info up in the library and she brought home books, but IGNORED the main thing the book stressed: GET A DOCTOR'S DIAGNOSIS!  She ignored all the important points in the book in favor of the tips and techniques to get me to "do right".

I don't understand HOW they can sit up there and TELL me I have ADD, and yet they continued to fuss and argue with me over every little thing that makes up the disorder that I did....mainly it was my mother.  She continued to hound me about not cleaning my room, and continued to act as if I had shot her in her heart when I came home with a bad report card...My dad told me that, sure I had ADD, but that just a "little of it is laziness".... I showed him the book from the library..."YOU MEAN I'M NOT LAZY STUPID OR CRAZY?!? (an A.D.H.D. book) he was still not convinced that I was just a little lazy and that if I just wanted to I could "snap out of it"...  When I asked them, "if you think I have ADD, why don't I go to the doctor??"  Their Answer? "PSYCHIATRISTS COST TOO MUCH MONEY".  Was I not worth it?

They made me think that I was just a bad egg, and that I was just stubborn, and they depleted my self esteem....Now that I am an adult, I look back on a lot of things, and know that my life as a teenager would have been so very different had I went to go see a doctor, or to talk out my problems with a proffessional.  I went to go talk to my counselor at school once, and she gave me the address and phone # to a local Mental health clinic, but my parents would never take me.

I am married now, on my own and able to get help for my own self, and one day after I had started on medication for my now depression/ADD, and the medication had made such a difference in my life, I went back and asked them why they did not take me to see a doctor earlier if they knew I displayed symptoms...My dad told me that he did not want to see me "doped up on medication" all the time....I told him that he could have at least gotten the diagnosis on paper from a doctor, and REQUESTED no medication...., that in itself would have went a long way.....i mean, how does it look, me going up to a teacher, who is asking me why my grades are slipping, and I'm like, "well, I have ADD.." and the teacher is like, "oh, and did a doctor tell you this?" and I'm like no, I never been to a doctor"....and then I would just get embarrassed and drop the subject....or either they would not believe me, and think i'm just looking for excuses to "slack off"...

I mean, they could have at least looked into non medicated therapy...It just seems to me like they just educated themselves on ADD just enough to be ignorant about it.  After they learned just a tidbit of info, they did not bother to learn anything else about it..

 

SOORRYY THIS IS SOOO LOONNG,, But these things have been weighing heavily upon me, and I just wish I had more answers.... 

Well, they treated me like a fragile cracked nut when I advised them my psychiatrist told me he wanted to get the depression I had under control first...

but then, they started acting kinda..."sheepish" after they saw what a difference the medication made.....my husband and I lived with them at the time.. so they had no choice but to face the facts that the medication  (wellbutrin SR, at the time) did wonders...My room stayed CLEAN!..my clothes stayed WASHED! and in their proper places!!....and my mom stayed OFF MY BACK!!!

The relationship I have with my parents are more or less ok now, but there are those days that I look back and wonder what things may have been like if they had took me for help sooner....

I mean, for one thing I may have had the presence of mind to have a WEDDING!... I was not on medication, and my husband was not either when we fell in love, and we had a HECK of a tornado, whorlwind romance, and 5 months after we met, we were married---...(i mean, can u IMAGINE the IMPULSIVITY??? 2 NON MEDICATED AD/HDERS DEEP IN LOVE???)....we eloped/went to the justice of the peace, and NO ONE KNEW but us and two friends...that was 4 years ago.  Our marriage, with what little time we knew each other and all,  could have very easily turned out to be a DISASTER, and i think it's just a HECK OF A COINCIDENCE my husband and I are as well suited for each other as we are.  Too many adders marriages end prematurely.

Now, as I mentioned earlier (in another thread), I am pregnant, and I have no beautiful wedding pictures to show my new little boy when he gets here....

 

sonya_h38416.7068287037Feel better, hon? See, didn't I tell you we're all ears? Feels good just getting it out and telling someone, doesn't it?

Are your parents still around? If so, what do they think about you now that you're on meds? Do they see a difference? I agree that "they just educated themselves on ADD just enough to be ignorant about it."

I understand your point, trail seeker, and possibly I would be a little bit more "over it" if this was back in the 70's,....but we are talking about the 90's here!  I am only 24, and there was PLENTY of information out there, and PLENTY of kids out there, who had problems with ADD, got it treated, and then went on through high school making their good grades and everything back in the 90's.

My parents were old fashioned, and stubborn.  Looking back, I feel like that if at ANY stage in my life, it was important that I sought out help while in high school in my teens because that was a stage in life that the decisions I made could effect the whole entire rest of my life.... 

Say for instance, I could hardly control my "teenage impulsiveness" back in my high school days, and a lot of guys thought I was "loose".....I DID NOT WANT TO BE THIS WAY...but I did not know how to handle my impulsivity and natural urges....what if I had ended up with AIDS? or pregnant?? 

I mean, my parents had ALL OF THIS INFORMATION AT THEIR FINGERTIPS, during this time frame, and they just simply ignored it.  The knew about ADD just enough to know I had it, and did not bother to learn anything else about it.  I LITERALLY BEGGED AND PLEADED WITH THEM at times to take me to get help!! I KNEW I needed it, and they simply refused!

I was just venting, that's all.  Sometimes, you think about these things, and I never really had a chance to vent it all out.  In order for me to "get over it" I need to vent about it first.  I felt that maybe I could vent here and there would be someone else out there who has also been through this and understands.....

Hi Sonya

Well, your parents possibly didn't know what to do. There was a lot of buzz about doping up kids with Riddilin back in the 70s. I dont' know how old you are,,, but I know that I have a similiar situation with my parents.

I am 33, and my parents never had me tested as a child either. They read books about "How to deal with your hyperactive child", and tried things like "tough love". ect. My bro 3 years older, is a doctor, and total success with everything he does. All my family called me the "black sheep" ect as long as I can remember. They just couldn't understand why I couldn't live up to their expectations. My other 3 brothers and sisters are all super super over achievers.

I went to school and worked full time to get my associates degree (only took me twice as long as most people since I could only handle a few classes a term), and then went on to a 4 year college to go for a biology degree. Never finished. I had a baby with my husband (by this time I was 30), and I couldn't be a good mom and work, and keep up with all the studying it took. I had a dear friend who was 40 at the time,,, had 4 kids, selling her house, going through a nasty divorce,,, and she managed to take a full load at school, coach swimming,, and get good grades. She finished her masters degree,,,,,,, and I always wondered what the hell is wrong with me!!??

You are an adult now,,, it is up to you. Don't live in the past with your parents. Take care of yourself. Maybe go have the testing done if you are able to by a psycologist. Read books on ADD,,, get educated, and treated if you can!

I have told my parents that I am getting treatment for ADD, and offered my mom a book called "Women with attention deficit disorder" by Sari Solden , MS , MFCC. It is a must read for women with ADD, ADHD in my opinion.

Good luck, and hang in there.