Can this be my "problem"? | ADHD Information

I too am wondering the same.  I have read articles stating that ADHD/ADD is hereditary.  My daughter is ADHD.  Both of my parents suffer from mental disorders.  My father's mental disorders were so severe that he committed suicide.  I have always worried that this too is my destiny.  I see alot of myself in my daughter.  I suffered through the same problems in my childhood that I see her suffer through daily.  I eventually gave up completely on school, although I later obtained my GED.  Since embarking into my adult life, the only steady thing has been my daughter.  I have a problem getting along with others, I constantly seem to be moving because I get tired of living in the same place, I have never held a job for more than 1 year (and I have had some good ones).  My family blames it all on immaturity.  I am a good mother (I can really relate to my daughter and her problems), and even though I am a single Mom, I have always provided well for my daughter.  The problems that have plagued my academic life, as well as my work history, seem to carry over into my social life as well.  I am divorced (twice), and cannot seem to hold a relationship together.  The harder I try the more I seem to fail.  I have battled drug and alcohol addictions in the past, but have been clean for years now.  But still there just seems to be a gap that I cannot get across and it affects every aspect of my life.  I don't think that I suffer from any serious mental problems, in fact, I am more sain than anyone else that I know.  I still can't help but shake the feeling that one day I am really gonna lose it.  At the moment I have a really good job (have been there for a little more than a year, YEAH), and currently I am enrolled in college, but I am constantly wondering 'When is it gonna happen'.  When am I gonna get mad, bored, tired, frustrated and shoot the whole thing to hell.  I would like to think that I am not the only one out there like this.  Why is it that I have this wonderful level of patience and understanding for my daughter and her problems, but can't seem to help myself.  I always seem to have the right answers when it comes to her life and her problems, but when I need the advise, I draw a blank.

Hi Cindy, Jacko and all the rest of you,

this is great stuff! I know what you`re talking about - this losing interest so quickly, changing job, getting bored or tired or frustrated, changing relationships.... wow! I have exactly that, and always have had, but nobody ever had the idea that this could not just "be my personality". The funny thing is, most people never understand what I'm talking about, so there are 2 possibilities as far as I can see - either we are just rare exceptions, or something in our brains doesn't really work as it should! Do you know why you can't stay in a relationship? Do you get bored, too? Do you see other men and think "it's time for a change?" That's what happens to me - once I know a person well enough so there aren't any big surprises anymore, I lose interest. Also, people tend to change their attention and behaviour towards the other person, so unless I am lucky one day and find a man who after 5 years pays as much attention to me and my needs (and then I do the same) as during the first 6 months or so, it'll go on and on. Does that sound familiar?

What surprises me is how many of you guys manage to have children. I can't focus on people very well, unless I'm totally in love, and even then it is difficult. How do you manage? And how do you study? Do you get courseworks done on time? Or revision? That are my two main problems - coursework, as I always let work get on top of me, and revision, because there are too many other, more interesting things around me.... and so much stuff lying around because I never have enough time!

So, with regards to you thinking you'll get mad, bored, tired or frustrated and give up, no, you are not alone. I'm sure there's more of us out there. I found over the year though, it helps when you know how you learn best, and when you try to only do things you really enjoy, and only WHEN you really enjoy them. For me there is no point to study when I feel much more for going to an exhibition - I go, and study later. Sometimes I need certain atmospheres / surroundings (cafe, something "arty", a stimulating conversation or music) to get in the right mood for studying. Does anyone know this?

Altogether, I feel and always have felt like an alien out there (in the "real world"). Still trying to find out what exactly I have though - perhaps I could do without Antidepressants and just take something like Ritalin to be fine.

Ah, two more things: The family / inherent thing: I know one of my aunts is depressive, and I'm sure my granddad (who died last year) was depressive - he stopped working when he was 65, and he also stopped everything else. He didn't do ANYTHING all day, 365 days a year. He was very unhappy, I assume, as he didn't have any interest in anything and kept terrorising his wife. He was addicted to alcohol, and even in the end, when he got Diabetes and other problems related to it, he didn't stop. My Mom is behaving strangely, too, and according to one book I read (I think it was "women who love too much"), my family is a "dysfunctional family" - my Mom is addicted to TV, my whole family (except the above mentioned grandfather) are messies and just keep EVERYTHING (I am the only tidy and sort of organised one, but unfortunately this is tied to the house only...). But, except my aunt, my family is against psychologists, doesn't believe in psychology and of course they are all happy and have no issues at all. So there you go. In a way you are lucky, at least you know your background. Other than that, I feel sorry for all of us, cause I can't see anything good in this at all!

Good luck to you with further research... keep your head up!!

Cindy, I am relieved that someone out there is like me.  The only difference between us is that somehow I have remained married.  I get so bored so fast and hardly ever finish my "grand" beginings.  I guess we can get a little comfort knowing we are not alone.    I work for a tyrant who likes to intimidate people but I just refuse to let him get my gander up.   I have become stubborn in that area at least.  When he tries to make a mountain out of a molehill (which is everyday) I just say to myself...PACE and most of the time I can chill out enough to do the work.  When I am in a hurry I make mistakes.  I know he would never fire me unless I was purposefully delinquent in my work. 

Sheen

I too need background music for studying or doing grids at work. I use Latin music when I need to clean the house and I need to be uniterruped. 

Hi,
I got a book out of the library the other day called 'It's no bodies fault.' by Harold s. koplewicz MD.u could maybe try to get it 4 yourself. It really is nobodies fault. I am waiting on a diagnosis at the age of 39. Always wondered the big WHY?
Hope all goes well.
Take care
Kath.

Jacko,

first and foremost don't let your boss intimidate you!!! I work for 25 ph.D's and I can tell you most of them are nice but some try to intimidate you into feeling small. I always tell people that I would rather have "common" sense than the intellegence most of these professors have.  They can't even make a copy on the copier or use the fax.  SO, saying that I feel better.  My boss put me through a lot but he is so known for his bad personality that no one knows if he is ever telling the truth or not.  He talks to his wife like she is stupid.  I used to be intimidated and never knew I had ADD till a month ago.  My boss will never know and neither should yours.  If you need to tell someone come here and talk with friends.  The few people that I have told said that I just wanted pills and some said I exaggerrated my feelings.  Meanwhile, I am relieved that I am not stupid or crazy.  Other people have it!! I am 38 years old and just been diagnosed by my doctor.  Also, if it does get out that you do have ADHD remember that you are protected by the American with Disabilities Act.

hello to all

I don't know if I suffer from ADHD or not. I know that I can't multi-task well at all. and I loose interest in any project I start. I seem to be lazy about getting things done. I suffer from what could be classified as a defeatist attitude. I can't remember how many times I thought of a project (such as a home-based business) that I am great guns about just to loose interest. I am intelligent but I can't keep focused on things. When I heard of ADHD i talked to my parents about it. My mother told me that When I was in elementary school The teacher would send home notes telling her I would star off out the window watching what was going on outside rather then pay attention to what was going on in class. I high school my principle commented to me that he never saw a student spend so much time out of class. I used to come up with any excuse to get out of the room and walk the halls. Never got good grades in school. was always told that I was a smart kid but refused to apply myself. My parents were told that I was everything from lazy to immature. I didn't hold down a steady job until I was married and had kids of my own. And I still keep changing jobs where I work now. Transferring from one department to another. I'm a 47 year old man and would like to read and learn from you to see if I have suffered from this for all these years.

Hi rdh557,

kind of sounds familiar. I know there are tests out there, but I don't think they are 100%... I am not sure either whether or not I have ADD, but I had the same experience you had, not being able to focus, losing interest quickly, staring out of the window, leaving class.... I get lost in my work, I get lost at my studies. I was never doing too well at school, though I reckon I must be quite clever, cause even though until today I can't study (i.e. remember anything much of what I read), but I made it til university... and have Bs and Cs mainly. Without doing as much as I could. As I said, can't study, and also can't really focus and tend to get lost every few pages, or worse. I will get mentoring now, so I hope I will find out one day how good I really am. I am 30 now and just tried Ritaline - and whether or not i have ADD (I'm not hyperactive at all), it helps. It's cool, I can finally concentrate!! And remember things, even better! Did you see your GP about this? Perhaps you could try some medication? Do you have any other issues, like anxiety? Just do some reasearch, I would suggest, and see a doc about this to see what he thinks, and maybe try some medication.

Good luck!! To all of us... :-)

I have only recently started to think about this. My new boss who is a very successful, intelligent man has been telling me that my performance is not up to par to due to a lack of organizational skills, a tendency to start multiple projects without finishing anything. I have been STRESSED and I think for the reasons above and others, I may have ADD.

You may have ADD, but finding that out will not take care of your problems.  Medication may help, but only to an extent and you may have to deal with side effects of the medication. 

Maybe you should get tested by a psychologist or psychiatrist to see if you have the symptoms of ADD, and they could suggest some course of action for you.  But medication will not "fix" your stress, or problems with organization.  I have similar problems, have been diagnosed with adult ADD and have tried medication.  It does help, but is not a magic bullet.  You also have to try to change your behavior and your approach to work, problems and life in general. Of course, this is just my opinion and I am not an expert by any means.  You will have to see what works for you.    

It sounds like ADD.  You need to pace yourself.  Do not let yourself start new until you are finished with old project.  I find that gets me in trouble too.  I lost a job because of that!!  Of course I blame them somewhat for throwing me in the fire with no training what so ever, and a deadline!  I find that I get involved in too many things and end up getting further behind in my work.  I think ok well I better set this aside and start on that, and get myself in trouble every time!!  Now I do not start on anything, "at work of course",  until I am finished.  If you think you need to see a Dr. for it and possibly need medication, then do it as soon as possible.  We can easily drive ourselves into disaster if we can't control our organizational skills.  Don't worry about what others may think of you, noone has to know!!  The less people you tell the less that will criticize your decisions.  They just don;t know any better, they probably cannot sympathize with our way of thought process.