Dealing: social situations.... | ADHD Information
Maybe this is dumb, but just a thought... could you maybe think up a list of 5 or 6 generic responses ahead of time (and possibly practicing them), and rotate them and/or vary them a bit so it's not obvious that you've worked on it? I agree that all that is really needed is a simple "Thank You" but it'd also be ok to also say "awwww, how cute" and give a nice sincere smile, or something like that.
Just a side note... I've noticed in this thread that a few of you mentioned that you obsess over dumb things you've said and done, and basically torture yourself for it. I'm new to ADD research, so I'm pretty clueless as to all the symptoms of it, so I'm wondering, is this an ADD thing? I have ALWAYS done this, and have always felt completely crazy because I'm just brutal to myself. I notice this most during the night. My thoughts get so out of control that I can't shut them off, and I beat myself up relentlessly with these inner tapes. I'd be interested if anyone else does this to the degree that I do?
Good Luck with your baby shower! Hopefully you'll have some time to prepare for it since you've got a ways to go in your pregnancy. I'm sure you'll do just fine.
--Michele
[QUOTE=MicheleRW222]Just a side note... I've noticed in this thread that a few of you mentioned that you obsess over dumb things you've said and done, and basically torture yourself for it. I'm new to ADD research, so I'm pretty clueless as to all the symptoms of it, so I'm wondering, is this an ADD thing? I have ALWAYS done this, and have always felt completely crazy because I'm just brutal to myself. I notice this most during the night. My thoughts get so out of control that I can't shut them off, and I beat myself up relentlessly with these inner tapes. I'd be interested if anyone else does this to the degree that I do?
[/QUOTE]
Yes, I definitely agree with gypsywomyn: I think that is an AD/HD thing, to do this, especially at night when you are trying to sleep, and everything is dark and quiet and your mind starts to go buck wild (mentioned somewhere in another thread in this forum also...called, I think "lights on or off")....
But if you do it SPECIFICALLY as a response to social situations then it can also be a sign of social anxiety disorder. Like say for instance, you go over each and ever conversation you had with people throughout the day and beat yourself up over the things that you said that sounded stupid, and combined with other symptoms like avoiding parties and things like that....
And sometimes, I think AD/HD can CAUSE some social anxiety, especially if you have been dealing with ad/hd social issues since early childhood....being that ad/hd causes you to have problems dealing in social situations and this may cause you to want to avoid any embarrassing social dealings....[QUOTE=sonya_h]Usually, I would not be worried. My mother and I are similar in our social "akwardnesses" and my mom makes it a point never to give me any large social surprises and to curb any possible ones that she might see coming.[/QUOTE]
I was horribly mistakened, guys. I asked my mom if anyone was going to throw me a surprise baby shower, she had that coy "maybe, maybe not" thing going on, like something was already in progress...
I told her I just a want baby shower and I did not want it to be a surprise, she was like, "well everyone has a SURPRISE baby shower! I had one, your aunt had one, your sister had one".............. you know, trying to say it's a family tradition, or whatever. I told her maybe we could just throw one together and it would not have to be a surprise, and she was kind of like, .....coy,"maybe..." or whatever...
AUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!! THIS MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED!!!!
Cocoa, hmmm, I'll have to think about that one... Nothing like a good cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter morning!Here are my thoughts if you cant skip it like you'd prefer-
The non surprise shower sounds like an excellent idea- get an aunt or sister or mom in law to do it and invite all the people that might have done the surprise thing.
Assign 2 jobs-
A gift recorder- this person writes down what the gift was and who gave it to you. And, a thank you note helper- this person helps you write a thank you to each gift giver. That way all you have to do is enjoy the party instead of worrying about those kind of details.
And, if you live through it, take yourself out and celebrate![Quote=Chocoholic]Here are my thoughts.....
The non surprise shower sounds like an excellent idea- get an aunt or sister or mom in law to do it and invite all the people that might have done the surprise thing.
Assign 2 jobs - A gift recorder- this person writes down what the gift was and who gave it to you. And, a thank you note helper - this person helps you write a thank you to each gift giver. That way all you have to do is enjoy the party instead of worrying about those kind of details.
And, if you live through it, take yourself out and celebrate![/quote]
EXCELLENT solution, "Cocoa"! I just gave you a new nickname...it's easier than typing chocoholic.
GypsyWomyn38424.7940856482[QUOTE=MicheleRW222]Just a side note... I've noticed in this thread that a few of you mentioned that you obsess over dumb things you've said and done, and basically torture yourself for it. I'm new to ADD research, so I'm pretty clueless as to all the symptoms of it, so I'm wondering, is this an ADD thing? I have ALWAYS done this, and have always felt completely crazy because I'm just brutal to myself.[/QUOTE]
She wants to know if this is an ADD thing.
Michele, may I suggest you go to around page 7 of this ADHD Adult board or search for a thread called: Funny absent minded things that we do! There are 6 pages of posts under it. It's enjoyable reading. 
Welcome to the board, Michele and AD(H)D Land! You'll find much to learn on this board. Good people here.
I am the same way, well partially, sometimes I can deal with people sometimes I can't. Until my last job I really didn't interact much with people at all. But I then started to work at a credit bureau and most of the business was talking on the phone, didn't even have people in the office with me, was a single employee. So I got comfortable meeting people that way, then after a time my employer expected me to attend meetings where we where expected to talk to big people, bankers and such... I didn't always stand up, but I found when talking about credit, I would focus more on the subject then the people. I know when ever I was out I looked off, but found if I stuck to keeping pleasant, just stick to few key subjects, and not much on small talk, people seem to pick up on that and don't expect much more.
I am not witty by any means, very slow thinker, and not up on humor, it just goes right over my head... I am very serious person and easily offended if someone makes a joke that rubs the wrong way... often I will react badly if I don't watch myself.
If she insists that she wants to throw you a party, then limit the time that it should last, if you have to be direct to the guests, just tell them you are not use to social situations so you hope they understand if you are short with your time. Sometimes that is the best way to deal with a situation not of your making.
I recently had to go to funneral, and I was terrible, didn't even stay 10 minutes, just enough to sign guest book talk to two people, people I didn't ever remember, and just left, I had to go in my mothers place since she could not make it.
I think I will find that book and read it...
I also agree about the possibility of having a social disorder: I work at a call center doing "roadside assistance"....my job is to contact a tow truck/locksmith company and dispatch info, and then call the person back and tell them which tow/locksmith is coming to them.....it took A WHOLE LOT OF PRACTICE, MORE SO THAN EVERYBODY ELSE to get into making phone calls to strange people...
even now, though I am very used to my job, I dread it when somebody tries to conversate with me after taking the call info....my brain twists up my tongue, and then I cringe the first few minutes after getting off the phone, thinking of every little slip of the tongue I made, and every little thing I said, and how that person may have percieved it...
My favorite people to call are the ones who don't want conversation, they just want the info..... or either, some receive their calls via fax, so u don't even have to talk to them at all, I just call them and let them know i am faxing over a call and that's the end of it.....
but maybe, if I get my mother, or someone to throw me a NON-surprise baby shower, and invite EVERYONE, then that would curtail any secret talks of a surprise shower that some one may be thinking about throwing...
THANKS YOU GUYS...i think I have a plan...
I avoid social situations that might make me act of feel awkward. I'm going to check out the book mentioned, because I can use the help!!!
Take the other advice offered about compliments- a simple "This is great" or "Thank you so much"!, or a sincere "Thank you" is perfectly appropriate in any situation. You don't have to gush over wonderful gifts- the others watching will gush on their own.
Best of luck and congratulations.!
Although I have a tough time in groups, I do love to strike up a conversation when I call 1-800 nos., like bank, internet service, etc. I ask where they're located (I've lived all over, so it's kinda cool), what the weather is like, and sometimes we even talk about our cats! Some of these employees just love to have someone to chat with about other than business.
I've always been so serious. As I get older, tho, I find my sense of humor has improved, even if everyone else doesn't see it or "get" it.
I remember as a child at a family reunion picnic, I must have said something funny, because an uncle chimmed out "Hey, Ronna made a joke! Good for her!" 
I suppose it was difficult not being so serious as an ADHD kid, with all the teasing and such. But I survived!!Have you read the Book What Does Everybody Else know that I Don't?
Ok, I have always been the type of person who avoided being the center of attention. I have learned through various trial and error methods growing up, that I never know what stupid, insensitive, ridiculous antics are going to come out of my mouth. So I tend to avoid events that would put me in the center of attentions...(including my graduation party...i left the scene early; and also including my wedding....I went to the justice of the peace with my husband and 2 friends, and that was my "wedding".)
QUERY: How do I avoid the 'do gooders' in my family that I KNOW are going to try to throw me a SURPRISE BABY SHOWER????? 
oh god, the dread...
Maybe, JUST MAYBE, I will be more set up and mentally prepared to deal with a lot of people if I threw my own baby shower, but I just procrastinate too durn much to get anything done in that regard.....
It's just the thought of being SUDDENLY and UNEXPECTANTLY thrown in a situation that I have to deal with lot's of people, looking at me, staring at me, and expecting me to come up with clever, delightful, and nice things to say back to them...
my tongue tends to get tied up, and I tend to just blurt out anything, the wrong things, usually, and then spend the next 2 or 3 weeks sulking around in embarrassment mentally replaying every stupid thing I said and wishing I could go back and say it differently...
then, being expected to be "together" enough to remember to send out thank you cards......I just KNOW (although, i can't get any details yet..) that somebody is going to try to do this too me, meaning well, and they just don't know how awfully I hate surprises!....
Sonya, congrats on the baby shower? How far along are you? Is this your first?
I was going to say.......but Gypsy already said it and I agree. I hate being the COA myself, but over the years I've learned three things.
BE GRATIOUS!
SMILE A LOT!
AND JUST SAY THANK YOU!
Everything else will take care of itself and you'll get through it just fine.
Here's to a healthy happy baby!
Cheers and peace~
Thanks guys: I am almost 24 weeks (5 1/2 months) along now with my first...
Usually, I would not be worried. My mother and I are similar in our social "akwardnesses" and my mom makes it a point never to give me any large social surprises and to curb any possible ones that she might see coming.
But, ever since my mother-in-law has come into my life, my stable little world has been tipped topsy turvy upside down. (my husband has ad/hd....I KNOW HE GETS IT FROM HER!!!!!! SHE'S GOT A WHOLE BUNCH OF ISSUES) I got wind of the fact that she was going to throw us a surprise houswarming party once, and I BEGGED AND PLEADED WITH HER THAT I DON'T LIKE SURPRISE PARTIES!!. She acted coy, and lied, saying she was not planning any kind of surprise....and then she said if she was, basically it was MY problem if I have social issues and I needed to learn better how to deal with people. (not in those exact words, but basically) and then she surprised me anyway. And she had us (my husband and I) do all these weird, embarrassing and stupid games. It's hard for us ad/hders to to hide our feelings, you know what I mean? I tried to act like I didn't mind, but everybody there knew how uncomfortable I was. But, I mean, it was the thought that counted, I guess.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound so ungreatful, but you see, AD/HD runs on my father's side and social issues run on my mother's side, and I have the "best of both worlds" going on in my head. I was SO MISERABLE at this party with all those people looking at my face and knowing how unhappy and embarrassed I was...(i felt like I was back in grade school) that I would do ANYTHING to avoid this situation again. Even if that means forfeiting the gifts. I just HATE when all eyes are on me...
you know, come to think of it, I might need to go and talk to my doctor about social anxiety disorder, cause that is how I feel sometimes....
sonya_h38422.8282638889Sonya...Is it possible for you to tell a member of your family that will be involved in setting up a surprise party how you feel...that you're delighted to have a shower, but plueeze don't make it a surprise? I would hope they might appreciate and understand how you feel. If they don't, and forgive me speaking of your family like this, but it would seem they're insensitive to still want to throw a surprise party. I mean, after all, it's YOUR baby, YOUR shower. To make YOU happy, right?And as far as having to deal with the people and "comments," maybe you would be so delighted with the gifts you would have no problem saying "Oh, thank you." Nothing more is needed. Let THEM make all the cute little ohs, ahs, and comments. So be it.