I have found schools in general to be unfriendly and difficult for all parents to become involved, special situations like ADHD or not. I have worked in education for 25 years and wish the education system would address the issues. School offices are often staffed with cranky women who are unwelcoming and so at the beginning you are greeted by someone who clearly sends the message "go home". I did work for one principal who was hands down the best. She hired an outside public relations firm to come in and evaluate the school environment. We did some real shifting...it was shift or get the shaft. So, we did it and it became a nice place to be. People - even staff - had avoided the office and soon after the changes took place everybody felt more welcomed.
The mood of the school begins with the principal and then the office staff. If they are unweloming to you then you can almost be assured they are unwelcoming to the teaching staff as well.
It makes my heart sad to even see the name of this forum...school vs. parent. How sad is that.
The funny thing about parents vs teachers. Many teachers are parents. Why can't they understand where we are coming from? Are their children given the best options because of insider knowledge? Maybe they don't have to worry that their children will receive the correct services and the best teachers the school has to provide. I'm not sure about this, but I know my husbands dad, as a (now retired) Vice-Principal, always picked his kids teachers based on his knowledge of their background. I am still trying to have a 504 Plan implemented for my AD/HD son with hand-writing difficulties. What do you think about this? His teacher has become very defensive, even though I've directed no complaints against him at all. My son loves him. But now I'm beginning to wonder. After a meeting recently with principal, guidance counseler etc, where I bought up his hand-writing struggles, my son came home a few days after and told me his teacher is having him re-write "messy" entries from his old journal into a new journal. He works with my son at special time, only him. He is taking old sheets out of my sons writing binder and sitting with him and dictating word for word while my son rewrites them? I emailed the teacher and copied everyong asking why he was doing this? He said because some of the binder pages were ripping. I told him to make sure to keep the originals. This sounds very suspect to me and it makes me think this teacher is hiding some of my sons work because it is illegible as I've been saying. I don't know what to think. Any comments?
to help your child, i would say you need to meet with the principle, his teacher/teachers, any councilers, and explain to them what ADHD is, and that its a serious problem, and recommend some books, if they dont catch on, you can have them recommend a private school for it, and theres a government office you can speak to( im sorry forgot the name of it, ill post later when i get from a friend) that will interview your child (requireing a near up-to-date analysis) and your financial records to pay for a good private school. more often private schools are better listeners because htey have a motivation to please you ($$).My son is 14 now. I remember before my son was put on med.s how difficult he was, and how often he was out of the class, and how bad a rep. he had at school with the teachers. One day, I was walking down the hall, with my cute little good daughter in one hand, and on the other the tyrant. I watched a teacher looking at my daughter and smiling, she then looked at my son with a horrified expression, then proceed to look at me. It was interesting, because she didn't know I was watching her. I guess my point is, is that because youre child is a challenge or thought to be bad, they think you must be a bad parent. Unfortunately she turned out to be his teacher the next year, thats a whole new and not so good a story. That was an eye opener for me, so I met with teachers every year individually, telling them I will support them by taking away priveledges at home for a bad day at school. They eventually learned that I was going to support them and do anything to make my son succeed in school. The reputation changed over time and by gr. 6, a reminder to my son that the teacher will call home, was enough for him to settle down to a reasonable level. I had one or two run-ins with teachers-mainly because my son was put in a class where the teacher had little control-consequently the class was chaos, of coarse my son became one of the worst little monsters. But, over the long haul, this approach worked so well, that by gr. 7 and 8, I didn't have to go in 2 times a week to check in with the teacher. She called only if the prob. was in need of further discipline at home. I think because I supported them and they saw me as helpful and competent, they were more understanding and fair with him. He's now in gr. 9 and I havent met with any teachers or received any calls home, and he is passing all his subjects with no support. Work with the school, make a plan of how you can help and believe me this is a long term plan that does work.
sue23938455.3609953704I agree with everything that has been said in these posts, although there are some of us out there who think that we as parents are not "pulling our weight" when it comes to doing everything possible for our children. I don't think there is a parent out there that wouldn't give their right arm to help their child. Some educators think we are being out of control when we ask for the schools to co-operate or work with their child in order to succeed. We as parents see our children crumble under pressure when it comes to the daily routine, one that they are finding hard to follow. We ask for a little help and we are being told that it is not the teachers reponsibility to babysit your child, we are just here to teach, if they have trouble following, then we as parents need to make more of an effort . It doesn't matter how much we do on our end, it is never enough.
My family also had alot of medical expenses. So alot of educational options are out of the question right now. Moving out of the district, getting extra help by tutoring, out of the question. Some of the teachers in my sons school would rather tell you you need to do more than admit the school is not sufficing them and they need outside help. Doesn't make the school look good.
All I know if after the major stink I made at school to change his classes down to special ed and to be patient with him, he is now excelling instead of failing. Isn't this what we want for our little angels, to excel?
kfranks:
I absolutely agree with you! If you sit back and don't push for your childs rights, we're not doing the best we can for our child. We need to speak up - in polite yet firm ways and request that our AD/HD child be treated and accomodated as any other child with a disability. The main thing is for parents to be super educated on their rights, their childs rights and the schools responsibilities. The more we know, the more we can dispute erroneous school information, or placements that are not in our childs best interests.
Thanks!
Our schools profess to be ADHD friendly, but a counselor actually told me my child might be better off in homeschooling. I was shocked that a school employee would think it a good idea.
From my neighbor, who is a sixth grade teacher, here's what I have learned. The teachers often really do care about the kids. The problem exists with the range of learning abilities addressed in one room. She usually has a couple of kids transferred in or promoted into her class every year who can't read or do basic math and this is sixth grade. The system feels promotion is better for the student's self-esteem and so no teacher is really allowed to hold back students. In the meantime, she is spending all her spare resources to prepare these students to go to jr. high. This year, she was told it didn't matter if they were tested for special needs. All 7th graders would start in the same classes, then when they FAIL, they would be put into special needs classes.
So, it appears not even the schools with parental involvement, and we live in an exceptional school district, can decide how best to teach our children. It is no wonder so many fall through the cracks.
An excellent book recommended to me by my grandson's psychologist tells how to work with your school. The book is Taking Charge of ADHD by Russell A Barkley, PhD. It is very frustrating to deal with the school and even harder when you deal with a private school that states in it's policy "we do not make accommodations for ADHD". This is a private Christian school which otherwise is excellent.
So do I leave him in that school with 14 kids per classroom or move him to public school where they have to by law provide accommodations. Right now, I am planning on keeping him there.
Any suggestions?
Just remember, each year you may have to go back and reestablish the accommodations, and remember each teacher/school will not necessarily agree upon the same accommodations.
We also struggled when the testing and accommodations in elementary school were "lost" when he went to junior high. And, it may take several weeks for the teacher to get the approvals and testing done that you will need to get the accommodations that your child really needs.
You will run accross some teachers who feel sitting your child in the front of the room is all the help she can give him.
LostMom, I'm experiencing the same thing right now with my sons reading teacher. I was really surprised at his attitude and from comments he's made, the lack of understanding of my son's AD/HD characteristics. I really want any teacher that my son has (he's in 4th grade) to know everything possible about AD/HD. Some apparently do, and some don't. There is no requirement it seems that they know and understand. I did send an article to my son's teacher on "Teaching Kids with AD/HD" recently - I did not like some things he said to us at a meeting requesting a 504 plan for my son. I also am working on the following draft. I really want to work up something like this and have the school principal pass it around, or at least be sure my son's teachers see it. Add to it if you think of anything. I just want to highlight some key factors that I think every teacher that has an AD/HD kid in the classroom should know. I wonder if part of the problem with some of these hardened educators, is they see so many kids with the same types of problems. I don't know. I just felt good writing it anyway.
JUST FOR TEACHERS
KEY FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW FROM A PARENT THAT WANTS YOU TO UNDERSTAND HER AD/HD CHILD
AD/HD IS NOT A CONDITION MADE UP BY DOCTORS AND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT JUST TO DEFINE “KIDS THAT DON’T SIT STILL, DON’T LISTEN AND DON’T PAY ATTENTION”! IT IS A DISABILTY THAT REALLY DOES EXIST.
TELLING AN AD/HD CHILD TO FOCUS OR ELSE – IS THE SAME AS TELLING SOMEONE IN A WHEELCHAIR TO WALK OR ELSE OR A DIABETIC TO LOWER THEIR BLOOD SUGAR – OR ELSE.
HERE ARE SOME CHARACTERISTICS OF AN AD/HD CHILD
DISORGANIZED
EASILY DISTRACTED
ON TASK AND FOCUSED ONE MINUTE - OFF TASK THE NEXT
DIFFICULTY CONCENTRATING -
ESPECIALLY WHEN THE MATERIAL IS DIFFICULT OR BORING
CONSTANT FIDGETING
BLURTING OUT ANSWERS AND INTERRUPTING OTHERS
CONSTANTLY GETTING UP FROM THEIR CHAIRS
MANY ARE ANGRY, SOME ARE NOT
EACH AD/HD CHILD WILL DISPLAY MANY OF THE ABOVE CHARACTERISTICS MANY WILL HAVE OTHER LEARNING DISABILITIES
OR OTHER BEHAVIOR ISSUES,
SUCH AS ODD, THAT MAY CO-EXIST WITH AD/HD.
REMEMBER IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO ENCOURAGE THE AD/HD CHILD AND GIVE THEM THE SAME OPPORTUNITIES AS THE NON-DISABLED CHILD IN YOUR CLASSROOM.
HELP THEM TO ORGANIZE THEIR WORK
MAKE SURE INSTRUCTIONS ARE CLEAR
LEARN WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP THEM FOCUSED AND INTERESTED
LEARN WHAT MOTIVATES THEM TO BEHAVE (POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT)
HERE’S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD REALLY REMEMBER:
AD/HD CHILDREN DON’T WANT TO BE “DIFFERENT” FROM THEIR PEERS OR DELIBERATLY TRY TO BE DIFFICULT. IT IS A MANIFESTATION OF THEIR DISABILITY.
DISCRIMINATING AGAINST AD/HD STUDENTS IS A VIOLATION OF THEIR CIVIL RIGHTS. THE BEST WAY TO AVOID DISCRIMINATION IS TO BE COMPLETEY EDUCATED ON THE DISABILITY. LEARN WHATEVER YOU CAN ABOUT TEACHING CHILDREN WITH AD/HD. YOU WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS HAVE ONE OR TWO IN YOUR CLASSROOM.
TEACHERS, AS DICTATED BY CONNECTICUT CHARTER, ARE REQUIRED TO TAILOR LEARING FOR EACH STUDENT AND MEET THEIR SPECIAL NEEDS FOR LEARNING.
HERE’S A BIGGIE TO REMEMBER:
WHEN AN AD/HD CHILD IS ON “MEDS” – IT WILL NOT FIX THEM AS IF BY MAGIC. THE MEDICINE WILL HELP TO FOCUS THEM BUT THEY WILL STILL HAVE MANY OF THE AD/HD CHARACTERISTICS AS MENTIONED ABOVE. THEY WILL STILL BE DIS-ORGANIZED, AND WILL STILL NEED YOUR PATIENCE WHEN GIVING INSTRUCTIONS. THEY MAY STILL FIND IT DIFFICULT TO BE ON “TASK” . THEY WILL STILL GET DISTRACTED EASILY. THEY WILL STILL STRUGGLE WITH THEIR LEARNING DISABILITIES. THEY STILL NEED YOUR HELP AND GUIDANCE IN THE AREAS OF BEHAVIOR, SOCIAL SKILLS AND LEARNING SKILLS.
ACCEPT ALL YOUR STUDENTS FOR WHAT THEY ARE. LEARN ABOUT EACH OF YOUR STUDENTS STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.
ENCOURAGE THE AD/HD CHILD IN THEIR AREAS OF STRENGTH. COMPLIMENT THEM OFTEN. MOST ARE VERY INSECURE AND LIKE TO HEAR KIND WORDS!
DON’T ADD TO THEIR LOW SELF-ESTEEM BY TREATING THEM AS IF THEY ARE A NUISANCE. HAVE COMPASSION FOR THEIR FEELINGS. THEY ARE LITTLE KIDS WITH A DISABILITY. THEY DIDN’T ASK FOR THIS PROBLEM. THEY AREN’T OUT JUST TO RUIN YOUR DAY.
IN YOUR CLASSROOMS, YOU WILL NOT HAVE ALL PERFECT ATTENTIVE KIDS, THAT DON’T SPEAK OUT AND SIT QUIETLY WITH THEIR HANDS FOLDED IN THEIR LAP . IF YOU EXPECT THAT, AND TRY TO CHANGE ALL OF YOUR STUDENTS TO FIT SOME PERCEIVED MODE OF PERFECTION, THEN STOP AND RETHINK THIS IDEA. PLEASE!
I am a parent of a newly diagnosed ADHD child, and I have read numerous posts here. It is very frustrating when you read that the parents need to get involved with the school. Most of us ARE involved, but are unsure about EVERYTHING. What are we suppose to do? We read every book imaginable, listen to every tape ever recorded, attend numerous conferences, attend meeting after meeting with psychologists, specialists, pediatricians, teachers, and principles, YET... we are still unsure about what the answer is.
We are told.,"help the school with finding a way to motivate your child..., help the teacher integrate your child into her classroom..." IF WE HAD THESE ANSWERS, THERE WOULD NEVER BE ANY ISSUES.
I am so frustrated with doing EVERYTHING imaginable to help my child, while everyone else sits back and watches.
I was told once... Don't expect a Cadillac Education, when all they are required to give is a Chevy.
Well, I for one expect a little compassion and effort from teachers and others that snub parents, or expect miracles.
How do we know what works for our child in the classroom setting with 20+ other children? We aren't the classroom professional here. Aren't they suppose to be? And lets get real... maybe there is a lapse in education about ADHD, BUT shouldn't ALL teachers have compassion and the primary goal of educating our children? Because if they don't.... they should NOT be teaching.
I would lose my job if I passed the buck everytime an adverse situation was placed before me.
I went through this stage when my son entered the 4th grade. It was the most horrid year of school ever. He is in 6th now and things are better. We live in a little town with only 1 school option. I haven't even told the school he is on medication because I don't trust them. Once you "out" your child you run the risk of labeling them and that can be worse. Wish I had some good news for you, but we are at our wits end with the public schools. Finally we are moving to a major city for work reasons and are looking forward to more school choices.
Instead of paying yourself for another opinion it is in the law book for what schools should be responsible i have a copy of it from the developmental disability office. We as parents have the right to request in writing another opinion of our choice and have them pay for it. I am on vacation now but when I go back to work will look it up and get back to all on what page and paragraph it is in and see if my husband can scan it. I work with people with disabilities. As far as teachers I purchased a good book on behavior plans and loaned it to my childs teacher who has now ordered it for the school. Teachers need to be educated on ADD to learn how to deal with it and make a difference then working together for a common goal would work out so much better. I am fortunate this year for my daughters kindergarden teacher is working with me and my child loves her, she goes above and beyond.
As far as daniel's mom we live paycheck to paycheck with nothing to fall on no pension ourselves no money left to save so we understand. I will keep praying for all of us for a miracle in the future. I work in human services so at least i know how to fill out the public assistance paperwork or ssa paperwork and know what is out there or will be in the future. Live for today and see what happens we cannot worry too much until it happens which i feel something will be put in place. I am a diabetic so we have my medical expenses to add.
What helped me and my son the most was finding a child psychologist who was independent from the school...yes, I pay for it but it's worth every penny. He only has my son's best interest in mind and he's informed and educated about what my son's rights are as well as mine as a parent. Before any meeting I make an appt with him and he tells me what to ask for and what to expect...he has been my best support!!!
We live paycheck to paycheck. We can't seek anymore help. I think we will eventually be homeless.No SSI available.We our in a small town.When in larger town same problem also there.I would have to work and leave our kids alone. Can't afford/ make enough to help the family. SSi I herd will be bankrubt in 2041.Remember:They don't care like we do because they are our kids.