Suggestions for Behaviors | ADHD Information

Okay, I am normally very open to treatment of ADD/ADHD although many others think use of stimulants is a bad choice. However, I have to say that waiting a little longer in your child's life to use stimulants would be wiser than what is going on now. Consistant amphetamine or stimulant use can make people go insane, and adderall is no exception. Very small children on these medications will have problems developing social skills or reaching maturity since adderall/concerta do change the way they make their decisions, and kids can be so cruel to the unusual ones, even if their abnormalities are just from medication. Child psychology is hard enough to understand without medications.

I think the issue at this point shouldn't be how do I keep my daughter happy on medicine, it should be what steps do I take to get her off the medicine. aimee,
I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of consistancy. I was talking with my dear friend and neighbor, and she agree's that I have a problem feeling guilty when I have to discipline the children in a harsh way. For example: Her children threw a horrible fit in the store while she was out with them and her mother in law. They had planned on having fast food for dinner that evening. She told them she would not reward them with that treat, but still bought it for herself and her mother in law. They got a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when they got home that evening for their dinner.
I would feel -horrible- doing that. But I have to admit, it was successful for her.
If you are anything like me, you will have to talk yourself out of feeling bad for strict punishments, but in the end, it works out.
One thing that has worked with my ~problem~ child. (my five year old daughter that I have just started on Concerta again) is this. When she is calm, after having a tantrum and we are both ready to talk, we talk about choices.
I ask: Who's choice was it to exhibit a bad behavior? Then I explain (again) what my job as her mother is. (To teach her how to behave, and lead her in the direction that is best for her... she likes to argue and my response to her arguments is to tell her that God gave me this job... of being her mother... and it comes with certain rules. I can't argue with God, and neither can she. The job is what it is and that's how it goes). Then I ask her if she knew what the consequence of her behavior was? Generally, she answers yes. When she replies that she did indeed understand that when she throws a fit, she will be punished, I continue on to ask her, "Then who made the choice to have this punishment?". And as much as it annoys her, she knows it was her own decision. It helps her to know that, in the end... she is in charge.
If SHE makes the decision to show a behavior that is not acceptable, then SHE is ultimately making the choice to accept her consequence.

I have also noticed that in the evenings, she is wired tighter than a kite string on a windy day. Knowing that it will happen, when and how, it is easier for me to adapt to it. But, also... knowing that, you can't let them off. They are smart little people and they know, even when they are out of control, that they can expect a response that is the -same- every time. Not every other, but -every- time.

It might take a week, maybe even two. During that time it will be an absolute nightmare, but then... the horrible time will pass and the behavior will improve. Even at five, they can understand what we are telling them. Don't underestimate and more importantly, don't punish yourself for setting boundaries that will help them in the long run.
Remember, if we let them run the roost now, when they are older they will remember and won't thank us for the -favor- that we did them then.

Another little thing that always helps with my kids. Don't let them draw you into yelling back.
When I took a course on Non violent crisis intervention for my job at the time working with special needs children, we had a little excersize that was amazing.

With a partner, our class stood in seperate area's from the others. The light switch flipped to signal the beginning of the exercise. When that happened, my partner began to yell. Loud, aggressively and right in my face. Pushing my buttons and pointing, etc..
When the light switched again, they asked the recipients of the behavior what the other had said.
The answer "I don't know!".
When the excersize was reversed, it was categorically the same!
Then, came the time when we would both yell, and when asked what we had said, ourselves... no one could remember!

Once the yelling begins, once the defenses go up, that's it. That emotional barrier is near to impossible to penetrate. If you allow them to draw you into a shouting match, or let your own emotions sky rocket, the only result is frayed nerves and wasted energy.

Wait till she is calm to respond. In the meantime, the "naughty corner", or a time out chair works wonders.

I wish you all the luck in the world!

Wendy

I'm sorry, but I never really had that problem until a few years I after started taking medication.  I'm pretty sure that the reason why my parents never had any problems with me was because they SPANKED me.  Yes, violence doesn't solve anything, but a few hard pops on the rear-end will work wonders.  I didn't get to have arguments with my parents until I was old enough and mature enough to actually win them, even then I was taught not to question them.  My mother always told me, and sometimes still does, that "If there's a pink flower and I say it's purple, it's purple."  I'm 20 yrs old and a junior in college, yet I'm thankful for that lesson.  You should try displaying that sort of authority, if nothing else works, that is.  However, consistency, once again, is the key.  If you wait too long, the kid'll catch on and capitalize on it.  Basically, you should give her a warning that if she doesn't quit, you'll put her in time out, and that if she acts up again she'll get popped.  If she thinks you're bluffing and challenges you, don't hesitate at all, just do it right then and there.  Medication is not the answer to problems this early.  I'm sorry if you get the cops called on you, but if someone calls the cops on you for child abuse for following my suggestions, any respectable judge would not question the use of a firm hand in disciplining a child.  Well that's my two cents.

Good luck,

Myles

Oh yea, I almost forgot, and this is important.

When my dad would spank me (and I would choose a paddle over his hands any day), he would storm off out of my room, then EVERY TIME about 5-10 minutes later he would apologize but still make sure that I understood why he did what he did and what I did wrong and then give me a hug and make sure everything was alright and have some sort of conversation with me and then it would all be okay-that's discipline and love, and that's why it worked for me.

James Leahman's behavior therapy program  5. 1 800-373-8946You CAN'T let the fact that you live in an apartment stop you from dealing with this. She is manipulating you. She knows that she can get away with this. Send to an area where she can calm herself down(time out), but not punishment. If she wets herself, let her sit in it. She won't do it again. When she has calmed down discuss her bahavoir with her. Then a form f punishment. She has LEARNED that she can get away with this. You must teach her that she won't. Good Luck! stepmom2maddy38426.6226736111

It’s amazing when I watch Nanny 911, or the SuperNanny shows. It appears that the children have something wrong with them. Screaming and crying all the time. Then the nanny steps in and sets up a routine and specific actions for behavior and it turns around. Most of the time it is not the child’s fault. An example: a mom had a two year old son who always cried for her - constantly! The mom allowed the child to cry and eventually she ended up dragging him along on her leg because he wouldn’t let go. She ended up every time picking him up. So the child knew that sooner or later she would pick him up. Nanny told her to get down to the child’s eye level and say in a firm voice, ‘what do you want? I cannot understand you. Stop crying and tell me what you want.’ It would take the child a while to calm down, but the mom continued in this manner until he did calm down and tell her what he wanted. Each time it happened after that, the child would get calmer faster until he didn’t do it anymore. Showing that you are in control and that there will be discipline for her actions may help. She may need consistency as far as how you handle her. Do you react differently to the same behaviors? Is she confused?

 

Can you give an example of a typical behavior that she has over and over and what you usually do? You may be able to use techniques to stop the behavior. Another way is to put her in the ‘naughty corner’ where she will stay a minute for each of her years (5 yo = 5 min). First tell her - at eye level- that her behavior is not acceptable. Say it in a firm voice. Tell her she will be going into the naughty corner for 5 minutes. Make her stay there - if she comes out of the corner, direct her back there until her time is up. Then before you let her out she has to apologize for the behavior and then kiss and hug her. Keep doing this and it will work.

She has had these behaviors since she was 2.  Sometimes she gets so worked up that she will even wet herself.  They are over as quick as they start though.  We live in an apartment and I can't allow her to throw her fits out in her room (which is what I would normally do) because my neighbors will call the police.  She isn't taking Ritalin anymore and she just started the Adderall a couple of days ago.  I did notice a mood change right away though.  Evenings are our worst time.  She has all-day Kindergarten and homework is a nightmare.  Thank goodness her teacher works with me...  

If your daughter was not like this before the med change, then I would take a look at the med, not the child’s behavior. My son is taking regular Adderall 30mg once daily for school days only. He is more quick to anger on school days come about 5pm. He is better after dinner. Lasts one or two hours and is so predictable that I know the meds cause it. He is not like this otherwise. We are dealing with it better than we were once we realized it was the ‘rebound’ from the meds. You will read about rebound on most medicines, but I think I’ve seen it quite a bit with Adderall. Talk to your doctor about an adjustment to a lower dose of Adderall. Is she still taking Ritalin too?

 

A suggestion to help the behavior for now is to tell her that you realize she is angry and calmly tell her to do something (read a book, watch tv, or play a video game). Most ADD/ADHD children can find relief when playing a video game. My son doesn’t play every day, but it does have a calming affect because their focus is totally absorbed.Hello, my 5 year old has me at my wits end.  She was diagnosed with ADHD and was taking 15 mg daily of Ritalin.  Now she just started 10mg Adderrall.  Her fits have gotten worse lately and she screams at me constantly.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to talk her down from one of these moods? 

Personally, I wouldnt talk her down.  But that is just my style of parenting.  I would immediately punish the behavior, if at home put her in her room, shut the door let her have it out by herself in her bedroom.  When she is calm is when I would talk and only when she is calm.