Undiagnosed Adult | ADHD Information

Gently direct him to this forum and have him read all of our postings/replies.

That might help a little.

     I have been reading many posts at this site and I am stunned to find so many descriptions that mirror what I am seeing in a close friend of mine.  He's not been diagnosed with ADHD and frankly I'm certain he's not aware that he has it.  I would like so badly to help him but he's very sensitive and quite emotionally reactive to criticism, be it real or percieved (most often percieved).  Any Ideas on how to approach him to suggest ADHD?  He feels like he's the only one in the world who percieves the world the way he does and occasionally doubts his own sanity.   I don't know how to help him without setting him off...    He will most likely take any suggestion I make about ADHD as an accusation that he's crazy and not a good person.   However, he fosters a big sense of humour, and this is what keeps him glued together.

Any advice would be helpful.

Let him know about successful people like Ty Pennington who have ADD.

Go to an adult ADHD site and print off the "test" to assess the possibly of ADD. Actually go to a few different sites, some express the questions in a better way than others and include more of them. Sit down with him over coffee in a safe place for him ( his place) and make sure its just the two of you. Tell him that you came across this list and it reminds you of issues and concerns that he's expressed to you ( never say that you've seen him do such n' such...at this point, only allow him to know you've been listening to his concerns..otherwise he'll take it as an attack of "your" preceptions of him...its a convient excuse to avoid dealing with issues) He'll at least be curious if you've done that part right and ask you what it is..keep it light and start reading. You don't score him, simply keep reading each thing. Keep your eyes down while you do this and in no way hesitate between each point or engage him for a response. Eye contact may set him off..like your accusing him of something. Now one of two things are going to happen. He's going to flip out by question 3 or he'll remain quiet until your finished. Either way, apologise to him after your done and say.."I'm your friend, it hurts me when you hurt. I don't know if this is something that helps you but as your friend..I had to try. I'm sorry if you feel I have offended you. It was never my intention."  Then just leave the papers there. Tell him to call you soon and go. On the last page write ADHDNEWS.COM.... information and adult ADHD chat room. The rest is up to him.

Its also important for you to have positive add trait stuff in those pages to. There are alot of positives for ADD that are wonderful. Make sure he has that to in the papers you leave behind. 

But before you do all this make sure you also read the criteria in the assessment questions and be very sure it is him on an almost daily basis. My close friends can say definately "yes" about me to most of them but only the ones like talking alot, interupting, slob, always late and a few more outward ones.

 ****It occurs to me that may be you could be the type of person who likes to find problems and fix them. I don't know you and I write this with the thought that you would not be the kind of person who gets a rush out of telling others thier faults as seen only by you and how to fix them. If this is your motivation...your friend will likely put your head on a platter where it'd belong! BUT if you sincerely think he is ADD and are willing to risk your friendship to honestly help your friend... well only you can decide your true motivation. Just keep in mind, his feelings are real.  If you proceed and you honestly still believe he has ADHD then trick here is for him to feel safe to explore and understand that there are reason's beyond his current control that these happen and none of its his fault and there is alot of good help available. In fact it may be a relief to him to have an explanation rather than just to continue permoting how unique he is as way of justification for his "habits". Secretly, all alone, he knows he would stop alot of it if he could, all he knows is he can't and his self esteem has got to be suffering and unessicarily. He will also know immediately if he is ADHD. RESPECT HIS DECISION< EVEN IF ITS TO DO NOTHING ABOUT IT.

 

Karen N38426.0706018519Hmmm.... you say he has a sense of humour? Maybe the next time he does somehting ADD-like, you could jokingly say "are you sure you don't have Attention Deficit Disorder?" and chuckle. If he says something like "yeah right, I'm not 7 years old" or something like that, take it as an opening to educate him a little. But be subtle about it, try not to sound critical.

I used to continuously joke that I had ADD. Everytime I did something stupid or spaced out of a conversation I would say it. It wasn't until I found out by chance that adults can actually HAVE ADD that I did more research.

Good luck!

I wish someone had said something to me!! I think a couple of boyfriends thought I had serious psychological problems. Most people just thought I was a bit looney and I was starting to believe it.

I told a friend I had been diagnosed and he said:

ADHD isn’t too surprising; unfortunately it’s not generally polite to point out to your friends that you think they may have a mental illness.

I would have loved someone to 'mention' something earlier before my morale and self esteem was destroyed by constantly wondering why I couldn't fit into the world. I'm so happy now that I can analyse my behaviour and understand where it comes from.  Most friends have been really supportive of me starting medication and getting my act together.

It's going to be hard, but definitely worth finding a subtle way to suggest it to him. You need to gently plant the idea in his mind and let him research himself.

For myself I am also undiagnosed but I did a self-test from a Straterra site. It was off the charts. 8(

Reizende

Thanks to everyone who took the time to offer advice.  I appreciate it very much.  One of our members expressed the idea that I may be the type who needs to rescue others or "fix" thier faults.  This was not an unexpected but I would like to clarify that one, and no hard feelings on the issue from me, either.

I seek advice because he's hard on himself, hard on me, hard on his friends.  He seems unable to keep a job for long which is hard on his morale and financial situation.  He resorts to depressants to calm the "noise" in his head.  He reaches out to me for support and understanding and I had no Idea how to be supportive or how to respond when his head gets "noisy".  But thanks to input from the members on the notice board I have a starting point.  And when "all is said and done" his wishes and interests will take priority.

I will check in from time to time to see lhow everyone here is doing.

tell him you just read the most interesting book about ADHD.....Driven to Distraction.....and he should read it....

it really has turned out to be my bible...written by two psychiatrists, both of whom have ADHD