Trying to get it together | ADHD Information

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[QUOTE=Dogmia]thanks for your repley i sat and watched tv till 6.30 here kind of worried about what response i would get    self esteem still lingers  if any advice you could give would be greatly appersated[/QUOTE]

I understand what you mean about the self-esteem problem, I think that's part of ADHD territory.  I'm very good at hiding my low self-esteem, I always have been - just can't seem to convince myself though.

As to advice, well, I'm struggling a bit myself.  I was diagnosed about 9 months ago, and was told by the specialist "yes, you have ADHD, and yes, medication and treatment would help - but I'm afraid I'm far to busy to provide either.  Good day." (My words, not his - but the meaning was the same).  But then the UK is a bit backward on this issue.

Mark -

Thanks this is my first attempt at anything like this i just started writing and i have never good at writing but i see what you mean after looking at and will do what you say

2 months ago me sitting down with this kind of focus would,nt have happened i,ve had some sleeples nites the last week and i,ve had a lot of time to reflect on the the past. But not dwelling on it but trying to set some wheels rolling.

I no its not going to be a cake walk by any means but talking to others with the same disorder is only going to help to the road back reality 

thanks for your repley i sat and watched tv till 6.30 here kind of worried about what response i would get    self esteem still lingers  if any advice you could give would be greatly appersated

Thanks  chris 

hey guys I've read alot tonight and got the courage reply I'm 42 years old and on the verge of divorce due to my ad/hd  that i was diagnosed with about a month and half ago

no surprise i talked to my sister and she told me when i was 7 maybe 8 mom & dad had me TESTED and doctor said i had hyperactivity disorder they had me on Ritalin for two or so weeks then took me off said they could not handle me i was so quiet LOL they could not handle me off it either. i could only remember bits and pieces from that time. but i remember my teen age years i had the attention span of i fly I was smart but could not focus for the life of me i was here there every where could not sit still and Impulsive remembering back i had already did before i had the chance to finish the thought. HUH choices i made back then I'm surprised i,am alive i read one of the post speaking about a craving and not being able to satisfy it drugs,alcohol nothing  but some of it was as my sister says we were dysfunctional before it was cool but anyway it got worse before it got better when i turned 18 moved out and things seemed to mellow i started going to church met my wife who i love so much more today than when i Married her things went well for awhile then slowly this person she married  changed these behavior demons i call them would come out of no where   i was bored with my job i would quit and OF course i would lie and say they laid me of i myself  was a miserable person could not focus and always busy getting nothing done and all the time distancing myself from her but the strongest one was my impulsiveness doing things with out thinking and feeling so guilty after the fact and never knowing way all the time doing things and lying to cover it up i was put in jail at age 37 for shoplifting a  2 dollar CD and having a payroll check in my pocket for 1,500 dollars and a hundred or so dollars in cash  i just started to spiral out of control as i look back i had knee surgery in 2000 and i found the scape goat for my unhappiness so i thought it numbed me from repeated nag about me never finishing anything i mean anything it all revolved around getting some more vicodine to numb me from dealing with myself life and the guilt of my impulsive behavior yes i was still moody no focus and till a month ago could sit and watch  a movie do things with other people about conversations and forget whole parts of the movie just zoned out think about what don,t no i went and got help for my drug abuse a year and ahalf ago and been clean and was doing great for about 6 to 8 months but all the time that craving for something i was missing was there Thur the years a would take money from the savings would,nt say anything and it come back to bite me she would fined out but i would lie do it again and again about a 2 months ago i did it again i lied again myself esteem was 6 feet under and trying to make it to the next day at this point i felt like i was loosing my mind i went to the doctor and has a broad field of practice and one those is depression and AD/HD disorders he tested me for those and a few others WOW go figure said i passed with flying colors with positive test with AD/HD very severe case he counseled  me for about 4 weeks druing that time he put me on aderall xr 20mg to start and can say for the first time in my life i feel like a new man the attention and my focus are great i have followed thur and finished normal tasks that i would not of dreamed of and my impulsiveness almost gone it is a little hard but i,m able stop and think things thru for the very first time in my life. but in a sense all of this is fro nothing my wife found out about the money i took from the checking before i got to sit down and talk to to her i had really forgot about it i was so excited about this new found life of being a husband focusing on her and the comunication the past came crushing down on me.  please don,t think i,am writing this for pity i don,t need it or deserve it i have cried begged but for this  man that has begged and cried before only to fall back into the trap time and time again what should i accpected the hole 22 years of marriage as i look back it has been about me and i have made it a living hell for her and that kills me now to think about it i have my first appointment tommorow with an expert in the field in this area so many people have told me i have high hopes with some time therapy and the medication  i can get my life back to were i feel so much better about myself i asked her to hold off filing D so i can prove to her that i,m getting better and asked her to read up on AD/HD in hopes that she would come to some therapy sessions with me so us together can understand what this has done in our life and learn to cope and get marriage counseling down the road. this has been one of the hardest things for me to do is write this in this post for i know i have other issues to deal with from my childhood  i just hope some one will read this and take action now to avoid everything i have gone thru and  what am gone to face between my untreated AD/HD and the childhood i,ve tried to forget i stand humble but i look to the future knowing that the support of this message board the doctors and GOD the new found vision i have i look to a brighter future  

thank you  and god bless

 

Wow.  Chris, may I suggest you break your posts up into 'bite-size' chunks, maybe using the return key once in a while?  One of the greatest difficulties I have is with maintaining attention while reading, and your post was very hard to read.  This isn't meant as a flame or anything, just a polite request.

Good luck with your treatment, and hopefully your wife will understand and be able to cope better.  I know that things have become far easier with my good lady since I was diagnosed - she knows I'm the way I am because of a real, treatable problem, and not just because I'm bad.  My first marriage went out the window 20 years ago, and all the reasons for the breakdown are straight out of the ADHD textbook.

Welcome to the club Chris!

Mark -

My wife of many years is one tolerant chick or she would have booted my unproductive, unfocused butt out the door 15 years ago. I think post-diagnosis it has become far easier for her knowing a little bit about why I'm like I am.

The details are still being worked out but in our partnership we are able to have a better framework to base who is good at what on, a better division of duties. I completely shirk the detailed stuff, taxes,  forms, insurance etc. but I do the laundry, errands, yardwork, dishes etc.  I even finish some of them now on Ritalin, which I like a lot.

Things will get better with treatment man. It isn't a cure, but it makes the slow boring unimaginative world a little less difficult to take. This is also my take on my own self esteem and it even works sometimes - the world is too in the box, too slow, too boring and too unimaginative for ME.

Dogmia: (you may have already mentioned this in your first post, but.... i just kinda  skimmed through it.........= remember you are talking to fellow ad/hders, so we understand>>we also have problems focusing just like you)

But have you ever went to the library or bookstore and got any books on Adult ADHD?  If not, then I strongly reccomend you find some books to show her (and to read yourself)>>There are plenty of them....Some of them are mentioned throughout this post......I can't remember the names to all of them, but I think there was a post about books and some of them are mentioned there.......Maybe you can sit down with your wife and read some points in some of those books.  I definitely know how ad/hd can mess up a marriage, ESPECIALLY if the couple does not know about it, and goes so long without them realizing that AD/HD is a factor in the marriage. 

Also, what if you printed up what you wrote above and showed it to her?  Do you think that would have an effect on her? 

Self esteem issues can come as a result of AD/HD...Me personally, from trying so hard to be all I can be, and continually failing to the point where I feel there is something wrong with me; that I am just a bad person or something;

I am also glad to see you are getting treatment; so many adults have a negative attitude for treatment for their AD/HD, and so therefore, muddle through life "the hard way"......Your starting treatment is the first step to recovering your self esteem!