Need advice - ADD husband unemployed | ADHD Information

Dont know if this will help, but here goes.

Encourage your husband to find a job that he really wants, a job that he can succeed at. Tell him that the labels that others may place on that job mean nothing. Give him all the support and encouragement you can. Let him know that he is loved and be prepared to give him unlimited compassion when he meets the inevitable bumps in the road. You will also need to adjust your lifestyle in the event that the job he gets doesnt make you rich.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (four weeks) and am on Adderall XR. I am 38, married and have four wonderful childern.

Having repeated the same pattern of fatal mistakes, I am once again unemployed.

I have many strengths and they helped me to secure employment. But my weaknesses and poor planning/judgement would always get me fired.

Moving forward, I am going to play to my strengths, that means finding a job that I actually want. I will then work like crazy so I can support my family.

I don't have a supportive wife and really wish I did. My childern are the light of my life, and the fire that burns in me to provide them security, comfort and choice has never been stronger.

Align his action with his beliefs.

Connect his capabilty with his capacity.

Monitor his meds, watch the nutrition, make sure he gets consistant excercise and keep the stress to a minimum.

He needs supporters, he needs to build self confidence.

Be there for him and he will be there for you.

In the end, think first about the baby, they deserve only the best.

Hope this was of some help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have him make some short term goals and make sure he writes them down on paper.  Maybe set a simple goal of "On Monday I will send out resumes to 3 companies.  On Tuesday I will be able to send out 4 resumes" and so on, or something along those lines.  It's very important to write down the short term goals on paper because it makes them more real, kind of like a contract with yourself.  Also make sure he reads them the first thing in the morning.  I've done some motivational speaking and sometimes I have people write down the goals and put them on the wall in the bathroom so they have to look at them.  It will create a sense of urgency.  Try to keep him on that simple pattern.  At night he writes down what he needs to accomplish for the next day.  That morning he reads what he needs to do.  During the day he works to accomplish the tasks.  That very next night he takes time before he goes to bed to write the next days goals.  This does work.  Continue to praise him for any little step forward.  If he sends out a resume or gets a job interview, make sure he knows how proud of him you are.  It might be a good idea to make plans on how to celebrate when he finally does get that job.  Make the plans now.  How will you celebrate?  Where will you go?  What will you do?  If it's real and the plans are made you have a realistic reward waiting that might help motivate.  It's kind of like when schools send kids door to door selling candy bars and the kid who sells the most wins a prize.  It not fun to go door to door selling, but just seeing that reward waiting in the future is what motivates them.  I hope this helps out!     

My husband has ADD, and is on adderall as well as wellbutrin.  He has been out of work for 7 months, and is having a really difficult time making progress with his job search.  He does tons of research, and spends hours and hours perfecting his resume and cover letters, but rarely gets around to sending any out! I think its partly a confidence problem and partly the ADD.  I am getting worried, because right now I am 5 months pregnant with our first child and the only breadwinner. If he doesn't start sending out letters soon, I am afraid we will have no income coming in when the baby comes.  I want so much to be supportive, but my own fears make it really difficult for me to be patient with him.  He is seeing a very expensive career counselor, and yet still is not balancing the research and writing side with the networking and getting his name out there.  We have talked about this so many times, and I know he knows its a big problem, but does not seem to be able to move past it.  Can anyone offer suggestions on how to help him?  What about a head hunter to help him find a job? I honestly dont know that much about them (like whether they are expensive or not), but maybe they could help with the details of finding the openings, getting the resume there etc. Not sure if they set up interviews or not.Ack -- I'd be a little scared and concerned too.  Good for you for wanting and trying to be supportive, but it is definitely challenging, especially when there are concerns that seem so obvious and imminent to you, but are not yet motivating him enough to call him to action. 

Confidence might be a part of it -- it is also a good sign that he's researching and perfecting his resume/cover letters rather than lying around on the sofa watching TV.  It sounds like he's pretty close, maybe something as small as "I'm going to the post office on Monday, and I could drop off some resumes for you, if you want" would give him the last little boost.  It sounds like he is caring and responsive to you and not defiant, so that is also a good sign.

Are there other things that he could be doing to take the pressure off of you?  More chores around the house, maybe get a part time or evening job so he can both contribute to the household funds and look for a better, permanent job?    Maybe coming up with some sort of time-line and all around financial plan worked out by both of you -- my husband with ADD really only seems to respond to concrete plans with small, specific goals.  Otherwise, I just want to shake him and yell really close to his face, which doesn't do any good

Congrats on the baby & good luck!
ADD people need to daydream. I think I know what he's afraid of. He might get a decent job, and be living in a mental prison for the rest of his life. I have a job that's very low stress, and thank god I do, because I might not be able to cope otherwise.

I know that having a job is an essential part of life, but to understand your husband, think of his research as what prison he would like to serve in for the next 20 years.

"Honey, we need you to go to prison in order to support our family. I've heard Alcatraz is very nice, or how about Singsing?"

"Um, yeah honey, I'll get right on that."