Selfish thoughts.... | ADHD Information

One of my best friends called out of the blue last night and dropped a bombshell on me - she and the guy she's been dating for less than a year are getting married.

After I got past the "HOLY CRAP ARE YOU SERIOUS???" part, I instantly started to feel insanely jealous. My boyfriend and I have been together exactly 3 years this month, and he has still not proposed. My old self-confidence issus came bubbling up to the surface, and all I could think was, what the hell is wrong with me? She wants me to be a bridesmaid (this will be my 4th time in as many years), and the saying "always a bridesmaid and never a bride" seems to be becoming a running joke for me.

I know this is stupid, and as I am re-reading my post I realize how childish I sound. But that's the whole point. I read that many ADDers can have tendencies towards self-centered thoughts. On some level, I am of course happy for my friend, but the jealous feelings I'm also having are honestly overpowering the happy thoughts. I actually locked myslef in the bathroom after I got off the phone and shed a few tears over this. What is my problem?
Well... the real kick-in-the-pants is that I have always fantasized about a Christmas-time wedding. Red/cream/gold colours and lots of pine cones and greenery and cream-coloured carnations in place of tradititional orchids and lilies. I thought with my renewed hinting that if my BF proposed soon, I would do a Dec/05 or Jan/06 wedding.

The date my friend selected is Dec. 31.

*sigh*. One day I hope I'll be laughing about this.
[QUOTE=Dawn Joyce]Hey bcgirl: ya know I suspect that I may have ADD but I am trying to build the confidence to go find out.  Anyway I read your post and it home with me.  My closest friend got married in January to a multi-millionaire, they eloped in Puerto Rico, and he bought her a 50, 000 car (in cash) as a wedding present. It was almost like a fairy tale.   I was insanely jealous and broke down in tears thinking thoughts like why not me? Why am I not special enough to find that someone?  I guess from time to time we all tend to feel slighted when something wonderful happens to somebody else.    [/QUOTE]

Wow. My last friend who got married didn't marry a multi-millionaire, but his parents did pay for the entire wedding, complete with 200 guests, a designer wedding gown, SUV-style stretch limo, the works. They spared no expense. I felt a pang of jealousy that I would never experience anything so extravagant myself, but I was genuinely happy for her nonetheless. She had been with her fiance a long time, and they had postponed the wedding twice. She, like me, grew up with no money, and I was happy that she was able to have something so nice.

*sigh* I think my biggest problem this time is that this other friend has been dating this guy for such a short period of time. I can't seem to get past the petty feeling that I should have gotten married before her. I'd be lying if I said that deep, deep down I wasn't hoping something would happen to stop this. I feel like such a horrible person.
bcgirl197838427.5690393519You are not a horrible person.  You are just human.  Petty jealousies-ughh...just as long as you remain a good friend and show you are "happy for her" ...then you will be a better person-all jealousies aside...Hey, K, it's okay to be jealous!   And I don't think you're being selfish....just "human." However, tell me, have you and your bf ever discussed marriage?   I won't ask any more than that...if you wish to say more, it's up to you, hon. GypsyWomyn38427.5577893518

 I think "selfish" thoughts like that are normal for anyone.  Although I know w/ me, I'm always looking for the greener grass...i.e. looking for something new and exciting...and if some1 else has something new and different, the envy pops up.  About 90% of my boyfriends married the girl they dated after me, LoL.  But in the long run, I'm happy I wasn't the one they married.

 Have you and your boyfriend talked about marraige at all?  Do you have pressure to get married? (A lot of women have that from their families and friends.)

 And I know from my experience that those kind of thoughts can overpower my brain sometimes.  Logically and consciously I know I don't agree with the thoughts, but my emotions and subsonscious take them and run...and I focus on them rather than anything else.  The main thing that has helped me is to just allow myself to think they thoughts, to go along with them...but then keep reminding myself of how I really feel.  It's easy to be critical and mad that those thoughts even come into play, but I know that with me, getting mad at myself just makes it worse.  I usually end up trying to figure out why I feel that way as well, and sometimes just figuring that out helps me snap out of it.  (And it's easy for me to say that, but actually dealing w/ those scenarios is rough.)

 Anyway, I hope that helped some... I hope you get to feeling better about it.

Hey bcgirl: ya know I suspect that I may have ADD but I am trying to build the confidence to go find out.  Anyway I read your post and it home with me.  My closest friend got married in January to a multi-millionaire, they eloped in Puerto Rico, and he bought her a 50, 000 car (in cash) as a wedding present. It was almost like a fairy tale.   I was insanely jealous and broke down in tears thinking thoughts like why not me? Why am I not special enough to find that someone?  I guess from time to time we all tend to feel slighted when something wonderful happens to somebody else.    Have talked about marriage? Well.... "sort of" is all I can really say. He knows that I want to, and he says he wants to too, but he has not formally asked me or anything. I'm too much of a traditional girl, so I don't want to propose to him, KWIM?

Back when I first starting hinting (like, 2 years ago), he gently reminded me of all our debt (I have student loans up the wazoo, and we both have some credit card debt as well). So.. lately I've started hinting that I don't need a big fancy wedding with all the bells and whistles. If we have 20 people for a quiet lunch reception and pay less than 00 I'd be more than happy. He seemed receptive to that idea, but didn't really say much else. So frustrating. He has been married once before, but I think 3 years is long enough to get over the "this time he wants to be sure" period.

And now this has happened. I hate being so jealous! I feel so selfish.
bcgirl197838427.5621643519