add - anger - blame - etc | ADHD Information

 

It seems that most people with add really have multiple problems - the original add and the poor self-image and depression/anger that goes along with all of the failures and disallusionment.

Other people come into our lives and -even those that would be willing to deal with us through our strugges with add, do not want to deal with the related depression/anger and low self-esteem that may come out.

I was depressed/angry for a long time and was blaming the wrong people.

I was annoying the people who would put up with me because i didn't want to really do what i needed to do to acknowledge that the add and related problems were actually my problems that i needed to deal with and get under control. 

Now, I regret the time I took before I reached the point where I could accept that it was my problem that i needed to get under control.  i think it's a little like what an alcoholic may go through in a 12 step program.

can anyone else relate at all to what i'm saying?  

I do relate yellowdog. I'm 29 and only started to get help a few months ago. It has been very helpful learning about ADHD and reading this board and taking meds and therapy. Trust me I knew something was wrong for a long time, but just couldn't admit it to myself.

I have looked back at some of the sh*t I pulled and sure I regret a lot of it--and will pay for it for quite some time--mainly my bad credit issues--but I try to tell myself that all things bad or good lead to this moment in time. So even though it sounds weird, without going through the hard times you went through you may not have ever decided to seek help at all-you know what I mean?

What I focus on is the new begining-I now relize that I had/have an issue to deal with(we're unique remember that) and even though it was hard to admit and seek help-I'm glad I did-So I look forward to the future and the changes that I hope to make.

You have done the right thing in seeking help and I know it is tough, but when you look back maybe now you can see what worked well and what screwed things up.

We will always have regrets-everyone does-but I think sometimes those of us with ADHD tend to dwell on the negitive-but, unless you invent a time machine-which would make you rich beyond belief-you can't change the past, but you can control the present and influence the future.

Good luck, and great job getting help.jake77738428.375162037

Getting help is the best start. I've known all my life something wasn't quite right, but it wasn't that I didn't want to admit it, I never once considered it was ADD. I had disfunctional family issues, bullying at school and Tourette's tics to deal with so I never got around to wondering why exactly I had these other problems. I didn't know there was such a thing as innatentive ADD. The daydreaming I put down to an interest in philosopy.

I agree Jake, it's important to treat a diagnosis as a new beginning. I'm looking forward to big changes in my life. I have days when can't believe everything could change because of one little tablet, but that is the old negative me talking, the one who has deeply hidden low self esteem. If we start thinking positively, accept the problem and decide to work with it I think we could all achieve our goals.

It takes effort though, and I have never in my life made any,so it's not going to be easy.

I think everone here can relate yellowdog. Thanks for the post and good luck!

Both Jake and Eliza have expressed it very well. So I won't repeat what they contributed. But it did bring to mind as I was growing up and as an adult, I just couldn't understand WHY people didn't like me. I thought I was a nice person, a compassionate person, so why did people treat me the way they did? Especially my peers?    And now I know I can't blame them. However, I can feel sorry for them, for THEIR lack of compassion.    I thought I HAD good self-esteem, didn't realize until recently that I didn't and why. It IS fun seeing how people react to me when I DO use the skills and tools I've been learning, w or w/o meds.

Good luck to all of us! GypsyWomyn38428.6875231481I've got some deeply buried stuff, too, I guess? I'm kinda new to all of this as well, and I never have had therapy or counseling or anything like that. On top of that, I think I have a well-camoflauged super-ego too. I've always assumed that I was more stronger-willed and minded than other people, and that everyone else was just idiots. Are other people idiots, or is that just some messed-up psychological problem?

I guess I'm just starting to wonder if I have these problems too... I'm not an emotional person, and my ego is probably in charge off in the distance somewhere. I find that I analyze everything to the core, but maybe don't understand it's deeper meaning (not in a philosophical sense). On that note, I also just chalked myself up to being a philosoph!

I guess I'm starting to second-guess my basis for a lot of these thoughts about myself?? Does anyone know what I mean, or could offer their thoguhts?

 

Thank you all for your posts and for relating to my experience.  It is so nice to feel that others understand. 

Thank you everyone for your comments, I couldn't agree more that we must see ADHD as an opportunitity instead of a curse. Although, for the first time in months I was really quite sad about it today. Even though I'm on Adderall I still get the feeling that I'm missing out on what is being said or even on what I'm trying to retain in as far as reading assignments, who was in the movie, what band played that song, etc. etc.  Sometimes it's more obvious than at other times. Today it was obvious. I did a formal presentation as a member in a group and even though I knew the material I just couldn't put the right words to it. This happens quite often. It's like my brain makes these huge jumps and I think that everyone is following along. Then I realize that wow I lost em. Now I have to look silly and back track and tell them what I already told them, then I somehow end up confusing myself and appear dumb.  ugh!

 

In some ways maybe it doesn't matter if it is a blessing or a curse - it just is. 

I used to get really upset when i did something that i wish i hadn't or didn't do something as well as i had hoped but now i really regret those feelings. 

For me, the feelings led to depression/anger that made me feel bad, made me less productive and also made me undesirable for other people.  i even gave up for a while.  i think i wanted people to pity me.

i guess it's hard not to feel bad when other people call you stupid or hopeless - directly or not - or when you feel that way.  Pride steps up and wants to say f you and when you fail again, you may start to say f me.

however, i feel that i overlooked the obvious for years - all that i can do is the best i can and i have to start from here. 

i think of jackie robinson.  he made it because he was a great player AND because he didn't let the taunting get to him.  i know there's a difference but the analogy kind of works for me anyway.

it is disappointing that things aren't the way i had hoped they would be but for me, looking on the bright side now is more about doing the best i can, taking responsibility, figuring out how to improve my situation or to accept my failure with grace- and without blaming others-  and by noticing the things in myself and around me that have so much value. 

my biggest regret is that i didn't start doing this sooner.  however, i agree with the statement about the time machine ...

I got help after I threw one too many of. what my parents called my spoiled brat fits, with my husband.  Also I went across the street and told the neighbor that she kept her yard like Sanford and Son's yard and made our property value go down with the yard art....anyway I soon became known as the neighborhood snob/bit_ h and this is not me at all...I just got really annoyed with her home...it is the only one that was still the original home on the lot...(the rest have been torn down and replaced with 5000-6000 sq ft homes) she let her kids keep all their skate board ramps etc in the front yard...and they would throw the baseball against their garage door daily to see how many dents the could achieve.....anyway...she is nice and I did not mean it against her...I really just wanted hte yard to be clean.....so anyway at 32 went to the Doctor and found out i have adhd took medicine and haven't had a blow up since...can't believe I did all of what I did in the past...everytime I was annoyed I would totally belittle who I cared about...not take care of what was going on inside...so I agree with you it must be like the AA thing...

I can think of nothing more painful than knowing that you have the capability to succeed but do not have the capacity to pull it off.

For me, after 38 years of pain and failure in the material world, perspective and understanding is where I get comfort:

- Active management and treatment of adhd -- so critical 

- I now understand that I am not alone, adhd is very common (I am not a freak)

- I see and understand that everyone has problems (though most would never admit it) 9self absorbed or delusional)

- I believe that I can change, (brick, by brick, day by day)

- I focus on the positive (stop negative thinking at all costs)

- I understand that you can not live in the past, (no more wasted years)

- I have come to realize that the people in my life do not understand or even care that I have adhd (if they even believe it exists).

- I now believe that there are no problems, only solutions

- And I am trying to actually love myself!

 

 

Love your attitude to life rebornman!