Do you have friends? | ADHD Information

All my life I can remember only 4 friends that I have had. I try to interact but the things I say and do are off putting to most people. I get negative reactions all the time and there is always someone else anyone I would like to be friendly with would rather hang out with than me. It has gotten to the point that I have given up and accepted my status as non friend material, but I wonder if any of my fellow ADHD'ers have this problem. Or is it truly just me.I just did a search for other topics about this very thing. You are definitely not alone with this dilemma! I believe it pretty much goes hand-in-hand with AD(H)D. One topic I found is "I'm so lonely!" You can search for that topic (phrase). You can do your own search for "friends" in topic...several for you to some good reading. Search tool is at top of page, melimonk.

If you can remember 4 friends, and four friends who have accepted you as you are, I'd say you're doing pretty good. I've pretty much resolved to being somewhat of a loner (I call myself an "extroverted recluse"

) , yet have felt very welcome by the people and comaraderie on this board. It's so good communicating with others like us, who understand one another and can share.

Oh, so answer to your question...most definitely YES.

So welcome, melimonk!

Well....I am ADD.... my best friends are my sisters they keep me sane

( and basicly they cant run out on me).... than

I had friends (I can count on one hand,

the ones that really were my friends)

though not like belonged to any group of friends.... most of my friends I

just drift away from with time and just forget to contact them.... just

sitting my little corner of the world happy as basketcase. Than I have one

friend that has stuck by me and I by her.

I am very burned in just relationships with people so I not

very approchable.... and had come to terms of being a loner but..... then

my class mates crawled under shell and I am coming out just this year.....

and I suddenly popular... and accepted...it's quite unreal. They gave me

the courage to show myself.... I always thought of myself as the shadow

that isin't noticed. Well I am synical and people have to get to know me

to know that I mean no harm because I speak befor I think and I have

come to terms with that some people just dont get me or like and I dont

have to try to make them like me. And I just

seek out the open minded thinking people that dont judge and give you a

change at least. [QUOTE=Taag Man]

[QUOTE=ditzychick]Lately, I've been antisocial and would rather not hang out with my friends, like I said right now. I don't know how long this is going to last. Btw, I just recently accepted my diagnosis of ADD 2 weeks ago, so I guess that is one reason why I am kinda isolating myself.[/QUOTE]

It is no shame to need alone time when you are rediscovering yourself.... You are in a difficult period of your life... the basis of your personality is changing, and you, of course, need time to reconstruct your personality on your new basis...

[/QUOTE]

Hey thanks for the reinforcement or reassurance. Did you or anyone else feel the same way after being diagnosed?

I have allot of friends... but only one or two are close....

I do not suffer that much on the social side, as many of you aparrently do... i guess I'm lucky...

Lately, I've been antisocial and would rather not hang out with my friends, like I said right now. I don't know how long this is going to last. Btw, I just recently accepted my diagnosis of ADD 2 weeks ago, so I guess that is one reason why I am kinda isolating myself.

Taag Man38431.6541782407Can count them on one hand, but luckily am married to one of them now.

Have really made a lot of progress with this since my diagnosis and treatment about 5 years ago. Part of it involved accepting that I'm not a social butterfly, anyway, and it's OK! As my circle of friends grows, and I'm more open about my ADD, they have started to accept that I'm not as social (rather than thinking that I just don't like them) and we can still be "friends" even if I'm AWOL for 2 months.

i went to an art museum with a friend today. (i know a couple people that i'd call "friends".)

i had fun at the museum and so did he (i think) but we know each other well enough so we can each look at things we're interested in and then come back together then seperate again, etc.

with people i know less well, i find it easier to act more reasonably, to tolerate aspects of people and to set boundaries now that my add is being treated. i think i used to bug people more.

now, i sometimes think things in my mind that are tactless and really kind of funny and then say something totally different that is more diplomatic ... it has made life a little easier. i still have my moments however ... i'm still learning.

at one point, not so long ago, i had to realize that several old "friends" had "grown up" before me and i had to accept that it was sort of time to let them go

[QUOTE=ditzychick]Hey thanks for the reinforcement or reassurance. Did you or anyone else feel the same way after being diagnosed?[/QUOTE]

You are welcome. No I havent been diagnosed yet... but I felt very different after I found what my problem was, and after I learned what I have been fighting all my life. I can only imagine how you feel after getting a official diagnosis, and the proper medication. The very basis of your being are changed... logic dictates that it acquires some thought and solitude...

The best friend of my life died of alcoholism.
The next best friend of my life is a psychotic (sp?) who smokes way too much dope, drinks too much and is himself a social outcast.
(I am clean and sober)
I too am an extroverted loner. I have social skills to a degree, but people BORE me as a rule and I don't want to be trapped into having to move up/over/down to their levels.Really when people send me any small signal they are tiresome I tend to proceed to ignore them. If I even hear them talk about some inane television show too much, sports with too much fervor, politics with a wild-eyed right or left leaning viciousness, and especially if I hear them being too money and materialistic leaning, I write them off. So I suppose I am antisocial to a degree, I think this is a flaw in me more often than percieved flaws in others but this is how it goes.
Materialism and television don't interest me so it makes me very very different from the start.

Yes, Me!

Went to the doc because I was so stressed about working 15 hours a day and getting nothing done, found out about ADD and crawled under a rock for a couple of months to think about it. Pretty much only saw my boyfriend who never bothered me with questions, bless him. I've started meds, started seeing friends again, started thinking about the future and what I'm going to do with the new me. Feeling quite positive.

On the topic of friends:

I generally only ever had one friend (or none) until university. I never knew anyone who was interesting enough or wanted to do the same things as me.

Now I have quite a lot of friends, some I see every week, some rarely, but I have friends for different occasions. I've accepted that I'm a loner with a wide variety of interests, so I have friends for going to movies with, for going out dancing, for shopping, for bike riding adventures, for intellectual discussion.

I just decide what I feel like doing and call the friend who'd be most interested in doing it too. It seems to work because I don't miss out on the things I like doing and no one friend ever gets bored of me or overloaded when I talk too much. I can see other people for a week or two and give them time to recover from the exhaustion of hanging out with me. Seems to keep everyone happy.

I've had friends, lots of them over the years. But they all went away while I wasn't paying them any attention.

I got a dog now..

Mark -

I have a problem w/ friends as well. Most of my 'friends' are of a similar type, usually have my sense of humor and are similar to my personality in various ways. I tend to get bored with many people very quickly.

But my issues come into play with not keeping touch with people, I have very few friends that last over the years, simply because I lose touch... Many people think I don't care, which isn't the case. Most of my friends understand that it's not personal when they don't hear from me for a few weeks, but that doesn't mean they don't take it that way at times. It's a struggle. I have many people I care about, but it's an effort at times to be a friend....if that makes any sense.

Also, many people get offended by how my ADD comes thru at times... I usually have to explain to people not to take things the wrong way...like lack of eye contact/looking at them and jittery body language. I try to remember to focus on people, but...

[QUOTE=chicx0r]But my issues come into play with not keeping touch with people, I have very few friends that last over the years, simply because I lose touch... Many people think I don't care, which isn't the case. Most of my friends understand that it's not personal when they don't hear from me for a few weeks, but that doesn't mean they don't take it that way at times. It's a struggle. I have many people I care about, but it's an effort at times to be a friend....if that makes any sense.[/QUOTE]

Isn't it a two-way street, tho? Those few weeks in which they may not hear from you, have you heard from them? hmmmm? I often find it's me who does the most work at keeping a friendship going, which makes me wonder

And I totally agree and it makes a lot of sense. It can be a lot of work to keep friends. It's almost like being married, you can't take them for granted or assume things. But if both parties put this effort into a friendship, it can be quite rewarding. (At least from what I remember.)

GypsyWomyn38432.5007986111

sometimes people look at me like I am stupid as I try to say one thing and it comes out at something else... I just opted to keep my mouth shut!

if they only knew how beutiful add people are!

Besides my boyfriend, I have 3 extremely close friends, and 2 of them live in other parts of the country. I have another very good friend (who's wedding I am standing in this December), who lives in the same city. I can talk to her about almost anything, but it's not like with the other three.

I have three university acquaintances whom I rarely ever talk to. We email once in a while, but we are far from "close".

There are people I chat with at work, but I unfortunately wouldn't consider them friends, except for one.

Ya know, I hear of people who go to parties all the time, and go on 25+ person camping trips, and they do this and that and everything else, and I think, "good grief... how can people deal with that many other people all the time???"

Yeah... it took me a while to come to terms with it, but I think I'm pretty content with being somewhat of a loner.

[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn] I've pretty much resolved to being somewhat of a loner (I call myself an "extroverted recluse" ) [/QUOTE]

That is exactly what I call myself! I like people OK, but I can go for weeks with no more socialization than the little I get on my job (about an hour or two per day). And be perfectly happy.

I believe it is a combination of things. Most people mis-read me and think I am way more social than I am. I have had folks say "But I can't imagine you being alone!" or "I feel so sorry for you out there by yourself!" (erm, I wanna be).

I have had date offers based on no more than "Well, I'm alone and I know you are too." Come to think of it, I had a marriage purposal phrased the same way.

Anyhow, having friendships is strange for me. I have several good friendships on the web... and yeah, we have actually met and gotten together a few times. But in RL, I have just my siblings that I can really call myself close to.

I do have poeple that I could call and hang out with, but I really don't enjoy it as much as other people seem to. That, plus (and this is really important) I seem to pick friends etc that are very toxic for me, treat me badly, lie to me etc...so I just avoid most of them now. ~~sigh~~ Poor self-esteem strikes again.

I have very few true friends although I do have some. They are the people I can connect with even if I don't see or talk to them for over a year. I have always had a hard time staying connected. Friendships can be so much work. Also, in my youth I was always searching for something that seemed just beyond my grasp and that left some people behind. Now I regret the searching because the people that were left behind were worth the time and effort it would have taken to keep those friendships. I never did find what I was searching for.

I feel like I should put a disclaimer: I am not officially diagnosed... that said, I identify too much with what everyone says not to feel that my input may be valid.

What I've noticed is that I am only likely to be comfortable around people that I feel are obligated to me: I feel very close with my family, roommates, and one or two people who I've known too long to be uncomfortable with... New people I find interesting are unattainable for me, I don't see why they would want to put up with my shenanigans, and boring people get my brush off.

I don't post this as healthy! This is simply what I recognized in myself and am trying to correct... Hope this strikes a chord.

I've had friends come and go. Usually people I'd meet at work but we wouldn't keep in touch when when either party left the job.

But i just turned 40 on April 1st (yes I know, most people say it explains alot) and I still have one real friend that I've had almost my entire life. I'm sure he propably knows me better than any one else ever has.

[QUOTE=LSD4165]I've had friends come and go. Usually people I'd meet at work but we wouldn't keep in touch when when either party left the job.

That is the exact way I form friends... I meet them at school or work... but I do not have any relations with the elsewere... or if I leave I lose contact. But also 2-3 real friends that I talk alot with, and whom knows me very well...

I just thought it was my personal preference not to make new friends. No, I haven't any other than the one or 2 I made back home before I left Missouri and came to Florida. Every day at work people are annoyed with the things I say. They roll thei eyes like its something insane I said. Don't know why. Seems like normal conversation to me. One of my old boyfriends was ADHD and he seemed perfectly normal in my eyes. So why do people run away from us?

I can recall when I was married the first time my 1st husband wanted to go to parties and I would tell him I was ready to go home because I felt "trapped" there with nothing to do. And all those people seemed to be going at a snail's pace which annoyed me. I so hated parties. I would seem overly social because if someone managed to get me to talk I wouldn't stop talking.

People in general just bore the crap out of me. I prefer not being around anyone. I can't really consider any acquaintances I have made down here "friends", because they too bore the crap out of me. heheh

If ADHD people are my friends, they would not bore me. On the contrary, every one I have met seems to be at the right pace & highly interesting to me. Why can't those "other" people be the ones they say have the mental dysfunction?? heheh

Unfortunately, they do worse than roll their eyes. 8( Theres a couple girls, one being actually mentally ill and on medication and one that cops a major attitude that really get on me. The one with the attitude just acts like she's all that even when she is wrong.

One thing is for sure..I HATE being wrong, and if I am sure I am right I fight it to the end and tick everyone off. Not trying to cause issues..but if I know for a fact I am right I will take the extra time to pick it all apart and analyze the facts.

[QUOTE=Reizende]

Every day at work people are annoyed with the things I say. They roll thei eyes like its something insane I said. Don't know why. Seems like normal conversation to me.

[/QUOTE]

Their behavior is like childish bullying - rolling their eyes. I have worked places where someone is bullied and it has been me a couple of times.

Later, I could see that my behavior was different and that was annoying to them.

However, it doesn't really excuse the bullying because bullying is a form of harassment.

Your boss is probably to blame. He or she should put a stop to it.

I hope that either things change in your office or you find a different job before it has a damaging effect on your self-esteem.

There's another 13-page thread for more reading on this topic (I, personally don't want to repeat myself...subject hurts too much right now

) Do a search for this specific topic: topic/ADHD Adult Explain ADHD=No relationships, get a cup of coffee, or water, or whatever, and have a good read.