There's a forum for partners of ADDers just been set up on the UK website 'Adders'. The URL's http://www.adders.org/
It's very new, so I don't know much about it, but it may help.
Mark -
Me too!! My partner was recently diagnosed having been untreated his whole life. Since diagnosis and medication he has been messy, inattentive, unloving and downright cruel sometimes. I'm trying to help, trying to understand but sadly after 8 years I don't know if I'm up to the job. We could cope with personality issues before diagnosis when they were just that. Now it's a whole different ball game with built-in addictions and sensitivities. I am SO confused. I don't know what he's feeling and I don't know how to help.
Mark - nice one! This looks really useful.[QUOTE=fisherman]My partner was recently diagnosed having been untreated his whole life. Since diagnosis and medication he has been messy, inattentive, unloving and downright cruel sometimes. [/QUOTE]
I guess you'd have to wonder - if someone started having the symptoms after they learned about the disorder, etc. In that case, i'd question the diagnosis ...
Also, having add is NO EXCUSE for being cruel or abusive. If he's doing that, i'd get support for myself and i'd probably get out of the relationship.
Life is too short to put up with abuse.
Well the symptoms were there all along but never diagnosed but more along the lines of scatter-brained, funny and creative. He has since been prescribed ritalin which helps in some ways but seems to have deadened any feelings of affection and empathy. There's no physical abuse going on but he says the most cruel, unfeeling things and never apologises or even seems to realise how hurtful they are. I don't know about questioning the diagnosis (not being a sufferer or a doctor myself) but I'd definitely question the wisdom of prescribing this medication without trying other approaches first. Ritalin anyone?
I hope I didn't offend anyone there. I know the medication is necessary in most cases. I just wish alternatives/supplementary approaches were promoted as well but I guess it's just the culture we live in. In some cases the "cure" can be as bad as the ailment.
Fisherman,
Maybe it would be useful for him to try another medication. Everyone reacts to them differently. Could he possibly benefit from an anti depressant also? I have heard that depression in men shows itself through anger, irritability, etc. Usually those of us with ADD, have other things in combination with it, often it's depression. It's just a thought.
Fisherman -
I have absolutely no idea how you may have offended someone in your previous post. You simply stated your unfortunate dilemma and your opinion - that's not offensive.
Fisherman,
Maybe it would be useful for him to try another medication. Everyone reacts to them differently. Could he possibly benefit from an anti depressant also? I have heard that depression in men shows itself through anger, irritability, etc. Usually those of us with ADD, have other things in combination with it, often it's depression. It's just a thought.
Hi - interesting, the link with depression. I have suffered from depression myself in the past and I recognise some symptoms. I think the diagnosis itself can be a huge thing to deal with. Did any of you experience big problems coming to terms with that as well as medication? It would really help if she would talk to me about it - help me anyway - but she doesn't. I can't imagine what she's going through.
Thanks for this. His doctor has now put him on anti-depressants too. It’s hard to tell if it’s working. I’ve been on the same medication and I know it took ages before it got any better – in fact I felt worse for a while. I’m hoping that when he gets a chance to stabilize and get things under control he can look at getting off all these pills. Is that realistic? I really don’t want to bother him with all these questions right now as he just wants some peace and quiet.
About offending people - it was just in case. I know some of you have a hard time with peoples’ reactions and I didn’t want you to think I’m saying medication isn’t necessary. I'm just interested in the alternatives.