To tell a coworker or not to tell... | ADHD Information

Dave, does your boss know of your dyslexia? Or even your ADD for that matter? Perhaps you could let him know that you'd like to tell your co-workers about your dyslexia (not ADD) so they could maybe cut you some slack. In fact, do you think that's even what your employer meant by personal stuff? I know they really dislike employees revealing their salary, etc. to co-workers, which usually just creates jealousy or whatever. But something like your difficulty with words, letters, etc., I would think it would definitely be to your benefit to share that with them. hmmm?Keep the ADD stuff to yourself.

Well I did tell him about the ADD and Dyslexia, He seemed okay with it. But the advice he gave me was..

(My boss)

Dave, you should learn the names and the names of the wives of each of your employees, as well as all thier childrens names. Then you can ask how well they are doing. It makes them feel like you care about them, then when the time comes, they will take a bullet for ya if need be, then you will know your a great supervisor.

(My reply)

Actually I am not that great with names, but I know thier lives. I know what thier dreams for the future are, what sicknesses thier kids had through the winter. What they like to do for hobbies and where they like to go. I know what upsets them, and what works for them. I feel I care about them, and know them well.

(my boss)

Now see, thats your mistake, you should stop at only the names. If you get yourself all wrapped up in them, you can't be a good supervisor. And they should know nothing about you either, you don't share things about your life with them do you?

(my responce)

Well sometimes, sometimes they have and experience that is similar to something that happen to my family and we share war stories. Often we laugh about it together. I am free with my own interests, and that gets them to open up to me as well. I keep it proffesional basis, I don't go out drinking with them or play favorites, but I relate to them as a human being, instead of just thier boss.

(My boss)

Big mistake, its very unproffesional to share anything with an employee other than that your kid plays hockey, or you like to watch football and who's your favorite team.

(my responce)

So I should pretend I care by remembering the names of thier familes, but in actuallity not care at all.

(my boss)

Well basicly yea, as long as they think you care they will take a bullit for you.

(my responce)

I'll think about it. I left with my head spinning thinking, there is a man who thinks squat about me, and I will never trust.

To this day I can't help but care about the people who work under me, I get sad when thier children are ill, and laugh when they tell me about the good things that happen to them. I still share much of myself, I just can't help it, I can't pretend to care... I just do.

Dave, you're a caring, compassionate person, and I would be delighted to have a boss like you, willing to do the best job I'm capable of.

As for your boss, if he actually expects you would take a bullit for him, I think he'd better think twice about that.    GypsyWomyn38433.9020486111

I have always wrestled with this. Some people feel you should never discuss personal issues with people. My Boss is a firm believer that your private life is well yours, and should not be shared at work, its a sign of unproffesionalism if you even mention anything but the stupid, my kid plays hockey stuff.

It's not that I would preffer special treatment, but I would really like them to realize I'm not an idiot, on drugs or stupid when my ADD or dyslexia gets the best of me and I forget something they just told me an hour ago, and I have to go to my notes to remember.

I have this horrible feeling sometimes that there are people in my office that shake thier heads behind my back because of my limitations, like I am some kind of simple mind when I know I can think circles around quite a few of them, I just can't remember stuff.

Half of me wants to scream, ITS NOT MY FAULT, SO CUT ME SOME SLACK, and the other half doesn't want to be admit the weakness.

I guess its just and ego thing, but I consider myself a bright, caring creative person who unfortunetly comes off as half brained and distracted. 

 

I tried telling co-workers I think I have ADD which would explain my "absent-minded professor" type behavior, and they tell me its an excuse to be lazy & not improve myself. They are saying ADD isn't a true illness & that I just need to concentrate harder.

Reizende

I told my boss, and he was OK - at first he said some rubbish like "well, you're paid the same as everyone else at your level, so I'll be looking for the same results".  He's always commented on my 'resourcefulness' and my ability to pull a solution to a problem out of thin air (his words).  I told him that's ADD - but there's a trade-off - there are also things I will always find difficult, things that most people find trivially easy.  He got the point, and the company have been OK so far.

However, due to 'restructuring' within the company I shall have a new boss from 1st April.  I await his reaction with interest.

Mark -

 

I think so many of us just want to be understood and accepted for what we are.  However, with add, that doesn't happen very often.

Personally, with add symptoms, I think it's usually better just to talk about things you do well and things that are harder for you.   With dyslexia, I don't know if i'd talk about that either but if i did i'd talk about it as a strength - as something you had as a kid but that you've largely overcome and i'd frame it as telling them because you want them to feel more important somehow. 

I've found that when it comes down to it, most people i've worked with haven't really cared about me or each other that much - not really.  Most are more like your boss.  They are doing what they can to take care of themselves. 

Remember also, there are a lot of people who say they have add or who really do have add - and DO use it as an excuse - and your coworkers will probably think of that.

 

I think what your boss said was horrible !!!!

I think the "advice" he was giving you was for the general boss/employee relationship, not the "add" boss/employee relationship

For Instance: I used to work for a woman who insisted calling us by our last names, she did not want to know if we had kids - she found out if they were sick and we had to stay home, she did not want to know anything about us personally unless she found out incidentally, that way she didn't feel guilty about firing us, or not giving us a christmas bonus, or care if we had a car wreck (ok I'm exaggerating a little bit) but you get the drift. and we knew EVERYTHING about her. I mean stuff her own mother probably didn't know, and somehow we knew what to get her for Christmas, birthday parties were full of presents for her, Boss's day was another Christmas, etc, etc..........KWIM ??????? She ran a very tight ship and the ONLY thing that kept most of us there is that she paid extremely well for what we did...and of course there were the "brown nosers"who thought she was a god....every time they snitched on someone they got a raise..you know the kind.....anyway that's another story.....

If you can't remember their names, they you CAN'T remember their names whether you are "supposed" to or not.......I find that I am much more loyal to someone and would "take a bullet" for someone only if I truly cared for someone and we were extremely close, like a family member...

I don't think he has a clue what the "ADD" person has to go through on a daily basis.

And we are GENERALLY very caring, fun, supportive people.....you can't change your personality............just as the "normal" population can't or won't try to understand us. As we are open minded enough to readily accept new ideas, a lot of people out there are very closed minded, rude, uncaring, and inconsiderate. They think what they think and there is no way to change their minds. It is too hard for then to accept change....I think your boss fits in to this category...- maybe not SOOOOO bad, but you make him sound this way........

JUST MY OPINION,  nothing more- good luck- I wish you the best

 

Dave,

I have been struggling with the same thing...whether or not to tell anyone.  Not just coworkers, but family members as well.  My husband and 2 of my good friends know, but that's all.  My parents don't know and none of my coworkers know. 

In some respects I would like to keep it that way because there will ultimately be some that will say something like..."I knew there was something wrong with her" and there will be others that are just like what was posted erlier "It's not real, it's all in your head and you're just not trying"

It is a difficult position to be in (working with ADD).  Especially when you can't remember someone's name or the fact that just yesterday you were supposed to so something quite important and forgot even after writing it down.  It's a constant struggle...at least for me.  I have notes posted all over the place at my desk.  Some of them are for things that I need to do on a daily or weekly basis.  I have all sorts of reminders on my electronic calendar at work and I have a day planner, which I carry around with me.  And I still can't remember some things! 

I am not sure what to tell you about letting your coworkers know.  If you feel you must tell them, I would suggest targeting the most responsible or the ones that you feel the most comfortable with and telling them first asking that they keep it to themselves.  Then wait and see how you are treated.  If there is no fall-out from it and you feel you are ready to let the rest of them in on it, then go ahead.

Good luck!

 

I think your bosses response was pretty good. It's sounds like he may actually have an uderstanding of ADD. It sounded like he was trying to help you with social skills in relationship to work.

I can relate to you about not remembering names but knowing just about everything else about a person. But, in certain situations like a workplace setting knowing the names is more appropriate than knowing the other things.  I know it can be very hard for many people with ADD to play those social games that everybody else plays but sometimes we need to.