Adult ADD and Social Anxiety | ADHD Information
I have always been anxious in social situations, and never realized it was attributed to ADHD until last year, when I was diagnosed at age 30. I, too, have always had a small group of friends, and find it hard to form new relationships. I consider myself shy, but others see it as standoffishness or snottiness. I can be very outgoing, but I have to feel completely comfortable in my surroundings. I am also not very good in 'bar' situations where there are many conversations or people to look at - too many distractions!
I used to compensate for my anxiety by self-medicating - valium helped and so did alcohol... But I don't do that anymore. I realized when I was diagnosed what I was really 'looking' for was ritalin. When my doc realized my anxiety was due to ADHD, he put me on Ritalin, and it is like what I wanted in the valium. It totally calms me down, and I can listen to one person at a time, and not be distracted by other things. And I don't need to drink!!! It's great. I was actually out last night at a bar I usually hate, with a group of friends from work. In the past, I would have either not gone, or would have drank too much to make myself feel comfortable (until the next morning when I would be sick). Last night, I was fine, had great conversations, and had fun! And no money spent because I drank diet cokes!
Thanks for letting me share.
Hi,I think it is part of having adhd.I have had it all my life as well.I am now 41,have had a hard time in School since 5th grade,and always felt like I didnt belong.I still feel a horrible sense of something like doom,not belonging,not quite fitting in when I am around people .I have been diagnoded now for 2 years and that is because I saw something in my daughter that something was not right with her. she is my 4th and youngest.I took my Daughter to see a neurologist and found out we both have it.she went from a 60 average to an 85 average in a very short time.I think a life time of adhd has took its toll on me because even though I am married and have 4 children,I prefer to either be alone,or with family members.I do not really like being around too many people.
[QUOTE=cant_focus]Hi -
I'm a 32 year old guy with ADD - wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago - but the symptoms have been there forever. Ever since I was a kid I've had a hard time making and keeping friends, I've always had some friends but I always felt different from my peers. I'm married now and do have a few good friends, but I still have a hard time forming relationships with new people at work etc. I was wondering if other adult ADDers have had similar experience and if this is indeed something that is attributed to ADD.[/QUOTE]
I have the same problems... my friends are mostly eccentric people whom also are different from normal people. I have a big lot of semi-friends, but arent that connected with most people...
I think as I get older, my social anxiety has increased. I also think I've become lazy. It's just sometimes easier to stay home some of the cold winter nights. The idea of going out to my car at the end of the night, scraping the windshield, trying to warm it up in 10 degree weather makes it so NOT worth it. I do a lot more when the whether warms up though. So maybe it's a seasonal thing as well.I have found that as I get older I am more content to stay at home. I don't feel the need to go out and socialize in order to enjoy myself. When I stopped drinking 12+ years ago, I 'gave up' a couple pretty good friends because we really couldn't relate to one another any more, which I suppose is somewhat understandable.For me a good time out is going to the library, finding an interesting book, and curling up in one of their big soft chairs and reading...or if I can't focus on a book, then just enjoying the quiet or descreetly people-watching. Or I like to go camping by myself. Otherwise, I'm content to take a walk, or stay at home where I can talk and cuddle with my cat, watch TV or a movie, listen to music, and, of course, visit this Board...which can be addictive. So basically, I do my socializing here.
I've never considered myself to have social anxiety, I just prefer my own company.
Besides, most people, especially in groups, can really drive me nuts! 
GypsyWomyn38444.6180439815I also stopped drinking (and drugging)a while ago.The thing is when I was drinking that was the only time I ever felt like I fit in.Those times i had many Friends.when I drank I became very brave,very open.I have been sober for about 10 years now,thanks to a higher power and some people who are very dear to me.I know I am a little different,But that doesnt mean bad.Sometimes My husband will joke around with me and say yea my wife shes a little funny.well,I guess I rather be a little funny,then totally plastered.Does anybody know what I mean?I feel the same way. I used to drink for bravery, I had to have at least one drink before I would meet up with friends. I always felt nervous, why feel nervous, these are friends!!! My friends and I would get so plastered everytime we met up. We are all married now and do occasionally get together for dinner and drinks, although some still seem to suck every last drop out of the bottle, I can have 1-2 drinks and still semi hold a conversation with one of them. The conversations lack what they used to. My friends and I could babble for hours, now we just catch up witth each other. Hubby and I have even passed up whatever recreational drug is put out on the table. Hmmmm, maybe all that talking was due to the alcohol and drugs. Although, my attention is not all there and now I can't blame it on the booze. Hubby and I are just more content to stay at home and concentrate on our teenage boy, hoping he is not out doing what we used to do at 15-16 yo.
Does this mean I have finally grown up at the age of 40 or does this mean I can handle social situations without numbing myself first?
I have to have something to talk about.-and then get totally involved . But it might sound like Linus' "great pumpkin"story , loopy at first.I used to feel like Cassandra, saying perceptive insightful things no one took seriously. I have very few friends because I'm not awfully intelligent but want to talk about ideas and speculate. I can't just hang out, I would die with boredom if I went out with my husband, listening to the same musicians in the same grotty bar all night, and not one real conversation. Why don't people read Man Without Qualities aloud in bars and talk about it?
martindale38453.9809027778Hi -
I'm a 32 year old guy with ADD - wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago - but the symptoms have been there forever. Ever since I was a kid I've had a hard time making and keeping friends, I've always had some friends but I always felt different from my peers. I'm married now and do have a few good friends, but I still have a hard time forming relationships with new people at work etc. I was wondering if other adult ADDers have had similar experience and if this is indeed something that is attributed to ADD.
I was a withdrawn child . Never told add. Can finish what I want to.
Hi all,
YOu know, I have been reading all the posts here and thinking, thank God I am not the only one like this. I have numerous friends from when I was younger, jr. high and high school. There are about 10 of us, 20 now since we all married. I have been able to keep those friends with no problem. When I meet people now I can relate to them on certain subjects but it ends there. There are no new lasting friendships. When I get home at night I think about the conversation and what could have been said differently. I also have a tendency of foot in mouth. As I have grown older, only 40, but I would rather sit home with my hubby and watch tv just so I don't have to be sociable. Hubby is the same way. I think of it this way, we are saving a lot of money!!!! Sometimes my friends can call me a party pooper because I just don't feel like going out on a particular evening. Probably depression also, lots of things going on with my son and his school, he is ADHD and teachers don't understand, hubby was ill for a few years, etc. A persons life changes and some people, friends, can't grasp the fact that all is not perfect in your world. When someone asks how you are doing instead, it's easier to say fine than to try to explain your current situation. Thats where my social skills have fallen off. Just easier now to stay in the house than go thru the art of trying to be a social butterfly. We still talk to friends but outings are few and far between.
Bcgirl.....
I also was very outgoing as a child, but very bossy, still am according to hubby. I too have low self esteem and I think that contributes to hiding from social situations. We used to be the party people, still are but not as often. The more I drink the further my foot is inserted!!! The further it gets, the more I drink.. blah blah..
I have social anxiety issues from my mom's side of the family, and I have ad/hd from my dad's side of the family. I hardly have any friends at all maybe one, and I feel like my husband is my whole world, he is my best and only friend. I think that the fact that I have ADD (and tend to say things without thinking and offend people without realizing) it has made my social anxiety issues worse. Also, I have the ad/hd tendencies to do things like forgeting to mail out thank you cards, and this also makes people look at me as being "quiet" and "stuck-up"...
It is very extremely difficult for me to make friends, because when I DO talk to people, I go home and mentally replay everthing I said, and start wondering if THIS sounded stupid, or did they take THAT the wrong way, and so forth. Often I will feel embarrassed for several days after talking to someone and realizing something I said was stupid, and then I will start avoiding that person altogether.
But yes, I feel that ad/hd can definitely cause you to have social issues sometimes; my husband also has ad/hd, but he does not have any anxiety with social issues at all, not the way I do. He is bubbly and seems to be totally oblivious to the "foot in mouth's" that he sometimes commits...But I notice that a lot of the ad/hders do not worry about it, or do not even notice that they slip up this way, in social settings....
But I think that ad/hd definitly plays a role in social issues, but if you get excessivley worried about being around people, (like I do) then it also may be a touch of social anxiety in there too...
Do you see a proffessional about your ad/hd?
Perhaps this is something that you could discuss it with him, and he could enlighten you a little more on it...
Welcome to the Board, cant focus!! I think it can be safely said that difficulties in forming/keeping relationships is definitely typical to AD/HEers.
May I make a suggestion...use your 'search' at top of board page, and search for "friends" using Topic and Adult ADD, there are several Topics with great reading material on this subject, mirroring many thoughts and feelings on this particular thorn in our sides.
There's a great group of people here that you'll find you have a lot in common with you, many of us not diagnosed until we were adults. They're informative and fun.GypsyWomyn38442.6672685185Hi there and welcome!
Yes.... socail anxiety/issues can be attributed to AD/HD. Our distractibility causes us to miss important body language and other social cues during conversations, and our impulsivity can cause the dreaded "foot-in-mouthitis". This resuslts in people putting distance between us and them on a regular basis. Depending on how you take this, you could live as a happy hermit, or develop serious social hang-ups.
I started out as a very happy, bubbly kid. I talked to anyone who would listen. I was bossy and controlling. It didn't take long to learn that the other kids didn't really care to hang around me much, and I withdrew into myself. I had enough thoughts bouncing around in my head to keep me compnay anyway. However, by high school, I had developed an extremely low self-esteem and a major fear of social situations. I would turn red the instant someone said my name. The mere act of going to school would make me sick - literally! High school was a living nightmare for me.
By the time I was 22, I was much better, however I still only stick to my small group of close friends. I don't relish being the center of attention, and social situations still give me butterflies, but I am usually fine once I get there. I still suffer the occasional "foot-in-mouth", but I try not to let it bother me as much as I used to.
Hi Everyone!!
I also have ADD(inattentive type)and Social Anxiety though who knows where I got that from!! My mom I think has ADD but doesnt realize it. But they are both good at socializing. My mom is really really outgoing and my dad is quieter but still it is easy for him to open up in social situations and my brother too. I,however, am a whole different story. Ever since I was a little kid, I've been more shy than normal and social situations are the worst. I have a couple good friends but other then that not really. I only have one friend at college, and a couple at work and my fiance of course. I sometimes even struggling talking to people when its one on one. I get soo self conscious still to this day! Even with my friends at times! Things go completely wrong out of my mouth. I have a very hard time expressing myself sometimes. Other times its easier but I still struggle. Especially talking to teachers and supervisors at work etc. Anyway can anybody give me tips on how to get better? i think I've gotten a lot better since i started working as a hostess but I still struggle. I want to be normal. I love to talk when I'm comfortable with the person. If I'm not though I can think of nothing to say and feel very self conscious. I'm always afraid I'll do something wrong or embarrassing or make a fool out of myself. I want to be confident I really do! I'm on medication right now for ADD(Concerta). What can I do for social anxiety? I'm taking these anxiety pills called Busporine that do NOT seem to be doing anything at all for me for my anxiety. It said it is supposed to help people with anxiety disorders but it sure isnt helping me. Anyway, anyone feel free to respond! i just struggle daily with self conscious feelings and just wish i could be like my family. My brother had the Hyperactive ADD I'm pretty sure(though i dont know if he knows). I've done a lot of research on ADD now that i have it and so I think he had the opposite type. Anyway, but he was always able to do well in school and socialize. I was always so jealous of him! I struggle soo much with concentrating and doing homework! I have failed quite a bit of classes an trust me it is soo hard when you have a brother who got straight As through college! I just can't focus on boring material. Even with concerta I'm still struggling. I need to learn how to be able to read even boring stuff and remember it. I tend to forget what I read and read over and over the same page or paragraph and then give up. It is the worst feeling! I'm so scared about college right now. I really want to finish and at least pass my classes and eventually graduate! I need help with social skills and study skills. It is so easy for me to sit down and write all of this but to talk to someone about it is extremely hard.I really really struggle with phone conversations and my heart races every time i have to call someone and ask them to work for me one night, or whatever. I also panic when I have to talk to my mom! I dont panic with my dad. I dont know why. It just happens. I dont want to be that way but every time my mom calls I get extremely anxious and I'm not comfortable talking to her. It's sad. Anyway, I know this is long but I just need you to see whats happening and would like tips etc. What other medicine is good for anxiety/social anxiety? I just moved up to 54mg for concerta. I've been taking 36mgs for awhile and now dont feel like it is doing as much for me anymore. So I'll be starting that soon. Are any of you on medication? anybody on concerta? if so I want to hear your thoughts on it or any medication. I want to know what the best one is for inattentive ADHD. Oh, also, Is medication supposed to help you be less forgetful about losing your keys or ID card or forgetting your backpack for class etc? does concerta make people feel more energetic? on 36mgs I havent felt like I've been on medication really. Only at first for the first week or 2. Now I feel normal. I'm glad it didnt change my personality but I like caffeine how it makes you really alert and energetic. I know medication is supposed to relax people though .I was never hyperactive so this is probably making me just calm down even more than I already am. Okay...what else? i got I'll leave it at this for now. Hope to get lots and lots of replies!! :) I love reading all your replies about things on here! very interesting! it is so nice to see that i'm not the only one this way and that there are a lot of other people with ADHD or Social Anxiety disorder too!
I have problems like that but I don't think I have an actual Social Anxiety Disorder. I think it can easily be attributed to my severe lack of self-confidence and self-esteem because of the struggle with undiagnosed ADD. I doubt I would suffer from these social problems if I had been diagnosed and treated at a young age.