Does My Daughter Have a Chance? | ADHD Information
I thought this would be the place to ask about anyones success attending school after high school. My daughter will be a senior next year and is smart but her grades are not going to get her into college. She is currently doing a 3 year Cosmatology course in 2. She would like to go to school for Estetics and Massage. I think because her learning is hands on this might be for her but I can not even see her going 3 hours away to school! We want her to be able to do this for herself. How did you all go about organizing your life without your mom doing things for you? She is very disorganized and needs reminders about almost everything. How do you as a kid leaving home "get it together"? Any advise is welcome. I can't get her to read these forums at all. She takes no interest in her ADD. She just started 72mg of Concerta from 54 and says she feels more focused. Thanks ahead!Hang in there for her and she will manage soon I would think.
Im 44 and attendning college for online courses and on a small campus about 35 miles from our family farming operation of my husbands and our four sons (22,21,19,17) and I decided to finally do something for myself since 3 are up and out of highschool and college for the oldest and the youngest has a year left of highschool.
So, when I graduated from highschool I just worked and never attended college, I just didnt think back then that I would ever make it as that wasnt in my type of life. Had many other things on my mind and all thru school years and highschool well in small towns they just pass you to get your out of there but grades was always "D" and "F". Back when I was growing up of course ADD and ADHD was not heard of or just wasnt one of those things, however, being married and 44 and raising 4 sons on the farm I have just worked around here for the years and a stay at home mom till I got this wild idea of going to college for edcuation degree so I could just substuite as you need a license in our state to do this also so here I am wondering how some days I survive.
For me things are a little different, Im a very organized person always have been since I got married, ontime person so all those skills dont effect me at all the ones that really put me into my place are the focusing in a classroom, studying for a test I have to study for 2 to 4 weeks for a test and still usually end up with a low "C" or "D", comprehension, and reading comprehension is not good at all. I can read and then 2 minutes later my husband will say what did you read or what was it about and I look at him and cant explain it and have no clue unless it is of interest to me then Im just fine. So this is what Im trying to find the right meds for and so far since November I have tried 5 different types and still nothing.
On strattera at 80mg per day she bumped me to along with Dextroamphetamine that I can take 10mg up to 3 times a day which I just started today and nothing yet. She will bump me up to 120mg of strattera next week and see I think she said that is the max I can go for my weight.
Anyways, hang in there for your daugher and if she could only read these message boards they are wonderful and some people are so appreciative to respond back and have uplifiting messages to share to you.
Dona
Gosh. Moving away from home is a huge call.
The most important thing is whether or not she'll have a support network when she gets there. It's vital. Whether it be a mentor, family member, counsellor etc.
Living on campus is really good for those moving out of home. You share with other people and there is always someone looking out for you. It's a good idea to mention her ADD to the owners, often there are people who live there with disabilities and though ADD is considered minor to obvious ones they will give her a little slack and help her out.
Moving on your own to a brand new town would be terrifying for me! Make sure you keep in contact with her, email is great if the phone bills are huge. It's very important that if she goes away she feels support from you. It's a brave leap for someone in her situation. Let her know she can come home any time she needs to, or call you if she needs a chat.
Hope this helps and good luck!
Kristen
I forgot to mention thta these schools are not colleges and have no "campus" It would mean finding a place for her to live. I would hope we could find a roommate for her. Lovtofarm, GOOD for you,going back to school! Have you taken anything other then Strattera? My aughter tried that last year and it did not work for her. Thank you both for your replies..Ha, her first idea was to go to school in California!
The most important question is whether or not she is commited to being succesful. There are always solutions, techniques, strategies to help overcome her obstacles. Is she willing to structure her life, acknowledge her shortcomings, and work on stratagies to overcome them?Don't ever equate ADHD with inadequacy or unintelligence. There are a lot of "normals" out there who are stupid and a lot of ADDers who are smart and successful.
Also, cosmetology is great! Just because she's not going to a university doesn't mean there isn't any hope for her. If she really loves what she's doing she could own her own spa, become a famous make-up artist or hair stylist.
Also, you may have to let her struggle a little bit. It sounds like you're trying to do everything for her so she doesn't have to "suffer." That's commemorable but in order for her to really learn about herself- her likes, limitations and talents- she needs to make a few mistakes. She needs to fall on her face a few times.
She will turn around, she just needs to get out of the "academic" scene where the emphasis is on obedience and perfection.
Janz,
I am a student again, nursing school at 33. Some schools, especially community colleges and universities, there are disability counselors for students with ADD/ADHD and they are great. They help set goals, supportive, and are there if you need them. Kind of like coaching. Please look into it, it may be very helpful. I hope things work out for your daughter.
lee0338444.6588425926All the replys are right on the mark. She can not wait to be done with school. The peer pressure and all the other sh*t that goes on. Until this past week her goal was do get out to Cailfornia and study TV and Film makeup BUT she said she does not feel she has the "gut" talent to be really good at it. Hopefully she can go 3 hours from home and study spa therapy outside of Boston. My husband says I do to much for her but like I tolds her, show me can do things for yourself without reminders from me before you think you can off on your own. So we are working on that.
Searching through books, and on the interenet are great ways to find out about things about yourself that is part of your ad/hd that you never really realized.
You know, I'm thinking she sounds a whole lot like me, before I went out on my own. Although my parents meant well, they did not go through seeking such extensive help for me as you are doing for your daughter....I wish they had. I had no idea that ad/hd would affect my life as much as it had before I was on my own. My parents were a source of protection and security for me, and I was not exposed to the harshnesses of life..
You see, my parents knew I had ad/hd, and they really more or less treated me as if it was just minor problems in school. I was very ill-prepared for LIFE on my own. Perhaps your daughter is not realizing just how MUCH ad/hd CAN affect her in her life once she is on her own, fending for herself.
Perhaps, if you cannot spark her interest in doing more research and reading on her ad/hd now, she will realize the importance later, after she understands how much it WILL affect her.
I hope everthing goes well for you and your family!
I am 24 years old, and I have ADD and my husband has AD/HD.
I went to a local community college and dropped out twice. I had a rough times first being out on my own because I was not on my medication. VERY ROUGH..(evictions, car repossesions, etc...) I also lived 3 hours away from home when I Was evicted. (and yes, I will sheepishly admit, my parents bailed me out of most of my problems--I would probably be on the streets if they had not done this...)
Due to my own personal experiences, not being medicated and all at the time, I had a LOT of problems that I feel could have been prevented if I was getting my ad/hd treated...I tend to be a strong pusher for meds for ad/hd PROVIDED IT IS SEVERE AS MINE IS...and I am not the "hyper active" type of "severe"...I'm the type, who at one time, spent one entire day on the bed staring at the ceiling, munching on fruit loops from 7 am when my husband left for work until 6 pm when he got home, straight. I DESPERATLY NEEDED MEDS.
From my own humble personal experience, I would probably suggest that you help your daughter stick to her meds, and make sure they are working good for her. I hate to see that she's moving so far from home,...BUT I BELEIVE SHE CAN MAKE IT.
You say she "takes no interest in her ad/hd"...What does this mean?
If she is not aware she has a problem, and takes no interest, then this could prove to be a problem in itself...the first step to solving a problem, (or in this case, keeping a one from happening) is to recognize that you have a problem in the first place to keep "in check", you know?
Maybe if you checked out some books, such has "healing add" by doctor amen, or "driven to distraction"...and their were a couple other ones, that other ad/hders here mentioned, i can't remember the names right now....that you can spark her interest in, and she will recognize herself described in them...OR you can show her this forum, and maybe she will recognize herself in some of us...(we can all be remarkably alike in here sometimes!!) BUT I THINK SHE WILL FARE MUCH BETTER IF SHE REALIZES THAT SHE DOES INDEED HAVE AD/HD, AND THAT IT WILL AFFECT HER LIFE ON HER OWN, whether she wants it to or not.
Also, don't get too disappointed if she has "slip ups", or "falls". I think all of us ad/hders have had plenty of "slip ups" first trying to get out on our own.
I think you are doing great right now.....JUST BE THERE FOR HER...
YOU ARE A GREAT MOM! I WISH I HAD A MOM LIKE YOU!!
....WHOOPS!! there I go, assuming too much, possibly putting my foot all up in my mouth again...
I HOPE YOU ARE A SUPPORTIVE "MOM"!!!
PERHAPS YOU ARE A SUPPORTIVE "DAD" INSTEAD!! (nothing youve said about yourself has lended itself one way or the other...)
but if you ARE a supportive "DAD" then I REALLY wish my dad had have been as understanding as you!!!!!!!