Help! My boyfriend has ADD! | ADHD Information

Hey guys! I've been hearing about all the adults who find out they have ADD because their child has it, but what about when you are dating an ADD person and they remind you of yourself!!

I thought it was unbelievable that my boyfriend loves me for who I am and thinks I'm wonderful, despite all my weirdness.

Since we've been together (5months) I got fired, diagnosed with ADD, started medication, seeing a psychiatrist AND a psychologist, moved home with my mother, currently non-gainfully-employed and broke, and he doesn't think I am a loser, too much effort, hyper, crazy, talkative, eccentric, annoying etc.

But he started reading Driven To Distraction to find out a bit more about what I am like and got freaked out because it reminded him of himself! Now he has an appointment to see my psychiatrist.

He's going to go there and say that his girlfriend was diagnosed with ADD and then he realised he has it himself. (He's 34), that will be very funny!

Now we are realising that he does actually have all these ADD traits - he paces, never gets around to doing things, has piles of papers everywhere, short temper, short attention span, changes the tv channel every 2 seconds, likes thrill seeking, piles of unopened mail, unwashed dishes...

He is going to Arizona next week for 2 weeks of white water rafting, hang gliding etc. I was so happy to have found a normal guy who wants to look after me when I am a mess, but now we will have to become an ADD team. 

What was that post about only other ADD people understanding us? I disagreed, but now I think, maybe that's why it's the first relationship that didn't bore or depress me.

Does that mean we will have to go to ADD couples therapy? That is too weird!

I think it's great that you've made this discovery together.  How nice it'll be to be able to truly understand eachother.  Actually, I've started to wonder if my husband has it too! I've stopped myself from really saying anything to him because I wondered if I'm only thinking it because I just found out recently that I have it.  You know how that can be... you find you're so excited to get this all figured out, and feel so great with the meds, and you just start looking around seeing it in others also.  My husband always did well in school, and has a better memory for jokes, movies, other things he's learned than I do.  However, he does pace, have a short fuse, doesn't like details, doesn't stick to things he reads, has social anxiety, and some other traits.  I'll have to pick up "Driven to Distraction" too, I've heard it's a great book.Yellowdog....but if he really did have ADHD, not just some of the symptoms that lots of 'normal' people have, perhaps he would be more compassionate and understanding of your AD/HD. You know what I mean, jelly bean? And hopefully taking his own meds.

Both myself and my husband have ad/hd.  I think that it makes you much more sensitive and understanding to your soulmate's needs and weaknesses when you have the same problem.

My husband and I have problems that are different, but so much alike.  My mind totally goes to fast to keep the house clean.  Somehow, my clothes end up on the floor all of the house,......my husband LOVES to cook, and when he cooks, he does the same thing to the kitchen with his trash (onion skins, egg shells, etc all over the place, everywhere except in the trash) that I do with my clothes......it was hard for me to understand at first....("why is it so difficult to use the trash can?????????)....but then I would remember my clothes, and how my parents could not understand me, and i could not explain myself to them.  So when he cannot explain to me, I automatically know what he is talking about, because I have those same "unexplainable reasons".....and this is not the only things...

We understand each other on much more of a deeper level: we have both come to the conclusion that if we were not so understanding of each other, we would have seperated a long time ago.

Not saying that an ad/hder cannot make it work with a non-ad/hder---on the contrary, if the non-ad/hder is a very patient understanding and loving individual, they could make anything work...."Love conquers all things..."

Hi, Eliza! I think it will be great if he also has ADHD. You may not be able to assist one another in your weak areas, or maybe you WILL be able to now, if it gives you both motivation to work on it together. But in any case, there may not be any complaining if your place gets messy, or things don't get done right away.

[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn]But in any case, there may not be any complaining if your place gets messy, or things don't get done right away. [/QUOTE]

I don't know about that.  I was dating someone who had some add symptoms although not enough to be add. 

With enormous effort, I've been able to start managing my own life.  Then he'd ask me to help him keep organized.  He actually suggested that I take some of my medication that helps me be more organized, then come over and clean his place!

I'd like to think I'd be more compassionate but it really just kind of irritated me. 

I had to go through enormous efforts and have taken medication - then, he just wanted me to take care of it for him. 

I guess it all depends on the circumstance.

 

I married an obsessive compulsive Germanic perfectionist.  Sigh.  Talk about opposites attracting!  But she does help keep me organized...