do the "D’s" in AD/HD mean DIVORCE | ADHD Information

I am a hard person to live with. Even though I can adapt to others, they can't adapt to me. Add my loss of interest in normal people and that ends up in bad relationships. I am trying this time though.

Reiz
Wow, so more than once you went thru it....I guess i am lucky I had him for 17 years. He always new I was different to say the least, but just have a word for it.
Choco,
I am in thearpy - for well over a year. We were in relationship therapy, but our therapist was stupid - never put my symptoms, his complaints together to offer AD/HD as a possibility-waste of time & $$. My therapist spotted it the 1st night. She had me do Dr. amen's test& it was there, but my husband & I just thought that meant I talked & moved fast, was distracted & unfocused; but no need to look into it.
Life's largest oversight. I know how you feel. Ive known my boyfriend Tyler since he was in second grade. He was always rumbunctious and naturally everyone knew that. I got in a fight with him and didnt see him for four years. After that he was calmed down, he wasnt himself but he was a new person. He walks around with no emotions now and Im so scared for him because im falling in love with him and this whole ADD medication is ruining his life. I know that he was diagnosed with Attention Deffecit Disorder and The hyperactive disorder. I love Tyler. I hate to see him the way that he is with no emotions. He needs help. These drugs are going to effect him forever. I don't know what to do. SOMEONE HELP!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! Hi DaneDame, I'm very sorry to hear that things are so rough for you right now.
There's a book out there called "ADD and Romance" that might hold some value for you. Certain sections helped me quite a bit. For example, I didnt realize until reading it that I wasnt very good at showing my affection or paying my husband the attention he needed because I was always off in some dreamworld.
Are you getting counseling for your adhd? It has helped me a lot, and maybe it would do the same for you.

I have been through this twice. Being too impulsive, I just kept jumping into marriage. My short attention span & lack of interest eventually left me to feel ignored, though, not the other way around. I would get bored and move on to another person. I am back with my current boyfriend again, but he feels like he has to be my babysitter half the time. We are being much nicer to each other now. It's just difficult for him to handle my random loud noises & singing, bouncing around & mindless chatter. Not to mention strewn projects everywhere.

I am sure it goes both ways. He sometimes feels like I am ignoring him. It's not intentional. Until I can get my behavior under control I am going to avoid marrying again. I felt lonely divorcing each time, but I just can't handle normal relationships. Not without getting medication.

My husband put up with me undiagnosed for 17 years ( I am almost 35) before he moved out 15 months ago. I finally learned last October that I had an extreem case of ADHD, but the timing in learning about it may be too late for us. He felt unloved, unappreciated, that I was not present for much of the marriage [emotionally]; and so while I just went thru life in my little reality bubble; he was coming undone, and found another woman to nurture him. It has been the most painful thing to go thru this last year, but the "hyper" drive in me is still fighting for the chance to work through things; so much water under the bridge, so many mistakes we made, hurt eachother; I am learning to cope with ADHD alone, and unsure of my future with him. Anybody share their relationship experiences pore-&post-diagnosis - what did you do right/wrong & would do different? I am on the other side and you do feel unloved at times or taken for granted yet I do have understanding and usually when I am feeling that way i express it and bring it out to the open.  Why we are going on 10 years next month.  The ADHD was a discovery for us when our 5 year old got diagnosed I did lots of research and found my husband and now understand why he does what he does.  They say for better or for worse that means give things a chance and besides he is still the man I fell in love with.  It sounds like he did not try to communicate with you before it got to this point.  I wish you better luck.

I am by far no expert on this topic, but I am in the midst of trying to figure out why I too, cannot seem to maintain a long term relationship. I had been in two six year relationships, however in all honesty i'd say I was truly actively present for maybe two of the six years in each case. I recently found a fairly interesting book that discusses the ways in which people with ADD/ADHD function in relationships and how they might learn to improve their skills in them...

A.D.D. & Romance: Finding Fufillment In Love, Sex, & Relationships

Author: Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, M.S.

I'll add that I have heard (and read) that individuals with ADD/ADHD may be better matched with others with the same disorder. Sort of a watching each other's back kind of thing. Its a limiting criteria for a relationship though, what are the odds the person you are attracted to has ADD/ADHD?

I have the same problems as Buffalopc77. I was always brought up to believe that we were all destined for someone..just 1 someone for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately, I always end up bored in relationships & the man stops being the sweet knight in shining armor he once was. When I feel neglected & lonely I give up and leave again. I keep thinking maybe he wasn't Mr Right then and start looking again.

Another dilemma is that I will be 34 in July & my mothering instincts are kicking in. I want a child in the future, but I am adamant about not having one with someone unless I believe I will be with them forever. It's starting to feel like pressure is on.

[QUOTE=Gracie] I know how you feel. Ive known my boyfriend Tyler since he was in second grade. He was always rumbunctious and naturally everyone knew that. I got in a fight with him and didnt see him for four years. After that he was calmed down, he wasnt himself but he was a new person. He walks around with no emotions now and Im so scared for him because im falling in love with him and this whole ADD medication is ruining his life. I know that he was diagnosed with Attention Deffecit Disorder and The hyperactive disorder. I love Tyler. I hate to see him the way that he is with no emotions. He needs help. These drugs are going to effect him forever. I don't know what to do. SOMEONE HELP!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! [/QUOTE] i think it is struggle even post diagnosis.  married 20 years but i sitll do many things that require a forgiving spouse.We met when I was 18/he 19l Married at 26/27.   True to my nature, I have read/studied everything about divorce & AD/HD......its profoundly high -like 75% range. He handeled it by smoking a lot of pot & taking pills (vicodin, xanax,) to numb his overall pain, of which part was the marriage or his perception of it. Of course now he is so regretful, and sees that the marriage was not terrible - he was just f-ing everything up.

[QUOTE=floofthegoof] Wow, it sounds like you guys got married very young. I'm not sure that
ADD would be a large contributer to divorce. I think it's just life
sometimes. I've never been married (I'm 35) but I see in my friends who
are have built up this familiar contempt for each other that seems
really hard. They have no reason not to trust each other, but they
dwell constantly on trivial perceived slights.

"I bet he's trying to make *me* watch the kids tonight by pretending to
be sick." They whisper things like that to me all the time, and I try
to tell them to give a little as well as take. The tiniest things can
erode the trust between two very trustworthy people. I'd like to be
married someday, and hopefully when the romance dies I'll remember how
petty my friends arguments were with each other.
[/QUOTE] married 13 years.

i try and do the things i'm good at and leave the rest to her and luckily this works out well. perhaps this is incredibly lucky,  i dunno. i think also she has always considered me a weird, artistic type and just different. helps a lot <sheepish grin>

trouble with relationships is universal. we might have a little different trouble when looked at as a whole, but everyone has trouble.

i also try and be undemanding until i really need to be, always be trusting and tell the truth.  she trusts me, is undemanding until she feels she really needs to be, and is straight with me.
Wow, it sounds like you guys got married very young. I'm not sure that ADD would be a large contributer to divorce. I think it's just life sometimes. I've never been married (I'm 35) but I see in my friends who are have built up this familiar contempt for each other that seems really hard. They have no reason not to trust each other, but they dwell constantly on trivial perceived slights.

"I bet he's trying to make *me* watch the kids tonight by pretending to be sick." They whisper things like that to me all the time, and I try to tell them to give a little as well as take. The tiniest things can erode the trust between two very trustworthy people. I'd like to be married someday, and hopefully when the romance dies I'll remember how petty my friends arguments were with each other.