I need some advise.

My marriage is falling apart.  I love my husband very much and dont want my children (we have 2 more boys)  to grow up without a dad but every day is getting harder and harder.

We have a 7 year old boy from my Husbands former relationship living with us who has been dignosed with ADD and ODD.  His mother gave him up we did not take him from her, but she is making my life hell. 

Since the child has come to live with us I am his primary care giver, my husband works long hours but this child hates me and hates me being with his dad.  

Problem number two is my husband cant see it, the childs mother had no contact for several months after he came to live with us and I had to pick up the pieces.  Twelve months on and she now takes him every second weekend (when she feels like it).

She doesnt seem to like what I have done (ie medication) and complains to my husband contantly only he is not game to stand up to her because he thinks she will take him back.

I really think that my husband also has adhd but has never been diagnosed.

I am expected to do everything for this child even though he cant stand me.  I really feel trapped.  I dont want to leave but this child is doing eveything he can to make it happen and my husband can not see it.

How do I make them see that I only want the best for all of us and to live together happily? 

A very tough situation. The other women knows she has a hold and it sounds like she is making it very difficult for you. Why does the boy hate you? Most likely because she says negative things to him about you. You husband needs to stand up for you! With that said, her threats of taking him back are just threats. You need to sit down with your husband and tell him what you are telling us. I have a friend in almost the same situation. The ex harrased her until she stood up for herself. She told her husband, no more!  Hs kids put them bth through hell with the ex egging them on. He gave up his right s to the kids. Pretty sad, but they have peace in their home now. Do what it takes to save your marriage, and start thinking of yourself.

How does your husband feel about the ex budding in all the time?  I know my husband does not like confrontations but does when he has to.  The child may resent you for being with his dad all children want mom and dad together.  Also her seeing the child more now could be her jealousy for her not wanting her child to love you more.  And the sad part is you do not know what she is saying to him on a visit.  You need to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and work out a plan together, if he loves you he will listen.  good luck jill

This may not be what you want to hear, but if I were you,  I'd get a divorce and leave him to raise his own kid and move on with my life and have freedom and peace of mind.

Your husband doesn't value or respect your place in his life, yet he expects you to raise his kid--a kid the own mother doens't want to deal with.

If you're smart, you'd get out now before you are left living a miserable life making sacrifices for people that don't even respect you.

Hi,

There is no right answer - you have many different family dynamics that need to be dealt with.

If you attend church I would encourage you to pray and seek counsle from your Pastor, and get support from other members.

I would also encourage you to get some family counsling to help your family to adjust.  This child needs lots of love, and needs to be counsled and guided properly.

Talk to your husband and see if he is willing to listen to what YOU are experiencing and tell  him that you are concerned for his son, and his sons future, and that you would like to seek family counsling.

Counsling can not only help you guys w/ the ADD/ADHD aspect of it, but also understanding what possibly your son can be going through from having his mother and father seperated, and then little contact with his mother. 

IT IS NOT YOU HE HATES - IT IS THE SITUATION.

Blessings,

T4L

I don't dare give advice to you because you have only given a slice of your life for us to see.  I would pray like the other person suggested.  God knows you the best and He can guide you.  He loves your whole family and knows what is best for you and everyone involved.

You have to follow your heart.  If you stay in your current situation, just remember to fill your "well" up.  It is hard to give and give and give and have enough left over to survive.  You need to take some time for yourself.  Take a class, learn how to scrapbook, join a reading book club or something that you are interested in.  When you take care of yourself,  you are able to give to those around you and you don't feel so drained. 

take care!