How does your husband feel about the ex budding in all the time? I know my husband does not like confrontations but does when he has to. The child may resent you for being with his dad all children want mom and dad together. Also her seeing the child more now could be her jealousy for her not wanting her child to love you more. And the sad part is you do not know what she is saying to him on a visit. You need to talk to your husband and let him know how you feel and work out a plan together, if he loves you he will listen. good luck jill
This may not be what you want to hear, but if I were you, I'd get a divorce and leave him to raise his own kid and move on with my life and have freedom and peace of mind.
Your husband doesn't value or respect your place in his life, yet he expects you to raise his kid--a kid the own mother doens't want to deal with.
If you're smart, you'd get out now before you are left living a miserable life making sacrifices for people that don't even respect you.