oh god! | ADHD Information

I don't know anything about being married, or pregnant, or having a house, but I know what it's like to feel overwhelmed. I know even my little apartment gets gross and I don't know where to start to get it clean. Your mom could help you get started and then it might help motivate you to keep it clean so that you can show her every week how nice and clean it is. I think golden is right, you have to start small. You won't be able to clean your whole house at once, and you don't have to. Sometimes it helps me to set a timer for 10 or 15 minutes to do something I don't want to and then I reward myself with doing something that I like to do after I do the yucky thing. You could try setting a timer and see how much you can throw away or how many dishes you can wash.

Have you explained your feelings to your husband? He might be more willing to invest in ADD testing and treatment if he knows why it's important to you. I think treatment could really help you to be better parents in the long run because my mom has ADD too and knowing how to deal with it and having counseling, etc. really helped her to be a better mom.

good luck!

Sorry for you all out there that get "tired of me whining about my pregnancy", but i must speak today...

i was just taking a look at my house....it's horrible! there are dangerous things all over the place! --toothpicks on the floor (i was doing something with my artwork, and i wasted them), and I (try to) sew, and there's needles all over the place....i have clothes, dirty piles of laundry that I can't keep up with, filthy dishes, that collect mold, and all sorts of other horrible things littering my house! (with embarrassment, I will add this:)Sometimes we have pests, as in bugs, and stuff due to the condition of the kitchen....

there is only one word for my house..."UNSANITARY"...

I have tried to change, and be neater and cleaner several times before in the past with the help of my impecably neat mother, but I can never stay that way.... So far, this has been a way of life for me....my husband and I just live this way....

How in the am I going to manage with a tiny infant??? I can't be this way,with a small helpless infant in my house!

Oh gosh, what about when he starts to crawl around, and ADD TO the mess?

I am, all of a sudden, panick stricken!

I don't know what to do!

My husband and I both have ad/hd, how are we going to take care of a little baby? we can barely keep our houseplants alive!

....i'm frightented...I saw on "Cops" where there was this lady and she lived in a house and she kept it dirty like mine, and she had a little infant and the cops came in and saw the condition of the house, and THEY TOOK HER BABY! THEY PUT HER BABY IN FOSTER CARE UNTIL SHE COULD GET HER HOUSE IN BETTER CONDITION FOR HER BABY!

her house was not so different from mine...

my baby is due on july 3, it is getting closer and closer to his time to arrive:......what if he comes early???

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO???

Oh, our sweet Sonya..it breaks my heart for you to fret so.

You three are going to do just fine. Now, is there any possibility you can get someone in to help you clean up before the baby arrives? Perhaps your mother could give you a 'new baby' gift of hiring some professional cleaners for one-time (or more even) while you're still pregnant. Would be a very considerate and generous gift, if you ask me.

Also remember that by July 3, you both should be properly dx'd and on meds (at least your husband on meds by then). And there's a good chance he'll kick in and help get things in good shape.

At least for the first couple months you shouldn't have to worry about your son getting into things.

Sonya, you're going through at lot of normal worries first-time mothers-to-be go through. Plus a few more even if you don't stop watching those shows like "Cops."

Vent here all you want, hon.

thanks gypsywomyn:

I just talked to my mom, she said she would start coming every week to help me clean...

i just am so embarrassed because some of the stuff i forget and leave laying around is so gross (i will not mention), and i don't want her to see my house, it is just so embarrassing..

i never have visitors....

and i know i will have a lot of them once the baby gets here,....i'm so embarrassed of my house.

i'm kinda embarrassed for my mom to come over every week to clean, because the house gets dirty again so quickly. she will be fussing, like, "i just cleaned up last week!!! you could at least try to keep it clean???"

my mom, she knows i have ad/hd, but she really makes me feel bad sometimes...i know she is trying to help, but her nagging just really pulls down my self esteem....

sonya_h38459.7639814815

...for your Mom! Don't be embarassed, just be glad she'll help you. I'll bet my life, you're place isn't as bad as mine! In fact, my place sounds like yours, only condensed into 8 x 22 ft!! So just try imagining that!

And don't think because it's smaller, it's easier to clean...on the contrary.

I can't even move around to clean.

And my husband!

Together, with the health insurance, for copays for both of us, it will be 0 out of pocket to go and get both of our ad/hd tested and checked....

my husband is willing, but he is not really "into it"...he knows he has ad/hd....he is kinda like, "whatever"...

he really does not want to pay 0 for this....

he is kind of like "all the attention should be on me, and not him, because i am the one that's pregnant, and we should not be spending money on him right now..."

but i don't know why, he is always skeptical about paying a health insurance copay when it comes to ad/hd....

he would do it (for either one of us) at the drop of a hat for any other medical ailment...but when it comes to ad/hd, and getting meds for it, or going to the doc for it, he is a little more hesitant to make an appoinment and put the money together to make the copay...

but considering how our lifestyle is, WE NEED HELP ESPECIALLY IF A BABY IS COMING!

in my opinion, it would be 0 well spent...

Hi Sonya,

I know it's hard, to feel like you can be so organized, for so many of us to feel so detailed or even know how to start from square one to even begin to feel like you're on the road to being organized. On top of that, you're just tired from being pregnant. It is tiring.

If I lived close by you, I'd just come by once a week to pick up for you. Maybe it's just me but I've always found it somehow more fun to clean someone else's home, even when I was a kid.

Sometimes our place gets really messy too. I've worked SO HARD at stopping that. Having two active ADHD kids is even more challenging because one of them is a perpetual mess maker in a big way.

Not that it would help, but when we look at our messy areas in our home or wherever, and we just don't know where to even begin, it's like we don't even know where to start because it's so overwhelming. However, here's what I do: I just pick up the first thing I see or by my feet. Not that it would even appear I did anything, but I just start with what I can find closest to my hands or feet first.

Another thing I do to be able to do that, since mess can be ALL AROUND, I will just turn on a movie or watch a program and sit on the floor in the middle of it all with a huge black trash bag in my hand and then I start from there. If it's garbage stuff, I throw it away. I ask myself if we really need it. If it's questionable stuff, I have a pile near by that stuff like that goes on. I just sort of scoot around as I clear a space and at my own pace. Sounds so sad I know but I'm comfortable and not always stooping up and down, up and down, up and down getting sea sick.

OR, another approach, I turn on some soft rock or something with a good beat, anything I'm in the mood for music wise and just relax while I start. I just say to myself that eventually it will start to look like there's a difference. I pick a day or time or evening where I have some time on my hands. We all have our own little whacky ways to help us deal with our challenges, so, whatever works.

I got to the point where I HATE MESS! I can't think straight when things are gross and messy. I hate it when I work so hard to clean and the next day it's a mess again. My oldest child has calls me slave driver often but I do not want them to get so use to mess either. I figure if I do my best to get them into some form of a routine or ritual practice, maybe it will stick with them to some degree. Can't say it will work, but I'm hoping. I wing it half the time and pray at others for strength and just perserver forward and hope for the best. I use a lot of humor and love, sometimes I get called "Crabby Patty" too. Sometimes they act like they hate me for it but I ain't afraid a no kid. They'll get over it and they don't mean it.

I'm glad your mom is there for you. That's what mom's are supposed to be for.

Hang in there. Don't beat yourself up over things either. Just do the best you can when you can.

wow! I have a neat(er) family room now! I used the ideas you guys gave about just doing one thing at a time, and it worked!

i realize now, that my house was so messy that I was getting overwhelmed...

but when I did what you guys suggested, and took just ONE room, and ONE thing in that ONE room, before I knew it, it was neat! that particular room is not so embarrassing anymore!

I just concentrated on getting the dirty laundry up...then I took a trash can and got up the trash, and then it was clean!.....

and now?......(drums...).......THE FAMILY ROOM...

sonya_h38463.480787037

I say if you know your house is a mess than clean it it is really that simple. it may even be a starting point to clear up other issues. baby steps. I feel this way because I have been 100% disabled for about seven months. sorry to be so cold just do it and move on to the next problem unless you are not physically capable.Well I find it almost impossible to clean (in my head), but I am capable of doing 1 room on Saturday if I must. It takes me like 8 hours, but I can do it if I try hard. My apartment looks like the local goodwill myself.

Sonya - relax! don't panic, it will be OK. I am ADD and mom to a 5 year old ADD boy. That is great that your mom is going to help out. For starters, a mess is not necessarily a health hazard to children. In fact, there is some evidence that kids who grow up in sterile environments have more allergies than those who are regularly exposed to a bit of dirt. Kids find busy environments more stimulating than those neat and tidy ones too.

Secondly, it will be months before your baby is mobile. Get down to their level, it kind of lets you concentrate on one thing at a time. When my son started crawling I was very particular about sweeping and vacuuming, but the countertops were still a mess. By the time he was 3, the mess was confined to the top of the fridge, the mantle, and locked cupboards. Now that he is less likely to put things in his mouth, the mess has returned to ground level. I would prefer it wasn't like that, but it is nothing that changes our lives, other than the reluctance to have visitors over.

a room a day...why had i not figured out that concept before? for some reason, that never even occured to me...do one room a day, or one room at a time...

I KNOW WHY..it's because i get so distracted...i will start on one room, and then see something that belongs in kitchen, and then i will go to the kitchen to put it away, and then i will notice the kitchen floor is dirty, so i will sweep it, and then, there is a sock, that goes somewhere else, and then, i am in the laundry room with the sock.....

i end up going from one room to the next to the next to the next..., and then 20 mins later my ankles are swollen and i have to sit down..

that's why that concept had never occured to me...

but I will have to try that..i hope i can hold my brain in one place long enough,....

kudos to you for finding it so easy......so many of us, as noted, find this task difficult, wish we could all find it as easy as you do.

you are obviously a male with absolutely no experience at all whatsoever as to what it's like being pregnant...PLUS having ad/hd...(and being 100% disabled does not count)

i wrote my post in a state of feeling helpless and i was looking for support, preferably from ones who have ad/hd, and possibly from ones who have ad/hd AND have been pregnant before....you obviously don't fit either one of this bills.

believe me, if it was just that simple, we would not even be having this discussion to begin with...if life was that easy for us ad/hders, then this support group would probably not exist.

for those who know what i'm going through, or somewhat know what i am going through, then i welcome your support....i am pregnant and slightly emotional right now, and at the time i wrote that, i was looking for a shoulder to cry on.

if you can't offer it, then beat it.

and ps. i'm glad i'm not your pregnant wife with ad/hd....

sonya_h38460.4152777778I totally feel for you! My house is always a disaster all well, It can be quite depressing and I understand your anxiety. I have a 5 year old and felt (sometimes still feel) the same way you do. Heres some good news and a possible ray of hope. The closer to your due date "nesting" will set in. When this happens you will want to clean EVERYTHING and amazingly you will have enough energy to do it! Also, I agree with the other posts, let your mom help to get you kick-started. If you can afford it, hire a cleaner to come in once a week. Place an add in the paper or church bullitin (sp) or perhaps you know some trustworthy teen who needs some extra spending money. There are many organizations that would probably be able to help you find the services you need. Start researching and contacting people, I think you will find some help. Another thing... Once the baby is born your motherly insticts will take over and your concern, pride, and love for your son or daughter will help sustain you in keeping a healthy enviroment for your child. Keep your head up, and keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel--It is there!

[QUOTE=nelsonp]I say if you know your house is a mess than clean it it is really that simple. [/QUOTE]

Are you sure you've got the right forum here?

Mark -

My steam ran out quickly BEFORE i got pregnant...i could never focus on one thing long enough before my mind was wondering off into space somewhere....

now that i'm pregnant, i have even LESS motivation..

i just feel so useless lately...

but maybe i can get more if I sit down on the floor with a big trash bag and set a timer for 15 minutes....if i try this, i might be able to get a little bit done...

thanks for all of your support!

and as long as my husband is not totally opposed to going to get dx'd and treated, then i should be happy, i suppose..

sonya_h38459.8501967593Just do a room each day. look at FlyLady's.com great imfo.

If the socks are in the bedroom only when the baby crawls shut the door. My bedroom has my husbands clothes everywhere. And yes babies put everything in the mouth. My daughter still on occasion will try and she is 5 .

[QUOTE=sonya_h]Query? i wonder if it is a toxic hazard for me to be touching my husband's dirty socks? i mean, I AM pregnant, and I don't know the effects it would have on my unborn child!!

[/QUOTE]

As soon as your baby starts crawling he'll be stuffing them in is mouth. Babies have super high powered immune systems.
Query? i wonder if it is a toxic hazard for me to be touching my husband's dirty socks? i mean, I AM pregnant, and I don't know the effects it would have on my unborn child!!

Yes I am in the rite room. With out a load of research I do not have a clue who I offended here or who asked me if I were in the rite room but I do know some one had a problem dealing with cleaning. Perhaps I am different I deal with hundreds of thoughts per second I need to exert myself physically to exist. I have destroyed my self as a result. If you can move get up and pick up the room, when you are done you will feel a heck of a lot better on other issues. The world is a lot bigger than your house and your children will need preparation. Not in cleaning the house but in solving complex problems like dealing with ADHD, CANCER, should I go on?

I understand the paranoia and confusion you deal with and I also see that a good portion of posters in this room use Add as a crutch. I would love to hear some one have sympathy for my cause and pat me on the back saying its ok you have ADHD you can get away with it but!

THAT�S NOT HEALTHY THINKING AND YOU ALL KNOW IT.

And It won�t pay the bills. We can beat this if we understand there are positive forces here as well, I have suffered huge losses from this four letter word and now I use it to my advantage.

You have to focus on the things you can do not circle your self in the things you can�t. I re wrote the AA thing:

God grant me the courage to accept the things you can not change

to:

God grant me the courage to change the things I can not accept.

And I stand firm on it. I did not arrive here to assault anyone; I came to find answers to my problems. I am honest to the core and full of similar pain and despair. I can not pamper you unless I feel in my heart it will be good for you. I do not want you to pamper me I want to heal and grow.

You have identified a problem area in your life, which is a huge step in the right direction. Next you spoke out here and asked for help, another huge step. I spoke back harshly but not to offend you only to share my accomplishments on similar issues.

It is clear that I have over stepped my bounds in this room and it will be best for me to move on. I formerly apologize for me, and I wish you all the best. God bless.

It sounds like to nesting instinct is here, I got that way myself years ago. If you lived near me i would offer to help and at least you would understand my daughter and my every minute saying "do not touch", "do not climb" get the drift. I live in the Buffalo area.oh, I would DEFINITELY call husbands socks too risky to touch when pregnant! When I was pregnant I also informed my husband that since I should limit my exposure to cleaning products, he would have to do the bathroom, catbox and clean the oven.

Yes Sonya, congrats on asking your mom for help! Asking for help is often something we ADDers have a big problem with.

For the poster who said they hav emore fun cleaning other people's houses - I know what you mean! Several years ago I went to visit my sister (who was in university and living in a townhouse with 3 other students), and I was shocked at the state of their kitchen. Dirty dishes piled high, food splatters all over the stove, counter, and floor, empty soup cans, KD boxes, overflowing garbage, etc, etc, etc....

I grabbed her cleaning supplies and got to work. She watched me in surprise/amusement as I scrubbed that entire kitchen clean - I even mopped the floor. DO YOU THINK I DO THAT IN MY OWN HOUSE???

Hey! I have a great idea reccomended to me by my messy best friend. Buy ONE set of dishes for you and your hubby. Only use ONE set of anything, that way you are forced to clean the one set when you need to cook next. I find most people like us do better with LESS stuff, so unless its absolutely critical, sell it, throw it away. Trust me, I have made my life sooo much easier by being less sentimental, plus you will have plenty of time for memories when the baby gets there! Good luck!

Also, the other reccomendations are GREAT. (ie, look at ONE corner of the house, room, etc and just clean that) I do that when I clean and sometimes get caught in a spree, before I know it, its totally clean...but I do have medications help...I reccomend that too, if it's as bad (gross) as you claim. Don't think you can take a lot of meds if you are preggers or nursing though. Babies cant be all meth'ed up!!!

Yeah, just get rid of a TON of stuff, keep ALL your art supplies in ONE room where the kid can't be, and enlist your mommies help. You'll be okay.

Hi Sonya- good for you for having the guts to ask your mom for help. I truly mean that as a compliment. I think asking for help with something that other people feel like you just "ought to be able to do" is so difficult. I wish I was as strong as you in that department!

As many of the other posters have mentioned- pregnancy is tough! I've been there, and I was literally so worn out and spaced out that my house was a wreck. You will go through the nesting phase. Take advantage of it, and be careful and not use any unsafe chemical cleaners.

You'll have several months until baby will be moving on the floor. With your mom's help, you'll be able to make a whole lot of progress by that time. And, when the time comes, maybe you can have a relative with babies or young kids come in and help you with the babyproofing.

Hang in there- you're doing great

[QUOTE=Rachael]Just do a room each day. look at FlyLady's.com great imfo.[/QUOTE]

Flylady? Holy crap - I looked at that website a few months ago and nearly had a stroke - WAAAAY too much info for the common ADDer to digest. Has anyone ever actually read that whole site?

Not a personal attack - if Flylady works for you, awesome! I'd just never be able to get started with it.

Sonya-

I feel for you. I have been there. My daughter is 8 now, almost 9 and you cannot walk through her room. She is the same as I was......

My whole house USED to be a disaster area. (before kids) I think the "nesting" instinct carries over for some of us. The rest of the house is manageable......not spotless, but not filthy, either. I think what helped me most is the fact that I do not want my kids to grow up in a messy house like I had to (it's very embarrasing). My mother is ADD also, and probably MOST of her sisters and one brother are, too. I have cousins that just HAVE to be.......(but they don't know it)....... It's really funny but we all go to each other houses and help each other do the Major cleaning, like for a special event or something, or (like you) when a new baby is coming. We have ALWAYS done that........so it's great that you are getting some help (and support?) from your mother. I am still not a perfect housekeeper, and I know I never will be, but my kitchen and bathrooms are always reasonably clean (something I MAKE myself do).

I guess I learned the hard way that I could not afford to buy new baby bottles every week. I had to learn that once she was finished, pour the milk out and immediately wash it - I did not have a dishwasher - If you do not, it will smell SOOOOOOO bad.........and you can almost NEVER get that smell out........You can soak them in a bleach solution and that helps (and no, it will NOT hurt the baby, chlorine bleach evaporates almost as fast as rubbing alcohol, you can use it on your skin in a 1/10 solution and even use that solution around your eyes. I PROMISE!!!!) and you will WANT to keep the diaper pail cleaned out..........we won't even talk about that smell if you let it go too long. - YES- learned the hard way.......I did my day to day cleaning when she was asleep, which in the first couple of months is a LOT!! So you can still nap with when you need to. I just made a point to do SOMETHING every day. I did (eventually) learn to clean all the dishes before I go to bed. I don't always put them up, sometimes I just use them off of the counter, and I invest in a LOT of throw-aways and still do.......and we buy canned drinks instead of 2 liters, I know, more expensive, but not a lot of glasses to wash...

I'm sorry I'm rambling on...... I just TRY to keep it manageable....yes, there are clothes all over my bedroom floor, mostly clean ones that need to be put up. My jewelry is laying all over my dresser, but nothing that can't be picked up in an hour or two......The whole house is like this........Except for Sarah's room !!! I do go in there and try to help her clean up. If I do it while she is at school, it takes me ALL DAY..........but most of the time my mother comes over and cleans her room. ( Isn't it easier for us to clean someone else's house ???) Then I'll return the favor and go help my Mom.

Sonya - I do hope everything gets better for you, and please don't let the thought of someone taking your baby away scare you and stress you out, it's not good for either of you. But DO keep it in the back of your mind for motivation, if nothing else.......it takes a WHOLE lot to take a child away from it's mother..More than just a messy house......just do your VERY BEST to do better, maybe get into a routine, as I did. That helped me the most.....Good Luck and God Bless, Kimberly

[QUOTE=nelsonp] I say if you know your house is a mess than clean it it is really that simple. it may even be a starting point to clear up other issues. baby steps. I feel this way because I have been 100% disabled for about seven months. sorry to be so cold just do it and move on to the next problem unless you are not�physically capable.[/QUOTE]

Peter...I don't know if you're AD/HD or not....but if it's so 'simple' for us to keep our homes clean, do you think there would be so many topics/posts on this board about how difficult (almost impossible) it is for us with AD/HD? We may not be physically disabled, but we definitely have a 'mental' disorder that 'disables' us and prevents us from handling some of the smallest tasks, like cleaning our home.

There! I yelled at ya. And I feel much better.

And Sonya, everyone else has given you such excellent 'advice.'

i like that one dish idea!!The one dish idea has always worked for me. Otherwise, my house would be a biohazard. I'd have raccoons nesting in my dishpile. Having one dirty dish all the time is not a terrible thing at all. Neither is the task of washing only one dish. I used to look at my dishes and wonder if it would be easier to just move to a new apartment. LOL!!!

My apartment has exactly 2 forks, 2 spoons, 1 chef knife, 2 cups, 1 strainer, 1 frying pan, 1 pot.

This WOULD help, but instead of washing the couple of items, I look into the sink and groan "The only pot is dirty! I guess tonight we'll eat takeout."
I've converted to a different take on the "one" idea- having only "one" style of everything. That actually might help you with a kid, Sonya!

For example, I realized that having multiple styles and colors of socks was sending me into hysterics when it came to putting the laundry away.

So, I went out and bought a giant bag of the white athletic socks, a few of the same style of black and same for tan. I threw out all my other socks. Now, I dont have to match anything. If the sock is white- it automatically matches any other white sock I own! Yesssss!

So anyway, to get to the kid thing- I did the same for my daughter. She used to have 14 different styles of white socks that I could never match (nightmare)- now we have either pink or white. All the pinks are the same, as are the whites. And the baby has one style of socks, all of which match (Target sells baggies with 10 pairs in them). Same with his onesies.