Spouse Support | ADHD Information

my husband doesnt support it at all, he thinks i just need to apply myself, and once something important enough happens, i'll get motivated. he says the sumptoms are generic  and tha all people from time to time suffer from ADD.  he and i cant talk about it, i cant even talk about it with my friends, they think i dont have it.  you guys and my monthly support group is all i have.  just be glad that the actually believes it exists.

I was diagnosed almost 2 weeks ago after my Husband and I had thought I just had depression. So we were a bit shocked to learn I am have strong add. I have read tons on it and am so happy (what is the right word?) now that I know what my problem has been all these years. (I am 31). I take Adderall and Zoloft. My Husband has been great, but he often mentions that he hopes I don't use ADD as an excuse to act certain ways or do certain things. Such as leave a mess out or be irritable or just throw everything into the closet. I guess he means, he hopes I don't do it more than normal just because I know I have ADD. Make sense?

Anyway, my question is: How does your Spouse (or significant other) support you with your ADHD? Do they do research on their own? Do they notice when you make improvements and your meds work? Do they just go on as usual and assume nothing will chang? etc.

Any responses would be appreciated on how your partner deals with your condition. This is all so new to me. I love reading everyone's posts. Thanks!

 

well, in my opinion, the more educated they are on it, and the more patience they have, the better...show him some library books about ad/hd...he will see you in them, and maybe learn to understand...Oh, I do. lol. Poor guy has reading assignments each evening from my library books that I mark for him.

Good point. I don't know, since my Husband is not ADD and does some chores (it could always be improved). I think since Women are commonly stereotyped as the house cleaners, organizers, etc, that it will always be lopsided with lower expectations on the men. That's ashame.

Good luck with your Husband. I bet it would help if you both went together to a therapist regarding the ADD. I know it would with my Husband, but it's so expensive.

Becky

my fiance is supportive of me but he is not big into researching ADD. lol. I will read it and then start talking and talking about what I found that I find interesting. I can tell he gets bored with that. He is proud of me though with college etc. I feel bad however that I am a very bad housekeeper. I get so bored still. I am on meds and they help me focus. I guess I'm unmotivated anyway. I'll have to work on that now that I'm done with school for awhile. He is always so nice to me about it all though saying I don't have to clean house and cook for him etc. But I want to be able to do that!I  really do! I will start working on that! i just hate cleaning house. Cooking might become easier for me than cleaning. I am also very unorganized and was forgetful til the meds. Now I can remember most everything. I am still unorganized with papers etc though lol. Anyway, my fiance is always reminding me to not use my ADD as an excuse for anything. Of course he's nice about it and I appreciate his reminders but I do know not to. I know that is wrong and I try very hard not to do that. Anyway so that's how my guy is :). He's supportive, yet not really into researching up on ADD. lol. He's probably heard enough about it anyway with me around lol. I guess he really doesnt need to research because i've told him most of the fascinating important things about it lol.

-Princess-

How does my spouse deal with it- hmmm, I guess he kind of lets me take the lead. He knows about the disorder, bc he had a couple of people he worked with who had it, and accepts it is real.

I have to tell him if I'm having trouble with something and what kind of help I need. Also, if I need a break he'll take the kids. I've given him some reading material, but I dont know if he's read it- its just not his way to do that (didnt read any of the pregnancy/child rearing stuff I handed him either!) and I can accept that as long as he is willing to listen to me tell him about it, watch a video etc.

I know it frustrates him some, because I get so frustrated and out of whack. He's never said as much, but I think it frustrates him that I dont have much money making skills. But, he also does understand it is a real disability, not something I'm faking, and that I'm making real efforts with it. As the other posters have mentioned, maybe he just needs some time to adjust and see the effort you're making to change his mind that you'll use it as an excuse.


I wonder what the difference is between men & women with ADD as far as making an effort at household chores.  It seems like the women on this forum are making a huge effort to overcome the tendencies of ADD.  Men (ADD or not) in many cases seem to be content letting the ladies be responsible for meals, picking up all messes, etc, even if the women are working full time.   It seems like my husband's ADD just makes the chauvinist tendencies even worse.  

In other words, why isn't my husband trying as hard as you women are trying?  I am very understanding (or try to be anyway) of the stresses ADD presents the person who has it, but reading some of your comments, I can't help but wonder if my husband is just a lazy, chauvanist, MAN? 

Actually my daughter got diagnosed with ADHD back in November and while doing the research and reading anything I get my hands on diagnosed my  husband.  All the fights we have had all these years and the things  he does now make sense to me.  Now i am more understanding and am trying to convince him to see the doctor to talk to him since he is having trouble with work.  My husband also after i showed  him this website and the materials i am reading feels he does have it.  He also has childhood bad school memories like most everyone on this website.

   I also have found I enjoy everyone on this website and care about everyone I have communicated with.

My husband was diagnosed with ADD many years before we met.   I have been coming to this site in order to learn more ways to be supportive.  addbec, it sounds like your husband is being very blunt about his fears and feelings...I can respect his honesty, but it seems like he should have given the meds a chance before he starts assuming what your future behavior will be like. 

But then again, our house is a complete mess and if I want anything important done, I have to do it myself...So maybe I'm not dealing with it so well! 
Good for you!  Your husband should appreciate the fact that you are trying so hard.  Do you find yourself getting in cycles of hyper-organization and hyper-cleanliness followed by stages of hopelessness and not wanting to do *anything* around the house?  That's what my husband has been going through the past several months - he was so down on himself over the weekend after not following through with a new organization plan he was really excited about two weeks ago....I try to be as supportive as possible - telling him that I am very proud that he is trying so hard, and that it is hard to get organized overnight, and that I am there to support him in any way I can.....

You are a great support!

Yes, I will organize and clean for hours and then crash and have no motivation. Not sure if it's the meds or just ADD. But overall, I am getting more done on the meds than without them, so I don't beat myself up if I feel lazy. Sometimes if I am down on myself for not working on a project, I promise myself I'll just work 5 minutes on it even if I don't feel like it. That usually turns into longer and gets me excited about it again.

It's gotten better as the weeks go by on medication. My Husband knows when I am having ADD moments and I try harder with everything just to prove ADD wrong. Sounds crazy, but it works and gets my butt in gear to clean the house, make dinner, etc. My husband also likes to remind me not to use ADD as an excuse. He is very impatient and he won't read anything, if he does he won't respond. I am 31 and have yet to find my med. I've tried Strattera, Concerta, and Methadate. Now on Wellbutrin. So far in 2 weeks I feel better, but still unfinished projects, and bad concentration/ can't focus. This sucks because I need to pass a very important exam ASAP and don't have time for trial and error. Anyone recommend Adderall? Haven't tried it yet.