Personal Space | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=Mark Goode][QUOTE=bcgirl1978]Does it bug you when people invade your personal space? [/QUOTE]
Then don't visit North Africa - their personal space is about half what ours is. It's quite funny to watch a 'western' tourist and an Arab. The Arab moves to his comfortable distance, which is well inside the tourist's personal space - so the tourist moves backwards - and then the Arab again moves forward to his comfortable distance... repeat until end of conversation.
It creates a bizzarre dance which can be hilarious to watch
Mark -
[/QUOTE]Hehe. A number of factors can influece your feelings on personal space. I think some "personal space" issues are more related to culture. AD/HD can play a part in making someone more sensitive to touch or stimuli or whatever, but the concept of having a lot of "personal space" is not the norm in all cultures. Some cultures emphasize more personal space and some like to be in close contact with one another. I think simple geography/location can affect your conception of this too. Some places are just more crowded than others. Somone from the suburbs or a small town would might be more concerned with personal space than someone from a huge crowded city like New York City or Tokyo because they are more accustomed to it.
When did you go to North Africa? Have you traveled a lot?
scarygreengiant38463.2925578704
[QUOTE=scarygreengiant]
When did you go to North Africa? Have you traveled a lot?
[/QUOTE]
I first went to North Africa a little over 20 years ago. Marriage #1 had just gone 'fzzt!', and I was homeless and jobless. Tunisia sounded appealing, as it was the most accessible of the Arab countries at that time. I was there for about a month before my money ran out, and I was overwhelmed by the culture and the friendliness of the people - their warmth and hospitality put the Europeans to shame. (The personal space thing took a few days to get used to though.) I've been back a couple of times since then, and once to Morrocco.
I haven't travelled as much as I would like, no. I always intended to, but my plans all got procrastinated away 
Mark -
Mark Goode38463.3180324074I've always been a touchy feely person. However, I've learned recently about 'boundaries' and to move back and give people their personal space. I love hugs, as you all know, and used to just go up to whomever I wanted to hug and HUG them.I've since learned now to perhaps ask "Can I have a hug?" or hold my arms open in a gesture of a hug, and if that person feels inclined, they will come and we'll hug...or they will say they prefer not to.
I've recently asked a couple 'friends' does it bother them when I touch their arm when I'm talking to them, and they've admitted they're not comfortable being touched. Not because it was me, they just aren't into touching people other than their husbands.
Now, there are some people I don't particularly like to be touched by. So I suppose I should respect others who may feel the same way.
[QUOTE=ChosenOne]As far as the boyfriend issue, I would think he has probably not earned the right to visit that part of you. You may want to keep looking........
[/QUOTE]No, that's not it at all. We've been together for 3 years and I love him to pieces. I should probably clarify - I didn't say I never liked to snuggle, I DO, but after half an hour of trying to sleep all wrapped up together, I feel like I need my own space, ya know? I toss and turn a lot while trying to fall asleep, and he can be snoring away already and I'm just not comfortable yet. It's like that episode of Friends, where Ross was telling Chandler about the "hug and roll". LOL.
During the day I walk up behind him and hug him all the time, so it's not like I don't like touching him at all or anything.
bcgirl197838463.3615740741
[QUOTE=bcgirl1978]
...but after half an hour of trying to sleep all wrapped up together, I feel like I need my own space, ya know? I toss and turn a lot while trying to fall asleep, and he can be snoring away already and I'm just not comfortable yet. [/QUOTE]
hey, i thought that was just me....i thought that WAS "normal"....
both me AND my husband do that....we will snuggle for about 30 mins in bed, and then, IT'S TIME TO SLEEP! STOP BREATHING ON ME, AND GET THE HECK UP OFF ME!!....and we just "go our seperate ways" to dreamland.....and in the morning, when we are "in the process" of waking up, we end up snuggled together again, but only after we are awake...
(that was our "pre-pregnancy" routine....TRUST ME being pregnant, with stretched soar stomach muscles, and everything else, has DRASTICALLY changed our routine these last few months...but that's a whole other story....)
I hate people in my personal space. I dread greeting and saying goodbye sometimes when I visit people, because I know I'll have to dole out the hugs and kisses. For me, hugs and kisses are very personal, and I dont want to share them with everyone. My immediate family, I'm snuggly with, but beyond that- forget it!My father in law, who I swear has adhd or some related issue, is just the opposite- he has no concept of personal space and has to be touching you, holding your hand or petting you at all times. I really dont think he is capable of conversing with someone if he is not in physical contact with them. I remember talking to him while being seated across the table and him specifically asking to hold my hand during the entire conversation and dinner because he said he just couldnt talk to me without it. I had to refuse bc we were eating, and lets face it, you just cant cut meat while holding onto someone's hand- he got extremely flustered and couldnt seem to function well. It doesnt matter the age, sex or relationship of person he's talking with either. I find it to be very invasive.[QUOTE=sonya_h]we will snuggle for about 30 mins in bed, and then, IT'S TIME TO SLEEP! STOP BREATHING ON ME, AND GET THE HECK UP OFF ME!!....and we just "go our seperate ways" to dreamland.....and in the morning, when we are "in the process" of waking up, we end up snuggled together again, but only after we are awake...[/QUOTE]
YES! Exactly my situation.
Sometimes I even go up to the guest room because I want my own space. Now I understand why. Maybe we need a King size bed.[QUOTE=sonya_h]
[QUOTE=Rachael]Sounds like you maybe sensory defensive to me.[/QUOTE]
i don't think you have a problem with sensory defensive, bcgirl....it just sounds like another one of those symptoms of ad/hd..
Sensory Processing issues and Ad/Hd are very closely related-many people with attention issues have sensory issues as well-especially children.
I'm a scandinavian... I need AT LEAST a 3 meter's sphere of personal space around me... I hate people who get to close to me... and I can't stand hugging... it's so extremely awkward.
And marketing people are the worst... they always seek to make a friendly connection by tuching my arm, og elbow or something.... (Get away from me!)
I like my space at times to. I have si issues and like it when I want it.Hey Bcgirl,
I find when I'm keyed up...when my mind is preoccupied with..well everything that I freak if someone tries to distract me by talking and expecting a coherant answer, standing too close, demanding to be noticed and the worst is touching...even nice touching at these times make me snap.
I spend alot of time ass kissing my friends, if they just happened to push in my space at the wrong time...its not thier fault when I'm like that. But I also let myself do some ass kicking...for those who deliberately pushed it and it was thier time! Too bad I can only tell the difference in retro spect!
Karen
[QUOTE=Rachael]Sounds like you maybe sensory defensive to me.[/QUOTE]
i don't think you have a problem with sensory defensive, bcgirl....it just sounds like another one of those symptoms of ad/hd..
my worst thing is having people all up behind me. i don't care if i'm walking down the street, driving, or walking around inside of the store. i hate it when people are all up behind me, like i'm in their way, or something ESPECIALLY when they have plenty of room to go around me, and i want to take my time...
but as for snuggling? i can't get enough...i think i drive my husband insane, i just get on his nerves..i love to hug all over him.....and i love all of my baby cousins and neices...i like to kiss their cheeks, i think i may get on their nerves too...i guess it depends on who it is.
(p.s...however, ever since i got pregnant, i can't stand it when my husband breathes on me...like if we are snuggled up watching a moving, i can't stand to be in the path of his nostrils..
...i feel like I can't breath sometimes anyway, being pregnant, so maybe that has something to do with it...)
I don't like anyone I do not know in my personal space..."Get off my cloud". Also, in this day and age, it's not safe to be open to strangers getting too close to you. Don't lose sight of that.
I don't walk around paranoid but I have learned to just be cautious and aware and I don't care if it's an older
person, female, etc......Us ladies have to just about think like a ninja when out and about.
I also DO NOT like being packed into a place with a herd of people like at a concert, seminar or a presentation.
I get really pissed off when people accidently bump into me or brush me by accident. For me it has absolutely nothing to do with "personal space". Someone could practically be breathing down my neck, as long as they don't touch me unexpectedly it won't really bother me. I just have weird reactions to touch. I feel jolted or startled when someone bumps into me or brushes past me and it's really irritating for me. If someone is practically sitting on my lap on a crowded bus that doesn't bother a whole lot because it doesn't have the startle affect. Am I making sense? Does anyone else feel that way?
I'm not into outward displays of affection either but that doesn't really have anything to do with AD/HD. That's just a random comments about myself.
scarygreengiant38462.8190046296
[QUOTE=scarygreengiant] I get really pissed off when people accidently bump into me or brush me by accident. [/QUOTE]
oh god! that reminds me, not to get off the subject or nothing, but the other day I don't know WHAT HAPPENED, but i was in the store pushing a shopping cart and I ran SMACK DEAD INTO SOME LADY'S HEELS!! I KNOW IT HURT!! I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST SO CLUMSY! SHE LOOKED AT ME LIKE SHE WANTED TO KILL ME!!....I JUST WANTED TO DIE!! I WAS MORTIFIED....(I think ad/hders can have "spacial" issues, sometimes, like we misjudge how much space we have, and that's why we are so accident prone, BOY WAS I HAVE SPACIAL PROBLEMS THAT DAY!)
[QUOTE=scarygreengiant]
I'm not into outward displays of affection either but that doesn't really have anything to do with AD/HD. That's just a random comments about myself.
[/QUOTE]
actually, i think i remember reading somewhere that it IS an ad/hd thing to not want to be touched...my sister is that way...it's just like everything else, some of us have an "issue" with it, some of us don't....
Does it bug you when people invade your personal space? Stand too close, loom over your shoulder, practically sit in your lap on the bus, etc.?
This bothers me most with strangers, of course, but I get bothered by people who are close to me too. Sometimes I don't even like to snuggle for very long with my boyfriend.
Oh yes! Like in line at the store and the person behind me gets right up on me. yuck. I will move forward and they just move with me!
Yes, I don't like to touch too much, even with my husband and family. I do cuddle a lot with my toddler, but it seems different than with adults.
For me it depends on who it is. Some people can invade my space all they want to. 
In relationships, I'm kindof an annoying snugglebug.
Sounds like you maybe sensory defensive to me.Hey bc, personally I thinks it's more an issue of someone respecting personal space, or at least for me it is. I hate it when anyone enters my zone. I've found that the individuals that are "space invaders" are generally attention seeking. We all know those the individuals that are attention seeking and are pretty desperate for human contact and approval. So, with you being the opposite, like myself, I would say we tend to feel safest dettached, rather than attached. As far as the boyfriend issue, I would think he has probably not earned the right to visit that part of you. You may want to keep looking........ [QUOTE=bcgirl1978]Does it bug you when people invade your personal space? [/QUOTE]
Then don't visit North Africa - their personal space is about half what ours is. It's quite funny to watch a 'western' tourist and an Arab. The Arab moves to his comfortable distance, which is well inside the tourist's personal space - so the tourist moves backwards - and then the Arab again moves forward to his comfortable distance... repeat until end of conversation.
It creates a bizzarre dance which can be hilarious to watch 
Mark -
Mark Goode38462.9711689815