lying in past...help | ADHD Information

Hi. I ended a relationship that was a possible wonderful thing. This man absolutely has ADHD but he did manage to hide some things well from me FOR AWHILE. At a certain point, I was so disgusted about some things that I lost respect for him. I just felt like I couldn't take him seriously any more or never knew when his "little white lies" would surface or what.

If he would have said to me (and actually meant it and followed through with it)..."You know, honey, I've had some problems in the past and I've told some lies here and there and I know now that I have some challenges that I need to get help with. I'm also going to accept me for me, faults and all and just make honest efforts but can we sort of start all over because I love you and I want this to work." Instead of him just saying 'I'm sorry' or 'I miss you' or 'It's not the same without you'...., over and over and over. I would have given him one more chance and not told him to fold it five ways and stuff it.

Once trust is gone or once I don't know where their truth ends and their little lies begin, I just don't believe in that person any more. I figure why bother.

If many of us can over come much of our low self esteem situations from our past, then he could too. I use to be like that years ago in my late teens and early twenties...I got tired of feeling like a loser or being seen as someone who makes poor choices. This is what ADHD/ADD can cause a person to do, especially when they don't know they have it or why they are doing what they do in life. So, I made a choice to just behave better, try to make better choices. At least I kept trying. In time things can get better, at least they did with me through years of just working at it. I eventually learned that I'm not perfect and neither is anyone else so I stopped making excuses and just was myself, faults and all.

If you really like or love this person, give him the respect you feel he deserves. It will make the relationship stronger. If that doesn't seem to keep the relationship going then odds are it wouldn't have made it any way.

Maybe at first you didn't really care about him as you do now and now it matters.

ADHD or not, relationships are not always easy and they don't always work. You get to know one another and then one or both finds out in time that maybe there wasn't that much in common or that much compatibility. Love can hurt. That's for sure, but then on the other hand, love can be a wonderful thing that makes the soul shine from the inside out. It's kind of like a roll of the dice but you don't know until you take a chance on it.

What's the saying? Rather to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all? Something like that.

I hope things do work out for you. Take it one day at a time.goldenmoment38469.932962963

trust is something that is easily given and so hard to earn back once it is broken.  do you trust him enough to forgive you and understand why you've lied to him?   trust and honesty are the foundation in which we build relationships, not just with our partners but with everyone around us and without it what kind of relationship is that?  don't beat yourself up over it, we've all done it, but come clean to him before its to late and he finds out about other lies.  better to hear from you what you've been doing than to hear from others.

Thanks golden.
When I was lying, I did not care about him so much, and I was going through some  hard stuff...

 It's a lot easier accepting someone telling you the truth than if you "find out" about it later.  It's really difficult, but I think you should be honest about it.  Of course, I don't know what it is...but relationships work because of open communication and trust... I wish you luck with it, I know it's not easy.

 I have a few things I have had to own up to w/ my current BF...he's been understanding, and I am lucky for that. It's very difficult, and things could have turned out differently. 

I used to lie to people I did not know well, to pretend things were not as bad as they were, and that I did not need help. For example, I did not *really need help with organization because I was managing by compensating...and everything was going well. (When they were not)...and other stuff.
I am now in a serious relationship with someone I now love, but before I loved him, I lied to him about some things. I never had a heart to heart with him confessing that I lied to him in the past. He recently found out about a little lie I told him (I know this for a fact), and has not mentioned anything about it to me. We are acting as if I don't know that he knows and he doesn't know that I ever lied.
Anyway, I am scared to tell him that I was not always honest with him, for our relationship that is going well otherwise...

I understand. I have done it too.

I would definitely tell him about the little lies. He may think that since he found out about that one lie, you might be hiding big ones. This way, you are honest and he'll know you don't want to lie anymore in your relationship. Good luck.