HELP! He wants to run away

i would take him to an inhouse LOCKED mental health facility today.  the all have at least one free bed.  I mean no cost.  That is if money is a problem. This is a VERY SERIOUS ISSUE, he could get hurt or even worse.  Get on line and find a mental hospital.  If you are unsure of one call you local hospital and they can give you names and numbers.  Or call your local woman's crisis center, they will have all the numbers to help your son get the help he needs.  Good luck

the woman's crisis center has a 24 hour 800# hotline.

Hi,

Do you have a good relationship with your son's pediatrician?  Call him/her tonight -- and ask for some advice on how to handle this situation.  Usually, when there is an emergency, a good pediatrician will find you a good referral pronto.

Good luck!  I'll be sending all good wishes your way. 

my 11yo son has threatened to run away to many times to count!  we did the same, we love you and don't want you to go....the same routine numerous times...him saying i don't love you, i don't want to live here, i want new parents.  this may sound mean and uncaring...but one night i had enough and let him go.  it didn't take long for him to come back home ringing the door bell and asking if he could come back.  he didn't know but we watched him through the upstairs windows..he didn't go far enough to even get out of our sight. 

i really think that he just needed his time to cool down and once he did he was back..he was only gone for about 15min.

some may not agree with what i done but he hardly ever threatens to run away anymore!!

Hey...I just wanted to express my opinion on this issue.  12-13 year old is a very hard time for boys.  They are experiencing all kinds of hormones and weird thoughts.  They feel like an Alien and that no one understands them. I do not know if his dad or other male role model is in the picture but sometimes a boy needs a man to model  his behavior after.

Let me pause to say this before I get beat up ok...  I am a single parent by choice (I adopted my son and have never been married......and no I am not gay )  and I do not think single parents CAUSE issues or that mothers can't raise sons etc....  I just know from research and experience that sometimes a boy needs a man to talk to and a girl needs a lady to discuss things the other gender would never understand.

ok back to my orginal opinion.  Boys are turning into men.  Men are basically weird creatures.  We think about all sorts of weird sexual stuff at times.  We get mad for no reason.  We want affection when we want it but dont want to be disturbed when we dont want it.  We are just kind of strange beings LOL.  There was a study done on Elephants who were tearing up a village.  They could not figure out why these elephants were doing crazy stuff like turning over cars and pulling up trees.  None of it made sense.  Then one scientist looked into the history of these elephants (True Story).  It was discovered that they were relocated as babies into this area.  They never had "Inprinting" done on them by the older male elephants therefore they did not know how to handle themself as grown "bulls"  They had tremendous strength and drives that were misdirected in inapproriate ways.   The point of this story is this.  In our society there is not many traditional families and even LESS male role models to show boys how to handle their new found strength and desires.  Sometimes they act like "Elephants"  I have no idea what your family situation is NOR am I blaming you.  I am just saying that boys are a lot more complex than previous thought and they need strong guidance to navigate into an independant respectible man. 

So what is my suggestion?   I do not have one at this point because I do not know your family life or circumstances.  However I hope some of my researched based information may help you identify why your 12 year old wants to run away.  The answer for boys is usually not  MAKE HIM DO WHAT I SAY...or LOCK HIM UP because all you get then is a very angery MAN one day.  I say this from my personal experience of dealing with anger and impulses. 

Good luck and if I can offer any advice please feel free to ask.

Joseph

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i really like your thoughts on this subject.  I am married, have been for almost 11 years.  Our son is 7 and I agree 100%.  ManBoys need a man to imprint a positive path.  I'm not saying that a single mom cannot provide a positive path, I'm just saying that it's easer for a man and a son and a woman and a daughter.  But, I know lots of GREAT single mom's of boy and single dad's with daughters.  keep up to good work. 

I also have a son with ADHD who is 12 years old and has ran away before. I called the local police department and told them that I wanted them to just scare him a little, so they found him and brought him back to the house and asked him if he liked his bike, playstation, TV, toys, etc. and my son said yes, the police officer went on to say that if he ran away again and they had to search for him then he was going to a place that he might not like very much that has no toys and just a bed to sleep in. My son's eyes got real big and he has never run away again, not to say that he hasn't tried, but as soon as he heads for the door, I head for the phone and it stops him dead in his tracks. On another note, I've had alot of problems lately, which I don't know the answer to and need help with. Just last night my son asked me if he could stay home from school and when I told him no, he was furious with me! He began to backtalk, throw things in his room and it even escalated to the point that he repeated to my face that he hated me, yelling it over and over again. I asked him if he felt better and he continued. He also said he hated living in our house. I have been divorced from his father for 12 years now and his father is worthless. My son's last visit to their father's house ended in their stepmother verbally abusing them, spitting in my oldest son's face, grabbing my youngest son's face and pushing it into the mattress, throwing them out of her house, and then calling me to come get them. I refuse to let them go over there again because the stepmom is insane and my ex-husband sticks up for his wife and not his own children. I know my youngest son is a handful, but that is no way to treat a child. This has been going on for some time now with their father. My son is currently in anger management classes at school and on an all natural product to control his Attention Deficit symptoms and we have tried counseling, pediatricians, therapy, behavior modification, etc., and nothing seems to work. My current husband practically raised my two sons from babies and is a good father, but has a hard time connecting with them. They get along, but there's not alot of affection between them. I worry about all of these things and that my younger son is heading for some major problems in the future. I feel like I'm all alone in trying to help my son because my ex-husband doesn't want to hear about it and I think he feels like I'm the problem, that I'm not harsh enough on him when he acts out. My ex feels like I need to whip them into shape and I refuse to beat my children.  What am I doing wrong and will my son ever respect me and stop the rages?

Whats the  deal with 12 yr olds...Mine  did the  I wanna  go live  with my daddy trick. So I told him to pack only  what his father has  bought  him and  he had to find  his own way to his fathers,His father  lives in a town 40 miles away..He said  fine I'll walk well it didnt take him to long  to  come  back from walking.He decided if he  goes to his  fathers  he  would have to put up with a  stepmom that doesnet like him...  He threathend  1 other time to  run away and  my   husband  works  with the  counry and  city cops..We had one of the  cops  talk to him and  got a   tour of the  jail.. I think all poice stations  will do that. I think alot of  it  is  hormones and they  are fustrated because  they are kids  but yet  alomost teengers... I told  him the  next stop is  the  childrens  home  that I  lived  @ from the age of 12 to 14... He said  momma  you never told  me  you lived in   home  I said  yep... HE  asked  what for  I told  him because I acted just like  you are  right  now... He had  a  blank look on his  face  and  said  mann  that  must of   sucked  i said  yea.. He looked  at  me and  said  I'm  sorry and  he  cried  for the  first  time  ina  long  time.. Believe  me  he isnt the  perfect kid by all means ..But I havent  heard I wanna  run away... Sometimes  tough love does  work.

Have you sat him down to ask him why he's so unhappy? Maybe he needs to be heard! A family counseling session could possibly work. I don't know it's touchy, (coming from someone who ran away a dozen times)

My 12 year old boy within the last month or two has been throwing things and very angry. He saw his psychologist she said he needs his meds changed or increased because of his raging hormones we go to the doctor on Tuesday

Kee,  Take a deep breath and relax.  Drink a tall glass of water, strech your muscles, take a walk, relax your mind. 

Now when you are relaxed,   What are the chances he knows that his ADHD can get him what he wants? My boy played that game for a while, until my pedicatrician put a stop to it.  He looked my son in the face and said, "the next time you try to run away, dont forget your pillow."

The national studies show that boys with ADHD will absolutey take advantage of the Mothers, because they are the natural nuture's. 

I was advised to have a dominate man (NOT A VIOLENT ONE) get it thru get thru my sons head that running away is not an option, neither is any sort of violence in MY household, school or with friends.  ADHD is NOT his fault.  But he will have punishments like every other kid if he disobeys the rules.  The other day, he threw the remote to the TV out of frustration, and he worked off the $20 to replace it by doing yard work.  

A year ago, he never would have dreamed of doing yard work, but after many chats with my male friend who set him straight, with a calm voice - did not yell at him, just told him straight up what was not going to be tolerated.  Boys tune out women because we use too many words, have a higher pitch tone, ect.  But if their is a man, without a temper, a low toned voice- tells the thruth, sets the law, reassures him that he is ok and loved, it helps TREMENDOUDSLY!  Try it, let me know if it works.  Good luck.

Hey...I just wanted to express my opinion on this issue.  12-13 year old is a very hard time for boys.  They are experiencing all kinds of hormones and weird thoughts.  They feel like an Alien and that no one understands them. I do not know if his dad or other male role model is in the picture but sometimes a boy needs a man to model  his behavior after.

Let me pause to say this before I get beat up ok...  I am a single parent by choice (I adopted my son and have never been married......and no I am not gay )  and I do not think single parents CAUSE issues or that mothers can't raise sons etc....  I just know from research and experience that sometimes a boy needs a man to talk to and a girl needs a lady to discuss things the other gender would never understand.

ok back to my orginal opinion.  Boys are turning into men.  Men are basically weird creatures.  We think about all sorts of weird sexual stuff at times.  We get mad for no reason.  We want affection when we want it but dont want to be disturbed when we dont want it.  We are just kind of strange beings LOL.  There was a study done on Elephants who were tearing up a village.  They could not figure out why these elephants were doing crazy stuff like turning over cars and pulling up trees.  None of it made sense.  Then one scientist looked into the history of these elephants (True Story).  It was discovered that they were relocated as babies into this area.  They never had "Inprinting" done on them by the older male elephants therefore they did not know how to handle themself as grown "bulls"  They had tremendous strength and drives that were misdirected in inapproriate ways.   The point of this story is this.  In our society there is not many traditional families and even LESS male role models to show boys how to handle their new found strength and desires.  Sometimes they act like "Elephants"  I have no idea what your family situation is NOR am I blaming you.  I am just saying that boys are a lot more complex than previous thought and they need strong guidance to navigate into an independant respectible man. 

So what is my suggestion?   I do not have one at this point because I do not know your family life or circumstances.  However I hope some of my researched based information may help you identify why your 12 year old wants to run away.  The answer for boys is usually not  MAKE HIM DO WHAT I SAY...or LOCK HIM UP because all you get then is a very angery MAN one day.  I say this from my personal experience of dealing with anger and impulses. 

Good luck and if I can offer any advice please feel free to ask.

Joseph

When you have  grown up in a  home like that you really realize what is  improtant  to you,,,,, It sucks  not  having  your  mom or dad to cry on just  some  people getting  paid  to take care  of  you.. I t makes  you really  think when you have your  own kids... I was  not  in trouble  with the  law  either... when i was in the  home  and the  kids asked  me  why i was in their  everytime i  turned  around  i  finally tols them i  killed  someone  for asking  to  many questions... And  alot of  kids  that have  not  been seen  by a  doctor  and  being  diagnosed  wind up in a  place  like that because the  parents  wont  take  time  to  learn of this  problem....    Tamaraw1969   if  you ever wanna talk  just  pm me.. i can really relate

If he rages at 12, I'd bet the farm that it's not ADHD or at least not ADHD alone. Bet he is feeling despair because he can't help himself. Could be the meds he's taking triggering rages or else could be bipolar (early onset) rather than ADHD. Bipolar kids don't have clearcut cycles like adults do (and NOT all bipolar adults have classic bipolar). If he seems to want to be better, but is frustrated beyond belief, and desperate, he could be diagnosed wrong. STims or Straterra would make him worse. Here is a link to childhood bipolar. There are links to ADHD vs. Bipolar too. You can put that into your search engine and get a lot of hits. Good luck!  www.bpkids.org  (type it in address if you have to. It's worth a good look. See Learning Center and message board. Lots of kids labeled ADHD are actually bipolar).

Hey...

My nephew tried the "Im too big for timeouts" routine on my sister when he was like 13.  I told him no one is ever too big for time outs.  It just renamed when you get older.  Its called 5-10.  Depending on the crime you commit.

You son is trying to be a man but has the control of a little boy still. 

Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers

Joseph

Chatters,

      You and I seem to have similar stories, I also lived in a home because of my behavior 4 1/2 years 14 - 17. My parents couldn't handle me, I wasn't in trouble with the law I just wanted to do what I wanted to do. I also tell my kids that they could live some where else.

Tamara