ADHD and School, medicaiton, etc

Okay.  This is my very first post so here it goes.  Anyhow, my son is 8-1/2 and has been diagnosed with ADHD for about 3 years now. He’s on meds which we can't seem to find one that doesn't make him lose weight, act spacey, zone, etc. I wish that we could find something that lets him be his funny self but also allows him to focus.  To date we've tried, adderal, ritalin xr, wellbuterin, stattera and now focalin.  The first 2 hours of focalin are great, the next 2 hours he's very quiet and zones and the next 1 hour after that he's great.  We are looking forward to the extended release coming out in July.  He's very active and does sports so the meds naturally wear off quicker or so I'm told. 

He's qualifying for 3 I.E.P's Math, reading, and writing. And currently is in 2nd grade but does work a full grade level behind. He attends a multi-age pilot school that is Public.  There are 70 kids in the whole school and 3 classrooms, K/1 ~ 2, 3 ~ and 4/5 and about 24 kids per class.  I'm required to work there 60 hours a school year and I put in much more than that. We choose that school (which is all lottery based-yes, we won the lottery) because of it's smallness and I could be directly involved in his education as I get to work in the classroom every week.  I get to see him interact with his school mates and also see him in small group settings.  I fell very blessed to have these types of opportunity. Unfortunately this school is very active and the kids are moving around a lot and not to mention all the parents that walk in and out in a given day. At times this is distracting to him.  Parts of it are set up as a self paced educational program and then there's group lessons for science, social studies and then the teacher breaks it down in small groups by level for math and reading. The problem we are running into is that next year the school is adding more students so his class which is currently at 24 kids will go up to 28. And the teacher he has this year is leaving, so there will be a new teacher and we don't know whom that is yet.  Another problem is that because we are just 4 portables on the side of the high school sports field, there is no special ed/resource room help available. For us to take advantage of this we'll need to take him to the big bad elementary school that has 450 kids and is a K-5. He already has some social issues and makes bad choices as to whom he plays with on the playground.  There’s a kid that is usually mean and manipulative and rough plays on the play ground or is demeaning in class to him and HE continues to play with this child. Why doesn’t the light go on for him, “this is not a nice kid and I’m going to choose to play with someone else?” This child is also 3 years older than him. My kid seems to always gravitate to older kids when we are at a community park, home in the cul-de-sac or at school. It’s a pattern for him which is why sending him to a huge school with large class sizes is out of my comfort zone. My husband thinks I’m coddling him or over protecting him but I look at it as a necessity as his light just doesn’t ever go on and his brain really doesn’t work the way, right from wrong, bad kids from okay kids, learning from past mistakes or experiences. I think it’s possible for him to achieve this but he doesn’t have these skills now and sending him to the big bad playground or big school doesn’t appear to be the right answer. We are fortunate that we have the resources to send him elsewhere or be creative with his schooling.  He definitely needs extra help but also a more controlled environment. It’s hard to find a private school that will take a child that is ADHD and has 3 I.E.P’s.  Does anyone have any feedback on the following?

Does anyone who’s child is ADHD had any luck/success with a Montessori based education? There a school about 8 miles from us that is a 1,2,3 grade multi age with only 15 kids. It’s a small school, maybe 100 kids total.  The beauty of this is that he’s immature for his age and also behind so a multi-age with younger kids sounds good. He could still do his I.E.P work in the AM at the public school near our house M-F from 8-9am and then I would take him the Montessori where he would do his school day there until 3pm. I’m concerned if we switch him to the larger school, there might be a stigma of being pulled out of his classroom and then all the other influences that I don’t want him to have to deal with (playground, lots of cruel kids, older kids).

Has anyone ever heard of the National Institute of Learning Disabilities? www.nild.net. There a school near us (private) that has this program available. You don’t need to attend the school to get access to their Educational Therapists that implement NILD. It’s very costly and NILD’s philosophies are to “retrain the brain”.  Starting over like tracing A, B, C’s. They compare it to a stroke victim that needs to work on their motor skills and start therapy by stacking blocks, moving objects or matching. They meet with the child 1 on 1, 2x a week, for 80 minutes and I’m told it’s a very intense 80 minutes. I’m meeting with an Educational Therapist at this school this coming week so if anyone has any suggestions for questions, let me know. I’ve already made a list but any other input would be great.

What about home schooling ADHD kids. Do they need more 1 on 1 time with parents?  There’s a home school program that meets 3 days a week for core subjects and we might be able to do this along with the NILD program. I think spending more time with him would benefit him but once again, hubby is not sure. 

How does one parent an ADHD child?  I really like Love and Logic and want to go to their conference this summer.  Anyone use this consistently with their ADHD children?

My son already has a low self esteem and requires a lot of stroking and I truly want to protect him and give him the best foundation possibly. Educationally and emotionally.

Thanks for listening.

Duvallmom

A therapist is probably a great idea.  Try occupational therapy sensorial based.  It can help is various areas such as gross motor, fine motor and with building concentration.  There are no drugs involved.  Only resourses and time.  Definately try it.  Try also the interactive metranome.  Check out their web site interactivemetranome.com.

Let me know what you decide.

Welcome to the board. You sound like a deeply caring mother, and your son is very fortunate to have you. I agree with sensory--occupational therepy would probably benefit your son.

My older brother has many LD and developmental issues. He always gravitates to the wrong type of friends to this day. He has gotten into some serious trouble do to it. I have concluded it to be an issue with self-esteem. He is so thankful someone wants to be his friend that he will take anyone. It is a pattern my parents noticed all too late.

As for your son, it could be beneficial for him to be the oldest kid in class. He may have an easier time being a leader instead of a follower. He could be looked up to. Don't be scared to let your son socialize though. Just be a guide for him. Perhaps try to set up playdates with more appropriate friends. Your goal is to teach him to function in the real world and not isolate him to protect him. Although, I can completely understand your reasons. How is his self-esteem?

Anyway, welcome--make yourself at home!

Oh, I know what you mean about the novice parenting.

You know, we all fear the choices our kids make when we are not around. I have been dealing with the lying and stealing aspects lately. We just have to be diligent about reinforcing proper behavior and choices, then pray for the best. Communication is key.

Does he have any younger siblings? This has helped us because my 18 mth old daughter looks at my step-daughter in complete aw. It has really helped us to boost her self-esteem. I say things to her about how much her sister admires her, and that she thinks my step-daughter is the coolest person on earth. She loves hearing this. We make a point to really talk her up when she takes initiative and make good choises. Especially, about her choises in the friends we approve of. We really promote the good qualities she should be looking for in people. We do make sure we don't bad-mouth bad friends or deny that she can hang with them. We just put a flea in her ear about the good ones.

Anyway, I think I am rambling. I hope my comments help.