Hi Linda, I share your pains & frustrations. I am a 33 yr old male and was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 4. Fortunately my mother (once a Family & Child Therapist) was extremely diligent at teaching me to manage myself throught my life. God only knows how many times I would have died without her help. I have been medicated (via everything at one time or another) since I was about 5 and have found that medication is the only way I can stand to be around myself. Otherwise I am sooo hyper and silly and stupid that I annoy myself and everyone around me. Off my medication I cannot accomplish anything.
I have been through the same "I think I am an alcoholic/addict phase". In college I had an intervention and subsequently went to AA/NA. Eventually learned that I was neither, rather I was simply abusing the substances as an output of my impulse-driven, constantly-bored person. I can 10 years later I can definitively say that I am NOT an alcoholic (whew). I do drink on a fairly regular basis, for the exact reason you stated: at the end of the day I need to relax and "settle down". It does the job wonderfully. I do have to be vigilent to make sure I dont have more than 2 or so drinks - I think I will always carry the problem of "accidentially overdrinking" if I dont retain optics into my drinking. Narcotics are no longer an issue at all in my life.
Hmm, in my true ADD nature I have totally forgotten what I was writing about. I suppose I was just empathizing with you. I will now key off something you stated at the end of your post about being an exceptional person. That is the exact word I would use and I agree with you 100%. While living with ADHD can be a HUGE burden in todays corporate world, the personalities are also blessed with amazing abilities that others envy and appreciate. I have boundless energy, both in mind, body & spirit. I am childlike in my curiousity and appreciation of pleasure. I manage crises' wonderfully. on my medication I have been able to accomplish so much in my 33 yrs and am riddeled with stories. I have been results oriented and have a slew of milestones accomplished, (Eagle Scout, BA, MBA, JD (in process), Black Belt (in process), etc).
Thus I say "embrace yourself and your adhd". Use it to propel yourself to the places where you know it can take you. learn to manage it and use it as a gift to get more out of life than others may be capabile of.
I suspect that you are the same as me. You are not an alcoholic and you are not a bad person. You are simply amazingly full of life. Yes it can be a handful to manage (constantly), but its not a bad thing.
I will stop babbeling now