this post will be off the topic of adhd, and instead will address something that has been bugging me about the whole abuse thread. that thread has grown to 115 replies without lots of new things being said.
here are a few statements i would like to make on some diverse subjects.
1) we all agree domestic violence is bad. terrorising people weaker than you, dependent on you for emotional and other needs, is a terrible thing that not even the abuser enjoys.
2) violence against a spouse or child is illegal. technically a crime.
3) not everybody who does something illegal, is a criminal.
4) not everyone who can admit to an act of abuse is an abuser.
5) not everyone, esp. an add'er has complete control of their actions and choices. there were only a few perfect people in the history of humanity, and their existence and importance are hotly debated amongst and between cultures.
6) our current american legal system is faulty and broken. we have allowed our government to get carried away in passing laws regulating nearly every single behaviour a human can exhibit.
while well intentioned, and supposedly fair, the law cannot distinguish an irregular occurence, or a pattern of behaviour such as exists in truly abusive environments. that's why once you make the call and get the law involved, a machine starts up using civilians as food for the system.
once involved with the law, which is soulless in itself, all sorts of things happen which may or may not be actually helpful.
in dv cases, or child abuse, for instance, the reported abuser is separated from the supposed abused, and the system's mechanisms for protecting the innocent are activated- incarceration, re-education classes, forced therapy, fines, etc.
in some cases, this is neccesary to get people out of a truly dangerous situation. however, most cases are swept up by the system, and those involved are forced into gov't mandated programs for 're-education'. the state can't tell the difference.
looking at the entire american legal system, one will find case after case in which the system's program did more harm than good. pot smokers getting five years in jail? a heated argument between man and wife automatically escalated by the authorities to charges and intervention? a parent with a bad day getting turned in for an unfortunate lapse in judgement losing custody?
explain to me the benefit of throwing a non-violent drug user into jail for a mandatory sentence. how does this solve any problem? is that person going to be better off after doing time? how about the family?
why is it that the government should force it's way into an argument between a man and woman that might be heated, but not neccesarily a danger to either participant, to force jail time, classes and fines? does this really help the situation? if they were fighting about money as so many couples do, then the situation becomes even more strained. aren't we allowed to work out our problems anymore? or is it just that we aren't alowed to express our frustrations and emotions? when did we let the gov't start telling us how we could express ourselves?
in the case of a child, yes we must, as a society, look out for the defenseless. but is reeducation, loss of custody, and the whole proving to the state you are 'fit' by their definition to raise your own child the way to address this problem? it is rare the parent that hasn't 'lost it' with one or all their children.
most of us were raised in an era in which spanking was a very common method of child rearing. some of us have grabbed or shaken our kids because of the seriousness of the situation or the level of our frustration. not to the point of true harm, but to emphasize the point. most of us have yelled at our kids for this or that. we're people, people.
the problem is that our current manner of dealing with these things is to let the 'state' handle issues that used to be dealt with in families and communities. the state determines who is good, and who is not. the state is responsible for managing our society with it's blind eye, propelled by laws passed by people who haven't a clue about the real effects of it. people who wish to be seen by their constituency as 'doing good'. this way, they get reelected and are able to continue mixing with the big money that has poisoned our republic.
take a look at some special laws- they have passed laws imposing more severe sentences for those who would commit the most terrible of crimes, namely raping and killing a child.
is it just me, or does it seem like anyone intent on, or capable of this truly horrific offense probably is not considering the law, or even the consequences of this type of act? are there these poor deranged people out there deciding to rape and kill an adult instead of a child, so if apprehended they will be subject to a shorter jail term?
what about some of the gun laws? is anyone really convinced that those that do harm to society as a way of life are really going to obey this or that law governing firearms? not buy the outlawed weapons or ammo, or leave them at home when they go out to rape and rob?
7) does every act outside the law really need to be turned over to the authorities? the 'state' if you will.
just because you have knowledge of one 'crime', is recourse with the state the only possible response?
we should all educate ourselves on what really constitutes abuse, and a dangerous situation. i want my friends, family and neighbors to help me overcome my faults and foibles. i don't really want to be reeducated by the 'state'.
it is frequently apparent when someone is reacting out of stress, and when the relationship observed is an abusive one. abusive situations almost always are kept hidden and are expressed subtly in public. you can almost always see it in their eyes- the look of shame and helplessness in the abused, and the intimidating look of "mind your own business" in the eyes of the abusers without the utterance, if they acknowledge you at all.
8)(and final)- the tone of dog's posts in the abuse thread bothers me as it sounds less like true concern, and more like an informant stoolie that would turn anybody in for even thinking about doing something the 'state' doesn't approve of. i could be wrong, and if i am, i sincerely apologise.
in these times especially, we need to be very vigilant that our country, stays our country. that the gov't serves us, and not become us serving it. we need to be wary of giving the 'authorities' too much authority. if we don't, being a fallible human will become illegal. and when it does, there will be many who would sell us down the river, being good dogs for their masters.
I imagine you spent a long time on this post and because of your attempt to insult and use me above, I don't mind telling you - it sounds incredibly ignorant - It really does.
TheDog38511.4344444444