Help <whimper> S.O.S. | ADHD Information
there is man with no legs who is a master at martial arts.
i saw that on t.v. and i stopped pouting about how life wasnt fair.
what seems more likely
man with no legs becoming martial arts master
add person getting ther sh*t together
ya, i dunno y but i think about this and it helps me get off my ass.
Excellent attitude!
addlad, good thought and thanks. i'm doing better.i am slaying dragons one at a time.
i realized that i love my life and it's worth the fight.
it's going to be ok no matter what.
bb
seeker and the dog--
thank you thank you. you know how i feel and your posts mean a lot. Thanks for sharing.
i'm still in trouble. it's 4:45 a.m. and i am awake and making the tiniest little efforts. I WILL figure this out.
I don't feel so alone. Thanks.
bb
bluebird-
i frequently have problems like that. often, the bigger the task, or more crucial the outcome, i kind of freeze up, and can't even get started.
i get into this semi-circular logic of "well- to do that, i first have to do this thing. but, in order to do this thing, i have to get x & y done. before i can can tackle x, parts of y and some other things need to be in order. to do that..." and on and on.
for many other situations. to get myself going i ignore the bigger picture entirely and say something like " just do this one little part, and finish it!" then, i say to myself something like "once you completely complete that step, then we'll do something else.
when i meet my embarrassingly small and simpified goal, i pat myself on the back. and since i haven't put the onus on me to do anything specific, more often than not, i'm able to feel encouraged enough to choose to break off another small chunk, and pursue that to completion.
there are two small parts to this that help it work. one, if i keep letting my attention go to the 'oh god i have to have this all done quickly by x:00!', or 'i have to make it perfect!', i'm almost always doomed. i will always fail if i can't avoid those mental traps. two, i trick myself by holding the choice of doing something else after the goal is met. 'then i'll go get lunch(a coffee, take a break, check my e-mail'....fill in the blank. when i meet my tiny goal, and give myself the option of continuing or going off in a different direction, (which is usually what i feel compelled to do) then i feel less pressure about continuing, and stick with the payoff of moving forward.
i am a little embarrassed that it often takes treating myself like a child to do the basics in life, but it works for me. now that i'm more aware of what my weaknesses are, i don't feel so bad about this approach that would garner those 'what an idiot- are you ever gonna grow up? ' looks i might get for sharing that with your typical adult.
I have procrastinated my job to the point of a total disaster. I have cut deals with myself in my head. Have promised myself to "just do it" and every other "get going" tactic I could think of. Now I am just overwhelmed and in big trouble. Even my Adderall has not helped me to focus on the big, ugly mess...I have just been very motivated to do laundry all of a sudden.What have I been doing to help myself? The equivalent of rocking in a corner (hugging the dog, watching tv, looking for internet distractions).
Help. Help. Help.
Thank you all. I have been trying the timer, breaking tasks into small units, etc., but I blast right past the timer and I have so many lists now that I'm lost. This is literally the worst trouble I have ever been in. I don't know who to use as a coach. I have developed manipulative ways to evade questioning. I know, I know...I'm just being honest. Oh man oh man oh man.
Also, I'm so overwhelmed that I have been shutting down and not eating or sleeping well, etc...just sleeping like crazy.
I am horrified that I am letting such good people down.
Ok, I know very well that I am making excuses and acting all no-can-do here. I guess I had to just air out the ugliness somewhere. I will/MUST figure something out.
Thank you again. I'll keep reading the boards and maybe I'll get some inspiration.
bb
"I am responsible."
Responsibility assumption is a doctrine in the spirituality and personal growth fields holding that each individual has substantial or total responsibility for the events and circumstances that befall them in their life.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Responsibility_assumption
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Positive_thinking
*Exceptional Work*
Brian Tracy: Action Strategies for Personal Achievement
http://www.briantracy.com/catalog/product.asp?ProductID=22&a mp;CategoryID=7
*Exceptional Work*
Dale Carnegie: Stop Worrying, Start Living
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dale_Carnegie
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0671574582/
- - -
For persons who like Christian faith in their motivational reading and listening materials:
Norman Vincent Peale: The Power of Positive Thinking
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norman_Vincent_Peale
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0449911470/
More highly regarded works by Norman Vincent Peale:
Positive Thinking Every Day : An Inspiration for Each Day of the Year
You Can If You Think You Can
Stay Alive All Your Life
Enthusiasm Makes the Difference
A Guide to Confident Living
The Positive Principle Today
The Amazing Results of Positive Thinking
- - -
Many of these works are available at your public library, on eBay, on Amazon or the Amazon Marketplace.
You are what you think. Think positive. Stop worrying.
What is the worst that can happen? Resign yourself to that eventuality, i.e. accept the worst outcome (demotion/reprimand, loss of job, new job hunt, etc). Then work to improve the outcome instead of worrying endlessly about the bad things that may happen. Reverse your assumptions, diminish your worries and start looking up instead.
Nobody can help someone who is down and hopeless until that person accepts personal responsibility fully and without reservation for the way they feel and respond to events in life. Then the help of others can start making a difference.
Also relaxation and meditation are great therapies to assist in understanding your history, thoughts and emotions, and making worthwhile improvements in your responses to the events of life.
[QUOTE=bluebird38]I have procrastinated my job to the point of a total disaster. I have cut deals with myself in my head. Have promised myself to "just do it" and every other "get going" tactic I could think of. Now I am just overwhelmed and in big trouble. Even my Adderall has not helped me to focus on the big, ugly mess...I have just been very motivated to do laundry all of a sudden.
What have I been doing to help myself? The equivalent of rocking in a corner (hugging the dog, watching tv, looking for internet distractions).
Help. Help. Help.
[/QUOTE]
I have had many opportunities in my life that I could relate so closely to what you are writing.
I've gotten so far behind, and then I realize that I'm behind because I've been wasting all kinds of time. Then, there's no one to blame but myself, etc. and no one seems to have much empathy.
When I was that far behind and I was in school, I could still manage to get through. However, getting caught up at work is much harder because you're actually expected to be doing quite a lot everyday. I'm not really sure if it's possible to actually get caught up and do everything that was expected.
One thing that I've found that works to get things done is a to do list in which I vary tasks. Do an hour of one thing and then switch to another, etc. Also, having a specific goal, with manageable little steps helps after it's actually caught up.
On one of the other threads there was a discussion about how to stay on task
The one that has worked miracles for me the past few weeks has been the timer. I set it for 20 mins and make myself work. When it goes off, I set it for another 10 and do whatever I want. I have messed with the times a little but that worked great to get me going.
Break up the big project into smaller pieces and tackle them 20 mins at a time. Write them all down and check them off as you get them done, that's a great feeling.
Good luck, you can do it, we all can!
MM
I have found two things that help me get work done: stimulants, and a todo list. Sounds like you have the former already, but the latter can be quite helpful... just make a list of what you need to get done and break it down into "baby steps" if you're like me and have problems wrapping your head around a big complex task sometimes.I use something like Windows notepad and just start breaking it down to the level I need to get things done at.
I also find working with another person motivates me because I don't want to let them down. I'm not sure if you can work that into what you're doing or not.
Hope this helps.
Do you have a family person to help motivate you or a close friend?
omg. I'm in trouble again.This time, my lack of attention to detail and follow-through has resulted in a problem that is about to get really big.
But, have you ever been in the position of being in trouble and people getting mad at you and you have no idea how to break it to them that it's about to get much worse. In fact, it's about to push all of the buttons that you personally know will make them go ballistic?
Well, that's where I am.
More than anything, I would just love to quit and not face anyone. Just slink off into "Runaway Bride" mode. I literally left work and am trying to deal with this enormous mess from home. I hate myself.
As I got "yelled" at (not literally, but my new boss was deservedly mad and trying to control herself), I handled each shot like Wonder Woman on the outside, on the inside I was adding a few insults that she forgot.
I want to be in a situation where I do well. I feel like I just cannot face it much longer. I'm in hell.
Geez, Bluebird, I remember feeling that way often during the year that I lived alone. My house was always a wreck, my bills would go unpaid until I was paying to keep them from getting disconnected only, thank goodness I didn't have alot of credit so I couldn't get my debt too high on credit cards. (Only good thing about not having good credit) Then my job - I'd show up late because I couldn't get up on time, or I'd have the news on while getting ready and the next thing I know I was running late for watching the news too long... And I couldn't make my deadlines... I got put on a 'performance improvement plan' - what they put you on to prove that it's ok to fire you. Luckily my immediate boss was not treating me as well as everyone else and I was able to fight what they were trying to do to me - some of those manipulation/evading tactics. My supervisor (not my boss) found me another team to go work under. Then I had started dating my husband who has been a major stabilizing force in my life.
I'm not sure what to tell you to help you out. One advantage that you have is that you know there's a reason why you're doing what you're doing - I know, it's really not any help because it can make you tell yourself that there's nothing you can do.
The only thing I can think of - does your boss know about your condition? Is there any way you can talk to them about giving you a little more time? Maybe to give you little goals to hand stuff in to them in increments? Maybe little deadlines can help you not get so overwhelmed?
Man I really can relate to how it feels to go through what you're going through. More stuff that I can talk to my doctor about in trying to get a diagnosis for myself.
If I think of anything more, I'll let you know.
Autumn
Thank you AutumnStar.I am not an employee (have my own service), so they really don't care about me, per se. They just want the work done, correctly, and on time. So, if I were tell someone about this, I think their minds would immediately start cranking away on how they will solve this problem (e.g. Who else can we get?)
They are not mean people, they really aren't. I am letting them down and they are responding congruently. I need to find other work but my mother will not stop breathing down my neck about how great this money is. I feel like doing easy work for the temps again...let me file papers or make copies all day. Coffee anyone? Coming right up!
You know...this experience has been almost surreal. It's like it wasn't even ME who was in so much trouble walking into the office to get skinned, it feels as though it is happening to someone else. I guess I'm disassociating because it has exceeded my fear/discomfort level.
I will now go and do my work for an hour. :)
Maybe I'll even indulge and come back when I have accomplished ANYTHING.
MUST FIGHT URGE TO NAP.
Thanks again,
bb
I'm doin' some work. I'm doin' some work. Yay for me.
I just needed some attention, cause I'm deficient.
Bluebird,
You're doing great, just keep plugging along. One task at a time! Like several posts I've seen on this board - if we just break tasks down into little increments, we feel great as we meet each step and it gets us closer to the goal.
Good Job! 
Autumn
Bluebird,
I got this tune stuck in my head, I thought you might appreciate it. It's from Finding Nemo - where Dori keeps singing "Just keep Swimming". 
Do you think Dori is ADD? LOL
Autumn
[QUOTE=addlad456]there is man with no legs who is a master at martial arts.
i saw that on t.v. and i stopped pouting about how life wasnt fair.
what seems more likely
man with no legs becoming martial arts master
add person getting ther sh*t together
ya, i dunno y but i think about this and it helps me get off my ass.
The thing that kicked my ass was the discovery of priority and proportion. Before that i used every dumb ass reason for not accepting responsibility for my lack of self management so i could do the tasks i accepted responsibility for. Delegation of task is a trap for me as i just use it as another excuse. Oh I gave that to Anne to do and she did not perform. Copout?
[/QUOTE]
Bluebird,
U will be fine, just keep going, U will find a way that works for U. Ur instincts, naturale talents, creativity are your greatest assets as an adhder. Focus is a habit U can learn to manage by breaking tasks into smaller bits as Autumnstar says. Believe me it works. I was the greatest dreamer/drifter from crisis to crisis! well not anymore. I now have one fulltime job, a part-time job, run a house as an older single parent. So there! Bluebird it is possible and U are well on the way. Just now it seems hard but the fact you are working on urself now and taking action to change is a vital step! Well done!!!!!!!!
Got up, cleaned, fed myself, did laundry, and am now working. Yay. I wrote a list for the day and I am going to plow.
For some reason, I feel good and capable today. Please last.
Thanks for all of your support.
You know what's interesting? The number of people who aid and abet me in my procastinations. It's amazing. Must use answering machine.
bb
Yes, our society is turning into a "immediate" society. It went from answering machines being a luxury, to a necessity, then second phone lines are necessary so when you're on the computer the calls can come through. Then there's beepers but they're not immediate enough - now it's cell phones - and how dare we not answer that cell phone whenever it rings?!?
To accomplish anything, those of us with ADD need to NOT be distracted if we're to accomplish what we need to do.