HELP!!!! Moving and making freinds
I don't mean to sound judgmental; I'm just curious on this decision you have made for yourself.
Especially when you are asking for "HELP."
As for switching topics...nothing strange about that, and you're most definitely not alone in that area...very AD/HD! Yep. Imagine getting two AD/HDers together...the ability to switch from one topic to another, and eventually even return the original topic.
and the friend thing isn't even the only problem I'll have when I go up there :|. It's like, I won't know what to do. I don't wanna stay indoors 24/7 like I do now. I wanna have a life. Hell, I don't even know what a person's typical day is. Everything confuses me. :| Well, most things anyways.
but the friend thing is just one of many.
I'm royally screwed. :|
I was born cursed.
and blah, blah, blah, etc. lol
[QUOTE=cheerbear] Actually, if someone came up to me and introduced themselves and stuff, I'd be totally okay with that. But sometimes when they do, I somehow find a way to annoy them and they stop talking to me. Happens all the time. Either I annoy them or they think I'm totally weird. When I get comfortable and start to really talk, then it just kills everything. It's like nobody gets my sense of humor and I think I'm really nice. But people don't like me. And it hurts. Thats why I'm afraid to talk to people. I'd rather they talk to me, u know? I get along better with people on the internet lol. It's weird. I get to be myself without the fear of them gettign tired of me and stop talking. But in person, it's pretty bad.
and the friend thing isn't even the only problem I'll have when I go up there :|. It's like, I won't know what to do. I don't wanna stay indoors 24/7 like I do now. I wanna have a life. Hell, I don't even know what a person's typical day is. Everything confuses me. :| Well, most things anyways.
but the friend thing is just one of many.
I'm royally screwed. :|
I was born cursed.
and blah, blah, blah, etc. lol
[/QUOTE]
Oh, Cheerbear...if only I had realized this about myself at a younger age and the reason(s) for it... AD/HD! ...perhaps I may have had a happier life up until now. I relate 110% !
A couple suggestions, from experience, I can offer is when meeting someone for the first time is 1) don't tell too much about yourself when first meeting, and 2) try to be the least negative about anything you may say about your or about anything, for that matter.
You say:
[quote]It's like nobody gets my sense of humor and I think I'm really nice. But people don't like me. And it hurts[/quote]
This has definately been a thorn in my side since I can remember. I've been 'taught' to be aware of my body language and facial expressions (although it takes a lot of practice!) One of the reasons this board has been such a lifesaver for me, is we accept one another for who we are. It's been a place I've learned a better sense of humor, learned to be less judgmental, and have made friends I feel I've missed out on for so many years (and I'm 56!!!) We have the opportunity to think before opening mouth and inserting foot, if you know what I mean.
Had I at least known earlier why I behaved the way I have in the past, I may have not had such difficulty in making and keeping friends, jobs, etc. But you have an early jump on things, and I wish you luck.
By the way, have you been diagnosed with AD/HD, and if so, are you on meds or in therapy?
Well, I'm going to a psychologist right now, though I don't think anything's really coming out of it lol. But he's comfirmed that I have it. I'm on Adderall, though I don't take it everday. I'm never consistent in anything. Well, at least in most things lol.
As for watching body language, I dunno. I haven't really had the chance lately, since I don't talk to anyone. School's out. Only people I really talked to were like my parent's age lol. Though we really didnt have much to say.
Now, i don't really have the opportunity to talk to people. I don't go out. I'm in my house 24/7. In my room most of that time. My safe haven. I'm a total recluse. When I do take my meds, which is like twice or so a week, then I actually come out of my room. But theres nowhere to go outdoors, so I stay in.
I mean, its bad. Real unhealthy. Hell, a couple years ago, a shrink said I'd end up in a mental institution. I told him to go to hell. :-p. but yeah. I switched topics. lol. Almost everything I say turns into a rant on another topic. Its funny. well, for me. anyhoo...yeah
Lets do my math.
People + Me = Disaster (for me).
weird...
Okay, here goes. I've never had any real friends. I suck at making them. I'm very, very uncomfortable when I'm around alot of people my age (20) and I also think alot of them are real immature. They nevr have anything intelligent to say. And also, they don't like me. I've had real bad experiences in all the schools I've been to, so even now I can't walk up to someone and say something. And I also feel that everyones staring at me and talking about me (but that's gone down since I've started my Adderall.)
Anyways, I'm moving in with my brother in Virginia (DC Area)in a couple months. And I'll admit it. It sucks being alone. I hate not having friends or people to talk to. So the question is, how do you find them? How do you make friends?
This has been bugging me for a while now.
Input, anyone? (also, I'm still real self-conscious at times (like right now))
I love your Care Bear icon! I used to be a Care Bears collector when I was growing up! *hugs* Anyways, you know what, I can totally understand how you feel being self-conscious and all, I'm the exact same way. But sometimes when you're that desperate for a friend and if you see good intentions in that person, you just gotta trust them the first time and if things don't work out then move on to another person, but only God and time will tell if this friend is good for you. Sorry if this sounds a little odd, but hope this helps. Basically what I'm saying is, anyone you come across, this may be hard anytime but...just give them a chance. That's hard for me to do too, but in all fairness, that person wants to meet you and get to know you too,right? ^_- Hope everything turns out alright.
In the last couple of years, I dated around with a girl who had your exact same problem. She was terrified to leave her house and subject herself to the judgement of other people. She had one friend who moved to England and that's it. I once mentioned that she had an interesting accent that I couldn't place. She joked that it was due to isolation.
The striking thing about her was, she was one of the coolest, funnyest, most interesting people I ever met. All of her self image was based on irrational criteria. I still worry about her sometimes and I occasionally shoot her an email to find out how she's doing, but she never responds. You say that people quickly begin to hate you, and I wonder if it's really true. This girl was extremely likable by anyone. Maybe you just need to stick around a little longer.
So, my original question lol..How do you meet poeple?
When I'm on my meds I don't feel so dead, withdrawn, antisocial and stuff so I won't have any problems getting out. (well, talking first might be a problem. and also large groups of people. feels like i'm being ganged up on.)
So, like do I just wait for someone to come up to me and talk? It's kind of scary when you think of it.
I wont be moving for another few months and here I am stressing about it.
It would be so much easier if there was just a list of steps to follow. Everything's so random and confusing.
:|Joining clubs & activities is how I always met people. Like local hobby groups or art classes.stick around where? where I am now? been here all my life. I dont like it here, thats why I'm moving. My brother has lots of friends. He's real social and likeable and stuff, so he could probably help me out.
and the whole joining clubs and activities sound like a real scary idea (well, for me, anyways). im terrified just thinking about it. :|
but I'll see what they have. It does sound like a good idea, though. (but still scary)everything intimidates me. im just weird. i'm extremely self conscious, too. i dunno if I mentioned that before...I may be wrong about this but maybe another reason why you're stressed is because of the move you have to make to DC to your brother's. Moving can bring alot of changes in anyone, both good and sad and even depression way before a move. And you fear what kind of people you'll meet, if they're going to judge you, if you'll make any friends, that kind of stuff. You have to pressure yourself out of your comfort zone and just..say..I'll make a friend today! No buts! Sorry if this sounds harsh but I'm just trying to help, you're kind of like me in a way. Anyways, please take care of yourself, try praying. Never hurts. Ki o tsukete. (Be careful in japanese) ^_^ Actually, I can relate to you on your self-judgemental-ness and everything intimidating you. I am 21, and when I go out in public I get this feeling of what people are staring at exactly. I get really paranoid almost anywhere in public. Except around family. (Just trying to relate to you, if this helps any) I'm sorry that you feel this way. ;_; But, there are no guides to on how to make a friend, you just have to do the "impossible" of yourself sometimes. ^_^ Even if you're ADD/ADHD.
[QUOTE=cheerbear]stick around where? [/QUOTE]
Maybe the people who don't like you, actually do? or maybe they would if you didn't quit the scene before they got to know you.
How old are you? I'm in the DC area and if I had some idea of your age, I might be able to make some suggestions. And where in N. VA? And last (I promise) what are things you enjoy doing--things that make you feel okay to be you?
Don't forget that the most interesING people are the most interestED people. Doing things you enjoy and feel good about gives you something "safe" to talk to people about when you do meet them. (Being a good listener is also really important and makes people feel like you care and are interested in them. That's one I'm still learning at 59! [I've got gypsywoman beat!])
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