Do you dwell on the past? | ADHD Information

Well, at 56 yrs old, of course I occasionally think of things in my past that weren't very pleasant, yet I more often reminisce good things about my past. I don't know how much I actually *dwell* on things I may regret having done or not doing, so much as I regret/resent the way people have treated me in the past. And, of course, now being diagnosed with ADHD, and actually realizing there was an explanation why I behaved as I have and why people may have treated me as they have...knowing now there was something I could have done about it...earlier/sooner...that I regret! Does that make sense?Of course it makes perfect sense. I only wish I could grow enough to embrace your point of view. But I keep holding myself back with my own internal struggle.

*sigh*

Dwelling on the past is one of my biggest downfalls. Well, right now it seems like one of the biggest. But who knows, next week may bring a different one. But I have been wondering over the last couple of days if this is a problem common to us who suffer from ADD/ADHD.

I have left this poll open for those who wish to comment, but I am really more concerned with the overall results of the poll.

I am 45 years old but my dwelling habbits (I always *dwell* on things in my past which I regret) go all the way back to grade school memories.

Thank you for participating.

~Z

Medication helps me with this.

Is the dwelling on negative things, positive, nostalgia things, or a mixture? If the latter, that much like depression, which isn't "cuased" by this condition but can result as a side-effect of it from years of being misunderstood and criticized.

While meds can help interrupt the cycle, ultimately, you need to learn how to do that yourself. And it is doable. I used to have a terrible time with depression but don't anymore and am not on meds--for my bi-polar or ADD. I just did a lot of reading, thinking, and finally got a good therapist. When I do find myself depressed, it normally only last a day or two, at most--not weeks or months like it used to.

ZORG...Yes, it's a good point of view of my past, and present; however, there's a good chance I may currently be creating new situations to *dwell* on in the furture, since I am currently struggling with some newfound factors! KWIM?

GypsyWomyn38519.501875

I'm also 45, and recently diag. My significant other, calls it dealing with baggage. Are you recently diagnosed?

My dwelling also goes back to grade school.

What could we have done with our lives if we had only known we were ADHD!!!

I'm in the grieving process.

I am surprised at the ratio of votes cast vs the number of times this post has been viewed.

Please dont be shy.... Cast a vote!

Some of the things I have read say that it
disappears by the time some people are adults. That was
the reason for my comment. Based on comments by sister,
I was pretty much convinced that I had it as a kid, but
I was not really aware of the effects until just
recently.

For me the biggest is focus. I bounce around between a
dozen different topics at once and up to now, that has
not been too much of a problem. I recently started
working in a different department which requires a lot
more focus. As a result, I keep forgetting to call
people or finish email, etc. I knew something was going
on.

I also have a problem with getting myself into "heated
discussions". Some people have called me "aggressive",
although I have never really thought of myself that
way. I a book I read recently, this kind of thing can be
part of the "lack of self controll" aspect of ADD, as
well. Considering that there have been occasions
where I was in the middle of such a discussion and
*knew* I should stop, but couldn't everything fit into
place. As I said in another post, the book read like my
biography!

Regards,

Jim Mohr

    I dwell on the past almost all the time and it bothers my entire family. Memories of my childhood, life growing up (mainly bad but few good ones at times) I can't help it, if it's in my brain I've got to get it off my chest, that's why God gave us mouths! Right? I also love talking about tv shows that I used to watch, I am a child of the 90's should say, was born in '84..so, I guess let the good times roll? Dwelling on the past can be fun!! Wait, are we talking about dwelling on the past as a bad thing? Ooops, I was thinking of also the good things, but I think that's called "going down memory lane". Just got confused there for a sec. ^_^

I did until about three days ago when I started reading "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" It reads like my biography. My son was diagnosed with ADD just under a year ago and I have been bouncing the fact around in my head that it is typically hereditary and the most logical place is from me. This explains a great deal of my behaviour both as a child and and adult (I'm 44 now).

I used to dwell on all of the things that I screwed up in my life and all of the problems I got into, asking myself "why was I so stupid?" I am only about 1/4 of the way into the book, but it is obvious to me that I still have ADD. I have decided I shouldn't dwell on those things that I did because they were all caused by my ADD, so I should not blame myself for them and thus I no longer need to dwell on them. Instead, I am now looking forward!

Regards,

Jim Mohr

[quote=jimmo]I did until about three days ago when I started reading "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!" It reads like my biography. My son was diagnosed with ADD just under a year ago and I have been bouncing the fact around in my head that it is typically hereditary and the most logical place is from me. This explains a great deal of my behaviour both as a child and and adult (I'm 44 now).

I used to dwell on all of the things that I screwed up in my life and all of the problems I got into, asking myself "why was I so stupid?" I am only about 1/4 of the way into the book, but it is obvious to me that I still have ADD. I have decided I shouldn't dwell on those things that I did because they were all caused by my ADD, so I should not blame myself for them and thus I no longer need to dwell on them. Instead, I am now looking forward![/quote]
Good attitude, Jim!

You've actually expressed how I feel, only did a much better job at it. Thank you! [QUOTE=LTC1]

I'm not grieving about not being "normal".

I'm grieving about what ifs...I could have had un-timed tests...I could have had extra time to complete projects... Maybe ...just Maybe I would have been successful at something, and still had some self esteem intact.

[/QUOTE]

Sounds to me like you are dwelling. Not that I have ANY experience in that department.

[QUOTE=jimmo]

Jim Mohr

[/QUOTE]

Jim,

If you have ADD/ADHD, you always will. There is no getting over it or rid of it,.One can only gain control over it, depending on each individuals own factors.

[QUOTE=LTC1]

I'm in the grieving process.[/QUOTE]

Oh, you mean like all those "normal" people many/most of whom would walk all over their own grandmother for more "you name it?" Just look at the incredible hypocracy that usually accompanies "normal." Would you really want to have lived like that? It's not a matter of being a perfect person because none exist. Normal means that--conforming to the norm and the norm's pretty funky if you ask me!

It's all in the way you choose to look at it. You can also think of it as the universe, God, whatever, setting you on this path so you get to have the empathy and self-realization that most normal people NEVER do. They spend their whole lives trying to "get" and never getting "it."

The way I see it is that you've been blessed--just in your own unique way and time. Isn't it cool that you have enough consciousness to realize you have that choice!

I'm not grieving about not being "normal".

[QUOTE=sachetm]

This discussion has been very helpful to me. Writing feels like a natural language to me--even more than talking (although I sure do my fair share of that, too!) I LOVE the ability to edit so I'm saying just what I want to say. It's one thing I'm very meticulous about. I even edit my e-mails! Hee hee! While I don't consider myself an "A"-level writer, I sometimes get up to about "A-" but am usually about a "B" or B+," I think. And more on the technical side than the lyrical side. I'm just not as adept at turning a beautiful phrase as at expressing ideas--if that makes sense.

Other than saying thank you for helping me get clarity on my own skills and interests, I wanted to make the point that, especially for us ADDers, finding our own unique "muse" is critical to getting out of the, "oh, I'm such a screw up" deal. Working memory is the same in humans as computers. Only one thing can be in one place at the same time. It can either be a current passion or a regret from the past. And the former feels a whole lot better than the latter!

[/QUOTE]

I am happy that my own curiosity provided an outlet which someone was able to gain something from it.

Grieving the things that could have, might have
happened "if only" you would have known is helpful,
because you can do it with a goal to eventually
letting go of the pain - again, not talking about the
pain of not being "normal" but of never being
understood, not having been taught in a way that
would have been effective for you, trying to teach
yourself but being too disorganised then getting
disappointed that you couldn't write a novel by 15,
your self-esteem could have come out of childhood
more intact if only... and then the what if you had
known...
I'm nowhere near being "through" all these issues,
but there are a few things that are helping. One is
that I have a really great coach and we are just
starting to talk about this kind of stuff (only been
seeing her for a month).
The other is the "adult add workbook" by Lynn Weiss.
The book has exercises to understand what you do
"regret" or are sad about, dealing with emotions,
organising, a great section for people still in/quitting
high school, and a big part about "forgiving yourself
as a child" which is the part I'm on still.
[QUOTE=GypsyWomyn] [QUOTE=dawery]I'm more inclined to verbal communication than writing, it's hard to describe. If I'm typing or writing, it feels like someone has a hand over my mouth.. that's the best way to describe it. These groups are an awesome help so I don't mind typing here.. It holds my attention, I could probably write a biography on someone I was fascinated by. Actually while I'm writing this I'm kinda warming up to the idea. hmmm

sachetm38523.2786921296 [QUOTE=dawery]I'm more inclined to verbal communication than writing, it's hard to describe. If I'm typing or writing, it feels like someone has a hand over my mouth.. that's the best way to describe it. These groups are an awesome help so I don't mind typing here.. It holds my attention, I could probably write a biography on someone I was fascinated by. Actually while I'm writing this I'm kinda warming up to the idea. hmmm

I prefer talking though, I like debating, doing oral presentations. I love to talk in front of people, especially when I'm a full bottle on something.[/QUOTE]
Dawery, do you have any idea how I admire your ability to commuicate verbally vs. typing/writing? I'm actually envious! That hand you feel over your mouth? Well, that same hand is clamped right over my mouth (and brain) when I'm trying to verbally communicate. You're really quite fortunate, especially for someone with AD/HD. And I feel fortunate that when I type, my fingers can pretty much keep up with my mind. I "dwell" more on the future.
The past is gone, and a lot of it was pretty f**ked up, and sure I could have had treatment yada yada.
My point is, I understand it more, but I'm STILL pretty much alone and different and sometimes worst of all a low wage earner out in the world of normals. My anxieties are focused forward like, oh hell, it's going to be 40 more years of the same old but different sh*t.

(I'm seeing my Dr. tomorrow and asking for some antidepressant action. See my upbeat attitude? :-)
Dwelling on something bad..well I have forgotten it by now but when I was a kid I cut some of my younger sister's hair before my cousin's wedding. (She's was to be the flower girl) We still argue at each other over many little things, I think she's still mad at me for doing that. ^^;;

[QUOTE=arbiterxero]Hey do any of you dwell on things you did bad?

For example, I forget 90% of my childhood (I'm 22) but I remember stealing my sister's chocolate bar when I was 7 and STILL feel guilty over it.....

Anybody else carry guilt FOREVER?
[/QUOTE]

I most definitely dwell on things I've done that are bad.

I don't remember much from my childhood.

Events in my life seem to all be in a jumble.

The bad stuff is most easily recalled.

Guilt Forever??? I'm going to get counseling.

I have ADD and I alllwwwways dwell on the past.. good and bad. I'm an `84 baby too haha, I always think of how things used to be. Players that used to play for other football teams in like 1994, or how good the Chicago bulls were in `90s and how unlucky Scottie Pippen was to get called for a phantom foul against Hubert Davis in game 5 of the '94 Eastern Conference Semis.

At parties and stuff I'm always the guy that says "remember that time when..."

I'm going to make the best grandpa cause I love talking about the past, talking and dwelling on things that have already happened is much easier than dealing with life in the present. I think that plays a big part in why its a habit.

dawery, do you like to write? If so, maybe you can be a biographer--of yourself, your family, or whomever you choose.

I don't know if this is an ADD kind of tendency but I inherited by ADD from my Father who was an amateur historian. (I was a history major, undergraduate.) My Grandfather, from whom my Father inherited his ADD was a professional historian and geneologist (and geneological artist--did family coats of arms for people--among other things).

We should start a new thread to ask about this question of "continuity" (put it in a more positive light--an interest in the flow from one era to another and an interest in those past, as historians are). What do you think? If you're interested, why don't you do it because I'm starting to feel self-conscious for posting so much as a "newbie." If not, that's cool. Always something else right around the corner, right?

sachetm38522.5616319444

Well I don't mind typing, as compared to handwriting which I despise as my handwriting is deplorable and takes me a long time.

I'm more inclined to verbal communication than writing, it's hard to describe. If I'm typing or writing, it feels like someone has a hand over my mouth.. that's the best way to describe it. These groups are an awesome help so I don't mind typing here.. It holds my attention, I could probably write a biography on someone I was fascinated by. Actually while I'm writing this I'm kinda warming up to the idea. hmmm

I prefer talking though, I like debating, doing oral presentations. I love to talk in front of people, especially when I'm a full bottle on something.

As for starting a new thread, probably give it a miss for now because I'm leaving for an exam in 2 hours and I'm in the middle of a cram session hehe

ps after 5 posts including this one, I think you'd be infinitely more qualified to start a thread than me

Hey do any of you dwell on things you did bad?

For example, I forget 90% of my childhood (I'm 22) but I remember stealing my sister's chocolate bar when I was 7 and STILL feel guilty over it.....

Anybody else carry guilt FOREVER?