Hello to all,
I am a new member to this board and wanted to share some of my personal information and possibly get some feedback. I will give a "brief" version since I am already about to jump out of my seat thinking about how much time this is going to take because I don't want to sound like a scatterbrain but want to get the correct message out.
I recently started doing research online about Adult ADHD. I saw a commercial on this disease few years ago but never really looked into. As a child I was very quiet. I was sexually compulsive/impulsive since a very early age and always thought this to be a product of family disfunctions. As an adolescent, I felt I had artistic talent but no book/test smarts. I always thought I was just not a test taker. I wanted to be in the medical profession but never was able to study and retain information for tests and assignements. I was more a hands-on type learner (visual/kinesthetic). I got involved with some recreational drugs but never got addicted. I got addicted to sex and romance relationships. It got so far as to cheating on my boyfriend and now husband. He knew about it and gave me too many chances. I always thought I would never do it again, especially when we got married. I went trough many depression stages - the 4 foot surgeries I had on my feet...that killed me cuz I had to be in bed; 2 pregnancies - I thought it was just hormonal and normal. Although I did keep up with my martial arts along with doing 200 jumping jacks and situps til the 9th month. Could not bare to sit at home and be lazy; going from job to job in the past 10 years; being unemployed from my surgeries (first time I cheated on my boyfriend-now husband from what I thought was just being depressed) and being in debt because of impulsively spending. I sought a counselor for depression several years back but didn't go back after the first session because I felt "fine" and didn't want to spend the money for something I felt wasn't that severe. Doing all this research and taking online tests have given me enough reason to believe I do have some form of ADHD. In addition the aforementioned, when I read books, I either lose concentration and have to read the page over and over or am focused but am tapping, shaking my leg, changing positions frequently. I have 2 children, ages 2 and 9 and I feel like I am going out of mind. I never have enough time to do 10 million things at once. I like to have a neat place to live in, but I can never get anything done because mainly of the 2 yr old I have at home all day, I have work to do for my own business, I go to school at night 3 days a week, I take martial arts twice a week, want to communicate with my husband like we used to but can't. I realize that I do like to keep busy and this is pronbably a trait of ADHD as well. When I help my older one with his homework, I can never sit with him, I am too impatient (which reminds me of my father when I asked him for help). As a child I had to wear diapers to bed until 1st grade. I even remember having accidents into High School. I have had numerous rage outbursts, as far as throwing things and having a feeling of clausterphobia within my rage. I have not had one recently.
So back to the marriage thing. I ended up cheating on my husband. He found out about it, confronted me, and I lied by saying I would stop seeing him. Our relationship used to be more than perfect. We were the best of friends. We were never w/o each other for the past 7 years even to go to the market. So when he said he wasn't in love with me anymore and couldn't be with me, I finally woke up. This was over a month ago. He has been seeing a therapist. We had one session with another therapist who just evaluated us and was to refer us to someone else. This was over 3 weeks ago. My husband said he would follow up with him but never did. My husband is a big procrastinator ( I know I can be too with certain things) and reading all this information on the disease makes me think he may have some syptoms as well. I decided to call and make an appontment myself. I have an appointment with someone tomorrow but probably won't get tested just yet. I just want to get diagnosed right now so at least my husband knows there is something definitely wrong with me. Yes, I am still responsible for my actions, but at least he will see that there was a reason (?) for cheating and that I really don't like it and don't want to do it ever again. I realized I had a wonderful life - 2 beautiful children (who may have ADHD as well), my own business with something that I love to do (we got married sooner than later so I could quit my BS of a job I took on for the benefits because I was pregnant), we get along great with our familes, and we were the best of friends as well as lovers. I guess he may want to still work things out. He hasn't asked for a divorce and is reiprocating my hugs and kisses a bit more now. So I guess that is hopeful. But I see that he is still in great pain and it is very hurtful to see it. He is absolutely a saint to put up with me all these years.
Sorry if this is a bit scattered, I tried to avoind it as much as possible. I need to go do something else, been on the computer for too long. Any feedback greatly appreciated! This is a great forum and I feel a bit better that so many others share the same thoughts, feelings and life stories. I am trying to stay hopeful and not be so depressed and dispaired.