People avoiding me... | ADHD Information
Regarding this topic...
We on this board call it/spell it ADD/ADHD...but to the general public of
"normal" people who have no way/no motivation to understand, it's just us suffering the condition of being an ASS-HOLE. The treatment is simple...avoidance/ostracism.
Life is really driving automatic, but we turn it into driving stick-and-clutch. For normal people without a need/inclination to drive along with us...why bother with our off-centre/off-putting behaviour?
This thread takes the appropriate, rather detached view of the avoidance/ostracism...as understandable given that our march is to an off-beat drummer. this consciously or unconsciously makes us much more of a challenge to like. One acid test of our treatment is "are we becoming less difficult for others to like?" as time proceeds.
Daniel's mom,
When you voice concerns is it the school Reps or other parents that respond in a negitive way. Is it both to a certain degree. The "out of the box" thinking and actions that ur concerns reveal are a dialema for the "in box" fitter inner Mundanes. They need the system to work officially for their survival. Of course all schools have their teachers with "friends" in the parent's Groups. So I am not surprised you feel a coldness from this situation.
Not Here on ADHD Boards. 
that's great, ryan, we're onto something
Now if we could just develop the focus to stay on the same topic thread, like this, when it's going so well...instead of flitting off to the next one...we could start a social movement...and get the mundanes all off-balance by avoiding them!...
They dislike me cause I am a talker and lots of people dislike straight forward people I think. When I voice concerns at the kids school they hate Me. I only care about kids best interest.They are the future so if something isn't done now what next. Adderall works perfect for me. I keep what I like about myself and the meds correct what I don't like. Funny, that huh?
Ooh - mini story. My older brother came to visit today. He's like 17 years older than I. And we actually had a conversation. For like the first time ever. And I do mean that. I used to think that he hated me, but then again, I was locked up in my room 24/7. Outside my "safe haven" was an uncomfortable and fearful place. I was totally withdrawn, socially isolated. The meds correct all of that.
Also, I'm not so depressing. My shrink said I was like "doomsday girl" when I started going to see him. lol. Mes changed that. I can actually (sort of) stay focused on things. No wait. I can actually do things. Without it, everything confused me. :|
So the meds changed all the bad stuff, but personalitywise, I'm still the same. So I didn't lose what I like about myself. The meds just made me see that I like it. It made me appreciate it.
Okay. That answered one question. lol
And you say that you do some of this with people that you're close to? I can't help it. I do it with everyone. That's why they run away. They can't handle it. They're not used to it. and they think I'm just plain nuts. lol.
But I can't choose the setting. But I don't mind. I like it.
Before the meds, I had a hard time even holding my head up. I always walked with my head down. Couldn't even go up in front of my class and say anything. I would mumble 3 words and sit back down and everyone would laugh. @$$es. but I can look people in the face or even eyes now. It's great.
I was a hyperactive child but when I hit 12, it went down. I was still weird, just not bouncing off the walls like a sugar high. I was sluggish after that.
I'm not hyperactive now. I'm hyperkinetic. Just found out what that is. I fidget. Tap, stuff like that.
It would have been great if I was hyperactive. Moving around is fun. Sometimes I have bursts of energy, but it doesnt last long...
there I go babbling again. And this is every conversation, I have. I can hardly stick to a topic. if the topic is A, my conversations are ABCACDBAD. And I just can't shut up. lol
but i think i did a response to all that u said, autumn... and then some.
oh, are you on any meds? or are you planning on going on?About the bridal shower thing- its not uncommon for people to have bridal shower with only family and intimate friends that they'v known for a very long time. In fact, now that I think of it, that's what most of the people I know have done. She may really be interested in becoming good friends with you, but with you guys not seeing her frequently and living different lifestyles, hasnt had the opportunity to get to know you well yet (especially well enough to invite you to a shower where she's basically asking you show up and bring her an expensive present)
I know that when I talk about something I'm interested in, I'm really passionate. I'm intense. And those are the words I got from a book lol. And thenI just have no idea when to quit, thats what scares people away. I think I have interesting views and I love to talk about things that make people think, but its just the intensity that drives them away.
I don't know what it is in your case, it might not even be that.
I'm currently reading a book "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy!!" and I've learned alot of things. Mostly my mistakes in conversation and other interpersonal communications.
blah. there I go babbling again.
but maybe she doesnt know another way of "letting you go." By ex best friend was like that. Best friends for more than half our lives (or so I thought) only to find out little by little, or a big denial lot by lot, that she can't stand me.
But some people can't just come out and say what they're thinking so they let their actions speak for them. Or sometimes it's just misinterepreted.
But talk to her about it and ask what happened. That's the best way, I see. Or if you don't want to call her, send an email. That way you're not really confronting her and it'll be up to her whether she answers or not.
If she doesn't, then you kind of got your answer.
Good luck with it, though. You say you don't care, doll, but it still does suck. :|
I've noticed that people seem to really like me alot when I first meet them, then as time goes on, they seem to avoid me.
I try to watch how conversations go. I try to notice how often I'm talking versus how often the other person is talking, and I try to notice the type of topics that I talk about. I'm working on making sure that I don't excessively start talking to people and be one of those people that people "can't get rid of".
I've had the attitude for a long time that if someone doesn't like me, then I certainly don't want to be around them. I don't want to force my attention upon anyone.
What confuses me is when I am talking to people, when they seem to completely enjoy conversations with me but then they start actively avoiding me. Alot of times, I can tell when I'm talking to someone and there's a mutual "You're nice but we won't be close" vibe. But when someone's talking to me like they want to be my best friend today and tomorrow they don't even seem to want to have a conversation with me - what am I supposed to think?
Is it more of what they call the "ADD social ineptness"? That we can't tell when we're making the social faux pas?
I have a situation right now where my husband is in a wedding party. He's known the groom forever, and I've known the couple for the last 3 years. I've talked to them many times at the gym and sometimes when we'd get together. This last year we haven't seen them much because they stopped going to our gym and we can't get together as much as we used to with us having a 9mo son, and they want to go out partying. Well, I didn't get invited to the Bridal Shower, reportedly because the bride felt that she didn't know me well enough. This is one of those people that whenever I'd see her or talk to her, she'd act like she wanted us to be best friends.
I'm not hurt that I wasn't invited - I'm not close to her, I don't care. But what am I supposed to think when one minute someone is giving me the "we've best friends" vibe and the next telling people she's not inviting me because she doesn't 'know me well enough'? Do I just chalk it up to it being her own issues?
autumnstar
Well there are other possible explanations....for example, with ADD, people although I'm one of the lucky ones that's really good with people
sorry! people won't invite you not because THEY don't like you
but because they don't want to show everyone else, or they're worried
someone else at the party won't like you.....Uhhhh, like this, if someone wanted a formal drinking party where everyone dressed up in suits, they probably wouldn't invite me. Not because I'm bad or look ugly or because they don't like me but because that just isn't me. It's not where I fit and the conversations I'm likely to have don't fit in there. Wedding showers are.....prissy usually.......if you're not prissy, or lack the ability to be prissy and talk about how beautiful this and blah blah blah, maybe she feels you don't fit there. I wouldn't.....well okay I fit into EVERY social situation but I'm wierd. Let's establish this first, I'm an oddball.
But I've seen this happen to ADD friends.
The other possibility is that there's someone there who doesn't tolerate ADD people and the sometimes awkward situations they create. Or doesn't tolerate noise and such too well, we tend to be loud folk...... Again, the prissy thing.
Just a few thoughts. Of course the other thing is a flavour of the moment thing. Possible she has ADD too? What if, since you're not out partying with them anymore, she wants to have the party people there because they all share that lifestyle in common? Ya know? Keep the 'group' together and avoid awkward situations where they're all talking about how drunk Katie got last weekend and who she slept with and how many guys there were blah blah blah...... then you, with a child.....it's a very different lifestyle. Trust me, the latter is better but those who party don't understand it.
Just a thought?
Autumnstar,
The reasons U got no invite is more than lightly as chocoholic mentioned. The other thoughts shared by Arbiterxero are also very appropriate in this situaion.
My own story of this situation is, the Bestman at our wedding got married some years after us and we were not invited to his wedding. This person was somebody i knew both socially and Privately as we had spent good part of our formative years together as neighbours in and out of each others houses, etc. No reason for change of behaviour was ever forthcoming and now we do not even communicate dispite periodic attempts by me to initiate contact. I have given up trying as i am no longer part of this persons life interests.
Thanks for everyone's responses. I know everyone's speculating, I thought I'd add a couple more points to help.
The only reason I know about the Bridal shower is because another friend of mine got invited (she's 8 months pregnant). She was sure that me and another woman would get invited. Me and the other woman didn't get invited. My friend was stunned. She and the Bride don't really like each other, they actually hated each other for several years and are just now 'friendly'. So my friend thought that I'd get invited to the shower before she would have.
Now my husband has heard through work (he works in the same company as the groom) that the Bride and Groom think that we're mad at them and that we don't want to come to the wedding because they're having an 'adult only' reception. Ok, the only thing I said to anyone is that we're having some trouble finding a babysitter and that if I couldn't find one, I'd HAVE to stay home with my son. My friend asked the Bride and Groom if we could bring our son to the Wedding Rehearsal before my husband asked the Groom himself. The Bride said that we could bring him.
I think she has issues. I think she's assuming things out of context.
I can understand that she may not like me because as Arbiterxero pointed out - I'm not prissy. I've never gotten along with prissy women. But typically I get the 'you're-nice-but-we-won't-be-friends' vibe from them - not the "I-want-to-be-your-best-friend" vibe.
Like you, Cheerbear, I also am very intense - I say "passionate" - my husband says "loud" and that I "have a TONE". I say that people should have more backbone when I'm actively trying to NOT have a "tone". You know those people who you have to "walk on eggshells" around - GAH! 
I'm sure this is another ADD thing. Does the meds help you see this and not do these things? Or do they just help you see them and then you're unable to do anything?
autumn
I'm on adderall and that's helped with ALOT of things, but as far as the intensity goes, nuh uh. I still go on and on and on rather heavily, like I can't stop. I try to work on it, but its hard. It's me. I've done it all my life and I like my intensity. Though it can be inappropriate at times. And even though I see someone's body language telling me to shut up, I stop for 2 minutes and then start back up again. lol. It's weird, but I like it. A big part of it may be the ADD but its also an integral part of my personality. Not knowing when to tone down, but I like it. It makes me annoyingly interesting lol.Rambling again. No, the meds don't help. Without the med's, I'd be too uncomfortable around most people to even look at them, much less talk.
So the meds brought me out of my shell. And along came the non-stop talk.
did that answer ur question? i go off topic and sub topic. it takes me a while to reach a simple answer. but i think it did...
Cheerbear,
I do some of what you're talking about. Mainly with people that I'm close to. That's one of the things that I was wondering about with meds - do you lose what you like about yourself?
I think I'm alot more intense than my husband grew up around and sometimes I think that's what really drew him to me, but he doesn't like it 100% of the time.
You just made me realize something else I want to write down for the doctor - I have a VERY hard time looking people in the eye.
Here I was thinking that I'm not hyperactive because I wasn't a hyperactive child growing up but I guess it's just so different in girls than boys - and how it shows up in adults... They'll probably say I'm also Hyperkinetic. LOL Special even amoung the special people. 
autumn
Cheerbear,
I'm wanting to get diagnosed - I think that I fit the ADD bill, I recognize myself in it. So no I'm not on any meds. That's a possibility depending on what they come up with on the diagnosis.
autumn
If I can't steer a conversation away from money, politics or dieting/workouts/appearance, I ain't interested. My wife says I am far too obviously not interested. I am a challenge to people, to think fast and big, and I apparently obviously snub them when they continue to bore me.people hate that sh*te.
you get in among the sheep, you gotta say baaaaaaaaah. or they won't like you anymore. capiche?
At least you save money on the gift. I am sorry you are having a difficult time try not to look to deeply into things or take them personally, I am sure you are a great person.If you have most of the symptoms, then theres a big chance that you have it. Some people say that it's overdiagnosed, but I think it's under. I went to a psychiatrist a couple years ago and she say I didn't have it, even though I did. She put me on the wrong meds that did nothing. But I knew that I had it. I had most of the symptoms, so you're probably right about you having it.
You should go and get it checked out. You never know, just having an official diagnosis made me feel alot better and from there I was able to start working on it.
Good luck with that! :-p
[QUOTE=cheerbear]If you have most of the symptoms, then theres a big chance that you have it. Some people say that it's overdiagnosed, but I think it's under. I went to a psychiatrist a couple years ago and she say I didn't have it, even though I did. She put me on the wrong meds that did nothing. But I knew that I had it. I had most of the symptoms, so you're probably right about you having it.
You should go and get it checked out. You never know, just having an official diagnosis made me feel alot better and from there I was able to start working on it.
Good luck with that! :-p[/QUOTE]
I would affirm everything cheerbear says, the very action of elimination or confirmation was a restart point for me and i am in my 50's so yes go for it!
Stop Procrastinating!
[QUOTE=autumnstar]
Ok, I stopped procrastinating. After I got the list of names and numbers, I actually did let it sit there a while... I put in a call to one of the numbers, I'm waiting now for them to call me back with an appointment time.
[/QUOTE]
Autumnstar,
Cool! 
Ok, I stopped procrastinating. After I got the list of names and numbers, I actually did let it sit there a while... I put in a call to one of the numbers, I'm waiting now for them to call me back with an appointment time.
Abright1,
The attitude of "I am an Individual" with a non-mundane outlook and living style is a pain for the mundane, plodders that we co-exist with. Well Tough! why should we feel the need for their acceptance of us. In reality we are the question they have not got the "Mundane" answer for, thus, feel we are hard work.
Never Forget! we are the creatives, pushers of paramaters, The Risk Takers so we are needed if our species is to move forward. We are an unappreciated asset up to this point, but that will change as we step out the Research Lab and get on with living in the place we are meant to occupy.
Until then we are here for each other and that is all that is important to me right now. Yes! we need to be strong and Resist attempts to turn us into "Mundanes".
lol. Mundane, i like that word. but when I think of 'mundane' I think of 'boring'...
that's what it has come to mean/connote...boring...but it's literal foundation means narrowly-focused on the concerns of the "real" world...that is, driving normal automatic cars...BORING
what makes life so hard (and in many ways more rewarding if you adopt "the resistance"'s attitude) is that our neuro-functioning turns that normal/boring/mundane ride into a stick-and-clutch affair for us--draining for sure, but cool--so, to adopt TR's attitude, if normal's don't "get" our oddball ways, screw em', there are enough fellow stick-drivers to bond with. Hey we can be kinda' like the math-club geeks in high school movies...not "popular"...but blessed with character-building perspective
I like how this conversation is going. LOL
I say that I like the idea of meds if I can learn to focus a little better and not be distracted as much. I can get a TON of work done when I hyperfocus, so if focusing better lets me do more of that - then the 'normals' really will be 'mundanes'. 
"The resistance!"
bang on, and note the etymology of "mundanes"...literally those "of--or tuned into this world"...where we're tuned into our own versions of it (which is often much more interesting, so vive la difference [neurologically-speaking]...explaining why ADDers very often find each other socially/romantically
I join your resistance to have sheepskins stapled onto our non-sheep carcasses!
But at the same time, life is a lot less painful (and a lot more profitable, business-wise, if you're into playing that sort of game...sheep make great customers!) if we can at least mix better with 'em
[QUOTE=abright1]
"normal" people
let's call'em "mundanes"