causing problems with fiance | ADHD Information

Do you love him?  Important question because that will make a difference.  If you said yes and do not want to have problems have you tried therapy to help?  Also talk to him and help him to understand not to take things as seriously.  You can do anything for true love.  Good luck.ok ladies, i had and am still having some of those same problems.  i'm on medication and still found that that was one area that i couldn't correct.  i downloaded dr.phils relationship rescue and things like that and they really helped me understand what i was doing and how to correct what i was doing.  i do recommend it, it definately won't hurt.  Good luck!I am engaged and soon to be married. I am worried because I am increasingly getting more mean to him. In the begining, my relationships are exciting, but then I get used to people and maybe get bored and start causing problems. just as I am doing now. I feel like I could never be satisfied. I have dated alot but have always broken up with boyfriends because I end up feeling superior to them. I am often uncontrolably mean, rude and overly arrogent. What is my problem? Is this normal for someone with ADHD in a relationship?

I had this saying that I couldn't get past the 3 month mark with relationships because I'd become bored with people.  So for a long time, I wouldn't see them as more than friends until after that point to see if I'd still be interested in them.  It's made for very few "real boyfriends" in my life.

I learned slowly to get over that.  I'm married now, very happily married.  But I know I can be hard to live with. 

I never get to feeling superior to anyone, quite the opposite really.  I feel that I can't do normal daily things without a huge struggle.  I actually get angry with people because I do struggle with such things so some people treat me like I'm an idiot - when I've been IQ tested and scored in the genius range.  That makes me angry that people treat me like I'm an idiot...

autumnstar

slipdisc, I see what you are saying about superiority and low self esteem. I guess no one whats to see themselves as having with low self esteem. But I suppose it is possible!

I don't get why I feel the need to take my boredom out on my fiance though. Its not like he is doing anything wrong. Why do I automatically mentally label it as his fault? I wish I could just separate my issues with boredom from my relationship with him. NO one could ever live up to mental criteria i have defined as an entertaining life.

I think this is the struggle we have - to decide what's the real issues and that these issues are not wrapt up with the people around us. 

What's the saying "you can't escape yourself" - you can get rid of your fiance and go find someone else but THAT's not the problem - the problem is WITHIN US.  That's where we need to do our work.

Superiority complexes are the embodiment of low self esteem, in my estimation.

Crazygirl, I am the same way, if you bore me, I will absolutely torment you!  The huge problem is, that EVERYONE bores me!

 

Slipdisc38529.847349537

Wow! That is amazing. I have married for 3 1/2 years, and I am extremely mean to my wife as well. I have been dx with ADHD now for over a year, and that's not to mean that this just started when I was diagnosed.

My wife always tells me that I am extremely condescending and almost seem bored when I am talking to people who apparently are not a 'intelligent' as I am, or that I would like them to be.

I love my wife, but I get bored with her sometimes. I tell myself that I feel content, when I think in truth I take her for granted. I feel as if she doesn't understand a lot of things that I am going through. I can't sleep sometimes since there is a TV in my head with the channel knob constantly turning.

I can't even watch that much TV anymore, I am so sporatic. I started playing the guitar in January, and people ask why I haven't learned a whole song yet. I tell them, 'It's not that I don't know a whole song, it's just that I get tired of playing the same song about one minute into it.' I think that is the way I am about people. I love meeting new people in the beginning, but after a while of growing comfortable with them, I at times feel like I want to trade them in for another model.

Hi crazygirl,

People have called me arrogant, condescending, self-righteous and a whole bunch of other names.  I always felt that they couldn't possibly misunderstand me more.  I then started keeping my eye on behaviour others deemed egocentric and realized I was covering up my insecurities with barriers others found unsavory.  That was the reason I said I found superiority complexes the personification of poor esteem (it, to me, is an emotional band-aid).

 

As for the second part of your reply, it seems as though:

You realize how paradoxical our(ADD folks) unconcious yearning for stimulation can be.  I am at the stage you are.......that is.....how the f*%#$ do I fix it?

I am 30 yrs. old and single, cause I have ALWAYS found my girlfriends are much cuter when they were mad.  Can you imagine someone taunting you constantly to make you mad, cause they think it is cute, and are a  wizard at being annoying?  In my experience from talking to friends, sexual frustration increases at an alarming level when one has ADD.

Hope there is some cryptic message in this post that you find endearing.  I am still learning why I behave the way I do, myself.

--Slipdisc

 

 

 

 

WK01, It is very interesting to find out that there are people out there that feel the same way as I do. Not to say that it is right! I've never heard about this issue with people getting frustrated with dumb individuals before. Maybe this is an element of ADD that should be explored more.

hey Slipdisc,
again, you seem to have captured and echoed the issues I struggle with very well. Alot of people ask me (including my fiance) if I even like him. All I can do is laugh because to me that is the craziest question even. Of course I love him or I would not be marrying him. However, my body language and words say something comepletely different. I call him "stupid" and other bad names, and I hit him (not like violently or anything, just to get his attention) because I am bored. But none of this is done in hate, I am just trying to keep things interesting. In a sense, I am trying to express that I love him because I am taking the initiative to make sure I stay stimulated in the relationship. I know it sounds crazy.

I to want to know "How the #@$% do I fix it". I wish I could just act lovey when I feel like acting out. I think that having someone mad at you adds spice to the relationship. I am like that super annoying little sister who keeps poking at you for no reason. eww. It would be horrible if he started doing that to me. I would not put up with that crap. I don't know how he can still love me.

What do you mean by sexual frustration? do you mean wanting it but not getting it? or just wanting it all the time? I feel like my urges seem to be fairly frequent AND constant, possibly abnormally high for a girl. But of course, me being an engaged girl, I have no problem getting satisfied. Most of the time people don't notice how sexual I am because the guy has no problem assuming he was the initiater of the romp. I would rather this be the case because girls that are sexually agressive are kind of looked down on in society... but not looked down on by her boyfriend. hehe.
Thanks slipdisc, you have been alot of help.

-crazygirl
Maybe boredom with partners is part of adhd, but I don't think that superiority complexes are. I think lots of adhd people have low self esteem...