Be totally honest and open with your psych. You want the help...they can only help you if you are open.
Hang in there. Your not alone.
Hello all.
This is the first time I am on this site. My wife gave me the link to look up some things, and I wanted to see if there was anyone out there with the same symptoms or problems I am experiencing.
First off, I guess it was about a year ago, I went to my PCP to see what the heck was wrong with me. Long story short, she diagnosed me with ADD, and prescribed me Straterra (60mg). I honestly don't remember feeling to tired or lethargic at first, but that is neither here nor there. I also take Depakote for epilepsy, so if anyone knows any possible interactions between the two, please let me know.
Anyway, for as far back as I can remember (the sad thing is that is only a couple of years at most), I have always been one whose temper can go off when provoked. The twist to this is it happens the most when I drink, as if it amplifies my emotions. I don't hurt other people, just objects or myself (i.e. punching walls, kicking things)
I have also been married now for about 3 1/2 years. When my wife and I go out together, we are fine. We she goes out with her girlfriends, I get all paranoid of what she is doing, and end up getting mad at her, which causes me to go on a rage. I love her to death, and know that she wouldn't do anything to betray out trust, but I get all sorts all sorts of thoughts in my head that make me go off the deep end. I am making her miserable, and to be honest, feel sometimes as if it is better that I just leave so that I don't have to bring her down with me.
I have a constant feeling of worthlessness, even when something is going my way. I have thought about suicide numerous, but would never do it for the fact that I have a lot of things here that need my attention. Sometimes I ask God just to take me, to make sure that my wife stays okay, and that she get along with everything without me.
Please somebody tell me if they are going through some of the same things that I am. I feel like I am on a downward spiral. I love my wife, I don't want to lose her by my stupidity or by making her feel miserable. I am sure there are other men out there who are 'normal' and would not put her through these things. Sometimes I feel like I can be the biggest a@# to her, and then wake up like nothing ever happened.
Zorg-
Thank you so much for the response. Is this sort of a depression that we all could go through, or just that all the emotions seem to swirl up in my head, and I am never certain which one is going to come up next.
I smile all the time, when slowly I am dying on the inside.
Have you though abuot seeking treatment for you depression? I definately would If I were you.
Tracy-
Thank you for the reply.
I see a counselor (shrink) right now, and I think she believes me to be depressed. I think the only problem might be that I don't fill her in on everything that is going on. That might limit a good diagnosis. Apparently I am trying to self-destruct everything that is good in my life, my wife, my house, my pets. I think for the most part I am just taking life for granted, not just my wife.
Hi. I know how you feel about the different emotions, I don't know whether it's the ADD or what. But it can be a living hell sometimes. And the depression can really suck. But you shouldn't suicide, it wouldn't do you nor your wife any good. It would tear her heart to so many shreds. There are many things you are probably going to experience due to the ADD, some good, some bad, some you may not even what the hell's going on. It's all normal for ADD. You just got to be strong and bear with them all. I'm sure your wife will understand, it's going to take time for someone who's non-ADD to understand what you're going through. Because, there are so many ups and downs to it that it's not even funny. Maybe your wife can go with you to your therapy sessions? I know that experiencing ADD for the first time can be scary. Just hang in there. That's all God asks of you. ^__^