Outsiders views on ADD-ADHD | ADHD Information

I didn't offiially know that i had ADHD until a few days ago but even if I did I dont think I would ever not have had kids. Although I do lock myself in the bedroom when I get really angry so I dont hurt them .2 of my3 boys are believed to have add but over here it is hard to get a diagnosis as a lot of people think it is bad parenting on my behalf.everyone has the right to have kids it doesnt matter what is "wrong" with you. people also have the right to not have kids although I do pity those people who dont as kids are wonderful and people who never judge and always love you no matter what.
 My kids always make me smile even when I am angry,sometimes  it is hard not to laugh at thembecause they have some uniqe views on life. My yongest love BEAR IN THE BIG BLUE HOUSE at the moment and if he does something silly he says it wasnt me it was the blue house. I think it is fantastic the way their mionds work and having add seems to make them more creative. My family where very against the idea of ADHD until they had my 2 older children while I was in and out of hospital due to complications in my 3rd pregnancy, and finally realised that they were not being just "normal" boys.( it took 4 adults in the house to look after a 6 year old and a 2 year old) they finally agreed something was wrong and I should get them assesed. It has taken 4.5years and only my eldest has been seen by a phsyc. She didnt even ask me any questions or ny husband and family, she just decide that it was bad parenting on my behalf.how can you asses a child without talking to their family only taking the word of a nine year old who will say just about anything to make someone happy. The problem is she didnt have the nerve to say it to my face but told me I was doing a good job and sent a letter to my Gp stating her bad parenting theory. I am glad that those of you who have kids diagnosed have the resources to do so as although as i said I have only been on medication for a few days i feel a hell of a lot calmer and much more focused.

frootloop38124.1157407407Good points lizzy.  I wouldn't want someone telling me or my daughter that  we couldn't drive.  I am happy I had my kids even though one is a little me.  I have noticed how people view Tynisha becuase she is adhd and I am not sure if I would tell people that I am or not just for the way people are.  They have no knowledge of adhd but seem to think they know more than those of us who have researched, and/or live with itWendy, the comment you gave abt medication- Makes sense to  me now. If ADHD is a chemical /neurological imbalance, shouldnt it be treated like diabetes or allergies? Meds aren't for everyone but if it works for some that's a good thing!!

I totally agree!  Outsiders do not understand but yet they think they do!  The other thing that frustrates me to no end is how taking medication for the condition is considered taboo in some circles.  I know that all the medications affect people differently and I am sure that there are some people that do fine with alternative therapys, but, I can attest that since I have been on meds my focus issues have definately improved.  Why should I be embarrassed to say I take meds?  Would a diabetic be made to feel embarrassed that they take insulin?

On a related vein, my sister-in-law (who knows nothing about ADD/ADHD) happens to be the "naturalistic-no medicine" type of personality.  My first child happens to have a bowel problem and has had it since she was a baby.  She has to take a large amount of a prescription laxative everyday for her condition.  When she was about two years old, my sister-in-law (well meaning as she is) was recommending that I give my daughter large amounts of huge "horse" pill vitamins and enzymes.  That's great--but how do you get that stuff down the throat of a 2-3 year old?

Now, my husband happened to mention that my girls are having some issues in the area of concentration and since I was diagnosed as having ADD w/o hyperactivity about a year ago, he mentioned to her that we were pursuing possible diagnosis with the girls.  She says, "well, don't let the doctor prescribe any medication for them."  What does she know?  She doesn't even have children and she does not know what it is like living in an ADD household full-time!

Thank goodness I don't see her often, but, still these comments make me so mad!  If you need meds then you should take meds and not feel ashamed or like you are a failure!

Wendy is your sister-in-law friends with my sister?  That is about how my sister is, thinks she could parent my 7 yr old adhd daughter better with her form of discipline.  There is a reason we don't have anything to do with them and that is one of the few things. 

I have never been tested but have done a few online "do you have add/adhd" test.  And all of them tell me the same thing, the same thing that my husband keeps telling me....that I have adhd and that is where Tynisha gets it from.    Oh well, not sure if I want to get tested and go on meds, but somedays it would make things alot easier than this constant all over the place way I am now.

 

Just remembered something else.  I am currently going to school to become an elementary school teacher and no where in my education so far has the issue of ADD come up as a class topic.  I wonder how many other schools of teacher education are not addressing this area as well. 

One good thing though--when I have worked with groups of kids at church or while interning, the kids with ADD/ADHD (and consequently been labeled as bad kids by their main teachers) have absolutely loved me!  I don't know what it is exactly that I do that helps these kids to learn, but, perhaps it is because I have ADD myself and I strive to give them the benefit of the doubt.  I think too many times that these kids are labeled and pegged in school and are blamed for a lot of things that they do not necessarily do.  Teacher expectations of misbehavior can be a self-fulfilling prophesy.  I wish that teachers understood the importance of giving ADD/ADHD kids the benefit of the doubt and trully starting each day with a clean slate--if they did these things I think that the kids would be more successful in school! 

Rayleanne--

  Since I have been on meds it seems to have helped me focus and have more patience in parenting.  I know what you mean about the discipline advice--sometimes it gets to me too.  I just have to tell myself that God give me these children for a reason--that reason being that I am the person who could raise them the best and because if he gave these children to these other judgmental people they would probably be dead by now!  At least this helps me when I'm depressed about what others think about my parenting. 

 Yesterday I had a conversation abt ADD w a neighbor that I now regret. She seemed to know a little abt ADD But gave me a comment that just infuriated me. I told her if I had been diagnosed w ADD as a child I might have done things differently. She commented "What, you might NOT have gotten married and had kids?" --- In my mind I was boiling! I know that my life is difficult at best- me and my family members having add-adhd, but I don't regret having them. Is there anyone on this board that chooses not to have children or marry for fear of them having ADD_ADHD and the difficulties of it?  Has anyone come across people with this view.Hmmmm Interesting..

When I did my Psych rotation in nursing school, and I learned about ADHD, I self diagnosed myself, that was back in 1996.  I put off, and put off going to a real Psychiatrist until 2003.  I cannot say I conciously made a descision similliar to your question, but... I have been happily married since 1991, and I (we) have never wanted children, and because of that, be chose not to have any.  Now, was this decision influenced by the fact that I have ADHD??? I dunno... But I can say that I was afraid to have children for a long time because of my extreme lack of impulse control, and temper.  I was really afraid that if I had children, they might get hurt by me, this is a terrrible thing to admit to myself, but it was true.  And it is so ironic, that all of our friends repeatedly state things such as "why don;t you two have kids, your so good with them" etc etc...  Things have changed in my life, and I can honestly say that I no longer fear loosing control, but I still do not really want children, not much anyway.  We both love children, and share our time with neices and nephews, often taking them out and doing things with them, fun stuff, that their parents seemingly choose not too.   I also seem to be very easy for them to talk to, and they often times confide in me what is really going on in their lives.  For that I am gratefull :)

I have pretty much figured out on my own that I am adhd (haven't gone to anyone yet) but I just clued in to that in the past year or so.  I have 2 beautiful little girls, one is ADHD (on a scale of 1-10 she woul dbe a 7) and I don't regret having them for one day.  I have had to learn to control my temper but otherwise I don't find it that big of a deal.  Other than continually butting heads with my adhd daughter that is

As a little girl I wanted 10 children.  As an adult I changed my mind and didn't want any.  Mostly my decision not to have children stemmed from my lack of motivation.  It just sounded like way to much work.  My husband seemed to agree with this choice.  We had been married for 8 years when I was made to go off the pill at age 38 mostly because I smoked.  Well 6 months later I was pregnant.  I was kind of ambivalent my husband was happy.  I came to accept the pregnancy and was even happy about it.  Now I don't know what I would do without my children.  We chose to have more than one because we didn't want to have an ONLY child.  

Even though my son and daughter with ADHD/OCD and Sensory Integration Dysfunction/ODD are a challenge they are also the greatest gift.  I don't think if I'd know I had ADD I would have made any different decision.  We lost a son in between my 8 year old son and 4 year old daughter to SIDS.  I do wonder now that I know about my own ADD and the diagnoses of my children if ADD isn't somehow responsible for the SIDS death of my son.  Life isn't easy, we have every day challenges.  Both my husband and I work and commute.  Our days are full and exhausting.  Despite this my children are the most important and precious things in my life.  I couldn't imagine life without them.

ADDitup - Don't judge your siblings or inlaws that have children without knowing what it takes to be a parent.  You say your nieces and nephews parents seemingly choose not to do FUN stuff with them.  I say look at their lives,  having children not only gives you less time but also less disposable income.  We do the best we can for our kids but there are a lot of FUN things we just do not have the $$ or the time to do.  It is great you are willing to take your nieces and nephews on outings.  I am sure both they and their parents are greatful but don't pass judgement on them.

gettingagrip38121.6358333333gettingagrip - That is exactly why I added the qualifier seemingly, because that is how the children portray it to me.  I do not judge, I make every attempt to accept everyone for who they are, and I make every attempt to assist those that I choose to share my life with, in whatever capacity they will allow.  Reading my post again I can certainly understand how you may have drawn that interpretation, as I have often found it difficult to truly express myself effectively, I try my best. :)

Thanks,

Chris

I have come across so many poor attitudes about ADHD! The interesting part is that the worst thing I ever heard came from a nursing student who had a desire to enter Phych!!! Not only did she feel that people with ADHD shouldn't drive but she felt that we shouldn't get married or have children because we have a tendancy to get divorced or become child abusers!!! I asked her where she got her information and that I felt she shouldn't drive either because of those nasty 80's bangs that might get in her beady eyes while she drove. I told her to do some research before she opened her mouth again. Many people I encounter have misguided information about this disorder and we have a hard time explaining how it feels. Personally, I think we make good parents because not only will we teach our children tolerance of themselves and others but we tend to be very loving and sensitive.

gettingagrip - I can assure you that SIDS occurs for NO REASON. There was nothing you could do. Please know I have expirence with this and it's true when I say that your add has not a tiny bit to do with the loss of your son. It is so hard to go through life with add anyway, compounding that with such a terrible thing must be devistating. I am so sorry that happened to you...

lizzy, Thanks for the encouragment. gettingagrip

Many people still do not understand that this is a real disorder. They hear occasional anacdotal stories about kids being misdiagnosed. They think some kids just "need a little dicipline" and that ADD is some big money-making conspiracy. 

My wife worked as a school psychiatric examiner for several years. And it is true that many children were misdiagnosed. Some had purely psychological issues and some had other bio-chemical problems. Many ADD symptoms can be caused by other disorders, so misdiagnosis and overdiagnosis does occur.

But so what? If you hospitalize 100 people for influenza and later discover that 40 of them only have bad colds, the other 60 still have influenza and influenza is still real!

If you have access to magazines in a library, the April 26, 2004 issue of "U.S. News and World Report" has some excellent articals about ADD.   

I am not certain as to what to do about the poor state of public education regarding this impairment.  I think that part of the problem is that the name of the impairment doesn't sound like an impairment.  It sounds as if one can simply will one's self to pay attention!  Problem solved.

I have actually had a psychiatrist misdiagnose me as being a passive-aggressive personality disorder.  He sent me to a psychologist for therapy and he also did not pick up on the list of symptoms that I gave him.  This guy actually would meet with me for an hour a week and tell me things like, "Just make up in your mind that you are ging to be on time". 

Folks, I have to tell you.  I am the CLASSIC ADDer.  There is no way that one can give a competent shrink my list of symptoms and have them not conclude that I am an ADDer.  The key word being "competent" which is to say, educated as to what to look for to make the diagnosis.  It gets worse...

When the MD psychiatrist who sent me to the psychologist and they failed to pick up on the obvious, I became eligible for duty at sea in charge of a division of 30 sailors.  There isn't room on the web to describe what a disaster that was.  Try to imagine how important it is to be able to focus when you are a senior crewman on a warship and you begin to get an idea of how bad things got. 

Gotta go.  I'll finish this post tomorrow

Okay, I'm back but I seem to have forgotten where I was going with this.  I'll try again later.

ChiefB38138.2548263889

NOBODY had ever better tell me that I didn't have a right to have kids or that there is anything wrong with either of my children. My kids are both documented miracles! According to the two different drs who delivered them, I should not ever be able to have kids. I prayed and had my daughter. I prayed and told God we were considering whether we wanted another child (my new hubby at the time had none of his own) but I wasn't sure because of our ages, not because of ADD. I just told God that if he wanted us to have one, I would accept and love it, if He didn't that was OK too but it was His decision! God made both of those kids and gave them to me to raise! God does not make mistakes. Both of my children are perfect, even if one has ADD and one doesn't!

ADDers have so many wonderful traits that other people lack. If society wants to consider them as having something wrong with them, maybe its because society is too darn lazy to try to understand and educate them properly. Most prejudice starts out as someone seeing another as different and not caring enough to understand the other person. Our ADDers and those of us with ADD or ADHD are different than what is considered "normal". So what! Personally, I think the normal ones are missing out on a lot! They live in ruts, for the most part, and don't even realize there are things in life they are missing. Maybe God made us so He would have someone who could really notice and enjoy the blue sky, thunder and lightening storms, wild flowers, the ant crawling across the picnic table.....

We need to celebrate the differences. A work horse pulls the plow, the wagons, etc. He has value. A thoroughbred is flighty, skittish and runs like the wind! He has value. God made us to be the thoroughbreds! I kind of like that.     Barb