ADD and depression - nice mixture | ADHD Information

I once heard this and at the time I thought it was very silly but that was before I was married.  Now I think it's extremely wise advice:

I once heard a long, happily married couple say that the key to being happily married was that the man never allowed himself to EVER be alone with any other female than his wife and the wife never allowed herself EVER to be alone with another male than her husband.

That can sound extreme but think about it - how do those feelings get started?  Is it by sharing personal information with the opposite gender?  Why do you want to meet this person alone?  What do you get out of these encounters?

I believe that it's truly great advice to have 'date nights' with your spouse.  For me, it's great to have someone watch the kids so we can just go out to dinner or out to see a movie.  I know that some couples might need to do other things to spice up their marriage together.

A good clue to whether you're doing something with the opposite gender that's wrong is this:  Would you do what you're doing if your spouse was there with you?  If the answer is yes (just having a casual or business conversation) then ok.  But if the answer is no (talking personal information, having a drink, dinner, or more) then get out of the situation immediately.

I look at it like this - I won't even allow myself to even think of another man is any sort of intimate manner because if I allowed anything to EVER happen, it could cost me half of everything I have, including my children.  And you know what - no one will ever be worth that in my eyes.  I married a great man and I won't allow anyone near me to make me change my mind about that.

I found that while drinking I did things that I would never have considered doing sober. I stopped drinking last year, and I always know what I'm doing now. and I wake up feeling great.

You most definitely sound depressed.  Get help now!

Impulse control (or lack thereof) is a bi-product of ADD.  I recently went through a divorce because I always put myself in compromising situations.  Very similar to the ones you describe.  And it was always about the chase, always stopping when things got too heavy.  The kisses or meeting for a drink and/or holding  hands whatever.... these actions fed a defeating cycle of guilt and anxiety.  Unfortunately, I didnt seek help until we were going through our seperation and divorce.  I am encouraged that you are reaching out to others before the point of no return. 

I'm now on adderall and it seems to help with unhealthly impulses for adrenaline or a need for outside reinforcement to elevate my selfworth (Stemming from childhood or whatever).

If your doctor prescribes adderall or other treatments please remember what I am about to tell you....

1.  At first you will feel an awakening and a clarity that you havent felt in a very long time. 

2.  You will be more attentive to your wife, more productive at work and feel that you can multi-task like you never have before.

3.  If you can't lose those few extra pounds, well get ready to bring out the old cloths from the back of the closet because you will lose weight (initially) which is a nice boost to your self esteem.

Unfortunately, your body will build a tolerance and the first effects will no longer be as prominent.  You then increase your dosage and then increase again and again until you are so wired that putting together a few hours of sleep at night becomes a challenge (I mean REM sleep.... you'll feel the difference).

What's the solution???   Well, I am trying to figure this one out.  But here is what I have come up with:

1.  Keeping your dosage at a minimum (10 - 20 mg).

2.  Excersise regularly (those endorphans need to be kicking in high gear).

3.  Eat healthly.  Especially in the early stages of being on medication (force yourself to eat small high protein low carb meals).

4.  Counceling, Counceling, Counceling!!!!  Discover what in your nature that is driving these behaviors.

5.  Find your higher power, embrace your spirituality and meditate.  Find a balance between your mind and soul.

Well, these are my conclusions from a short self exploration (less than a year).  I struggle with finding the descipline to follow everything that I listed... but when I do, I achieve the balance that provides a foundation for a happy and healthly life. 

Your story sounds very similar to mind.  I wish you well and please update me with your progress.

Regards... Chris

 

do you find that the adderall lessens your desire to drink? I have found that with strattera... and feel it is a good thing as I abuse alcohol...it landed me in jail (DUI) fortunately there was no accident and so no one was hurt. I still drink at special occasions but only if I don't have to drive.

Hello again all. Since I put up my first topic (Monday), I have been coming back to this thing non-stop. I feel like I need to vent. Well, not really to vent, but just to get things off of my chest.

First, my wife and I are having troubles. When I say my wife and I, I of course am lying. This is all of my doing. I don't know if the devil has jumped into me for the past few months now, but everything that I have doing is so unlike me.

A couple of months ago, this girl started working where I did. I thought she was nice, and we struck up a immediate friendship. To make a long story short, I started having feelings for her. My wife and I went out one night, and she asked why I was asking so strange now. I ended up telling her about this other person. Needless to say, she was mad and very upset. She started telling me about how she had found dating sites that I look at when I am online at home. Granted, I don't look at porn websites, just the dating ones, regardless of if they are normal or adult oriented. The sad thing is that I even put my description on there as being separated. It killed her. After some time, I promised her I would not do this anymore, and I took my profile off all the ones I could remember joining.

This is just the start of things. Even though I am guilty of doing all these bad things to my wife, I still get extremely jealous and almost accuse of doing things behind my back with other men. I am the biggest hypocrite of them all.

Not to long ago, I made the worst mistake of my life. I commited adultery on my wife, with a friend of hers. I am not certain how far it went, but even the kissing part is enough. I don't know how it started or why it even happened for that matter, but it did, and once again I tarnished my marriage.

This is the first time in years that I have ever done anything unfaithful. I have been kissed a couple of times, but I would stop it since I knew that it was wrong. It's not that I am addicted to this, since it was the first time in several years, but I have thought about it several times before with others, knew it was wrong, and never continued. In my mind, fantasizing was a much healthier way to recitfy the solution.

Yesterday, I broke down. I told my wife I want to work it out, whatever it takes. I began to cry almost hysterically, and went on and on about how I don't deserve to be in this world, that I have even prayed for the past few weeks (before the infidelity event) for God to take me, that I was done here. I know that if I did something to myself it would kill my wife, and I don't want to do that. The first time I wrote in here someone had mentioned depression. I know I am depressed. I don't drink that often, but when I do, it's usually enough to make me forget about how crappy of a person I am.

 I am talking to my therapist tomorrow about setting me up with a psych. to see exactly what is wrong with me. I hope to get better soon, as I don't think these are side effects of ADD. If some of them are, please let me know. Thank you.