Another new gal . . Hubby problems | ADHD Information

I think you should send his ass out to the Hard Rock Cafe to get a freaking job - he's using his so-called "ilness" as an excuse not to have to work. Agoraphobia my ass. I'd like to see him standing in the aisle, singing and dancing like their waitstaff so humiliatingly has to do, while a table full of impatient drunks shouts for their appetizer!

(I don't mean the above, and I don't believe it even. I just like to throw fire at fire. I may be insane too, but my opinion means more than Tom Cruise's - the people have spoken )
[QUOTE=HeidiMarie] I always thought I was extremely stupid, disorganized, and well, pretty much worthless.

[/QUOTE]

Heidi, baby, you're just likely not mundane enough. The world is built for the plodding and uncreative who can be motivated by $ alone. I also heard a sort of joke today that seems sort of to fit here.

Ah, a sailor. Permission to come aboard, Ma'am?


I've been lurking here for a few days and it is amazing how much I can relate to the people here.  I was diagnosed ADD in March but have not been receiving any sort of treatment for it as I was in the military and could have been discharged with a general discharge over it.  I just got of the Navy in the middle of June but I don't have health insurance to seek treatment.

My biggest problem, right now, is my husband.  He *tells* me that he completely understands and he doesn't think this is me being a hypochondriac again (I mean this time I was actually diagnosed!) but he's always making snide comments that upset me and claims he's joking.  But, when I read things, say, from these forums aloud to him, to kind of help him see what it is we go through, he'll often say things like "we all go through that" or "now that makes me think ADD is just an excuse to be lazy" blah blah, things like that.  The biggest problem with it, though, is the fact that he has panic disorder, major depressive disorder, and agoraphobia and has been a stay at home Dad to our son because he could not work.  I never once questioned his 'illnesses' even though, like him, I had no idea what these things felt like.  How is it he expects me to continue taking his illnesses seriously if he won't take mine seriously?  It really hurts to feel like he thinks I've found an excuse for just being a half-demented, clumsy, inept human.  He doesn't understand that I'm RELIEVED to be diagnosed and want to get better!  I always thought I was extremely stupid, disorganized, and well, pretty much worthless.

:(

Hedi, this man you love is LEECHING off of you and blaming you for the problem. Time to hoist anchor and set sail. He is not helping you and your problem. If he can't help or assist you, dump him.  He needs to be the ILL one and can't have you ILL or it defeats his purpose. Keeping you down. Your a loving caring nurturing human, and you need that in return. Get rid of the spite and fight. He stinks. BOO HISS!!!!. Your more than any man needs and could want. Being together and communicating is paramount, if you can't do that, get out. annidagostini, that's pretty much the way it happened with me.  Well, my brother was diagnosed and he was talking to me about it and I thought, wow, sounds like me, so I did research and couldn't believe it . . I was practically 99 out of the 100 things.  So then I sought out my husbands shrink and he gave me a few tests and talked to me for 2-3 sessions and said he has no doubt that I am.  Never in my life had I even considered it!  I always thought I was flaky, careless, lazy, etc.  And the first time I read the phrase 'its like channels constantly changing in your head' it struck a cord.  Not everyone's brains operate like this!  I get no peace from my head unless I'm drunk or something :|

Anyway, I am pretty much the same type girl as you are -- I don't work out (hate it actualy, and I was in the Navy!), dont bother with my hair, makeup, generally taking care of myself - and I wasn't tolerant of women who did these things.  I could not STAND to listen to the girls at work talk about those things.  In fact, I have few friends because I get tired too easily of mundane conversation;  I just switch channels too fast and they rarely stop on the Health & Beauty Network!

Anyway - thank you all for your replies.  I hope he comes around one day.  I had printed up some things for him and he read them, but I think like most people he doesn't take it seriously, cause he KNOWS how they invented the disorder to get people on expensive drugs to help the drug manufacturers.  Bleh, while it may be true some doctors will diagnose any hyperactive kid to get the kickbacks from the drug co's, I think as adults we know when something's not right and just like anyone else, we want a treatment/cure. 

I'm going to go to the library and see what books they have on ADD.  And need to start looking at management/herbal supplements, as I won't be able to seek professional help for this.

Thanks again and I look forward to getting to know you guys!

Resistance:  Permission granted!  Come aboard :P

Heidi welcome on board

It does feel so good to find out that all those old labels we grew up with are not just character flaws.

This disorder is hard for others to really understand, and accept. 

 

HeidiMarie,

You know, sometimes it takes a long time for others to understand.  I have found that it took me a long time before I realized that I had this disorder.  I was a teacher and parents would tell me all about thier children and the problems they were having.  Then one dad who had Adult ADD told me about his struggles and they were so similar to mine that it caused me to seek answers.

My ex-husband did not understand anything about ADD and when I was married to him he thought I was lazy and didn't care about things.  I didn't even know I had it then.  He would always say he wanted me to take care of myself.  I never knew exactly what he meant by this, but I had a feeling it was to get my hair done, do my nails, work out, buy nice clothes.  And from my perspective I was just trying to survive the day!  Those things just never even went through my head.  I was always starting on one new idea or another and then jumping to something else, leaving little trails of messiness behind me.  He had a hard time relating to me. 

My new husband (I claim he has ADD too, but he has found systems to mask his problems) doesn't mind all my goofiness.  He just laughs and calls me silly and loves me.  I love to laugh with him and we laugh through lots of problems. 

I think that if I had been diagnosed when I was married to my ex that he might have understood things after a while.  It takes some people a long time to relate to a totally different way of thinking.  I remember asking him, "What are you thinking about?" And he would say, "Nothing."  To me it didn't make any sense because I was ALWAYS thinking about something!!!  My mind never took rests.  I thought everyone's mind worked that way. He thought everyone's mind worked his way.

Your husband can understand what you are going through if he will take the time to study and to learn about the condition. 

I read a book one time that had an experiment for people without ADD to try to see what it was like to have ADD.  You had to sit in a chair and hold an arm or leg up while trying to carry on a normal task.  You had to keep trying to do it, like write a letter or spell a word, or hold a normal conversation and not get distracted while keeping that appendage up! 

Maybe something like that would help you.  I read it in the book Stopping ADHD.

Anyway, good luck.  Keep your chin up!  I would read a lot of books together that explain what is going on in your head and why you do the things you do.  Sometimes people like to hear it from a book.  Whatever works.

Thanks for the advice bugzappers, I think I made him come off as an ass hole a little much but he's not really.  I've been known to have hypochondriac tendencies before and he is just assuming this is it again, even though I've tried explaining to him how having ADD is the cause for my hypochondria :(

Thanks :P
I'll tell you right now that it is impossible to make someone understand your problem if they do not have it. You just simply have to demand respect. That is all you can get from skeptics. Even people who are open and sensitive to your problem don't quite get it. We are aliens on our own planet. Ha HA

HeidiMarie,

your husband should first of all be more understanding like you are with him. I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel and that it hurts when he says comments like that. Hopefully he will understand after that and be a lot nicer.

Also, I don't work out either. and I get bored with talk about hair and nails too. Last year I had the worst room mate ever. She and I were soo opposite. She would be like "how can you not be into nails " and think I was weird because I wasn't like she was. She seems so fake to me. I think people like that are so insecure they have to go do those things. Don't get me wrong, I think it's good to take care of ones self but you don't have to do all of those shallow things in order to be doing that.

I just got married and my husband loves me for how I am. He says I look beautiful even without make up. I always add just a little mascara. I look natural though. I like that. I don't bother caking make up all over my face. That is just not who I am or painting my nails. I'm glad there are other people out there like me who aren't all into that stuff. I'm soo happy to be married and now living with him and not my ex-room mate. She talked about hair, nails and makeup almost 100 percent of the time! how fake! i prefer to have interesting, deeper conversations lol. Let's just say that I do not have any friends who are like this.

Okay enough about that. :) good luck with everything with your husband. Hope he stops being stupid and starts appreciating how you are more. :)

-Princess-

Heidimarie

First welcome! This is the third forum I post to and I'll tell ya it's good to find people in the same boat as yourself.

Second - your hubby may have issues (don't we all) - but you either fight against the urges or you give into them.  Just because a person has phobias and depression does not give them the right to wear them like a badge and just lay down and die.

Just as we have meds to help us cope - so can he!  It's in the end your decision - but if I were you I'd force him in the car and out to a good therapist.  If he won't - you may want to look at other more serious options open to you.

Just an opinion - take it for what it's worth but we all have to take responsibility for our actions - regardless of our handicaps.  I know that when I'm lazy, I shirk my responsibilities or treat people like crap that it's not just the ADHD but my surrender to it that allows it and makes me hate myself for it.