[QUOTE=ADD Classes]I think they can educate themselves as much as possible about ADD from a balanced point of view. [/QUOTE]
Yes, and apply a scientific approach to analyzing behaviors rather than buying the societal stereotype of Lazy, uncaring, emotionally detached, etc.
If its really ADD, then those labels probably aren't true. You have to control the ADD for awhile and then see what changes or improves. Then you can make more fair and accurate judgements.
I think they can educate themselves as much as possible about ADD from a balanced point of view.As an ADHD spouse of 10 years myself, I would just like to say that this is a complete minefield. Spouses should find out as much as they can asap in the relationship.
I didn't realise at first, that he was even diagnosed with ADHD....and being a bit of a soft touch, I simply helped him out with anything he found difficult.... until I was doing, and taking responsibility for everything. After 5 years, I found that I had made him far more disabled than he ever had been before we met, simply because I had taken over... he was completely dependent on me.
We separated for a while, and he gradually picked himself up, and took on more and more for himself... there are lots of things I still do for him, but we have definite roles now, which seems ot be much better for his self esteem as well.
Well the biggest thing that My woman does for me is gives me constant feedback, both good and bad. Sometimes I feel like a 3 year old but it helps alot. Good job, hey you shouldn't have done that, blah blah....My spouse is happier knowing that a pretty accomplished doctor has told us that there is a reason I've been the way I have for so long.
After some decent progress, my spouse understands that while I may make a LOT of improvement, I may never be as organized and methodical as we both want me to be.
But we try to focus on the positive outcomes of small steps. Better work product, more confidence to take on projects, less frustration and arguments over little hurdles that used to seem bigger, and less feeling overwhelmed by a "to-do" list.
So we're closer. That's been really good for us both.
I have read in a number of threads about spouses who don't believe or don't understand our ADD. I could be accused of feeling the same way towards my wonderful wife from time to time.
However, let's look at it from their point of view. If I spend a day watching tv or drop some $$ on a new computer on a whim or push off a project around the house for months on end, how are they supposed to act?
There is a fine line between them not understanding us and them enabling us. What can spouses do (specifically) to help us? I don't mean something as generic as being there for us or listening to us (we can ramble on forever after all). I am looking for specifics.
Do I need another mother to push me to complete projects? Do I need leeway on project time frames? Do I need more positive affirmation? I'll be curious to hear what you all have to say
MM
I was recently diagonsed with ADD, My wife is very supportive...she is just happy to know there is a reason why I do the things that I do. She has read the information that I have and she is educated on the disorder. With tasks around the house she doesn't expect or demand much... she keep the requests to minimum and makes them small enough so that I can finish the task completely. My wife also reminds me to do things but not in a nagging way...which is great considering she is 7 months preganant and we have 16 month toddler. I find my medication gives me enough energy to get small tasks down completely and also has decreased some of my impulsive tendencies. We are getting ready for the new baby which requries a lot of organizing... so she takes care of that and I will do something else like clean a floor or run the vac. We trade off tasks and find things for me to do around the house which works with my ADD... and believe me there is plenty.
Thanks NB, that is exactly what I am talking about!
I want my wife to understand me better but in reality I am not sure what she could do different. I have really tried hard on my own to control my impulse to get sidetracked.
Any other spouses out there with tricks that work to help your significant other without enabling them?
MM