hi!
I'm a 22 year old college senior, diagnosed with add in march and now taking 20 mg adderall two times a day. I've found it helps me tremendously with all kinds of things...work, school, and most importantly, it keeps me from getting utterly depressed like I used to (mostly about how I just felt like my life wasn't working out like it should, feeling like people don't understand me, feeling like I could never grab onto the constant, disconnected to-do list floating around in my head and just get something done). Like many others' experiences I've read about on here, I've always had issues interacting with people socially....I tend to like to be alone, find it difficult to make "lasting friends", can't stand to participate in trivial, BS conversations at parties,...and even though I know I'm a kind, funny person, seem to appear to others as "aloof" and "standoffish". Adderall is definitely helping with this as well.
My problem is my bf....he seems to see adderall only as something I should take when I'm studying or something. He doesn't understand why I would need to take it for work, or just to get mundane tasks done on a normal day. I'm getting the idea that he thinks add is just crap, and when I tell him what I consider my symptoms to be, he says "oh, i do that too" or "everyone has these problems, we just deal with them". If I don't take my meds and do the usual leaving dishes on the coffee table, not shutting cabinet doors, losing everything, having a bedroom that looks like a tornado hit, he gets annoyed. If we get into a heated enough discussion about these little things for me to bring up my add as a defense to his calling me "lazy", "sloppy", etc, he tells me that's total bs, I need to learn how to function like a normal person and stop using that as an excuse for everything.
I don't feel that I use it as an excuse - it's simply a reason I give him for why he should try to be a bit more understanding about these little things. I try to remember to be better about them, but sometimes I just don't SEE the open cabinet door, or the trash that needs to be taken out, etc. I've found myself lying to him about how often I take my meds (I take them when I'm supposed to, but sometimes not the entire dose) because he seems to think I'm using it as some sort of crutch for dealing with things that "everyone experiences".
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has dealt with a significant other who acted similarly....and how to get them to come around, and see this as a real thing that can seriously interfere with the everyday stuff that seems to come so easily to everyone else? He's been with me for awhile, he knows the kind of stuff I struggle with. I can't understand why he refuses to accept something that's helping me.
anyway, any advice/comments would be appreciated. thanks a bunch :-)
- j
I think a serious talk with him would be in order.
Tell him. This is how it is. You are either supportive or you are not.
Tell him that you can't take the emotional crap he puts you through and he needs to be supportive and nothing else is acceptable if he wants this relationship.
I know its hard for people to understand things that don't effect them.
For years I though ADD was an excuse parents gave for their bad parenting skills. I now understand that isn't the case.
Its hard for someone to understand that not everyone is able to function like they are.
Tell him he's lucky all that comes easy for him but your not wired that way and need to take the medicine to make you better and if he loves you he will want you to be better. Your under a doctors care after all...
Good luck