Learning to "let it go"... | ADHD Information

Hi all!
Tough day at work today. I have a co-worker (supposed to be my
mentor--I'm a veterinary radiology resident), that is a giant dorkhead! He
is total old-school with his teaching and has no concept of things /
behaviors that don't fit in his little bubble in which he lives.

So--I have always known that I "learn" in a different manner than others.
I recognize both the pros and cons of this. Anyhow--after 2 years of
frustration, trying to learn by his teaching, I decided to have a meeting
and bring up the subject. I started out with, "I'm concerned that when we
communicate we both end up frustrated" Anyhow--long story short--
this meeting was in vain and I stil am a puzzle to him. ( I have and WILL
NOT disclose my ADHD dx to him--it doesn't fit in his world view).

So..during this meeting he admitted that he is "harder" on me in our
round sessions because I don't demonstrate knowledge in a manner
acceptable to him....so--we tried to come up with solutions after he filled
me in on his expectations (his expectations: this is how it is done...).

Anyhow...I am overly sensitive to our interactions--he pushes buttons
and I build up frustration until I am in tears on the way home from work.
Many of these things I could "brush off" from other individuals, but it is
tough with him--I like to please others!

Any suggestions on how to let these minor annoyances go in one ear and
out the other? How to stop obsessing over them? I see other people blow
him off, but the injustice and "wrongness" of his behavior is something I
feel strongly about.

PS: It is accepted as a fact that he is a dorkhead....I just "react" to his
goadings....

I always got upset over minor things like that as well, usually it was over grades (if I got a C, I would cry - it was so embarrassing) or criticism - I like to please people, too. I found that avoiding eye contact with the person was sometimes the only thing to keep me from breaking down, but then people just get mad at me for not looking at them when they speak.

If you feel like you're getting upset, try to get away from the situation if you can, just for a few minutes and think about something else to clear your head. Then you can come back and deal with it a little better. I know this isn't always possible, but if it is, it may help a little.

Sorry I can't help too much. I have trouble with this kind of thing, too.

I have similar issues with my boss. It's worse, I imagine, because he has
power over me. Sounds like your dorkhead doesn't. Anyway, in
desperation, I picked up a book called "Get Anyone to Do Anything" by
David Lieberman (because in my case, if I don't get my boss on my side,
I'm toast). It's really good -- not quite as magical, nor as manipulative,
as the title suggests (oh well), but it has a lot of easy tips for how to get
along with difficult people. I've actually tried some of them and watched
people soften up and react just as the book says they will.

I have a similar problem with a neighbor(s). I live in an RV park, so there are only a couple feet between us. He knows what 'pushes my buttons' to get me upset and lose my cool. I know I should just let it go...walk away, but I can't walk very far, now, can I? And I refuse to remain inside (where it's 80 degrees or hotter) when the drunk bum is sitting outside (not on the side where his door is, but under his fifth wheel, which is way too close to my 'space.'

And I know when I lose my cool, so to speak, they are just feeding on their ability to set me off...the power they think they have over me. So, I'm just not going to respond in any way or manner from now on. I'm no longer going to give them the satisfaction that they have any control over me whatsoever. I'm going to transfer that 'power' to me! To be in control of myself, and not let any one else have it over me. KWIM?

I've had this problem in the past with co-workers, when I was working. However, at that time, I didn't realize the capability I had to be in control of myself, rather than others having it over me.

And it works! Let it go!