Thoughts, Comments, Advice | ADHD Information

Chazinmo

Thank you for the post.  I'm sure you have heard, that misery loves company!

I've asked him to do some reading and he says "once again you want me to do the work."

Thanks again!

I have the same  problems. I am not sure what the solution is.

I try very hard to not commit to anything. But I often open my mouth too quickly.

The only thing that has really helped is that my wife read several books about adult ADD and began to understand that it was not something personal, I just don't function well with regard to certain behaviors (like memory, follow-through, and accurate estimates of my ability to deliver what I agree to).

My wife understands better, but she still gets VERY ticked-off from time to time.

My significant other takes every thing said as a promise.

My memory is bad...My analyzation skills are horable...I change my mind about how I feel about things OFTEN...I'm not predictable.

I can't live up to his expectations.

I'm trying to be the best person I can possibly be.

I don't want him to change who he is.  I would just like him to understand that this is a problem area for me.

I would greatly appreciate any sugestions.

Maybe we ADD'ers gravitate towards overly critical people in some vain attempt to gain some order out of life (personally guilty)? 

It's hard to get someone who sees our track record in life as unreliable and sporadic to take anything out of our mouth as gospel.  They expect us to live by their standards and example.  Worst part is - when we want their approval we stress out - and that leads to us making mistakes.  Making mistakes leads to criticism which again leads to anxiety - etc. etc.

If your sig. others has a seed of concern for you then I'd think maybe couple councilling with your psychiatrist may help?  I'd think they would relish the idea of venting their concerns and their side of it would make them feel good!  Maybe let your S.O. know that they can tell it in their own words, you will quietly listen and let your psych give you advice to try and improve your skills where your S.O. feels there is work to be done.

I think the trick is to let your loved one feel like they regain control of a situation.  I find that once you make someone feel empowered and in charge they tend to be more likely to go where you want them to.  I guess that comes from me being passive aggressive and I tend to try to work not from directly at what I want but to gently push from the side.

That's how I'd do it anyway.